I Really Only Want Casual Sex (Tired of Relationships)

[U1987]

OP, try to ignore the bullying, bashing and tsk-tsk'ing here. If you want to have a chain of casual sex partners, seek that out. There are plenty of women these days who are anxious for no-expectations sex, just look for them. If you practice safe sex, STD worries are overblown.

 

Anecdotally, when I started online dating, I had the goal of marriage or a long-term relationship in mind. Most of the women I dated did not, they wanted sexual relationships and wanted to remain free to have sex with others. Of course, they aren't going to volunteer this, but when they are wanting sex on the first or second date, you can assume this is the case, and it's up to them to tell you otherwise, as no one in their right mind expects first or second date sex will automatically lead to a longterm relationship. So my advice would be to start online dating, and then cultivate the ones who want fast sex as "friends" that you may hook up with from time to time.

 

Making clear this is not how I use online dating, but what you are seeking is fairly easy to find out there. You may find, though, that you stumble into a quality person that you want to have a relationship with this way also, and she may not feel similarly. That is a risk you take doing this.

 

Thanks for the support.

 

How is online dating though? I've tried a few free trials, but it seems to be heavily skewed in favor women. For example, just go to Plenty Of Fish and do a search. Pick any zip code, click on gender and you'll find that guys outnumber girls about 2 or 3 to 1 on average. When you factor the ratio of guys competing for exceptionally attractive girls, I'm sure the ratio is much worse.

[Mad Max]

^

Get the HPV vaccine. It's just smart.

As for herpes, it's pretty difficult to test for and practically pointless. I'D test positive for it because I've had a coldsore in my lifetime. I'm not sure why this is so highly stigmatized since 75% of folks are in this category. Did you know that having had a cold sore lowers your chances of getting genital herpes in the future?

The more you know...

(still, don't be an idiot)

 

 

That's HSV-1. HSV-1 and 2 are different.

[that girl]

There's gotta be a way. At some point, a girl has to realize that being on the husband-hunt so early in life is silly. The trick is making her see it.

Not every girl who wants a boyfriend rather than a short term thing is on the husband hunt, but would you appreciate a girl who went after you so she could change your mind about having a relationship? Assume she isn't sleeping with you, just trying to push you into the type of relationship she wants.

 

I doubt you'd be okay with that, so don't try to pull it on girls. Go for ones who seem to want the same thing you do. The advice to go older isn't bad advice- if you're say 22, a 30 year old who is willing to get involved with you is really unlikely to see you as long term material.

 

When you factor the ratio of guys competing for exceptionally attractive girls,

So you don't just want a string of casual relationships, they also must be with exceptional attractive women? I think you've been watching too much porn.

[sanskrit]

Sure. But most women who want sex only can easily get it with the hottest guys, and they will usually go that route.

 

First, we don't know what OP looks like or how hot he is. Second, though I agree with you that many women tend to have sex and share the same top 5% of men in a type of modern "harem" arrangement, other women don't want to be thought of as part of a harem, even for casual sex, and the thought of their sex partners sleeping with 4 other women that week grosses those types out. So they look for more "safe" partners to them physically and emotionally, even if in so doing they sacrifice some "hotness."

 

I'm not one of those "hottest guys," only Email the top profiles in my area, and when online dating, am usually the one slowing down the progression to sex. Really don't want it right off the bat and prefer quality of experience over quantity. But sex is certainly available to an extent I would have never imagined.

[AverageJoe]

 

So you don't just want a string of casual relationships, they also must be with exceptional attractive women? I think you've been watching too much porn.

 

Thaaaats right. No man wants to be rolling in the sack with a gal that cant rollover without some help rolling over.

 

Yes, they need to be hot or at least a seven (for me). You can speak for yourself as much as you like but I am telling you I keep at least three plates spinning and they are attractive. I know, hard to believe. Guess what? It happens whether you believe it or not. As far as the women in porn, well, to each their own. I indudge in it from time to time. We sure dont see any fat and fuglys in porn. Hmm maybe it is a refuge for some in that regard.

[Allisha]

Holy Cow! Hey, good for you. But understand, there is always another gal around the corner willing to do the heavy lifting. Thin the herd I say. So you are out to begin with.

 

U1987 you are getting some crap here for asking a fair question. Unfortunately, you will get the brood of females that will find it horrid and ooooohhh so dispicible. Great, grand, good for them. They are by no means representative of the entire female gender.

