I Really Only Want Casual Sex (Tired of Relationships)

[bac]

Ruby Slippers brought it up and Crazy Magnet confirmed it, two women who seem normal and smart in their posts, so it isn't really that strange is it?

 

Have already stated that I am not one of the hottest guys, not one of the "naturals," but think certain women see me as a "good enough" "safe" option who isn't going to go falling in lurv prematurely, be indiscreet in any shared social circles, or get stalky (OP take note).

 

I think OP will do just fine locating willing women if he has a bit of charm and knows how to be cool as opposed to clingy, and he doesn't have to resort to AFF, there are plenty of normal, willing women out there who aren't the AFF types.

 

I meant that by definition a harem is a social system where one man owns several women. The women belong only to him and he does not share them with other males. You use the word 'harem' in a wrong context.

 

You perhaps are not the hottest male but you are definitely very gifted in some areas which are much more important for getting laid than simply being attractive. Unless, of course, there is a big deal of sexual fantasy in your self-presentation on LS.

 

Sure, he does not have to go to AFF to find the right woman because the people (males and females) have profiles on every site at the same time including OKC, match.com, POF, AFF. They even use the same pictures for 'nice' sites and for AFF. For example, a typical pic is a male who is shirtless with his camera in his hands in his bathroom.

[painfullyobvious]

I am so utterly pissed at this statement I can't even begin to tell you. Seriously.

 

Honestly, why a woman would agree to be disposed of in this way after you get bored is absolutely beyond my comprehension and in my opinion, is disgusting. Women aren't objects you can just drop...and you know, I've lost the will to continue this post.

 

Ugh.

 

 

Might be why the poster is single hmmmmmmm

[Gattica]

First, it's "lie by omission," and there is no duty to tell someone you are not interested in a relationship early on. Sex and relationships are linked only if a particular person believes they are, and if so, it is -that- person's responsibility to say so, no one else's. Of course once someone says that, the other person should either respect their wishes or move on.

 

Your last sentence is spot on. I have been told too many times that the man is not just looking for sex once I have let them know that I am not going down the casual sex road and they pretend to be relationship minded only to see how far they can't get. It really does hurt one's feelings and is not needed, especially when the man has the opportunity to bounce when the women let's him know she is not down for NSA sex. I don't understand why so many men do this.

Edited October 5, 2010 by Gattica

[AverageJoe]

Your last sentence is spot on. I have been told too many times that the man is not just looking for sex once I have let them know that I am not going down the casual sex road and they pretend to be relationship minded only to see how far they can't get. It really does hurt one's feelings and is not needed, especially when the man has the opportunity to bounce when the women let's him know she is not down for NSA sex. I don't understand why so many men do this.

 

I am a man and I dont know either. And it isnt a behavior I would sign off on, but it does happen. I would just say thanks and move on to the next person in the pecking order.

[sanskrit]

I meant that by definition a harem is a social system where one man owns several women. The women belong only to him and he does not share them with other males. You use the word 'harem' in a wrong context.

 

Agreed, but didn't think it would cause confusion with actually owning women as chattel slaves, never intended use of "harem" to be formal in that way. I could have used rooster/hens, but that presents other issues

[sanskrit]

I don't understand why so many men do this.

 

Listen to the old Meatloaf song "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights" for the answer. The difference is that then there were social pressures that prevented people from escaping accountability for their behavior.

[audrey_1]

I couldn't even read all the posts before jumping right to it. The OP's post was like reading the thoughts of my past FWB cooled to friendship. Childhood friends, parted ways. He sought me out. I let it happen.

 

What he wouldn't gamble on was that, though I am certainly flawed, I would have been his true partner for life. And I have always been an independent, successful woman with a level head. Had always been very aloof in relationships, but I wanted to change all that for him. But I think he may have found the exact relationship that the OP alluded to wanting, and has found his bliss. I wonder if it's payback for my own choices up to that point.

