Hold fast Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 He's leaving his wife at the end of this week. How can I best support him? I know he may go back or he may not choose me even if he doesn't go back but how can give me and him the best chance. He's worried about his son.
September Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 All I can say is prepare yourself for a VERY bumpy ride. He will feel guilt, remorse, depression and will most likely end up returning home. I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news (and I hope I am wrong), but it seems that most of these MM's don't stay out of home for long...
lilbunny Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 My advice would be to not take him in. Make sure he is going to be living on his own for at least 6 months and a divorce is underway. Don't believe it until you see it. Don't hover around waiting to be 'chosen'. I think a few posts may well read like this. You may think them harsh but there will be nothing worse for you than him flip flopping between the two of you. I wouldn't allow it and I'm glad because the outcome would have been the same just with a hell of a lot more hurt and damage that would be impossible to repair. If he is going to leave, he will. If he wants to stay left, he will. If he wants to be with you, he will. Let him work it out for himself if you are to have any chance. Good luck, I hope things work out for you.
pollyanna22 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 He's leaving his wife at the end of this week. How can I best support him? I know he may go back or he may not choose me even if he doesn't go back but how can give me and him the best chance. He's worried about his son. make sure it's because he really wants to leave her and not because you are forcing it. My husband was going to leave me, because she gave him an altumatum..never works. I did'nt react how either of them thought and it blew up in her face in the end.
whichwayisup Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 He's leaving his wife at the end of this week. How can I best support him? I know he may go back or he may not choose me even if he doesn't go back but how can give me and him the best chance. He's worried about his son. Give him space. Don't put any pressure or expectations on him. Allow him the time to sort his feelings out, and deal with things his way. If you two are ever going to be a couple in the future, don't go rushing to his side and try to pursue a relationship. When the timing is better in the future, do it the right way and DATE, slowly. Get to know him again in a new setting. Right now you two are in an affair mode dynamic and that has to change otherwise there's no way it'll ever work out. Anyway, keep busy and don't put your eggs in one basket. He may change his mind and go back home as you know.
Confused4Now Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Give him space. Don't put any pressure or expectations on him. Allow him the time to sort his feelings out, and deal with things his way. If you two are ever going to be a couple in the future, don't go rushing to his side and try to pursue a relationship. When the timing is better in the future, do it the right way and DATE, slowly. Get to know him again in a new setting. Right now you two are in an affair mode dynamic and that has to change otherwise there's no way it'll ever work out. Anyway, keep busy and don't put your eggs in one basket. He may change his mind and go back home as you know.Please read this by WWIU...so let me add more to it. Since you are so focused in getting him in your life you have to make sure you have enough of yourself to stand alone. As WWIU says don't put all your eggs in one basket. He can start waffling or just needs time to himself he can go through the process. Like every person who's probably gone through this. Please take your time. You have a tough road ahead of you.....but in the end I hope it was worth it.
Grace2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 is he wondering how best to support YOU through this time? the best thing, and the hardest, is to stay away and let him navigate this on his own. there's a book out there...how to get through your boyfriend's divorce, or something, that I found on amazon. but the root of it is to not get involved. he has to do this FOR HIMSELF, or it may backlash on to you in the end. so the best way you can support him is by letting him figure it out for himself.
Got it Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Every situation is different but the most important thing is you staying true to yourself, your needs, and your boundaries. Your relationship with him is not about his relationship/divorce with her. The relationship will transition to a slightly different one. Everyoen has given you great advice. There will be issues he will need to work through that you won't be able to help with. And you will get tired of some things and definitely not want to discuss it. You will have thoughts at times wondering what the hell you got yourself into and whether it is all worth it. Really the drama over the next few months will be based on the drama that is between them, how much he had worked through things prior to him leaving and really how amicable they are. Keep your life full of things you have had going on, focus on you and allow him to work through his things and right now be the icing on your cake. You can't control him, he will need to work through things on his own though you can be there as much as you are comfortable. Breathe! And relax!
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