TeyuhT Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I'm a 28 year old who was dating a 20 year old. I was her first boyfriend and serious relationship. I love and care for her deeply. Of course I can say her personality is ahead of her time and that's why we were together for almost 2 years. A month ago we broke up for a second time after the first break up 4 months ago. The problem was, we never sat down and work out the problems why we broke up in the first place. That lead to the second break up. I was upset in the fact that she brought a guy friend over to watch movies because they're "movie buffs". I think anyone would feel me on this issue because the movie things is what dating couples do. She didn't even include me in the plan. And because of that, I tried to reason with her and explained why I was so upset about it. She didn't bother listening and was insisting to go on with her plan. I let my emotions get in the way and called for a break up. She was fine with it. To sum things up, I have regret the decision to break up but it happened and it is what it is. But there's always two sides to a story and I admit my faults. She just don't think she did anything wrong and say that I'm better off without her. I know she thinks we can't work things out but we truly care and love each other a lot. I have been hurting losing her. I've been trying my best to be as cool as I can about the whole break up. But I really don't wanna lose her and the second time we break up is just as hard as the first. I won her back the first time. I want to do it again. Should I?
Don Ho Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Um..... no. Sorry Bro, she's made it pretty clear she's not that into you. I don't think it's cool she had a guy friend over for movies, inappropriate. Then you broke up with her and she was OK with it. Bad sign. I think you're in love with her, but she's not with you. I think you're asking for more heartache if you try to continue with this one. Good luck.
Billie The Puppet Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Actually I have to disagree with not allowing a guy friend watch movies. What you allow her todo with other guys only makes you look better, complaining about it is a sign of insecurity. The only exception is any fondeling, sexual tension or innuendoes but just watching a film is not the worst crime. I don't think that constitute a cheating attempt. As for a 3rd chance I'm in the same situation the second chance came easy because she wanted a "break" she took it but only seldomly 1 weekend apart and always called. Got back together without discussing the problems other than I had to help out more in which I did tenfold then bam a break up. I think the chances are exponential each time increasing with difficulty.
rattled Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 (edited) Actually I have to disagree with not allowing a guy friend watch movies. What you allow her todo with other guys only makes you look better, complaining about it is a sign of insecurity. The only exception is any fondeling, sexual tension or innuendoes but just watching a film is not the worst crime. I don't think that constitute a cheating attempt. As for a 3rd chance I'm in the same situation the second chance came easy because she wanted a "break" she took it but only seldomly 1 weekend apart and always called. Got back together without discussing the problems other than I had to help out more in which I did tenfold then bam a break up. I think the chances are exponential each time increasing with difficulty. Be weary, my friend. During my 5 year relationship, I was the type of bf who allowed everything and trusted her with no reserves. At first I thought exactly what you said, "made me look better". What started happening during the decline? She started hanging out and seeing movies with other guys more often. Worse than that, I used to DRIVE her to go meet up with her so-called "guy friends". I trusted both parties. Nearing the end of the first break-up she actually confided in one of them and made out with him. So where was my mistake? Trusting too much? Now I have none whatsoever. Edited October 4, 2010 by rattled
Billie The Puppet Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 It's a double edged sword go to far one way and you are controlling, go to far the other way and they may be in a position to cheat but if you trust your SO you shouldn't have a problem with this. I did say with in reason if your SO crosses the line then it's a problem but it is better to allow th freedom than it is to control what they do. Like I said movies etc is not a big deal, now French kissing, fondling, cuddling, sexual intercourse, sexual foreplay that may result from being together to watch the film definitely would cross the line. However if any of that were to happen it's not your fault for giving your SO the freedom it's theirs for violating your trust and if you don't have trust is a relationship worth keeping?
rattled Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 In my case it was the movie that led to the action. But you are absolutely right it's not worth keeping. But the OP has already voiced his concern, got no reassurance from his SO, in fact ignored it and kept moving. To me that's a red flag. Not so much watching the movie itself, but to ignore the concerns of those you care for is a no no. Like Billy has said, it's a double edge sword. But from now on I rather be safe than sorry.
Don Ho Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I know what you're saying about the guy friend Billy and not looking insecure, I just think it's inappropriate. I don't think you or I would have a FF over to watch movies without our GF. SHE should have realized it's not really cool and not invited the guy friend. It would make someone wonder what kind of intentions she has with that guy.
Billie The Puppet Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I know what you're saying about the guy friend Billy and not looking insecure, I just think it's inappropriate. I don't think you or I would have a FF over to watch movies without our GF. SHE should have realized it's not really cool and not invited the guy friend. It would make someone wonder what kind of intentions she has with that guy. That's where it gets completely weird. During the beginning stage of my last relationship my ex called me while she was on vacation. I happened to be out at a pool hall with a few friends one of which was an engaged female friend and her fiancé was in attendance too. My gf ( now an ex ) was already having a terrible night and she flipped on me. I told her she can trust me in which she replied it's not you I don't trust it is her I know how women are. Fast forward to a couple months ago I find an email from my ex to her current boss literally a week after we discuss engagement. I confronted her about it and we are now broken up. Can I blame this because I gave her too much freedom? I don't think I can I did break her trust logging into her email. The content I saw I can't change but I can certainly say perhaps we may not have been broken up if I never accussed her if cheating/ broke her trust. Has I been controlling it would have pushed her away too. If someone is going to cheat they are going to cheat. Heck even after my matter I still would like to work things out with my ex but it's not my choice and is out of my hands now. Afaik the email has yet to be acted on. My current ex and I both share a fair share of insecurities so no I wouldn't have a FF over with out her if we were still in a relationship however in other relationships I have had I could without bothering my SO. I think if one develops insecurities in a relation the other will too.
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