Arasae Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Hey there, everyone. I can't believe how stupid this is, but here it goes.. so a few days ago, the boyfriend and I exchanged "I Love Yous" for the first time. Guess how many times we've had sex since then? Zero. And not for lack of trying on my part. I've tried to instigate probably four times since then, and it's resulted in one prolonged talk about how he doesn't want to "feel pressured to perform/have sex lose the fun" and then him falling asleep when I was kissing all over his back--I guess it relaxed him instead of turning him on. I've given him some oral, but there has been zero attempt at reciprocity. It's been a little over a week now and the man who had a reasonably healthy sex drive last week suddenly doesn't seem to have much of one! I don't know what to do. I was forced to end a three year relationship where, for a year and a half, we would have sex once every 2-3 weeks and that was it. It's freaking me out that the pattern is repeating--my new boyfriend and I have only been dating three and a half months and it, very suddenly, feels like I'm being thrust into that same situation. We talked about it and, in addition to the "wanting sex to be fun and not forced" comment (which is reasonable), he said he wants me to develop trust in his attraction to me and that he wants it to be fun thing, not something we do to avoid fixing a problem, so we didn't have sex that night.. But how can I develop that if he doesn't even try to reciprocate sexual things with me??? Why is it that whenever the "L" word comes out (and I'm very sure he means it when he says it), the sex goes away??? Am I just over reacting??? Now I'm afraid that even talking about it will pressure him and have him "lose the fun", but I'm very close to losing the "fun" for myself! I don't know what to do to fix this.. Thoughts?
aerogurl87 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 This for me would be a dealbreaker. I'm sorry but I'm a very passionate and sexual person who loves sex and it shouldn't die off at the 3.5 month mark in my opinion. My ex sort of did this after we decided to date exclusively. And it drove me crazy, to the point that I ended things with him. No sex = not a healthy relationship unless both partners agree to celibacy until a specified time in the future like after marriage.
2sure Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 For some people , when the L word comes into the picture.... It translates to Obligation. Nothing kills sex like obligation.
aerogurl87 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 For some people , when the L word comes into the picture.... It translates to Obligation. Nothing kills sex like obligation. This is true also. Maybe he feels like now that he said "I love you" he's obligated to have sex with you when you want it. It's no longer going to be fun, but something he must do to make you happy. Although I don't know many guys who would complain about having to have sex with their SO.
2sure Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Even though you have said the L word...dont let him think that now he doesnt have to try anymore. Let him know even tho you love him...he is still optional if he doesnt treat you right. He needs to know he is still chasing.
TouchedByViolet Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Uhhh ladies... I think this guy is an exception rather than a trend. IME, the first "I love you" follows plenty of sex for at least the immediate future. Sure after being in a relationship with someone for years things can happen but right after a "i love you"...? Something is not adding up. Guys bang women they are in love with. Unless of course a guy is on medication or has some biological/physiological issue.
Fouts Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 It may or may not be the "I love you" exchange, but the fact is most relatinoships become boring and/or disolve after 3 or 4 months.
2sure Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Hmmm. Maybe he didnt mean it or was drunk. Maybe he regrets saying it. Maybe too soon for him. He is uncomfortable for some reason.
carhill Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 So, roughly, how many times did you have sex before saying 'I love you' for the first time? Any patterns, historically?
Star Gazer Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Uhhh ladies... I think this guy is an exception rather than a trend. IME, the first "I love you" follows plenty of sex for at least the immediate future. Sure after being in a relationship with someone for years things can happen but right after a "i love you"...? Something is not adding up. Guys bang women they are in love with. Unless of course a guy is on medication or has some biological/physiological issue. This has been my experience as well. "Love" only increases the nookie!
GorillaTheater Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Hmmm. Maybe he didnt mean it or was drunk. Maybe he regrets saying it. Maybe too soon for him. He is uncomfortable for some reason. Agreed. I don't think it has anything to do with not liking sex. I think he may be thinking "what the hell have I done". This probably doesn't reflect on the OP at all, but more of a situation where he suddenly feels like he may be in over his head.
waynebrady Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Next time be sure to find a guy who "loves" sex. All guys love sex alot more than women do, in all cases, in every relationship the man is the one with the high sex drive and the instigator when it comes to sex. That's not even debatable. That's how nature created us you know. That's why the OP's thread just don't make sense, I find it hard to believe that the OP even tried to instigate sex(after all she is a woman and women don't do that) and I find it even harder to believe that she got turned down. Women initiate sex so extremley rarely, it's literally a once in a lifetime thing for a guy, most guys in relationships probably never get to experience his girlfriend/wife initiate sex even once so the OP's guy must be crazy.
