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we broke up, but now the drama is arising backup again from a leftover scarf .

p0w3r

By p0w3r
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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p0w3r Established Member

p0w3r

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Posted

Hey everyone, i recently broke up with my gf (now ex-gf) a couple of weeks ago. some LS'ers know the story really well as they have followed my story and helped me all along. if any of u want to know what the story was all about, here is the link to the thread in which the breakup came about.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...17#post3009517

 

but the reason i am asking for help and guidance this time is not about the breakup. its about something (a scarf of hers) that was leftover from the relationship.

 

 

here is the complete story that i am looking for help on:

 

- she completely disrespected me and also cheated on me. (i originally believed she didn't have sex with him, but many LS suggested she did have sex with him, and after thinking about it after the breakup and more details emerged i think they may well did have sex. but whether in the end if she did have sex with him or not ..she hugely disrespected and manipulated me and walked all over me in the relationship..sexually or not... and that lead to the breakup). i hate her guts for what she did to me and how much of a b!tch she is. i did soooo much for her and she didnt appreciate any of it and went for some other guy while disrespecting me and walking all over me in the process.

 

-and so then i dumped her (even though i was reluctant but i decided to listen to the advice of more experienced LS'ers)

 

-i told her we are breaking up and she asked me to explain why so i told her how i felt about the actions she did. and then after i explained i simply said " f off and we will never be friends again and you will not be part of my life and i wont be part of ur life from now on and get out of my life.." was a bit angry when i told her this..but angry or not i got the message through

 

-the only remaining thing left after the breakup was a scarf of hers. she told me its worth a lot to her financially and is of huge sentimental value. she said its her moms 18th birthday present to her and her mom had bought it for her with cash (she said her mom normally only uses shop vouchers to buy things but used especially cash to buy this scarf). she also said its worth a lot to her sentimentally as everytime she wears it it makes her feel like her mom is with her. its a very expensive scarf of Burberry brand and it retails for about 400 to 500 USD.

 

-the problem is i had lost the scarf ages ago. i wanted to tell her i had lost it but i realised it would almost ruin the relationship as she is a drama queen and would make a massive fuss about it so i decided to wait and make excuses to delay the return of the scarf until i felt our relationship was strong enough to handle the loss of such a scarf. I wanted to confess many times but i thought our love wasnt strong enough and we probably would split up if i had told her. (maybe not immediately but she would be angry at me for a long time and the relationship would be a very unhealthy one)

 

-but we had broke up 3 weeks ago. before i had gotten around to telling her about the loss of the scarf

 

-i made another excuse to delay the return of the scarf to her. my mindset was, I had sacrificed so much for her during our relationship. if i told her immediately after we broke up that i had lost the scarf. then afterwards whenever she thinks of me she would only think that im the evil person who lost her prized possession and not of all the good things i had done for her (like driving to her house at 4am just because she was sick and lonely). She ruined and completely shattered our relationship by her actions, now if i had told her i lost it then she'd think im the villain. i wanted her to realise what a good and caring boyfriend i was to her and so i decided to tell her i lost it maybe a couple of weeks later after the breakup.

 

-i told her in the breakup talk that i would return it before last weekend. now i had zero contact with her since the breakup. so i wanted to tell her about the loss of the scarf but thought maybe if i bump into her on campus i'd tell her.

 

-but yesterday she randomly came to my house with 2 of her friends (I am friends with them too) to ask for the scarf, without informing me beforehand that she was coming.

 

-she came up to my house and decided to talk to my father about the scarf as the excuse i made before was that my father took the scarf away from me and went overseas for a business trip. so she thought if i cant get the scarf back from my father, she as a stranger could demand her scarf back from my father more easily as my father would give back her scarf if she asked my father for it directly

 

-i was really shocked at her visit to my house. i thought she should have at least given me a warning before she came and given me enough time to prepare for her visit and at least have the courtesy of letting me know beforehand when she was coming. i had no idea she was coming until our mutual friend who drove her to my house texted me 15 mins before she was arrive at my house that they were coming. i had to rush back to my house to meet them at such a short notice.

