interesting read about women's infidelity

[thatsonlyme]

Women's relationships today follow

a very predictable pattern:

 

*

 

They push men for commitment

*

 

They get what they want

*

 

They lose interest in sex

*

 

They become attracted to someone else

*

 

They start cheating

*

 

They become angry and resentful

*

 

They begin telling their partners that they need time apart

*

 

They blame their partners for their behavior...and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages.

 

 

 

If you're a male, like most other males, you would probably never suspect that your partner is cheating, not only because of your wife’s or girlfriend’s seeming disinterest in sex; but also because you have the belief that your wife or girlfriend is a “good girl.” Unfortunately, males are frequently left/divorced by their wives and girlfriends without ever knowing about their wives' and girlfriends' infidelities.

 

If you’re a female, like most other females, prior to cheating on your partner you always proclaimed yourself to be "not the type" who would ever cheat. However, also like most other females, after they have cheated, you're shocked and appalled by your behavior; but at the same time you can't stop cheating.

 

Women's relationships and marriages will continue to follow this same pattern unless we develop an accurate understanding of females ─ particularly in regard to their sexuality. In fact, after researching women's sexuality for more than ten years, I can honestly say that most of our societal beliefs about females are grossly distorted and many are completely erroneous.

 

The media has finally begun to acknowledge, albeit to a small degree, the widespread problem of female infidelity. Recently, several books and articles have attempted to explain why women are now cheating as much as men. However, none were successful in their attempt. All of them left out very important pieces to this extremely complicated puzzle. I believe the majority were simply unable to find all of the information necessary to figure out the problem. Although, I'm certain that some were just afraid to disclose certain key pieces of information because the truth, quite frankly, is so contrary to our current beliefs. Unfortunately, without these missing pieces, it's impossible to understand, and to subsequently fix, the real problem occurring in relationships today.

 

 

 

My story:

 

Shortly after my 27th birthday, I began to feel very different. I had been happily married for 4 years and then, suddenly out of nowhere, I began feeling bored and unhappy. In an attempt to figure out what was causing my unhappiness, I looked for answers in books, tried to talk to my Mother and eventually went to see a psychologist. All of the information I received attributed the way I was feeling to my husband, and similar to the majority of women, I began to view my husband as the culprit too.

 

 

 

Currently, women are initiating 70 - 75% of all divorces

 

 

 

Later, through my own research, I discovered that what I was experiencing was quite normal. In fact, women are the most likely to divorce in their late twenties and thirties after an average of 4 years of marriage. During this time, it's quite common for women to experience a pre-midlife crisis, which is similar to the male midlife crisis, only with an important difference - a difference that can actually make women more likely to cheat than men.

 

 

 

 

 

The "stages" that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships

 

Several years into my research I was able to identify distinctive patterns and behaviors in the women I interviewed. I categorized these into four separate “stages” that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships. The stages begin with a loss of sexual desire.

 

 

 

Stage 1

 

Women at Stage 1 feel as though something is missing in their lives. They have all the things that they wanted—a home, a family, a great husband—but they feel they should be happier. Over time, many women in this stage begin to lose interest in sex. It is not uncommon for them to spend a great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their husbands because they fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently complain of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often try to avoid going to bed at the same time as their husbands. They view sex as a job, not unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store. Some women in Stage 1 claim they feel violated when their husbands touch them. Their bodies freeze up and they feel tightness in their chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach. The majority of women in Stage 1 feel as though there is something wrong with them, that they are in some way defective. They are also fearful that their disinterest in sex will cause their husbands to cheat, or worse yet, leave them.

 

 

 

Stage 2

 

Women at Stage 2 experience reawakened desire stimulated by an encounter outside the marital relationship. Whether these encounters with a "new" man involves sex or remain platonic, women will typically give a tremendous amount of emotional significance to these encounters.

 

Many women in this stage haven't felt any sexual desire for a long time. Many experience tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new relationships are sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most begin to experience what could be termed an identity crisis—even those who try to put the experience behind them. Constant reminders are everywhere. They feel guilt when the topic of infidelity arises, whether in the media, in conversations with family and friends, or at home with their husbands. Women in this stage can no longer express their prior disdain for infidelity without feeling like a hypocrite. They feel as though they have lost a part of themselves. Reflecting society’s belief that women are either “good” or “bad,” women will question their “good girl” status and feel that they might not be deserving of their husbands. Many will try to overcome feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of their husbands. However, over time many women will move from appreciation to justification. In order to justify their continued desire for other men, women will begin to attribute these desires to needs that are not being met in their marriage, or to their husband’s past behavior. Many women will become negative and sarcastic when speaking of their husbands and their marriages and it is not uncommon for an extramarital affair to follow.

 

 

 

Stage 3

 

Women at Stage 3 are involved in affairs, ending affairs, or contemplating divorce. Women who are having affairs experience feelings unlike anything they have experienced before. They feel “alive” again and many believe they have found their soul mates. These women are experiencing feelings associated with a chemically altered state, or what is typically referred to as being in love.

