I Really Only Want Casual Sex (Tired of Relationships)

[U1987]

I'm really at a point in my life where I'm sick of being single, but at the same time, I really don't want to date or have a girlfriend anymore.

 

I was a huge nerd in high school, so I didn't date at all. At one point, all I wanted in the world was a girlfriend. Then I shaped up, lost weight, dressed better and dropped my high school interests and habits and started to date in college, but then I realized dating and girlfriends weren't all I expected.

 

It takes a lot of work, compromise and time. You got to learn to put up with tiny annoying behaviors and invest and risk your emotions. It's really getting to be too much for me.

 

I've been stuck in a vicious cycle for the past several years. Whenever I'm single, I get lonely and wish I had a girlfriend, but when I have a girlfriend, I get exhausted and wish I was single again.

 

I've only had 2 one night stands and 1 friends with benefits my whole life, but they were the most fun and satisfying relationships I've ever had. It's so great to go so far so fast with a girl without the mess and struggle of building a relationship. It's such a relief to shoot straight to sex without having to invest your time, energy or emotions.

 

I've decided it's really all I want. Maybe I'll want a relationship and maybe even marry one day later on in life, but I'm absolutely certain that right now and atleast for the next few years, I only want frequent casual sex with multiple partners.

 

The problem is, a girl who's okay with just sleeping with a guy is so hard to find. I really feel like most girls have this obsession of finding a serious boyfriend and turning him into a husband one day. And even if you find a girl who's okay with the notion of casual sex, you still have to convince to have it with you.

 

Is there anyway of either 1) easily finding girls who are into casual sex or 2) making normal, relationship-oriented girls be okay with casual sex?

[Seamless74]

Well bro your definately not alone... I think Chris Rock said it best.. "When your married you wanna kill your spouse, when your single you wanna kill yourself" lol... u know? little truth in every joke ...

 

 

However after being in some of those type relationships while theyre rare and great when they work out... you run the risk of becoming emotionally stunted and retarted relationshipwise... its negation bro... for everything you get you lose something.. Plus alot of those type situations are gonna be fleeting and if not fleeting its always gonna end up the same way one day the girls gonna close the store and give you the ultimatum and if you bite shell turn you into the boyfriend she really doesnt want and dump you...

[Dante311]

Well bro your definately not alone... I think Chris Rock said it best.. "When your married you wanna kill your spouse, when your single you wanna kill yourself" lol... u know? little truth in every joke ...

 

 

hhahahaa awesome! It's true.

[U1987]

Well bro your definately not alone... I think Chris Rock said it best.. "When your married you wanna kill your spouse, when your single you wanna kill yourself" lol... u know? little truth in every joke ...

 

 

However after being in some of those type relationships while theyre rare and great when they work out... you run the risk of becoming emotionally stunted and retarted relationshipwise... its negation bro...

 

That's a risk I'm willing to take. I feel like I'm too young to have had as much relationship experience as I've had and want to make a break for a while.

 

 

for everything you get you lose something.. Plus alot of those type situations are gonna be fleeting and if not fleeting its always gonna end up the same way one day the girls gonna close the store and give you the ultimatum and if you bite shell turn you into the boyfriend she really doesnt want and dump you...

 

Which is why I said multiple partners. Preferably, I want an uninterrupted chain of changing friends with benefits, so I can avoid this situation (one of us become emotionally attached to the other)

 

So how can I make this a reality?

[Allisha]

Which is why I said multiple partners. Preferably, I want an uninterrupted chain of changing friends with benefits, so I can avoid this situation (one of us become emotionally attached to the other)

 

So how can I make this a reality?

 

 

 

I am so utterly pissed at this statement I can't even begin to tell you. Seriously.

 

Honestly, why a woman would agree to be disposed of in this way after you get bored is absolutely beyond my comprehension and in my opinion, is disgusting. Women aren't objects you can just drop...and you know, I've lost the will to continue this post.

 

Ugh.

[that girl]

It takes a lot of work, compromise and time. You got to learn to put up with tiny annoying behaviors and invest and risk your emotions. It's really getting to be too much for me.

 

Relationships do take time and effort, but with the right person it shouldn't be a big hassle. I think maybe you're picking the wrong girls for you.

 

I've only had 2 one night stands and 1 friends with benefits my whole life

Umm, if you're college aged or just out, two one night stand, 1 FWB and a couple of girlfriends isn't a low number. Not calling you a slut or anything, but it isn't like you are deprived.

 

And even if you find a girl who's okay with the notion of casual sex, you still have to convince to have it with you.

I think the whole FWB thing works best when it is the woman who initiates it.

 

making normal, relationship-oriented girls be okay with casual sex

Repeat after me: women are people.

