xomissraddox Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 im 19. he is 21. we rushed marriage bc i am pregnant. i am expecting in a month. things have been rough but i never thought it would end like this. yesterday i found out he has a new gf 3 weeks after moving out. we are still married. i am asking for annulment. its what i want and what is best. he still has things here, and it kills me to look at them. he is ignoring my calls and texts and i just want his **** out. i still love him, and everything hurts. i have been putting together our wedding album to occupy my time but now, i just cant bear myself to see how happy we were. this is soo hard for me and it hurts that after a year of being together he has found someone else and moved on so quickly. i am finding it extremely difficult to cope with and really dont know what to do. i feel guilty for wasting my fathers money on our wedding, and for wasting my time on him. i had this whole "new family" thing going on in my head and had nothing but hope he was going to come back. i had visions of the three of us going apple picking and doing hay rides and playing in the snow and doing all this adorable family and now i see nothing but despair in my path. i had never expected to be a single teen mom.
Owl Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 File for annullment. Go to your friends and family for emotional support. That's what they're there for. Box his crap up, get it all into one room/closet/garage...tell him he's got 3 days to come get it out, or it goes to Goodwill/Salvation Army. Take ACTION to help yourself sort through this and work through it. Don't sit there feeling sorry for yourself...take action to HELP yourself and your baby. Hang in there...as cliche as it sounds, there's a whole lot more life ahead of you.
PegNosePete Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 It's pretty unlikely you're eligible for annulment. People throw that word around like it's just a matter of changing their mind. To get an annulment you need very specific conditions, such as one of you was already married, or you were drunk or on drugs at the time of the marriage. The word you're looking for, sorry to say, is divorce.
someday Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 (edited) First, let me send you big hugs. You are going thru a very rough time for sure...and because you are pregnant your hormones are going crazy right now, probably for a few months after babies born. Be good to yourself Second, your dreams are not gone, you can still have those things- but just not with him. You might not believe it right now but he's probably not the best guy for you anyway. I would suggest that you pack all his stuff up and drop it off at his parents place. Don't expect him to answer you, he's to ashamed to face you right now. Take that stress out of your life by being proactive in removing his stuff from your place. Don't be childish and destroy his things because that's not going to solve anything. Teen pregnancy is hard but it's not the end of your life or your dreams. You can still do everything that you have planned- it's just going to be a bit more difficult for you. Not impossible. Regardless of the issues between you and him- he is still the baby’s father. Is he going to be involved with the child? I think you need to start thinking about reasonable visitation, etc. Ask your Dad (and mom?) to help you figure this out. Again, sending you hugs and much love. Edited October 5, 2010 by someday
Maggotface Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 This will make you stronger believe me. I got divorced when I was 19 and we also had a baby, and it was hard. The hardest thing I have ever went through. I was shocked and lonely, never thought I would get divorced but I'm happy now even though I am single. Go to family for support and focus on your little one to keep your mind off things as best as possible. Keep busy planning your babies future, you can still do all the fun things you had planned with your baby, being a mom will bring you so much more joy then being married to him.
Author xomissraddox Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 First, let me send you big hugs - very much needed, thank you :] It's pretty unlikely you're eligible for annulment - not true. since he is in another relationship, and has cheated on me multiple times during the marriage, and abandoned me, annulment is possible. but i still need to speak to a lawyer about all this :/ i dont know much about the legal system or how it works for this kind of stuff. i have a friend in law school but its hard to get in touch with her. i want him to be in the babys life, mainly bc im having a son, and i want him to at least know his daddy. would it be possible for me to take all rights and custody from him, and work out a schedule? im planning on going to school out of state and i dont want this to affect my education. he lives out of his car now, and cant even get custody of my step daughter (his daughter from a girl he pretty much did the same thing to but didnt marry).
Author xomissraddox Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 also, she works right down the road from my house... i ran into her and i told her she was going to get knocked up and he will leave her like he did me and the girl before me. she gave me attitude and i just walked away. he came there to pick her up from work. i dont get it. they both are not from this area but they work here. i hate being stuck having to see them together. it drives me madd. :[
PegNosePete Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 - not true. since he is in another relationship, and has cheated on me multiple times during the marriage, and abandoned me, annulment is possible. but i still need to speak to a lawyer about all this :/ i dont know much about the legal system Yeah, I knew nothing about the legal system until it all happened to me... I wish I didn't have to know it! Annulment is the dissolution of a marriage on a technicality. For example, you or your partner were already married, one of you was under duress, or you were not eligible to be married (eg. brother and sister). Cheating, even multiple times, does not qualify you for annulment. Neither does abandonment. If he was having an affair at the time of the wedding, then you may have grounds for annulment under "deceit in order to obtain consent to marry". But unless he confesses, you'll be unable to prove he was having the affair. To be honest I'd just bite the bullet, go for divorce, it's simpler, much more widespread, and generally cheaper.
