alexlakeman Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 What is everyone's thought on this? When you have casual sex or sex with an fwb you typically use a condom to lower the risk of stds. I have to say that the fwb's I typically don't use protection, but I've alwasy had a history with my FWBs, so am more comfortable. So here's the question. Do you just not give or receive ORAL when having this type of sexual encounter? It's never made sense to me; you wear a condom and protect yourseld, but you make out (there goes bodily fluids exchange), and oral; do you just NOT give or receive oral? If you do , then that defeated the purpose of the condom in the first place. Thoughts?
Cee Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 You can contract every STD via oral sex, but risk is lower than other types of sex. Here's a primer on the risks of oral sex for every STD, with more detailed focus on HIV. http://www.avert.org/oral-sex.htm It's up to you what you want to do with the info. All I can tell you is about 15-20% of all people have herpes 2 & prevalence of HPV among women is extremely high (25% - 40%). But not all strains of HPV cause warts or cancer. And most strains of HPV don't effect men, except the nasty warts kind. Also, to scare you more...STD testing is not foolproof. I tested negative for herpes, but my doctor said that it's hard to test for herpes b/c there might not adequate viral load in the blood. He basically said that if I'm not having symptoms, I probably don't have it. I'm probably clean. That's comforting.
Mad Max Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 It's always best to get tested before the first encounter. Condoms mean sh*t when it comes to herpes and HPV. And blood tests can spot herpes. If you want to lower your chances of getting an STD, only have sex in a committed relationship and have your partner tested for STDs prior to the first sexual encounter.
Star Gazer Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 It's always best to get tested before the first encounter. Condoms mean sh*t when it comes to herpes and HPV. And blood tests can spot herpes. If you want to lower your chances of getting an STD, only have sex in a committed relationship and have your partner tested for STDs prior to the first sexual encounter. But even getting tested before your first sexual encounter doesn't necessarily mean you're clean unless it's been a while since you last had any sexual contact, because it can take a while for certain STDs to show up in your system. So if you last had sex last week or even a couple weeks ago, a negative test today doesn't necessarily mean you're clean. 3 months, and it's a better indicator. In all honesty, my most recent full battery of tests was probably the only time in my life where I was really confident of the negative results, just because it had been a while since I last had sex... Tests aside, it's always a matter of trust. I pretty much operate on the "Is this person worth the INHERENT RISK (because like you said, condoms don't protect against everything)?" No FWB is worth that risk to me, hence why I now only had sex within a committed relationship.
Gattica Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 No oral w/o condom within an FWB situation. Tis funny you ask, I explained this to man that until he got tested, there will be no intercourse OR oral sex w/o condoms and he just didn't get it. He kept saying that he understood the intercourse part, but not the oral sex. I found that hard to believe! LOL Let's just say, once those words were out of my mouth, he no longer had a use for me! I agree with SG about inherent risk and I also agree that an FWB isn't worth that risk. I tested that a few months ago with the fella I am speaking about in the above paragraph. I REALLY wanted to have sex with him, but the fact that he doesn't have sex w/ condoms and he didn't feel the need for testing...well, you know the rest. I can't believe that there are people that still conduct their sexual lives in such a manner. Needless to say, he is now getting laid by some other woman and I am still not having sex! At least, I am not worried whether or not I have a clean bill of health. I just wish I didn't know about his sex life...
CrestfallenNoMore Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Tests aside, it's always a matter of trust. I pretty much operate on the "Is this person worth the INHERENT RISK (because like you said, condoms don't protect against everything)?" No FWB is worth that risk to me, hence why I now only had sex within a committed relationship. This pretty much sums it up. Why anyone would have sex with someone who wasn't exclusive with them is just one of those things I cannot wrap my head around.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Do you just not give or receive ORAL when having this type of sexual encounter? It's never made sense to me; you wear a condom and protect yourseld, but you make out (there goes bodily fluids exchange), and oral; do you just NOT give or receive oral? If you do , then that defeated the purpose of the condom in the first place. Thoughts? My thoughts are, that you likely need a lot more understanding as to the risk differences between giving and receiving oral sex in a heterosexual encounter.
Author alexlakeman Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 I am pretty clean myself... I get full STD (including herpes) every 6 months or so, and each time in between g/fs... I did date someone who had herpes, so I am pretty well versed on catching it, does she have sores, etc... BUT, as life is , nothing in life is guaranteed My thoughts are, that you likely need a lot more understanding as to the risk differences between giving and receiving oral sex in a heterosexual encounter. Huh? I am very clear on what's an std, lol... my q was just to hear what the men were doing with the scenario I listed, not what I should do, lol...
