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my friend says she will break Nc , i say no she`s a strong women

heartbroken301

By heartbroken301
in Separation and Divorce

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heartbroken301 Member

heartbroken301

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hi im new here on love shack and please give me your output

 

I recently going through 2 month breakup with ex wife , and Ex Father inlaw came past to day and told me quick update , i told him" i dont wanna know , whats going on in her life , and what she is doing , and besides she got a new BF and happy and proud of him and he opens doors for her and showers her with perfume " , which i heard and that made me angry because i used to do that to her when i was courting her and now after 12yrs , well we were married for 5 yrs and seperated last year and i tried to reconcile with her , but 2 months ago , she told me that she was going on this blind date , and i though nothing off it , and the the day i was by the friends place his wife still asked me why arent u not going to the theather 2night so i told her , that she told me she was going with friends and meeting a guy , i thought cool , and never thought it would happen .

 

And to my amazement that night she told me , that she never wanted to see mee agian and she met this wonderful ,amazing guy last night and that she is in love with him ?

 

Ok i said fine and thats where im at 2months no contact ,back to square 1 ( so much for second chances ) and her Dad rocks up at my place and gives me n up date ( me and the dad very close , helping him out on many occations when the Exs mom kicked the dad out and didnt have place to stay ) anyway told me that she got new car and she introduced him to her new friend. The new BF

 

I told him i wanted to make it work , but she tihink the grass is greenier on the other side and i told her dad i cant do anything about it , that shes moved on , and so have i , But im Dredding the day when i bump into them . i dont think i would be able to handle it. Her dad still said to me " wait untill she hit her head one day , then she ll realize that , its too late " and by then i will have moved on ...

 

Anyway her dad still told me that hes not , too happy about this new guy and doesnt support her on this new guy and if she ever marrys him that he would skip town.

 

My point is its sad how i got replaced so quickly and tried to reconcile with her and , now that she got a new car , new bf to show off she does`nt need me , by the way she was my 1st love marreid 5yrs and went out 7yrs no kids.Count my blessing.

 

MY One Friend still told me that one day she will be calling me when i leased expect it , i told him thats bull sh*T , she`s a very strong independent woman , she would never call me ever , it will be a blow to her ego no that she found a new bf she`s happy with him why would she ever break the NC contact to guys think its true what my friend said ?

 

How can some one move on so quickly ? wow im hurt .

IS this a rebound for her ?

she does`nt know the differance between love and infuatuated, guess shes just inn the "honeymoon peroid "

tornandmarried Established Member

tornandmarried

Posted
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she proably will contact u one day...or u contact her and shell proably respond, catch up on things...give it a few years..unless u treated her abusivly shelll run and hide...but if u was good to her shell be happy to hear from you...but shes actually doing u a favor....its the crazed guilty ones that are desperate to keep in touch

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heartbroken301 Member

heartbroken301

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she proably will contact u one day...or u contact her and shell proably respond, catch up on things...give it a few years..unless u treated her abusivly shelll run and hide...but if u was good to her shell be happy to hear from you...but shes actually doing u a favor....its the crazed guilty ones that are desperate to keep in touch

 

 

hi thanks for the reply , i never abused her nor did i ever laid my hand on her when we got in to a huge arguement.At this point in time i surppose im very angry at her and all i have towards her is hate and resentment.

 

i was told by her DAd one day she ll knock her head really head , but then it would be too late , best advice for u , is to move on , and thats what im doing right now , but 1stly i feel im not ready for another relationship right now i need to get my life in order at the moment.

 

Frankly she really messed me up the 1 month after she told me about the blind date, and thats she`s falling in love with the new guy , that really hurt me. if u love someone so much set them free , if they dont return let them be , and if they dont come back then u know it was never meant to be.

 

I lived with her for 5 years i know , she`ll be tired of the new guy very quuickly , because its a phase for her , like she enjoys buying new clothes , but when then novelty where`s off she gets another . i`ve seen this pattern over and over with her

 

My question is will she ever break the NC and ask for forgiveness and say Ive mad a mistake and would like to try and make the marriage work again ?

 

has this ever happends before ?

tank Established Member

tank

Posted
Posted

HB, I know this is a bad moment in your life but you need to focus on yourself. You need to take care of you. Her dad is giving you updates, you dont think hes keeping her informed of your state of mind. I know it will be hard but force yourself to appear happy whenever out or around mutual friends and her dad. Go to the gym, get in better shape, go out with friends, you dont have to date, but you do have to get back to living. She will open her eyes at some point, but if she does and sees the same old you, she will close her eyes and move on. You need to get in shape, dress to impress. Go buy some new clothes, new cologne etc. Fill your schedule with nights out. Continue NC, but make sure her dad sees you happy, and even hint to dates you have been on. good luck and keep us posted. YOU ARE HE IMPORTANT ONE HERE! focus on you.