 

These women are also typically in tremendous pain, the pain of choosing between their husbands and their new love interests. They typically believe that what they are doing is wrong and unfair to their husbands, but yet are unable to end their affairs. Many often try several times. Prior to meeting with their lovers, they will vow that it will be the last time, but they are unable to stick with their decisions.

 

Unable to end their extramarital relationships, women at Stage 3 conclude that their lovers are soul mates because they are unaware that they have become addicted to the high caused by chemicals released during the initial stages of a relationship. Many live in a state of limbo for years. “Should I stay married or should I get a divorce?” this is the question continuously on the minds of women at Stage 3 - it is also common for women at this stage to attempt to initiate a separation. In most cases, husbands of women at Stage 3, will launch futile attempts to make their wives happy by being more attentive, spending more time at home and helping out around the house. Regardless of women’s past and present complaints, the last thing women at Stage 3 want, is to spend more time with their husbands.

 

The reason many women will give for their desire to separate is a “search for self.” They convince their husbands that they might be able to save their marriage if they can just have time to themselves. They tell their husbands that time apart is the only hope of improving their current situation. Women at this stage want to free themselves of the restrictions of marriage and spend more time with their lovers. Most think that eventually their confusion will disappear. They think they will eventually know with certainty whether they want to stay married or get divorced and be with their lovers. Separation allows women at this stage, to enjoy the high they experience with their lovers without giving up the security of their marriages. Husbands of Stage 3 women are often unaware that their wives are having affairs. Their lack of suspicion is typically due to their wife’s disinterest in sex and in their belief that their wife is a “good girl.”

 

Women at Stage 3 may also be experiencing the ending of an extramarital affair, and the ending may not have been their decision. They may have been involved with single men who either lost interest because the relationship could not progress or who became attracted to another women who was single. Women whose affairs are ending often experience extreme grief. They may become deeply depressed and express tremendous anger toward their husbands. They are typically unaware that they are experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden changes in their brain chemistry. As a result, many will feel that they have missed their chance at happiness due to their indecisiveness.

 

Believing they have become more aware of what they want and need from a mate, women at this stage will often place the utmost importance on finding a "new" relationship that will give them the feeling they experienced in their affairs. A new relationship with a new partner will also represent a clean slate, a chance for these women to regain their “good girl” status. Some women will search for new partners during their separations. Others will return to their marriages, but not emotionally and still continue to search. Some women will resume sporadic sexual relations with their husbands in an effort to safeguard their marriage until they make a decision. Although they are often not sexually attracted to their husbands, desire is temporarily rekindled when they suspect their husbands are unfaithful, are contemplating infidelity, or when their husbands show signs of moving on.

 

 

 

Stage 4

 

The women in stage four included those who chose to stay married and continue their affairs and those who chose to divorce. Some of the women who continued their affairs stated that marital sex was improved by maintaining the extramarital relationship. Some thought the lover was a soul mate, but for one reason or another did not leave their husband and did not feel torn between the two. Others realized that their feelings were intensified by not sharing day-to-day living arrangements with their lover. Almost all of the women in this latter category were having affairs with married men. They believed their affairs could continue indefinitely without disrupting either partner’s primary relationship.

 

The women who chose divorce and were in the beginning stages of a new relationship typically expressed relief at having finally made a decision and reported feeling normal again. Many of the divorced women who had remarried and were several years into their new marriages seemed somewhat reluctant to talk about the specifics of their past experiences. However, they did mention feelings of guilt and regret for having hurt their children and ex-spouses only to find themselves experiencing similar feelings in the new relationship.

 

 

 

Female infidelity will not only continue to be extremely common but it will also continue to be on the rise

 

source: http://www.womensinfidelity.com

[thatsonlyme]

This is copy-pasted article but it perfectly fits my situation, except for the last part, I believe there was no cheating involved in my case, she was nice enough to dump me instead.

 

short story: we met, started messing around, she was still young and wild, then she changed and became committed. Firs 3-4 years it was all roses, love, kisses, little things, sex was great and we couldn't get our hands off of each other.

We had some serious life problems which I explained in other posts so I'm not sure if that was the reason for her change or maybe the change was so slow that I'd never noticed. Anyway, kisses became less and less frequent and not as passionate, she was often not interested in sex and hardly ever initiated it. Even when we had sex it usually lacked passion but still sometimes it was wild and great. I figured it's normal, you can't have sex every day and enjoy it the same for many years. For me it was not all about sex, I loved her and I tried not to be pushy. Sometimes we'd have sex once a month which is nothing compared to few times a day in the beginning and then almost every night for years. That should've been a red flag for me but I ignored it.

