DLee Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 (edited) I started dating a guy a couple of months ago, it was obviously something different. He would always talk about how he felt like he knew me, and that we were so compatible, and I agree, it was strange, because for some reason all of my usual pet peeves or rules just didn't seem to apply to him. He could text me all day long and I liked it, whereas with anyone else I would have found it irritating. He would always be pointing out things he liked about me, or that he really liked that we had a list of things we had yet to do. He would talk about the things the told other people about me and ask me to go to upstate to meet his parents, or go with him to a married-with-children coworker's shore house. I was cute in not going along with these invites which at the time I thought were mostly polite... Then one night he got drunk and told me he loved me several times... He's always said things like that he'd felt lucky to have met me and I wasnt like anyone else... and he looked at me with googly eyes and put x's and o's all over his texts... but since he said the L word things have been different. The day after his... statements.. He went back to work from a 2 week vacation and had a new awful boss. Since then he's been flat and I'm totally understanding and as I've said things that usually would have irritated me dont... After a couple of weeks we had a mis-communication where I (feeling worried about our standing) gave him an "out" that he took from pre midnight movie plans and according to him he was so surprised that I had said yes he said he thought he was giving ME an out because I wouldn't want to travel to see him in the rain just to have to travel back to my neighborhood for a 12am movie. A couple days after this we kind of backed ourselves into having a weird convo where I told him I was conflicted because I didnt know what he wanted from me, and he said that he really hoped that the "one question I would never have to ask is what he wanted from me" he continued on to tell me that its been 2 1/2 years since he's had to think about taking someone that he "really cares about their happiness into account" and that "I seem to genuinely care about him and his space and what makes him happy, so sometimes he feels like I'm an alien or I have ulterior motives because no one's treated him that way before" this resolved with me going home and him then calling to offer make me dinner that night. Fast forward to a couple weeks after that, he insisted on coming to see the apartments I was looking at and meet the possible (male) roommates. He wakes up around 5am so by 9pm he was wiped but still wanted to go... I was so amazed that he's also a good friend and I thanked him (he told me I should expect him to do things like this and I told him I had no expectations and he told me to try to have some), but apparently he felt like he was tired and rude. Also, earlier that day he had been super psyched because I was going to buy tickets for a cool if slightly expensive show. Anyway, 3 days after that in fit of extreme self-consciousness I almost asked him @ 5am if we were "still dating or just friends w/ benefits" luckily I fell asleep before I asked him. When I woke up I thought the answer was super obvious and therefore the question was totally offhand ridiculous, so when he asked what the question was I told him how ridiculous I felt it was but I didnt want him to get all paranoid because I left him in the dark. He didnt respond so I apologized and he gave me a speech on not apologizing for my feelings and that he always wants me to tell him how I feel, and that its a valid question. And then... things got weird... So the next morning I called him before our activity and after we laughed and talked about our respective friday nights, I told him that I kind of needed for him to answer the ridiculous question that he had made valid and he told me he's been thinking about it a lot. We had some obviously none too pleasant convo on the phone, and it was not going well, I dont think he thought we were having a breakup convo until I said I'd be up to get the things I'd lent him... Then thirty minutes later when I was at his apartment he was almost speechless he kept pulling me to him and putting his head into the crook of my neck and kissing me, while we had a convo about how he felt like he couldnt be who he wanted to be for me and see me as much as he likes and that it made him feel bad @ work and that he felt like he couldnt have both worlds (he feels that he has to be the best at everything). He kept saying how he didnt want or was remotely interested in dating anyone else, if he was dating someone he wanted it to be me. I tried to counter when he balked at only seeing me for 5 hours in a week that thats normal and that if he's beyond busy one weekend its even ok if we dont see each other for a couple of weeks... He felt that then he would have too much control over the timing of the relationship and that it wouldnt be mutual enough for me. (he didn't want to put me in "in a garage"). He also pointed out that he had told me in our awkward convo that he'd scared himself with how he felt about me. When I was acting like things were finite... he seemed a little argumentative about it. Then he walked me to a cab and pulled me to him and kissed me a couple times before pulling me back right before I was about to get in the cab to kiss me again. I texted and called him to ask him to think about it and to tell him that I always felt like I knew him too. He told me he would think about it and texted me "good night, ____" that night (saturday)... I didn't respond it felt more like a goodbye than a goodnight, and it was different than the goodnights and goodmornings he'd sent me everyday for the past 2 months. Then on monday he texted me "_____, I can really not accept these tickets" so when I got home I texted him "that I really didnt mean to not respond to his texts but I really dont want to communicate via text message" I thought I was being nice... anyway on wednesday I finally texted him that it was worth it to me to lose the ticket price not to have to experience going without him and he should give the tickets to his married coworker. I've been trying to do NC and he hasn't said anything to me in over a week... I dont know if I should have responded to his first text but it didnt feel like an olive branch... I've already considered all the possibilities... that he was trying to let me down easy or that everything was put on... but deep down I know it wasnt and that leaves me with the fact that he's either dishonest or weak... but I still want him... Any advice would be HUGELY appreciated! Edited October 5, 2010 by DLee
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