nunyanunya Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 For history: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=16027 Greetings all! I wanted to post about my ongoing effort get healthy about my ex affair. Its been just over two years from my last post, and to summarize, I did not stick with NC until about a year after that. It got to the point where I needed to confide in a close friend, so that I could talk to someone about it when I would get weak. It hasn't been all roses however. I still haven't learned to love myself. This has been demonstrated by life events as a rather major issue for me. In regards to my ex, it is a potentially dangerous weakness because it feels easy to decide to initiate contact and try to recreate those old feelings of desire and worth. To the point, I've been weak and checked channels of communication, and (ashamedly) checked her fb wall a few times. I still would like to think I'd be strong enough to ignore her if she tries to re-initiate contact, but fortunately she seems to have vastly improved her circumstances and happiness to where I do not think she needs me as a crutch anymore. That is no excuse however, as in the IT industry the saying is, "Security by Obscurity is No Security". Once again, however, I find myself at the exit of another year long real real life relationship, oddly enough, asking myself the same kinds of questions I did at the ending of the last one, albeit with a thankfully less volatile head of hormones and emotions. I can say that during my relationship I did not feel a need to go back to the MW, nor initiate contact. I did not miss her. I think its not entirely fair to say that I don't now miss her, but in order to move on and grow, there's no way I could begin talking to her again. We can't be friends, no matter how happy we are. At least, I won't be able to be her friend without being reminded of our old private space, and that would instantly wipe out any progress I've made. I recognize that this is a phase of weakness for me, that I must use my mental and emotional tools to grow myself, and since they are weak I must find friends and family that I can lean on. I ultimately have to answer the hard questions myself, which I'll admit is scary because to not tackle them means stagnation or worse. I must use this time to learn to love myself. I am currently tempted by another real live potential love interest. There are many distractions and hurdles, but I know that if I can't get this **** together, I will end up wasting 3 quarters of my 20's!!! I've already wasted HALF. UGH! I post here not knowing what to ask really, only knowing that tonight I had the urge to check the MW's fb wall and succumbed to it. In retrospect, I don't know how I could have avoided letting the urge in, but I will start by trying to be more aware of it, and maybe post here instead. I hope someone finds this enlightening. I hope at least its me ;-)
TigerCub Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Hey nunya, Congrats on your progress You should be very proud of yourself. Not only for staying strong enough to do NC for 1 year, but also for recognizing that you have issues with your own self esteem, self love, self worth, etc. Your attitude about figuring out your own issues is very positive, and you sound so determined. I really hope that you do get the help you need to overcome your issues about not loving yourself enough. As for "being weak" and looking at her fb page. I don't think you're weak at all. I understand that urge and all you're doing is just kind of checkin in without talking to her. Its not like you're stalking her outside her home. You are strong, you're fighting the urge to contact her, you just miss her when you don't have any other R going on. I can certainly understand that. Keep doing what you're doing, stay strong, stay positive, and work on your own issues - you'll do great! Congrats again :bunny:
lizzibeth Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 It's really awesome to read a post like this. I hope that you continue to grow and heal and move on with your life. Well done!!
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