alliance_820 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 So, after 18 months of a long distance relationship, my girlfriend broke it off. She said "things dont quite feel the same", and that she has a ton of other stuff in her life going on that only I know about. I've talked to her friends, and they say that they just dont think shes ready for a long term committed relationship, which i could see. Our communication was becoming more forced as opposed to naturally talking everyday, and she even said during the breakup that she thought she might be pushing away. I'm 20, shes 18 and a freshman in college by the way. It sucks because there are so many signs that point to her still having feelings for me. She said, you cant just stop loving someone, and she started crying the second she started talking about breaking up. She also asked for "one last kiss" which points towards her not being just all of a sudden over me. My take on it is this, she's overwhelmed with college and everything else going on, and the distance with me makes it even harder. She ended up saying "its so hard, but i know this is the right thing to do." Basically, I need some advice. I called her exactly 1 week after it happened and said ive done a lot of thinking, and maybe we just need a break. She pretty much said i dont know what you want me to say, and we talked for about 5 minutes after that, then that was it. At this point, what should I do? I think I need to just not talk to her for awhile and hope she contacts me. It sucks to have to do that, but in time i'll either get over her as much as i can, or she'll realize she misses what we had and hopefully let me know and tell me. Is this the right thing to do?
j0sh Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 It's not very often where I get to tell a person that they did EXACTLY the right thing. But thats pretty much what you did. The No Contact rule is pretty much the motto around here for one reason! IT WORKS! So keep it up, me and my now wife did the whole long distance thing for a long time!! and believe it or not I WAS the one who stupidly ended it! and we both did the same thing your doing and kind of let things settle for a while then come back and re-visit things when we both have a level head. Thats the key, you have to completely remove yourself from the situation.
Author alliance_820 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 wow, thanks. Thats what im really hoping, that if i give it time something will happen. And if not, I figure thats the best way to get over it. I thought I might have made a mistake by calling her and talking about it after only a week, but now I think that just getting everything out there was good. Now it's up to chance, and if it's meant to be it'll be. The only problem with no contact is that we met through the same group of friends, and we both still hangout with that group. I'm away at college right now and they're mostly back home, so hopefully I can avoid contact long enough to give us both enough thinking time.
Author alliance_820 Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 Also, i know that no contact is recommended on here, but i have some questions. My situation is long distance, not to long but a few hours. We go to different schools, live in different towns, and now we wont be talking at all. Do you guys really think no contact is best, or do you think maybe just keeping in touch once every 2 weeks would be better? I feel like with keeping in contact theres a chance she gets over me faster and i get friend zoned, but at the same time i dont want her to completely forget about me, as i fear could happen with no contact. So would maybe just asking her about things and talking as a friend every 2 weeks or so help her remember her feelings for me better, or would no contact make her miss what we had more? And would talking to her once in awhile help her friend zone me faster? Thanks for your help guys.
Author alliance_820 Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 (edited) It's not very often where I get to tell a person that they did EXACTLY the right thing. But thats pretty much what you did. The No Contact rule is pretty much the motto around here for one reason! IT WORKS! So keep it up, me and my now wife did the whole long distance thing for a long time!! and believe it or not I WAS the one who stupidly ended it! and we both did the same thing your doing and kind of let things settle for a while then come back and re-visit things when we both have a level head. Thats the key, you have to completely remove yourself from the situation. are you saying no contact works, as in its the best chance you have of getting her back? Or its the best way of forgetting about her? Sorry for the multiple posts, im just trying to fully understand the situation and the advice being given to me. That, and explain the situation as clearly as i can right now. Edited October 5, 2010 by alliance_820
j0sh Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Even if you are in contact every 2 hours, it still makes you accessible whenever she wants, and that pretty much just keeps everything in the same light. Nothing ever changes for her. In the end its your call but I say stick with NC.
Author alliance_820 Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 I agree with you. If i talk to her she wont have anything to miss. If she does still have some feelings for me the best way to get her to realize it is NC, then she'll have something to miss.
durkadurka Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Hey buddy, if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to shoot me a message. I was in a similar situation, my ex moved away and I tried to support her. After a few months she just moved on. The change in scenery kind of pushed me into the background. I know what it's like.
Author alliance_820 Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 i may not be able to send private messages yet, idk. The thing is, we did a whole year of long distance fine. But I really think with everything going on in her life right now combined with the distance, it just kinda made it too hard for her. Like i said in my first post, she asked for one last kiss when she broke up with me. From everyone ive talked to ive gotten the same answer, you dont do that if you dont still have feelings. So as painful as it is, im trying NC. I need to do something to try to get her to miss what we had. Talking to her daily wont do that, so this has to be done. Im hoping after awhile she'll contact me. If not, when i do go back to her town, which is where i live during the summer, i'll probably ask her to lunch or something as friends and take it from there. I hate how long of a process this is, but its the only way.
durkadurka Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 i may not be able to send private messages yet, idk. The thing is, we did a whole year of long distance fine. But I really think with everything going on in her life right now combined with the distance, it just kinda made it too hard for her. Like i said in my first post, she asked for one last kiss when she broke up with me. From everyone ive talked to ive gotten the same answer, you dont do that if you dont still have feelings. So as painful as it is, im trying NC. I need to do something to try to get her to miss what we had. Talking to her daily wont do that, so this has to be done. Im hoping after awhile she'll contact me. If not, when i do go back to her town, which is where i live during the summer, i'll probably ask her to lunch or something as friends and take it from there. I hate how long of a process this is, but its the only way. My ex invited me to stay with her for 2 weeks, then said she wished I'd stayed longer after I returned home. She even asked to go with her brother and I to my place in Hawaii later this year. Romance gives way to practicality unfortunately. If she comes to miss it she will do it on her own. If you try and manipulate or push her into missing you, the opposite will happen.
Author alliance_820 Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 which is why NC is best. Im doing ok with it so far, it just isnt easy. If its meant to be itll be, i just have to give it time.
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