 

Women have their own wants, needs, and perspectives. You are not going to convince some relationship minded girl to happily be your temporary sex partner.

 

Preferably, I want an uninterrupted chain of changing friends with benefits, so I can avoid this situation (one of us become emotionally attached to the other)

Oooh. The way to manage this is to hit on a lot of women and not go on more than one date with them. Plus, you have to be hot and good at reading the signals. You don't need pick up artist bull****, but you do have to be fairly attractive and have flexible standards. Plus, if you want to avoid having your bunny boiled, you have to be careful to not be misleading (and going on multiple dates is misleading).

 

It isn't really the best health decision (lots of STDs like herpes can go through condoms) and it has a good chance of limiting your chances with women later on (some people don't want to date the formerly promiscuous).

[U1987]

I am so utterly pissed at this statement I can't even begin to tell you. Seriously.

 

Honestly, why a woman would agree to be disposed of in this way after you get bored is absolutely beyond my comprehension and in my opinion, is disgusting.

 

Honestly, why a women would be so utterly offended by the notion of people having consensual casual sex, in the year 2010 no less, is disgusting.

 

Seriously.

[Mad Max]

It isn't really the best health decision (lots of STDs like herpes can go through condoms) and it has a good chance of limiting your chances with women later on (some people don't want to date the formerly promiscuous).

 

 

This x 1000. This is why I am strongly against casual sex and sex without STD testing prior to the first encounter. Not only would I refuse to have sex with someone that refused to get tested, but I'd also dump someone if they tested positive for herpes or another incurable STD. Herpes and high risk HPV spread, condom or not. Seems that people either don't know, or don't care about STDs.

[Allisha]

Honestly, why a women would be so utterly offended by the notion of people having consensual casual sex, in the year 2010 no less, is disgusting.

 

Seriously.

 

Miss the point, much?

 

Nowhere in my post did I say I had a problem with consensual casual sex between two adults.

 

You're not asking for a friend with benefits, really, are you? The way you said it, implies you want girls to line up for you, and then when you're done with one of them, drop them and then move onto the next. Almost like a conveyor belt. You really don't see how someone could see that as disgusting? As a medical student, I find it disgusting because I know and study the risks out there and having your "uninterrupted chain" just screams all sorts of problems to me.

 

I also get a gut feeling you're unlikely to remain "friends without benefits" with these girls after you're finished, therefore it's not really about being ANY kind of friend. Women, generally, are more emotional when it comes to having sex, so to me, it's inevitable that someone is going to end up liking you and allow themselves to be used for sex, in the hope you'll end up liking them back. That's what I find disgusting. If they're fully aware of the situation, then it's not your fault, but these are people's emotions. This is why I find casual sex just all wrong, because more often than not, it turns messy.

 

I, personally, can't see why a woman would agree to this. I hope, at the very least, you have the decency to tell each and every girl that (if) you're sleeping with other people, too, so they're aware of the risks.

Edited October 4, 2010 by Allisha

[Surrealist]

As I read through some of these threads, as this one, being one of more than a few, I realise that some people are just plain spoilt rotten in the dating world, similar to being overfed fat sheep who have no appreciation or taste for good food so indulge in a lot of **** food and well, end up obese pigs.

 

Abstain from promiscuous sexual and other short-term relationships for a while and you should rekindle an appreciation for it after a few years without.

[U1987]

Relationships do take time and effort, but with the right person it shouldn't be a big hassle. I think maybe you're picking the wrong girls for you.

 

 

Umm, if you're college aged or just out, two one night stand, 1 FWB and a couple of girlfriends isn't a low number. Not calling you a slut or anything, but it isn't like you are deprived.

 

 

I think the whole FWB thing works best when it is the woman who initiates it.

 

 

Repeat after me: women are people.

 

Women have their own wants, needs, and perspectives. You are not going to convince some relationship minded girl to happily be your temporary sex partner.

 

 

There's gotta be a way. At some point, a girl has to realize that being on the husband-hunt so early in life is silly. The trick is making her see it.

[Woggle]

The trick is getting a few women to date you and then when that happens more will line up. Make them chase after you and then you will be on your way to becoming a player. Once you get going it is quite easy.

[luvnpain]

Astounding. I really don't think you get how selfish you sound OP, and that is not a shot at you either. Do you have any sisters or females in your life you genuinely care for in a non-sexual way? Put thoughts of that person in your head, and feel all the loving feelings. Now imagine if a casual male acquaintance was having a convo with you and didn't know your tie to said female, and started to say they wanted to get her # and bend her over, give it to her real good, get off and then they were gonna get with that barrista at the Starbucks on 43rd. Would you REALLY think, "wow, what a stand up cool a** guy".