Author xomissraddox Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 i went to my aunts house out of state last night, just to get away. but i kept dreaming of him. and when i woke up i couldent get him out of my head. he hasent been very nice to me lately, actuially he has been a straight up a**hole. unless he wants something. i hate how this is happening to me, i dident do anything to deserve the way he is treating me, and i know that. i barely talk to him and idk... i am just so mad that i let this happen to me and i miss how things were.
Owl Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Get online, check your state laws for divorce/annullment/etc... Seek a lawyer if you need to. We're probably not the best legal advice you can get in this situation.
Woman In Blue Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Would it be possible for me to take all rights and custody from him, and work out a schedule? im planning on going to school out of state and i dont want this to affect my education. he lives out of his car now, and cant even get custody of my step daughter (his daughter from a girl he pretty much did the same thing to but didnt marry). Oh jeez. This kid (and that's what he is) is a complete and total loser. I highly doubt that some broke-ass, irresponsible little 21-year old twit living in his broken down car is going to have the money to hire a lawyer to fight for custody of your child. Why WOULD he? He took off on you, so it wouldn't appear that your child means anything to this little weasel. More than likely, you'll be doing his worthless ass a favor taking your kid away for college - then he'll be able to impress all his future girlfriends with stories of how brokenhearted he is that YOU took his child away from him, and that's why he doesn't see him - or SUPPORT him. God, what a complete loser. His parents need to forcibly sterilize him so he quits having babies all over the countryside. Idiot. Please do yourself a BIG favor the next time you're considering having a baby. Seriously do your homework and LOOK at the gene pool you're you're dipping into. This is the type of guy I wouldn't let take out my garbage, much less impregnate me. Please, just do yourself that favor next time. I think you can pretty much write your own ticket anywhere. Loser boy doesn't have a pot to p*ss in or a window to throw it out of. And quite honestly? It doesn't appear he gives a rat's ASS what happens to you or your child. I'm sorry, but it's painfully obvious to anyone looking at your situation. Good luck to you.
painfullyobvious Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 You are young and the opportunities are boundless for you at your age. It hurts now but things will slowly get better. I agree with Owl that you need to find your support systems and lean on them right now. Better that he abandons you now than when your baby is older and feels like daddy left because of him/her. Your love for this person will slowly turn to anger and you will begin to heal. Hopefully the person that you connect with next and settle down with will be able to model much more mature behavior for you and your child and assist in the personal growth of your child. Be the best parent you can be until then. I wish you the best of luck. Some individuals just are unable to responsible or are extremely selfish. I fear for your situation when he learns that he is financially responsible for the next eighteen plus years as your child develops and grows up. Try and be amicable in those situations and not let your emotions drive you and do what is best for your child. Easier said than done.
pureinheart Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 im 19. he is 21. we rushed marriage bc i am pregnant. i am expecting in a month. things have been rough but i never thought it would end like this. yesterday i found out he has a new gf 3 weeks after moving out. we are still married. i am asking for annulment. its what i want and what is best. he still has things here, and it kills me to look at them. he is ignoring my calls and texts and i just want his **** out. i still love him, and everything hurts. i have been putting together our wedding album to occupy my time but now, i just cant bear myself to see how happy we were. this is soo hard for me and it hurts that after a year of being together he has found someone else and moved on so quickly. i am finding it extremely difficult to cope with and really dont know what to do. i feel guilty for wasting my fathers money on our wedding, and for wasting my time on him. i had this whole "new family" thing going on in my head and had nothing but hope he was going to come back. i had visions of the three of us going apple picking and doing hay rides and playing in the snow and doing all this adorable family and now i see nothing but despair in my path. i had never expected to be a single teen mom. Hey, you got my thoughts and prayers:(, and am so sorry for what your going through...he's just way too young.... Anyway, annulments are a pain in the butt and there is no guarantee that the judge will grant it...my daughter tried to do that and was avised to go for a D...also this ensures you of child support which you will have to file for anyway...at least that is how it is in my state. Priddy much the same thing happened to me, he didn't leave, although was seeing others sooon after the M, I was pregnant too. My son is 30 now. You will have disappointments in life, but I can tell you from experience, this WILL soon pass....
pureinheart Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 - very much needed, thank you :] - not true. since he is in another relationship, and has cheated on me multiple times during the marriage, and abandoned me, annulment is possible. but i still need to speak to a lawyer about all this :/ i dont know much about the legal system or how it works for this kind of stuff. i have a friend in law school but its hard to get in touch with her. i want him to be in the babys life, mainly bc im having a son, and i want him to at least know his daddy. would it be possible for me to take all rights and custody from him, and work out a schedule? im planning on going to school out of state and i dont want this to affect my education. he lives out of his car now, and cant even get custody of my step daughter (his daughter from a girl he pretty much did the same thing to but didnt marry). I think this is possible as he does not sound real responsible...my ex lost by default and I got everything I asked for...CS, limited visitation, lawyer fees etc....I could have gotten more, but didn't want to push it. I think you'll have to go for the D route
Recommended Posts