candlestick Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I know that this will sound very silly, and it makes me feel like a naive schoolgirl. I'm 18 and have fallen in love with a 23-year-old married man. When we met, I fell for the Open Relationship Lie. So, I was aware that he was married, but was under the distinct impression that his wife both knew about our involvement and was okay with it. In the meantime, I went tumbling head over heels for this guy. He has this incredible power over me that I cannot explain, and he knows it. When we met, I was freshly brokenhearted over the breakup of my first love. He took that opportunity, as well as my uncertainty about whether I was lesbian or bisexual, and treated me as a toy to be won. To add to this feeling of objectification, it came to light recently that his wife does not actually know about this relationship, nor are they in an open marriage. Since then, I have attempted multiple times to talk to him in a strictly platonic manner about the situation, only to be pressured into sex. Each time I would meet him, I explicitly stated that the meeting was simply to talk about what has happened, and that I did not want him to touch me. Now I feel dirty and used. I am racked with guilt and embarrassment. The most pressing issue, though, is that I don't trust myself to not give in to him. I have genuinely fallen in love with this jerk -- and while he claims the same, I'm not sure that it's not just a manipulative technique. What can I do to break this off when I'm so deep in it?
porter218 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Tell the wife all the details then you will likely not have to worry about it anymore. He doesn't care for you. He is only using you, and once he realizes that there are consequences with having sex with you he will find another to take advantage of. There is nothing you need to talk to him about. Talk to his wife...it will free you and may enlighten you.
whichwayisup Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Work on yourself and gain self esteem. This guy manipulated and lied to you, he used you, took advantage of your vunerability. Now you know the truth and know he's a jerk, ask yourself WHY on earth would you want a man like that in your life? This type of man will destroy you. Hurt you more than you are now if you stay with him. Get some help, please go talk to a therapist because at age 18, the last thing you need to deal with is an affair with a married man and the fallout of it. I really hope you try your best to cut him out of your life. He's a scumbag! No matter how he made you feel, and you think you love him .. what is it about him that you actually love? Other than chemistry and sex..
nunyanunya Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 The worst thing you can do for yourself is see him again. Cudos to you for realizing that you have limited control over face-to-face situations. Its impossible to rationalize why you still want something that is bad for you. This forum is filled with people trying to find the answer to that question, so don't feel bad. Please! Some say that the answer starts to lie along the path that begins with you discovering how to love yourself first, and while I can understand this, I can't yet speak from experience. To regurgitate some advice given to me as an ex OM, try to answer the question, "Do you see a future with him?" Obviously only you can answer that, but if the answer is no, it logically follows that you can not speak to him again about it, at the very least. Add to that the facts that he's directly lied to you about his marriage, and was not able to respect your wishes when meeting with him face to face again is all bringing his worth as a human into question at the moment. You MUST begin NO CONTACT. The immediate situation will be emotionally trying, and you'll need to find a friend or someone you trust who you can talk to instead of this guy. For me, I confessed my A with a close friend, and I tell her about times when I feel weak. For now, if you really can't talk to anyone, post here and talk with us!
fooled once Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I know that this will sound very silly, and it makes me feel like a naive schoolgirl. I'm 18 and have fallen in love with a 23-year-old married man. When we met, I fell for the Open Relationship Lie. So, I was aware that he was married, but was under the distinct impression that his wife both knew about our involvement and was okay with it. In the meantime, I went tumbling head over heels for this guy. He has this incredible power over me that I cannot explain, and he knows it. When we met, I was freshly brokenhearted over the breakup of my first love. He took that opportunity, as well as my uncertainty about whether I was lesbian or bisexual, and treated me as a toy to be won. To add to this feeling of objectification, it came to light recently that his wife does not actually know about this relationship, nor are they in an open marriage. Since then, I have attempted multiple times to talk to him in a strictly platonic manner about the situation, only to be pressured into sex. Each time I would meet him, I explicitly stated that the meeting was simply to talk about what has happened, and that I did not want him to touch me. Now I feel dirty and used. I am racked with guilt and embarrassment. The most pressing issue, though, is that I don't trust myself to not give in to him. I have genuinely fallen in love with this jerk -- and while he claims the same, I'm not sure that it's not just a manipulative technique. What can I do to break this off when I'm so deep in it? While I don't mean to simplify this, you use your mouth and say NO. You do not meet up with him, you do not see him, you have nothing to do with him. You know he uses you. You know he lies. What exactly do you "love" about him? You are 18 years old. You have too much in front of you to be involved with a married man.
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