 

As to your orignal post. I do it. I do this whenever I want and if i want. Simply by me saying this will spur off a slew of posts of disbelief and fury but men do it all of the time. So you are not alone in this regardless of how you might be degraded here.

When you go out on a date, what men see at the moment is the current interaction at hand. Women see oo00000oh the future!!! Wheeeeeeeee!!

Here are the facts, men want to get laid. Dating equals sex. If it wasnt, not many men would bother with a date. Bottom line.

The females that respond they way they have so far, are the women you dont want to be having sex with anyway. The good news? As I pointed out previously, you might miss that 8:15 train but there will be another one coming right around the corner anytime.

For the some that might say, 'then those girls are stupid' (insert whatever insult). Who cares, I dont? On the other hand some women think men are superfluous. The very first step is not giving a damn what other people think just because you may go against the grain of social normalities. Start with understanding that.

 

 

I'm going to say this one more time. I do not have an issue with consensual adults having casual sex. Get it? You make it sound like I'm saying it's all wrong and disgusting.

 

My disgust is at a few things..

 

His wording was probably not the best, which is what angered me the most. It's almost like he just wants a conveyor belt of women who sit happily with their legs open ready for when he wants them to service him, then drop them when he gets bored. That's not a "friend with benefits", it just sort of implies he's objectifying women, which I don't like, whether or not they agree to it.

However, aslong as he keeps this "uninterrupted chain" informed of what he wants, then he's not really doing anything wrong. How a woman could allow themselves to be objectified & used in this way probably disgusts me more than anything here, and I personally, don't understand why any woman would want that, though I'm aware that some women do. I just don't get it, that's all.

[sanskrit]

With that in mind, I don't think it's quite right to 'lie by admission' and not tell potential women that you're only after sex, as some others have suggested.

 

First, it's "lie by omission," and there is no duty to tell someone you are not interested in a relationship early on. Sex and relationships are linked only if a particular person believes they are, and if so, it is -that- person's responsibility to say so, no one else's. Of course once someone says that, the other person should either respect their wishes or move on.

 

And as far as "taking advantage of naive young girls," please spare me. Nothing in OP's post suggests he is seeking to date underaged girls, or are you suggesting that adult women are still impressionable, gullible babies somehow?

 

Moreover, it's well known that women mature socially before men, women begin talking about sex and relationships at much younger ages than men do, read relationship books and magazines more than men do, and if anyone is being taken advantage of, it's young, unsophisticated men who are led into relationships or even marriage via transactional sex.

[SarahRose]

As others have said there is a solution for you. Hire prostitutes.

 

Most women really aren't into no strings sex unless you are super hot wealthy or a celebrity.

 

There are adult matchup websites too.

[AverageJoe]

 

I'm going to say this one more time. I do not have an issue with consensual adults having casual sex. Get it? You make it sound like I'm saying it's all wrong and disgusting.

 

 

Yep, you have now said the same thing three times. You dont understand why, we got it. Lets not go for a fourth time. You dont appy to the demographic in question.

[sanskrit]

His wording was probably not the best,

 

Be specific because to my view and reread, his wording was just fine. You got bent out of shape because he expressed himself directly and without the coddling language many women think is their due from men.

 

It's almost like...sort of implies

 

He neither said nor implied any such thing. You even know this yourself because you use the "almost like," and "sort of implies" qualifying language.

 

How a woman could allow themselves to be objectified & used in this way probably disgusts me more than anything here

 

Simple, some women enjoy sex, and don't consider it a business transaction whereby they trade sex for something from a man. They do it for their own pleasure, and maybe to make their partner feel good also.

[Allisha]

Yep, you have now said the same thing three times. You dont understand why, we got it. Lets not go for a fourth time. You dont appy to the demographic in question.

 

 

I can go many more times than this.

 

...i really need to grow up.

[Allisha]

 

He neither said nor implied any such thing. You even know this yourself because you use the "almost like," and "sort of implies" qualifying language.

 

 

Thanks for the language assessment of things I'm writing at 3.30am.

[sanskrit]

How is online dating though? I've tried a few free trials, but it seems to be heavily skewed in favor women. For example, just go to Plenty Of Fish and do a search. Pick any zip code, click on gender and you'll find that guys outnumber girls about 2 or 3 to 1 on average. When you factor the ratio of guys competing for exceptionally attractive girls, I'm sure the ratio is much worse.