Next step was she started b***ng more and more, finding my flaws and blaming me how I didn't want to change myself because of her. Ok, I gained few extra pounds but I was by no means fat like she tried to make me feel like. Yes I'm pretty hairy but that's the way I am and I had no intentions of shaving my chest and back everyday for her! Laser removal would cost fortune! I even let her wax me few times, what an idiot I was! then she was b***ng about money, when I was making more than her - it wasn't fair, when she started making more - I wasn't making enough! Where's the logic?

I guess eventually she got fed up and started looking for someone else. Once she found him she dumped me like nothing ever happened between us. She's head over heels in love now, acting like a teenager. I wish I could just forward her this but I have no intentions of doing it.

[Woggle]

Any man can relate to dealing with a woman like this.

[Fouts]

What a ridiculous article, you could substitute the word men in place of the word women and it's all the same.

[Kage111]

Women's relationships today follow

a very predictable pattern:

 

*

 

They push men for commitment

*

 

They get what they want

*

 

They lose interest in sex

*

 

They become attracted to someone else

*

 

They start cheating

*

 

They become angry and resentful

*

 

They begin telling their partners that they need time apart

*

 

They blame their partners for their behavior...and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages.

 

Describes my last relationship perfectly. I'm not even so mad about the cheating as I am about that last part. How does she get off blaming me for cheating on me? She could at least take responsibility for her own actions. I do take solace in the fact that apparently other men have dealt with this too. At least enough to warrant this article.

[TomerT]

It would save me so much pain...

Saying it from the "lover" side...dating separated woman who called me her soul-mate and was swear to me that she and her X-husband finished, eventually dumped me like a used shoe without even actually seeing or even telling me in some way...just (accidentally) got pregnant from her X-husband...

The end...

[TomerT]

Describes my last relationship perfectly. I'm not even so mad about the cheating as I am about that last part. How does she get off blaming me for cheating on me? She could at least take responsibility for her own actions. I do take solace in the fact that apparently other men have dealt with this too. At least enough to warrant this article.

 

WTF ?! Exactly the same words I heard from my X just week ago: "I am angry at you, it's your fault...". The funny thing (though it wasn't funny then ) that I really blamed myself for all this. Seems to me this in women DNA no matter religion, nationality, culture, whatsoever...this bitchiness just in their blood.

[Woggle]

My ex blamed me for her cheating and to this day blames me for royally screwing up her life even though I have not seen her in person since 2006.

[Sambo]

I've known this for YEARS.

 

It's nice to see this being made mainstream information FINALLY !!!

[Banega100]

its evolution. They want security as well as the 'thrill'. The fckin slags

[carlierae26]

What a ridiculous article, you could substitute the word men in place of the word women and it's all the same.

 

I agree, it happened to me

[Sambo]

WTF ?! Exactly the same words I heard from my X just week ago: "I am angry at you, it's your fault...". The funny thing (though it wasn't funny then ) that I really blamed myself for all this. Seems to me this in women DNA no matter religion, nationality, culture, whatsoever...this bitchiness just in their blood.

 

It goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden my friend.

 

Eve tempted Adam and we've all been paying for it since.

[durkadurka]

My ex never cheated, but the second she stopped enjoying having sex with me (we had an awesome sex life for the first 1.5 years), I knew it was over.

[somedude81]

Very interesting read.

 

I find it funny how women infidelity is virtually ignored by the media. Men are presented as a horrible gender that constantly cheats, while women are innocent.

 

They aren't.

[durkadurka]

Very interesting read.

 

I find it funny how women infidelity is virtually ignored by the media. Men are presented as a horrible gender that constantly cheats, while women are innocent.

 

They aren't.

 

In my experience women are the culprits more often than the men. However, to say that us men are not responsible for any of it would be ignorant and stupid.

[Woggle]

Even when women are shown to be unfaithful the man is still blamed.

[Sambo]

Even when women are shown to be unfaithful the man is still blamed.

 

Yep !

 

It's total BS

 

But only if you let her play with your head.

 

The answer is to never let a woman get inside your head or psycie

 

Stay strong my Brothers, stay strong !

[heartbroken301]

that article is absouluty stop on. I have been through the same thing with the ex now shes dating another guy agter 2 months of the break up 2nd time around was married ( 5 yrs dated 12 yrs 1st love )

 

She still told my the one day , that i was`nt romatically enough and fat calling me all sort of names

 

then last i got the " i love you , but not in love with you " before she left agian. Damn i just i was just blind sided Agian , but we all learn from our mistakes...

[carlierae26]

Even when women are shown to be unfaithful the man is still blamed.

 

My husband did this to me recently. He was screwing around with another woman for 3 months before I found out, yet I was blamed because I "never paid any attention to him, my kids or my family".. of course, I never heard of this in 11 years, until after he had an affair. I got blamed for his infidelity.

[Sambo]

My husband did this to me recently. He was screwing around with another woman for 3 months before I found out, yet I was blamed because I "never paid any attention to him, my kids or my family".. of course, I never heard of this in 11 years, until after he had an affair. I got blamed for his infidelity.

 

 

Yes I do agree this sword swings BOTH ways but women seems to use it more then men.