 

Nothing wrong with saying you don't want to be attached, and dating a lot of girls for a stretch until you do. Nothing wrong with going all the way with any or all of them as long as you are upfront in your intentions to not connect. Women, however are not wired this way, so it's not going to be very many who will be open to this. The ones that are are likely "broken". You never know what you will get. They will say they are ok with it, but once you do it they will stalk you, become suicidal if they can't have you, infect you with something horrible, get goons to "handle you" when you shun them, etc. It's just not likely going to be this way.

 

Only suggestion I have is become a cub and date rich cougars. They may not expect anything from you, and they will wine and dine you. Finding one that you would consider bedding may not be that easy, but that's a real answer for your question.

[sanskrit]

Honestly, why a woman would agree to be disposed of in this way after you get bored is absolutely beyond my comprehension and in my opinion, is disgusting. Women aren't objects you can just drop...and you know, I've lost the will to continue this post.

 

Ugh.

 

Sex is not some "gift" that a woman gives a man who "takes" the gift from her, at least not viewed in any sort of healthy light. Isn't it possible that some women seek sex for its own sake also? If someone only views sex as a prelude to a relationship, then perhaps they shouldn't have sex until they are sure both parties are on the same page as far as expectations.

 

In other words, whether a woman is being "disposed of" or "objectified" as opposed to having a pleasant consensual sexual experience is really completely a matter of her own choice, no?

[sanskrit]

OP, try to ignore the bullying, bashing and tsk-tsk'ing here. If you want to have a chain of casual sex partners, seek that out. There are plenty of women these days who are anxious for no-expectations sex, just look for them. If you practice safe sex, STD worries are overblown.

 

Anecdotally, when I started online dating, I had the goal of marriage or a long-term relationship in mind. Most of the women I dated did not, they wanted sexual relationships and wanted to remain free to have sex with others. Of course, they aren't going to volunteer this, but when they are wanting sex on the first or second date, you can assume this is the case, and it's up to them to tell you otherwise, as no one in their right mind expects first or second date sex will automatically lead to a longterm relationship. So my advice would be to start online dating, and then cultivate the ones who want fast sex as "friends" that you may hook up with from time to time.

 

Making clear this is not how I use online dating, but what you are seeking is fairly easy to find out there. You may find, though, that you stumble into a quality person that you want to have a relationship with this way also, and she may not feel similarly. That is a risk you take doing this.

[sanskrit]

Nothing wrong with going all the way with any or all of them as long as you are upfront in your intentions to not connect.

 

It is their responsibility to announce that they prefer sex only in a relationship, or that if they have sex, a relationship will follow, not his to disclose that he is not interested in a relationship. It is his responsibility not to lie to anyone or give false impressions that he wants a relationship in the process of pursuing sex though.

[bac]

 

The problem is, a girl who's okay with just sleeping with a guy is so hard to find. I really feel like most girls have this obsession of finding a serious boyfriend and turning him into a husband one day. And even if you find a girl who's okay with the notion of casual sex, you still have to convince to have it with you.

 

Is there anyway of either 1) easily finding girls who are into casual sex or 2) making normal, relationship-oriented girls be okay with casual sex?

 

If you want to try NSA sex, you might want to go to AFF or bars to find a girl.

If you are OK with saying that you are looking for a LTR while you are really looking for NSA sex, you can try any site/location to find them. If you prefer to say directly that you want NSA, you should go to AFF or any other adult site.

 

You might want to look for girls who either do not want you as a BF or who have no hope that they can find a relationship or who are confused about their life because of emotional imbalance, drugs, other problems.

For example, a woman, who is 15-29 years older than you, would not want you as a BF, but she might want to have NSA sex with you.

 

Normal girls might try NSA sex if they have never tried that before or have not tried that enough.

Unfortunately, during the experience they will probably figure out by about 5th intercourse that they hate the experience and that they will never repeat that again.

But, girls are different and some normal girls might need more time to figure out what they want.

[Ruby Slippers]

Isn't it possible that some women seek sex for its own sake also?

Sure. But most women who want sex only can easily get it with the hottest guys, and they will usually go that route.

[porter218]

They sell blow up dolls for that. Or your hand+porn should suffice.

[luvnpain]

^^@sanskrit- I agree with your reply. My post in the mindset that most relationship girls self identify. They ask questions like, "what do u want in a relationship?" or " Do you like it when your girl cooks for you?" or similar stuff. It's not expected for it to be announced on either side, but clearly the mentality of a person wanting a relationship is being displayed if such questions are asked. If that was done and OP answered generally, knowing full well it would never be relevant to the girl because he is not sticking around, then it is misleading. From what you said, that should not be done so I agree.