 

-so when they came..i went up to our mutual friend (the driver) what was exactly happening? whats the situation with her and this visit right now? etc etc. while i was asking her this she went up to my door and started talking to my father. my father actually has no idea about the scarf because i had never told him about this. so i panicked and immediately told her to stop talking to my dad and come talk to me about the scarf as im the one who should be responsible for the scarf.

 

-so me and her went around the corner and had a talk about what was happening with the scarf.in the talk she got angry, in fact very angry at me for me breaking my promise of returning the scarf to her before the weekend. she shouted to me for not replying to her txts ( I indeed didnt reply to her directly, but i met up with her best friend and told her my reply about the scarf and asked her best friend to pass the message on to her). she also shouted to me for "its been all this time and u still cant return my scarf..?!!!!!!!!!! i want my scarf back!!!!!! u said u would give it to me before the weekend!!!"

 

-while she got angry at me...i got angry too. i know im wrong. no doubt about that. but all these thoughts just suddenly rushed to my mind about how nice of a bf i was to her and how much i had cared for her and how much effort i spent on her and the fact that she never showed anywhere near as much care for me and never sacrificed anything for me while i did all the things i did for her without receiving anything back. i thought of how much i just kept on giving and givng to her and never got anything from her..and now shes going all angry at me just about a scarf?!!!! i thought...if all the things i did for u and how nice and caring of a bf and how much i sacrifced for u i was when i was ur bf doesnt even beat out a scarf...then wat a ***n B1t ch you are!!!!!!!!!!!

 

-so i got angry at her too...i was like...you should have handle this thing the proper way and be mature and at least have the courtesay of telling me before hand that you are coming to my house!!! why are you acting like a little maniac and just barging here into my house!!!!!! could u have acted mature and discussed this with me in words before you took all these actions without any kind of warning or talk beforehand?!!!!!!! you didn't even give me enough time to prepare for any of this!!!!!! you just come to my house randomly and i have to rush back to my house and you expect me to do what you want me to do instantly like this???!!!!!!!! you are not gonna get what you want done whenever you want!!!

 

-she was still angry and replied...well i been waiting for 2 months to get my scarf back!! i told u when we were still together that i would come to ur house to get it myself if u cant get it back!!! i said...well ok yes thats true!!! i agreed to u coming to my house to get the scarf back from my father if i cant get it back! i never opposed the idea!!! but at least inform me or give me a warning beforehand that u are coming so i at least know!!!!!

 

-she kept on getting angrier and angrier but i calmed down a little and talked to her calmly.

 

-the conversation ended with: she shouted..:"i want my scarf back now!"...and i got angry again and said.."ok can you at least give me until the end of this week and ill get it back to u?!!!" she shouted."well can i trust u?? u said all this time u would get it back and u still havent gotten it back after so many promises!!! can i trust u this time then???!!!" I shouted back:"well i dont care if u trust me or not!!! i told u what i plan to do and if u trust me ...good!! if u dont?!!!! fine then i dont care!!!!......its ur decision if u trust me or not!!!"

 

-then she just shouted.."f uk this!!!!! lets leave!!!!!!" I shouted.."well if u want to get things done u should do things in a proper and mature way and not just randomly barge into my house without any warning or a bit of courtesy!!!!!!!" and then she shouted.."so do you think u are mature?!!!!!!!" and then i just laughed and said..."well at least i dont get called a 12 year old (she always get teased by her friends because she looks really young).

and then she seemed to be really ticked off by that comment and just fumed but didnt say anything back.

 

 

 

i have a few questions I'd like to ask you guys.

 

What mistakes did I make in the above encounter? what did I do/say wrong? was i wrong in being angry at her? was i supposedly to act like a ultra-nice criminal who should just been very nice to her and just absorb the anger she threw out at me? or was i correct in being angry at her?

 

what are the consequences of me having been angry at her in that conversation. (i want to leave a impression in her of how much a good guy i am and how she is missing in destroying the relationship. i dont want her to think i am a d!c and deserved what she did to me)

 

 

 

what should i do now? i plan to tell her i lost it in the next 2 days. should i be super nice when i tell her and just apoglogise sincerely and try to comfort her? or should i just say...i lost ur ***n scarf..now fu koff and deal with it urself sucker.