AverageJoe Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Condoms are mandatory with me, period. I am more worried about getting someone knocked up than anything and I dont give a rats ass what a gal might say in regards to her using some type of bc. You have a higher rate of dying in a car accident on your way to work, than catching std's. I am still going to drive to work everyday, I am also not going to stop having sex out of fear. Keep your head on a swivel and pay the hell attention to indicators of the person you are with. Can it happen? Sure can, but use some goddamn common sense.
Star Gazer Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 You have a higher rate of dying in a car accident on your way to work, than catching std's. This is absolutely not true.
AverageJoe Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I appreciate you being an outstanding scholar in statistics, I dont even care for you to back it up. Ever heard of a euphemism?
Star Gazer Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I appreciate you being an outstanding scholar in statistics, I dont even care for you to back it up. Ever heard of a euphemism? Yes, and you didn't use a euphemism. It's just quite dangerous and irresponsible to even suggest that you're more likely to die driving to work than to catch an STD. 1 in 5 Americans has genital herpes, but clearly faaaaaaaaar fewer than that die driving to work. Is there a reason you don't care about becoming infected??
AverageJoe Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Is there a reason you don't care about becoming infected?? Point out where I said I didnt care. Are you just wanting to argue with me or something? Jesus.
Star Gazer Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Point out where I said I didnt care. Are you just wanting to argue with me or something? Jesus. You said everyone should use common sense. Well, unless a person already has the STDs in question and therefore no longer cares about catching them, common sense would suggest that they not be so flippant about the risks of catching STDs so as to equate them to dying in an unlikely car crash on their way to work. I just think it's really irresponsible to present reality that way, and thought maybe you didn't know just how common they are. But your response again tells me you're not interested in knowing/understanding/stating the truth. But thank you for the reminder that there are plenty of people with this type of "common sense"... It'll help keep me faaaaaar away from casual sex. *shrug*
AverageJoe Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 But your response again tells me you're not interested in knowing/understanding/stating the truth. Correct, not your version of truth. I know its alien to you because you think its strange for those of us that enjoy casual sex, I believe I have seen you say things to that affect. I think you even used this icon. I could be wrong, difficult to keep up. I am quite comfortable in my lifestyle choice and I am well aware of potential risks. I live it and you dont, so you wouldnt be an ideal candidate to comment. So far so good and I have been doing it for a while now by paying attention and being responsible and of course regular check ups. Thanks for your concern though I appreciate it.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I am very clear on what's an std Sorry, but I never wrote anything about your not knowing what an STD is.
Disillusioned Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 What is everyone's thought on this? My idea of a friend with benefits is someone with health insurance and a 401K.
40 Fonzarelli Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Honestly, who really gets tested before becoming exclusive? Its a bit much if you ask me.
Awesome Username Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Condoms are mandatory with me, period. I am more worried about getting someone knocked up than anything and I dont give a rats ass what a gal might say in regards to her using some type of bc. Smart smart smart smart smart! I know two cases where a woman lied to a man about taking birth control and thought that having his baby would keep him (and his money) around. The amount of men that just take this excuse and go unprotected in FWBs is staggering to me. Also, Birth control is not foolproof. Is it REALLY that much of a buzzkill to wrap it up for most guys?
Mad Max Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Honestly, who really gets tested before becoming exclusive? Its a bit much if you ask me. You'll be singing a completely different tune if you get something. Condoms aren't 100%. Herpes and high risk HPV spread even with condoms and STDs can easily be asymptomatic.
40 Fonzarelli Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 You'll be singing a completely different tune if you get something. Condoms aren't 100%. Herpes and high risk HPV spread even with condoms and STDs can easily be asymptomatic. Then I guess casual sex is out the window. So is kissing since you can get herpes from that as well.
Gattica Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Honestly, who really gets tested before becoming exclusive? Its a bit much if you ask me. Who trusts someone b4 they are willing to get tested? I don't. I don't have sex until we are exclusive anyway. It is a VERY good way to weed out shady people. If you have nothing to hide and you REALLY want to have sex with a person...It shouldn't be an issue. I have been told before that we are exclusive and yet the guy still doesn't want to get tested. Whether he is lying that he has other women on the side or he has an STD and doesn't want me to find out about it, doesn't matter. If he doesn't get tested...there are plenty of fish in the sea that don't seem to give a rat's ass about their health. He can go "catch" one of them.
Gattica Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Then I guess casual sex is out the window. So is kissing since you can get herpes from that as well. If they have a cold sore...I won't be kissing them until it is gone. It is common sense.
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