 

I'm in great shape, beautiful, funny, smart and adored by all (which I would never say outside this realm!). In my heart, it seemed to be him. It's been very confusing. Guess he was just a very sincere FWB, but I wasn't aware of the FWB part. I was certainly not prepared for the train wreck that hit me. But I let him go without drama. We've been platonic friends for nearly two years. I truly want him to only be happy, which is how I know that I really love him.

 

I wish you luck with this lifestyle choice, but please don't lose touch with your humanity. My two cents.

[audrey_1]

It really depends on the situation.

 

A one night stand you shouldn't expect to go anywhere.

 

But if a couple goes on a bunch of dates before sex but one of them is only looking for sex, they are being a misleading jerk.

 

I agree with this.

 

Nice to hear it from someone else.

[Crazy Magnet]

Ruby Slippers brought it up and Crazy Magnet confirmed it, two women who seem normal and smart in their posts, so it isn't really that strange is it?

 

I am normal and I am smart. I've also always had my pick of men. Of course if I know I always get what I want I'm going to go for the hottie rather than the average looking guy, who wouldn't? This doesn't mean that these guys all had other girls on the side as well. I've also always been quite picky in who I sleep with and I'd never put up with being one of many. Again, I don't have to, so why would I? There are plenty of single super hot guys who aren't sleeping with multiple people that I can pass on the ones that do.

 

If the OP struggles with finding women to even go out with him then finding a string of hot women to have sex with probably isn't going to happen for him.

[sanskrit]

Of course if I know I always get what I want I'm going to go for the hottie rather than the average looking guy, who wouldn't?

 

All other things being equal, just for sex, sure why not? I'm not griping about the reality of it, and have benefited from it in life also. "Hotness" in men is a fluid factor moreso than in women in certain respects, thank goodness for that.

 

Didn't see though, where OP said he had been having trouble getting women, just in relationship problems once the woman is got.

[Crazy Magnet]

All other things being equal, just for sex, sure why not? I'm not griping about the reality of it, and have benefited from it in life also. "Hotness" in men is a fluid factor moreso than in women in certain respects, thank goodness for that.

 

Didn't see though, where OP said he had been having trouble getting women, just in relationship problems once the woman is got.

 

 

I re-read his post and I believe you are right on that one. Getting them doesn't seem to be a problem. Which is good, or he'd be doomed.

 

Sometimes I love being a girl because I know I would never have this question. I'd just go out and bat my eyelashes and bring home whomever I wanted.

[BackUpOrGetStung]

U1987, Plenty of Fish should be called "Fish in a Barrel". I stopped using it because I started feeling bad about misleading people and I got sick of feeling guilty every time I cut someone loose. All you have to do is express interest without highlighting anything about their looks. That gets you in, then within the next 3 or 4 messages you should be able to tell them about yourself and ask questions about them, but don't bring up dating history or anything about dating really. All these girls on there seem to have this notion that you're bf/gf after the first date or something(don't ask me why, but it's been proven time and time again in my experience). I've never said anything to any of them about a relationship, but I think they have that in their head and don't want to lose it so they'll sleep with you after asking if you like them. Just say yes and do your thing. I slept with 15-20 women in 6 months from that site before I closed my account. Being good looking and having a good job helped my case a lot I'm pretty sure, in fact I always thought I was like a 5-6 as far as looks go, but general consensus seems to be a few points higher. Paying attention and genuine interest in them and what they have to say also goes a long way but interest can be faked as well.

 

What's your life like right now as far as job/living situation/looks/activities?

[dispatch3d]

The hatorade in this thread is pretty entertaining.

[U1987]

I'm a little disturbed that you classify a ONS as a "relationship" but on to the main question.

 

AFF is the website you are looking for if you want NSA sex with multiple women. Just be sure to protect yourself as the women you meet there will have multiple partners as well. However, that's the place to be for frequent sex.

 

I've tried AFF, but even though it's not a traditional "Dating Site," it has all the same problems; an enormous number of guys competing for a few girls.

 

I sent out so many messages to dozens of women. I only got 3 responses and no follow ups. There's 2 months and $59.90 I'll never get back.