USMCHokie Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Women initiate sex so extremley rarely, it's literally a once in a lifetime thing for a guy, most guys in relationships probably never get to experience his girlfriend/wife initiate sex even once so the OP's guy must be crazy. Uh...WAT...? So are you speaking from experience...?
waynebrady Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Uh...WAT...? So are you speaking from experience...? Nope... It's just common knowledge.
TaurusTerp Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Nope... It's just common knowledge. False. Sorry azz.
USMCHokie Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Nope... It's just common knowledge. I am merely a single data point, but from my experience, your "common knowledge" isn't very accurate... And is this the same "common knowledge" that leads you to believe that women are mortified of semen...?
GorillaTheater Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Uh...WAT...? So are you speaking from experience...? This is Wayne's standard rap. His only rap, apparently. Personally, I prefer my trolls to be more multi-dimensional.
painfullyobvious Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Uhhh ladies... I think this guy is an exception rather than a trend. IME, the first "I love you" follows plenty of sex for at least the immediate future. Sure after being in a relationship with someone for years things can happen but right after a "i love you"...? Something is not adding up. Guys bang women they are in love with. Unless of course a guy is on medication or has some biological/physiological issue. I agree wiuth this assessment. The first sexual encounter after I love you is often emotionally impacted and often the best in my experience.
Surrealist Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Nope... It's just common knowledge. You're dead wrong buddy, I was married for 8 years and I was the one who lost interest in the sex, and my ex-wife was good looking to so that wasn't the problem. It happens for reasons you wouldn't understand since you only go by what you rehash as "Common knowledge". I think you need to gain some life experience before pontificating your assumptions.
Holding-On Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 This is Wayne's standard rap. His only rap, apparently. Personally, I prefer my trolls to be more multi-dimensional. oh thank you thank you for the laugh. I needed it.
NYCGirly Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Maybe your bf thinks the "thrill of the chase" is now over? For a lot of people, saying "I love you" is the pinnacle of the relationship (obviously it's not) and after that there is really nothing left to work towards so things tend to go downhill from there for them.
Mad Max Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 All guys love sex alot more than women do, in all cases, in every relationship the man is the one with the high sex drive and the instigator when it comes to sex. That's not even debatable. That's how nature created us you know. That's why the OP's thread just don't make sense, I find it hard to believe that the OP even tried to instigate sex(after all she is a woman and women don't do that) and I find it even harder to believe that she got turned down. Women initiate sex so extremley rarely, it's literally a once in a lifetime thing for a guy, most guys in relationships probably never get to experience his girlfriend/wife initiate sex even once so the OP's guy must be crazy. Trolls belong under bridges, not on LS. If you're going to be a troll, at least be somewhat amusing and not predictable with your posts.
LisaLee Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 All guys love sex alot more than women do, in all cases, in every relationship the man is the one with the high sex drive and the instigator when it comes to sex. That's not even debatable. That's how nature created us you know. That's why the OP's thread just don't make sense, I find it hard to believe that the OP even tried to instigate sex(after all she is a woman and women don't do that) and I find it even harder to believe that she got turned down. Women initiate sex so extremley rarely, it's literally a once in a lifetime thing for a guy, most guys in relationships probably never get to experience his girlfriend/wife initiate sex even once so the OP's guy must be crazy. OMG How the heck do you know all this since in a previous thread you said you were a virgin??? OK, I was willing to believe you when you posted a while back that if you make love to a woman you would never cum in her and go finish off in the bathroom... but this is obviously trolling.
USMCHokie Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Chances are he has Madonna-whore complex like I do. I cannot think about banging someone I love. I can only 'make love' to her and making love is good once in a while but it is not as exciting and raw as banging like animals. I definitely can...and it's even better when she's in the same mindset...bangin' like animals... :bunny:
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