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heartbroken301 Member

heartbroken301

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thank you , i have .. had a date yesterday with a woulderfull lady. See seems very nice and that but speaking to her she just has a few family issuses , she lives with her family still (25 ) but yesterday we chatted and had a long converstion , and hope i can build a new realtionship with her its just gonna take time.

 

I Have been hitting the gym i even lost 10kg and look even better according to my friends, im 98 now , and just working on my self and business , but WHy do i think of the Ex and her NEw Guy ?

 

the next time when i do meet up with my EX father inlaw i`ll tell him not to remind me of his daughter cause its gonning to bring all repressed felling agian ,and i`m going to feel angry agian.

 

My Question Is Do u guys think that the Ex will ever contacty me in the Future when the "Honeymoon phase wheres off " ?" does that happen

tank Established Member

tank

Posted
Posted

She will most definitly contact you in the future. What happens then will be up to you.

 

You need to stop crying on her dad's shoulder. He could be feeding her all of the stuff you tell him. Its natural, she is his daughter. You need to tell him your doing great, that your happy, you are dating and having a lot of fun. Trust me, you want him to think that your life has never been better. Cause he will tell her. If she thinks she has you waiting in the wing for her, whats her motivation to think about this and possible come back? There is none. Now if she thinks you are moving on with your life and having fun and there is a chance some other girl will snap you up, well she will have to think twice about it.

 

Make sure you are improving your life for you. No matter what you will be ok. Dont tell her dad anything other than you are happy and having fun.

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heartbroken301 Member

heartbroken301

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Thank you Tank for clearing that up too me , This Weekend I went Out with a friend too a awesome restuarant and had a fantastic time , but the thing is when i got there i was little nerves cause i was looking for the ex and if anty of her friends saw me .. i dont now why im doing that , just that i know she with another guy and just this date seems to be bringing up repressed memories with her.

 

Im also trying to forget her by hating her with anger ,that shes with another guy , but dont you think that this will just turn in to emotional games ?

 

Please Bareinmind that we already Divorced and we havent spoken in 3 months and i havent seen her in 3 months , Would i just prevoke the whole situation her . IM trying to avoid her and the places she hangs out to.

Edited by heartbroken301
  • 2 weeks later...
tank Established Member

tank

Posted
Posted

Whether your divorced or not, she will still contact you. She is enjoying her freedom. Keep moving on with your life. Fix the issues that I hope you have identified that contributed to the marriage failure.

 

So take care of yourself, change the things you have identified as issues and focus on your life.

 

If your not ready to date then dont date. Just go out with your friends, have some fun. Do things you used to do when you were single.

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heartbroken301 Member

heartbroken301

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on monday i met a clent of mine which is her cleint as well, and told me that she`s dating someone else and loving it , opens doors for her , bought her perfume , etc , so i stop may cleint and said to her please dont tell me anything about her. " its her life and i dont care and i have moved on and havent spoken / seen her about 3 months and im doing great ! "

 

the the client told me " wow she moved on really quickly hey, i thought u guy would have reconciled " .

 

 

" so i told her me too , but its her life and she choose not to be with me and i have moved on aswell " and that was it .

 

but i never mentioned to the client that i have already , process seeing another women , i know she will tell the Ex.

but thats not my problem.

 

 

if ever she contacts me in the future what do i say to her / how do i react if she calls - guess im so angry that i`ve been replaced that i might swear her over the phone one day if she ever calls me ...:mad:

tank Established Member

tank

Posted
Posted

you handled that just fine. Dont offer up any info other than your happy. Never let them think your still missing her. Just that your life is good. You have a couple pf prospects, nothing serious but your out having fun.

 

Stay focused, if you get angry and yell at her, you will just push her away. Focus on you. Change the things you need changing. If your dating, open the doors, give lots of attention. Do the things your spouse needed but you didnt provide. Pay attention to the reactions of the other women. Learn what works and doesnt. Just dont date 1 person, as you will be setting yourself up for disappointment as well as being un fair to the other person.

 

Work on you, go to the gym as much as you can to work out the anger. I find starting the day at the gym helps keep me positive all day long. I may not give the best advise, but i am still focusing on me and my goal is to reunite my family under 1 roof. Whether i make it or not, the journey has been filled with lots of ups and downs, but I have learned from everyone of them.

 

Hang in there, and keep bettering yourself.

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