TomerT Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Hi all, Short summary: my x-gf cheated on me with her x-bf, I knew about it ~1 months later (when she came back from her vacation and I came to the airport to meet her and saw them together). Few days later she called me crying saying she is confused, don't know how it's happened, asked if there is still a chance I will take her back..blah blah blah.... Frankly, I really love(d) her and probably would give her a second chance, but I would expect some real actions from her side and not just "I am sorry". Meanwhile she still with her X (funny..., I am her X now, not him...but you got the point). Last week she called me, but I blocked her number with automatic msg. that the number is disconnected. She called me again few days ago, I still blocked her number with another automatic msg. where I said that she really hurt me (in case she didn't realize it), nevertheless I forgive her, respect her decision to get back with her X, said her goodbye and wished her good luck in the future... Now, I have two goals: 1) I want her back if not, at least 2) I want her to realize that she made a wrong decision and deeply sorry about it. Two questions: 1) If I'm not answering her calls - what she can conclude from this ? Of course, the most naive conclusion is "he hates me and don't want to talk to me". But the truth it, I am tired of her words, I want some actions (she knows it, I told her so many times "Actions speak loader than words". She still knows how to find me (she knows where I live and work) and it's only 5-10 mins form her. Is it too much to expect from her ? To make this extra effort, to come to me, look into my eyes (which she always said she loved) and say to me what she wants to say to my face and not over the phone ? Is it too much to ask after what she did ? 2) I almost sure she may call me again sometime soon (may be I wrong though), but still, I want to be prepared. So I prepared this automatic reply: Hon', if you called me to say "I'm sorry" again, first of all don't be, since this is what you wanted. Actualy, I am the one who sorry for not being the Man who could eventually make you happy. Even if it still hurts me I respect your decison completely cut me out of your life without even seeing and talking with me first. I do my best to keep my promise not to be an interference to your life. Don't worry, I am not angry at you, coz as I always told you, you should do what is good for you first; and this what you did. I still can not stop thinking about you and promise to remember you as the most beautiful, sexy, funny, loving, carrying girl I ever been with. No doubt you were my world, but I accept the fact that you are forever gone. From all my heart, wish you all the best. P.S. hope you will remember how we 'colored' 3 times in one hour and my favorite ZZZZ-icecream (<-- remark: she knows exactly what I mean) I don't want to sound pathetic and clingy, but still don't want to shut the door completely (I could say "don't call me ever again")...yet.... I want her to be really really sorry and sad about herself and what she did. Will it do it ? You opinion very appreciated.
Don Ho Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Bro, just STOP with the auto messages, including the latest one you've prepared. She didn't know how it happened? Um, she took her clothes off for another man and spread her legs, that's how. Bro, she CHEATED on you with her Ex and is still with him!! WTF are you thinking. Not to be a prick, but you're acting like a total pussy. If you give her any auto message it should ONLY say: "You made your decision and cheated, I am done. Do not contact me again".
Banega100 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 yeah she was dishonest. She didn't/doesn't care about you enough to break up with you first. the above will do, if you must contact her at all.
Author TomerT Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 Please notice - I am not calling her... She is the one who is calling me - may be she actually wants to meet to talk with me, but I prevent this from both of us ? On the other hand, I never told her "go away"....I supposed that if it is really something important she will find a way to meet me....Or is it too much to ask ? What hurts me more, is the way it's happened...If she would tell me: "I want try to fix my previous relationship" - I would the first one to say her "Go for it"...She perfectly knows it and still she did it the way she did it. I don't care how I sound, cause I decided that this woman will not be mother of my children, but I want her to feel really bad about what happened. At least half as much pain I felt during all this time...Also I pretty sure that eventually they will break up - cause on top of their previous problems now he is obsessively jealous about me and totally controlling her. Which I don't believe can hold for a long time. So, how do I do to make her feel really truly deeply sorry how she acted ? That's all what I want right now.
Kinder-Horror Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Why does your next message say you respect that she wants to cut you out of her life completely - when 1) obviously she doesn't or she wouldn't be calling you and 2) you don't because you want her back... Help me out here. Also - by not answering her calls, she will conclude you're over it (once you stop leaving cryptic auto messages) and she will get over it. And there's a legit chance you wont get her back
Author TomerT Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 Why does your next message say you respect that she wants to cut you out of her life completely - when 1) obviously she doesn't or she wouldn't be calling you and 2) you don't because you want her back... Help me out here. I will try to explain: 1) For my best knowledge, she is calling just to say "I'm sorry"...nothing more...not cause she really wants me back...may be she just wants me to "keep me around, just in case"...which is unacceptable... I don't believe her words anymore and expect to some real actions... 2) I do want her back, but she doesn't know it. I want her to want to come back to me...otherwise I think it just will never work...You can not force someone to love you, right ? So I thought by 'push-pull" strategy, she will want to come back to me... Also - by not answering her calls, she will conclude you're over it (once you stop leaving cryptic auto messages) and she will get over it. And there's a legit chance you wont get her back How many times not answering her phone may lead her to this conclusion ? Is it too much to expect just to come to me (she knows where I live and work) and talk ? I am tired of those phone conversations, that she always (!) finish first when we start talking about something important, saying "need to go, call you next time"...and then hanging me for another few days (or even weeks)...Is it normal phone conversation ?
Don Ho Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Bro, you're spending WAY too much time thinking about this. Do yourself a favor. Let it go and move on. You would take her back after she cheated and had another guy's unit in her? WTF are you thinking? Trying to think of ways to get back at her, make her feel bad or guilty is a total waste of time. Frankly you sound a bit immature. You need to man up and move on.
Don Ho Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 You probably right, Thanks Bro, I know it's not what you want to hear, that you want her back and you have all these feelings for her. I've been there, so I get it. I had an Ex that cheated on me, I took her back, and guess what? Yep, she did it again a few months later. A leopard NEVER changes his spots. Yes, I am right. It's best for you in the short and long run to move on with your life. Keep us posted.
Author TomerT Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 Bro, I know it's not what you want to hear, that you want her back and you have all these feelings for her. I've been there, so I get it. I had an Ex that cheated on me, I took her back, and guess what? Yep, she did it again a few months later. A leopard NEVER changes his spots. Yes, I am right. It's best for you in the short and long run to move on with your life. Keep us posted. I wish my mind had "On/Off" switch - trust me I would switch it Off without even thinking twice. I already comprehend that there is no future with this girl and she will never be mother of my kids (no matter what she does or says now), but still I keep thinking about her, wondering if she misses me...and still want at least to hug and kiss her goodbye. I have never chance to do it. Ye, I know, people sometime losing their love ones in car accidents, terror attacks - just like this. In the morning they kiss the person goodbye in the evening they bury them without even chance to say goodbye or understand what happened. This is how I feel now. I just don't understand how she could do it to me. But reading stories on this forum let me understand that my story is relatively "easy" and actually this "bitchiness" pattern is enrooted in women DNA, no matter their religion, nationality or culture. My mistake may be was that I "awake" this beast I know for sure that I also probably contributed to this mess.
Don Ho Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 still want at least to hug and kiss her goodbye. I have never chance to do it. Bro, this is not your elderly grandmother or your pet that passed away. You are not going to get to hug and kiss her goodbye. Let that one go. You're actually starting to sound like you're doing a bit better since you're not starting to realize her actions were a deal-breaker. Tough as it is, it really is best for you to start moving on. I'm sure you know the drill: get really busy, workout, have some coffee dates, buy new clothes, make new friends, get out to new places, socialize and so on.
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