 

Don't worry about the odds, it's a learned skill like anything else. The amazing thing for me was that even before I was good at it, though the response rate was lower, the women I dated wanted sex very fast. These were very attractive, highly educated, accomplished women, not bar skanks or dumb young girls. There are forums and posts all over the net about attracting women, I think you might be better served at those places. One in particular I recall was www.sosuave.com Now lots of this stuff is cheezy hot air that teenagers are blowing at each other, but lots of it is useful for making yourself attractive and learning how to interact with women. Good luck.

[AverageJoe]

I can go many more times than this.

 

...i really need to grow up.

 

 

Oh? You know, there are support groups for that kind of thing. I am involved with some of them. Maybe you could help out my staff.

[Knittress]

First, it's "lie by omission," and there is no duty to tell someone you are not interested in a relationship early on. Sex and relationships are linked only if a particular person believes they are, and if so, it is -that- person's responsibility to say so, no one else's. Of course once someone says that, the other person should either respect their wishes or move on.

 

And as far as "taking advantage of naive young girls," please spare me. Nothing in OP's post suggests he is seeking to date underaged girls, or are you suggesting that adult women are still impressionable, gullible babies somehow?

 

Moreover, it's well known that women mature socially before men, women begin talking about sex and relationships at much younger ages than men do, read relationship books and magazines more than men do, and if anyone is being taken advantage of, it's young, unsophisticated men who are led into relationships or even marriage via transactional sex.

 

Jeebus. It's not like I take these boards so seriously I triple-check my typos - don't be a condescending snot. kthx.

 

You think reading some cosmos makes a woman wiser in the ways of the world? You must really mix with some ugly folks if you think a soft heart makes a person 'a baby.' I'm not saying the dude should take responsibility for all the emotions of everyone he crosses paths with, but hurting people to get a load off is sickening. Be upfront is all I'm saying.

[sanskrit]

Jeebus. It's not like I take these boards so seriously I triple-check my typos - don't be a condescending snot. kthx.

 

Oh, I remember you now, the angry, insulting woman from the misandry thread. All I did was correct your mistake...erm "typo" with no further comment, to which you respond by calling me a "condescending snot?" What a charmer!

 

You think reading some cosmos makes a woman wiser in the ways of the world?

 

Well you would think all the Cosmos and tabloids women read would have at least -some- beneficial effect? No?

 

You must really mix with some ugly folks if you think a soft heart makes a person 'a baby.'

 

Hmm... nope, not even going to try to unravel the logic warps in the above non sequitur.

 

hurting people to get a load off is sickening. Be upfront is all I'm saying.

 

I don't understand the "hurting" part. OP asks for sex, woman agrees, both get off. Where exactly is the "hurting" in this scenario? If she expects more, it's on -her- to speak up beforehand, not OP.

 

Stating once more, sex is not some precious treasure that a woman gives to a man and a man greedily takes. The days of that kind of thinking are long OVER, dead and gone. Don't like that? Tough.

[Crazy Magnet]

 

I've only had 2 one night stands and 1 friends with benefits my whole life, but they were the most fun and satisfying relationships I've ever had. It's so great to go so far so fast with a girl without the mess and struggle of building a relationship. It's such a relief to shoot straight to sex without having to invest your time, energy or emotions.

 

I'm a little disturbed that you classify a ONS as a "relationship" but on to the main question.

 

AFF is the website you are looking for if you want NSA sex with multiple women. Just be sure to protect yourself as the women you meet there will have multiple partners as well. However, that's the place to be for frequent sex.

 

I personally think it's great to see a guy out there who's willing to embrace his sexuality and not judge a woman for embracing hers. So many men come here wanting women who have had 1 or 2 partners in their 30 years on earth and that just isn't practical. Hooray for you for letting women do what they want with their bodies and not judging them.

 

Whatever you do, don't send relationship signals if you aren't looking for that. I don't think you have to announce on the first date that you are only looking for sex, but you need to be doing less traditional "dating" and more hang out sessions that are environmentally friendly to random hook ups. That way there is no confusion as to what you are out for. Also, if you notice a girl is starting to get attached and wants more from you, end it immediately rather than string her on.

 

If you're only looking for hot women you better look like a super model yourself. I've had very few "fling" type things in my life but they were actually all with male models/former models, so yeah...that's what we go for!

[sanskrit]

and if not fleeting its always gonna end up the same way one day the girls gonna close the store and give you the ultimatum and if you bite shell turn you into the boyfriend she really doesnt want and dump you...