[AverageJoe]

You should really get off those sites, I've never even heard of aff. I tried the online thing a few years ago and found it rather boring.

You should be out hitting the field working on your interpersonal skills with females. Start with just saying Hi, thats it, just Hi. Most of the time you will get a reply at which point you develop conversation and get an email or phone number.

 

If you want super hot chicks you will need to either hone your skills and (or) at least have some decent looks about yourself. Hygiene, well dressed, well groomed that type of thing. Or money.

 

If you dont have money thats ok, I know girls that will sleep with potential. You are Pre-med, studying for the bar, you are in your current resident of medical school, you were an extra on Hell Cats that aired on the WB. Who the hell watches that network anyway?

 

Dont be doing dinner dates and spending money on these girls. There is no guarantee you will be getting action from them so there is no point in spending hard earned cash, odds are they made up their mind within the first few minutes of meeting you.

 

My point is you will meet some really cool chics which really only want the same thing you want. A good time and a litte fun. Now you have a rolodex. Sitting at home and pounding on a keyboard isnt going to get you much action in my opinion.

[U1987]

Your last sentence is spot on. I have been told too many times that the man is not just looking for sex once I have let them know that I am not going down the casual sex road and they pretend to be relationship minded only to see how far they can't get. It really does hurt one's feelings and is not needed, especially when the man has the opportunity to bounce when the women let's him know she is not down for NSA sex. I don't understand why so many men do this.

 

Sanskrit's right. It's really hard to NOT commit when a girl's giving you an ultimatum under threat of withholding sex.

[U1987]

U1987, Plenty of Fish should be called "Fish in a Barrel". I stopped using it because I started feeling bad about misleading people and I got sick of feeling guilty every time I cut someone loose. All you have to do is express interest without highlighting anything about their looks. That gets you in, then within the next 3 or 4 messages you should be able to tell them about yourself and ask questions about them, but don't bring up dating history or anything about dating really. All these girls on there seem to have this notion that you're bf/gf after the first date or something(don't ask me why, but it's been proven time and time again in my experience). I've never said anything to any of them about a relationship, but I think they have that in their head and don't want to lose it so they'll sleep with you after asking if you like them. Just say yes and do your thing. I slept with 15-20 women in 6 months from that site before I closed my account. Being good looking and having a good job helped my case a lot I'm pretty sure, in fact I always thought I was like a 5-6 as far as looks go, but general consensus seems to be a few points higher. Paying attention and genuine interest in them and what they have to say also goes a long way but interest can be faked as well.

 

What's your life like right now as far as job/living situation/looks/activities?

 

How did you compete with all the other guys though? It's seems like such a frenzy for only a few cute girls. I don't want to say where I live for fear of revealing who I am, but I did an area search. Within 5 miles of my zip code, there are 340+ males and only 190+ females, only about a third of which I'd consider attractive, so that's more like 340 to 64

[U1987]

but you do have to be fairly attractive and have flexible standards.

 

I like to think I'm relatively attractive. I'm not a young Brad Pitt or Daniel Craig, but I'm in shape, dress extremely well; exceptionally well I would say. I'm still waiting for a private judgment of my OLD profile.

 

Also, what exactly do you mean by "flexible standards?"

 

It may sound shallow, but physical attractiveness is my primary interest. She doesn't haven't to look perfect, but I need to find her attractive. I'm not after a specific body type or height or skin color, but I expect a proportional figure (a few extra pounds is okay as long as it's still 3-2-3) consistent skin-tone and clean, unfrazzled hair.

 

I used to care about girl's interests and hobbies and personalities and the crowds they rolled with, but honestly, I don't care about those things any more. I've stripped away those standards. They're non-factors now; they don't come into consideration when I judge a girl's attractiveness anymore.

 

I feel like by eliminating my prerequisites for a girl's personality, I open myself to more girls I would have previously disqualified. Like I said, I'm sorry if it sounds shallow, but it's honestly how I feel inside.

 

Would you consider those "flexible standards?"