 

Normally if this was a normal person i'd be extremmely sorry and apologetic. but knowing what she had done to me in the relationship and how she completely disrespected me and did all those nasty things to me in the relationship i just didn't want to bow down to her at all. i felt she owes me ALOT. shes the guilty one in the relationship. She is the BAD PERSON.

 

and now I have to bow down to her because of a scarf?

 

Guys, i have no idea. please help.

flying Established Member

flying

Posted
Posted

Hey p0w3r,

 

I responded to your other thread. Just an FYI, the mods don't look kindly upon starting the same thread in multiple places. Better just to do it in one location.

  • Author
p0w3r Established Member

p0w3r

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Hey p0w3r,

 

I responded to your other thread. Just an FYI, the mods don't look kindly upon starting the same thread in multiple places. Better just to do it in one location.

 

ok.

 

i posted it in the dating section but then realised its probably more fitting in the breakup section.

2sure Established Member

2sure

Posted
Posted

Well. obviously you should have told her already and should never have created that story involving your father. After the conversation she had with him...she knows something is up. But who cares? she has already disrespected you as much as possible so her feelings for you are clear. You have nothing, nothing to lose.

 

You dont have to be nice to her, all you need be is honest. Tell her - the scarf has been misplaced or lost. You should not have left it here. When I realized how valuable it was to you, I put off telling you hoping it might turn up. Whatever. Its gone. Move on with your life.

 

For crying out loud - it is an article of clothing. It is not jewelry or a mink coat. If she carelessly left it with you she was bound to leave it somewhere else eventually. People lose scarves, gloves, and sunglasses all the freaking time.

  • Author
p0w3r Established Member

p0w3r

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Well. obviously you should have told her already and should never have created that story involving your father. After the conversation she had with him...she knows something is up. But who cares? she has already disrespected you as much as possible so her feelings for you are clear. You have nothing, nothing to lose.

 

ah...can you explain what you mean by "you have nothing, nothing to lose?"

Im not sure if how i interpret that is how you are meaning it.

 

You dont have to be nice to her, all you need be is honest. Tell her - the scarf has been misplaced or lost. You should not have left it here. When I realized how valuable it was to you, I put off telling you hoping it might turn up. Whatever. Its gone. Move on with your life.

 

so was being angry to her (despite me being the one at fault) damage anything? did it have any consequences on how she views me? because to be honest i dont want her to think im an ********* now after all the good things i did for her when we were bf/gfs. i want her to think im an awesome guy and she messed up and lost a awesome bf.

 

ie. i dont want to give her 99 dollars but then rob her of 1 dollar and then in the end she thinks im a villain just because i robbed that 1 dollar off her (even though she gained 98 dollars

 

For crying out loud - it is an article of clothing. It is not jewelry or a mink coat. If she carelessly left it with you she was bound to leave it somewhere else eventually. People lose scarves, gloves, and sunglasses all the freaking time.

 

I agree. in my opinion its just a scarf. a piece of clothing. now im not agreeing with this just because its in my favor. but its just a scarf. now shes trying to tell me it means the world to her. I am trying to see her point of view but in the end it is a scarf and a scarf and a scarf.

 

so should i be really nice and apologetic? or just tell her and then who cares if she thinks im a d!ck (even though i was super nice to her in the relationship)

2sure Established Member

2sure

Posted
Posted

She cheated on you, treated you disrespectfully and badly, and betrayed you. THATS where your good treatment of her got you. You dont want her to think you are a jerk...well, I dont know about you but she certainly has not shown she thinks much of you.

 

She is making a big deal of the scarf simply because she f'd up and she wants to show other people you are the bad guy.

 

Tell her the scarf is gone. Its unfortunate she is more concerned about a scarf than she was about you or your relationship. Show her you are no longer concerned with any of her drama. In the long run, she will look back and know you didnt cause any of this.

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