 

If they wanna talk about fave pets, movies, and crap that reveals nothing and then she pulled an expectation of a relationship out of that, then yep, she's nuts....or clueless.

[Knittress]

I appreciate the fact that the OP is at least willing to be honest, loads of d-bags aren't. With that in mind, I don't think it's quite right to 'lie by admission' and not tell potential women that you're only after sex, as some others have suggested. You probably could find women who are naive and young enough that they don't think to ask the right questions and will think you slept with them because you liked them. That's d-baggery, so don't do it.

 

If you want women to throw themselves at you for purely sexual reasons you're gonna have to be either 1) really hot 2) really cool 3) really lower your standards.

[Gattica]

This x 1000. This is why I am strongly against casual sex and sex without STD testing prior to the first encounter. Not only would I refuse to have sex with someone that refused to get tested, but I'd also dump someone if they tested positive for herpes or another incurable STD. Herpes and high risk HPV spread, condom or not. Seems that people either don't know, or don't care about STDs.

 

I honestly think a lot of people don't care. I think a lot of people think it won't happen to them and I think a lot of people just don't respect themselves enough.

[Knittress]

^

Get the HPV vaccine. It's just smart.

As for herpes, it's pretty difficult to test for and practically pointless. I'D test positive for it because I've had a coldsore in my lifetime. I'm not sure why this is so highly stigmatized since 75% of folks are in this category. Did you know that having had a cold sore lowers your chances of getting genital herpes in the future?

The more you know...

(still, don't be an idiot)

[AverageJoe]

Miss the point, much?

 

Nowhere in my post did I say I had a problem with consensual casual sex between two adults.

 

You're not asking for a friend with benefits, really, are you? The way you said it, implies you want girls to line up for you, and then when you're done with one of them, drop them and then move onto the next. Almost like a conveyor belt. You really don't see how someone could see that as disgusting? As a medical student, I find it disgusting because I know and study the risks out there and having your "uninterrupted chain" just screams all sorts of problems to me.

 

I also get a gut feeling you're unlikely to remain "friends without benefits" with these girls after you're finished, therefore it's not really about being ANY kind of friend. Women, generally, are more emotional when it comes to having sex, so to me, it's inevitable that someone is going to end up liking you and allow themselves to be used for sex, in the hope you'll end up liking them back. That's what I find disgusting. If they're fully aware of the situation, then it's not your fault, but these are people's emotions. This is why I find casual sex just all wrong, because more often than not, it turns messy.

 

I, personally, can't see why a woman would agree to this. I hope, at the very least, you have the decency to tell each and every girl that (if) you're sleeping with other people, too, so they're aware of the risks.

 

Holy Cow! Hey, good for you. But understand, there is always another gal around the corner willing to do the heavy lifting. Thin the herd I say. So you are out to begin with.

 

U1987 you are getting some crap here for asking a fair question. Unfortunately, you will get the brood of females that will find it horrid and ooooohhh so dispicible. Great, grand, good for them. They are by no means representative of the entire female gender.

 

As to your orignal post. I do it. I do this whenever I want and if i want. Simply by me saying this will spur off a slew of posts of disbelief and fury but men do it all of the time. So you are not alone in this regardless of how you might be degraded here.

 

When you go out on a date, what men see at the moment is the current interaction at hand. Women see oo00000oh the future!!! Wheeeeeeeee!!

Here are the facts, men want to get laid. Dating equals sex. If it wasnt, not many men would bother with a date. Bottom line.

The females that respond they way they have so far, are the women you dont want to be having sex with anyway. The good news? As I pointed out previously, you might miss that 8:15 train but there will be another one coming right around the corner anytime.

For the some that might say, 'then those girls are stupid' (insert whatever insult). Who cares, I dont? On the other hand some women think men are superfluous. The very first step is not giving a damn what other people think just because you may go against the grain of social normalities. Start with understanding that.

[dreamingoftigers]

I understand the OP. At this point in my ****ty marriage, I wish (but would never ever do) that I could just have some NSA sex without getting involved with another moron. ****ty relationships make you bitter, then you treat people like crap, which makes them bitter, and on and on it goes.

 

The unfortunate truth is that sex affects us on so many levels. Of course there is the STD thing. But really sex without attachment is a shameful activity which may be fun in the moment but really does nothing but have the potential to wreak havoc in the long-term.

 

It would be nice to think that I could get my fill and just live the rest of my life like sex didn't matter, but it does, it clouds judgment, releases emotions, can be a reproductive act, strengthens relationships, increases one person's hold on another, can cause deep harm and eve trauma. Sex is not just fun, it is a very powerful force that should be used respectfully.