bluemoon1514 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Hi I am new here. i have been going through a divorce since Nov 2009 my husband told me on thanksgiving. My ex now had his GF living with him and her kids also, I have 2 boys as well. I guess what i am wondering is when does it get easier. When can I just wake up and be happy again. I mean i dont care that he has someone. I just feel like I keep getting the short end of the deal. I am the one that comes home alone and i thought it would get eaiser but it seems to get harder and harder. I guess i am just looking for advise on how to make things a little be easier. and when does it get better. thanks
feelingfine Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 oh Bluemoon...that is the million dollar question!! And it indeed adds insult to injury when they have moved on and or in with that new someone special. Everyone is different...for sure. Some lucky ones are happy to be rid of them, and then those of us abandoned and shocked it takes a LONG time. I am over 1.5 yrs into separation and still working on it. Some good days and some bad. Keep posting here...we will support you and everyone so we can all get thru this without totally loosing our minds. therapy???? It's a good thing! And a little Merlot from time to time doesn't hurt.
Author bluemoon1514 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 Sometimes i fine and sometimes i am not. its not even like i am that mad that he has someone.... i think i more mad or upset that he is the one that walked out and now has someone. and i am here with no one. thank you so much.....and yes wine does not hurt from time to time
2.50 a gallon Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Bluemoon It might help if we knew a little more about you and your situation. How old are your boys? Are you working? Is the OW the one you mention in another thread? Are you able to get out at times and do things, say with your girl friends? One of the first steps towards healing is to simply move on in life. Find something that you enjoy and do it. It can be an acitivity, a hobby, or maybe furthering you education. Anything that gets your mind away from you problems seems to help
Fouts Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 What's the short end of the deal? Is it because you haven't met someone yet? If that's the case, just keep in mind you have kids at home, it takes time. Take the opportunity to go out and flirt a bit, get some attention for yourself without the relationship aspect of a new boyfriend. Perhaps it'll boost your spirits in the short term until the time is right.
Author bluemoon1514 Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 Bluemoon It might help if we knew a little more about you and your situation. How old are your boys? Are you working? Is the OW the one you mention in another thread? Are you able to get out at times and do things, say with your girl friends? One of the first steps towards healing is to simply move on in life. Find something that you enjoy and do it. It can be an acitivity, a hobby, or maybe furthering you education. Anything that gets your mind away from you problems seems to help My boys are 8 and 3 (almost 4) Yes I do work full time. I do get out with a gf by they are all married and its hard for them to relate to what I am going though sometimes. I have tried to fine something that works to get my mind off what is going on but I just cant. My head is just so with fog that i cant seem to get out of it.
Author bluemoon1514 Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 What's the short end of the deal? Is it because you haven't met someone yet? If that's the case, just keep in mind you have kids at home, it takes time. Take the opportunity to go out and flirt a bit, get some attention for yourself without the relationship aspect of a new boyfriend. Perhaps it'll boost your spirits in the short term until the time is right. Not so much that i have not ment anyone yet...it just seems that he walked out and he looks great to all around him. He walks around like oh look at me I left my Wife in NO and In july i have a new GF living with me. when it was me who left the house beacuse I could not stand the thought of the 2 of them being there when I was not there on the weekends he had the kids. I guess that is what I mean
Confused9 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I think the first 9-12 months are just a roller coaster of emotions. No matter what you do, you could be fine the next moment and then devastated the next. I think it's just the norm. I kept myself busy, worked 2 jobs (not by choice but by debt he left me with) and due to that I met new friends and after abotu a year I started having fun again. I think we are so shocked and sad and confused that it's just so hard for us to get a grip on our new life and we are so stuck in the inbetween it s*cks. Then we have to think abotu their new life and how 'lucky' they are to be in love, etc. We get delt a sh*tty hand and it doesn't seem fair, so for me, I had a hard time dealing with the fact that all is NOT fair at the end of a relationship. Why did he get to live happily ever after when I was just a shell of my old self hanging by a thread. I too didn't have anyone to relate to this as I was 27 and all my freind were starting to get married, not breakup so I found coming on here to be the best bet for me to find people who understood and I would talk to the older folks I worked with or my friends parent's or my mom. It really is a sh*tty situation and I feel for you. I am very sorry this has happened to you and I hope that you will find some comfort soon. MAybe there is a support group in your area or you can do individual therapy? I know anytime I could talk about it...it helped me. I'm very sorry, I hope you feel better soon!
Confused9 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Not so much that i have not ment anyone yet...it just seems that he walked out and he looks great to all around him. He walks around like oh look at me I left my Wife in NO and In july i have a new GF living with me. when it was me who left the house beacuse I could not stand the thought of the 2 of them being there when I was not there on the weekends he had the kids. I guess that is what I mean I didn't start dating for 2 years after and that was about a year ago. I wasn't ready until then and I am glad I didn't meet my b/f until then, as I would have missed otu on something amazing!
willowthewisp Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I feel the same. It's been a year and half for me and my X now has a new GF also. It bothers me that he gets to be happy and I don't when he did this. I understand what you mean and where you are coming from. As for when it gets better, well I wish I knew. I just started IC and whilst gruelling, it does seem to be helping so far. My counsellor says I have turned my anger inwards onto myself. I haven't been able to get angry with my X for what he did yet and I think maybe that may be a turning point when I finally do? Perhaps some IC would help you also? Other than that I think a new hobbie or interest, something to occupy the mind and build your self esteem. I know going back to school helped me a lot and I am just about to start a new sport. I want to move on now, whereas before I wanted him back (although I still do sometimes). Is that a turning point? I hope so, I am so sick of feeling this pain.
Author bluemoon1514 Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 I know what you mean.... and i think that is a truning point that you dont want him back i never really wanted him back..but i just dont get it how some can just move on like it was nothing. I mean were married for 10 years and We dated for about 5 before that. Maybe some can just move on and not think about the past.
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