 

Missed this pearl earlier. OP, pay attention to the above, especially the underlined part. Have rarely seen more sage words here.

[bac]

First, we don't know what OP looks like or how hot he is. Second, though I agree with you that many women tend to have sex and share the same top 5% of men in a type of modern "harem" arrangement, other women don't want to be thought of as part of a harem, even for casual sex, and the thought of their sex partners sleeping with 4 other women that week grosses those types out. But sex is certainly available to an extent I would have never imagined.

 

What a strange idea that 5% of men have a harem. Do you really think that the women from the harem are faithful to the men? The women certainly have bigger harems of their own because women who are into NSA are hard to find people but the men who are into NSA are common and typical males.

 

OP, there is 1 female on every 50 males on AFF. But, if you are young and hot, you can score with them. Take impressive pictures of your shaved stuff in different sexy positions for AFF's profile. Also, you can score at the same day, if you go on cam on AFF and give people a quality show.

[Knittress]

Oh, I remember you now, the angry, insulting woman from the misandry thread. All I did was correct your mistake...erm "typo" with no further comment, to which you respond by calling me a "condescending snot?" What a charmer!

 

Am, actually, quite the sweetie.

That thread? I think the strongest opinion I expressed was that I thought you needed a hug and a valium, which actually... hasn't changed much. I was simply telling the OP not to be a d-bag and you charged in waving the d-bag flag. You didn't HAVE to do that, but you seemed to snap up the cause as if it were your own...

 

You can be a d1ck, or you can be a stud - it's the same word, really. The difference is all in your attitude.

I'm all for the OP getting his sl*t on, just not being a d1ck.

Edited October 5, 2010 by Knittress

[sanskrit]

What a strange idea that 5% of men have a harem.

 

Ruby Slippers brought it up and Crazy Magnet confirmed it, two women who seem normal and smart in their posts, so it isn't really that strange is it?

 

Do you really think that the women from the harem are faithful to the men?

 

No idea, but I assume the men in question don't care.

 

Have already stated that I am not one of the hottest guys, not one of the "naturals," but think certain women see me as a "good enough" "safe" option who isn't going to go falling in lurv prematurely, be indiscreet in any shared social circles, or get stalky (OP take note).

 

I think OP will do just fine locating willing women if he has a bit of charm and knows how to be cool as opposed to clingy, and he doesn't have to resort to AFF, there are plenty of normal, willing women out there who aren't the AFF types.

[sanskrit]

I was simply telling the OP not to be a d-bag and you charged in waving the d-bag flag.

 

The only douchebag as far as the thread topic is concerned would be someone who has casual sex and assumes a relationship is forthcoming without stating as much to the other party pre-sex, then acts all pouty and betrayed rather than admitting that their expectations were unfounded in the first place.

[aerogurl87]

Go for it OP! I had one friend with benefits and it was awesome! Why? Well he knew boundaries and that our relationship went no further than the physical. Oddly enough it started out purely physical but after hanging out we found we had mutual interests and I greatly enjoyed his company. He was still dating around and he'd tell me his horror date stories, lol. And I was happy being single, but still wanted sex on a regular basis. It worked great after my harem idea fell through... and until the next semester started and he got a little freaked out about potentially being my teacher the next semester as he was a grad student who could potentially be in charge of one of my classes.

[Mad Max]

Ruby Slippers brought it up and Crazy Magnet confirmed it, two women who seem normal and smart in their posts, so it isn't really that strange is it?

 

 

 

No idea, but I assume the men in question don't care.

 

Have already stated that I am not one of the hottest guys, not one of the "naturals," but think certain women see me as a "good enough" "safe" option who isn't going to go falling in lurv prematurely, be indiscreet in any shared social circles, or get stalky (OP take note).

 

I think OP will do just fine locating willing women if he has a bit of charm and knows how to be cool as opposed to clingy, and he doesn't have to resort to AFF, there are plenty of normal, willing women out there who aren't the AFF types.

 

 

If he's attractive, the rest doesn't matter.

[that girl]

The only douchebag as far as the thread topic is concerned would be someone who has casual sex and assumes a relationship is forthcoming without stating as much to the other party pre-sex, then acts all pouty and betrayed rather than admitting that their expectations were unfounded in the first place.

It really depends on the situation.

 

A one night stand you shouldn't expect to go anywhere.

 

But if a couple goes on a bunch of dates before sex but one of them is only looking for sex, they are being a misleading jerk.