I wonder if my soon-to-be fiance's parents don't like me or something?

[MarthaX]

I think my post is more of a rant than a question because I think it might be hard to know the answer to how they feel about me from what little I have to go by.

But looking at rings has got my wheels turning in my head and thinking of some things.

 

Well we are looking at rings and it is a lot of fun! My parents know everything and are really excited. We have been together for a long time, over 10 years.

 

So, my parents have been asking me and even him for years when are we going to get married!

His parents are the opposite. They have never asked him when we will get married after all this time together. He also hasn't told his parents about us looking for rings. I was debating whether to surprise mine when I get engaged in the next few months or tell them now and decided I'd tell them now.

Is he maybe waiting until we actually find "THE" ring to tell his? I'm just surprised because he talks to his mother about everything. We've been looking over the last couple weekends.

 

Another thing that bugs me is back at the start of the summer we had his sister's wedding. This conversation came up 2 times. His mother was talking to her right in front of us the first time and the second time I remember she said it to my boyfriend. We were all in the same room and she was saying "oh my gosh I wonder who will get married next? I don't want to do this again any time soon!" right in front of us. I know the second time it was a little bit different, she was just saying "gee I wonder who will be next?" But it was so dry, like it wasn't a hint to him, I really just don't think it could have been.

I mean, we have been together so long and every time I see my relatives they ask me about us being engaged and are so excited for the day and love us together but my boyfriend's parents seem so opposite... it's kind of a downer. Like they are SO excited about his sister and her now husband and are so buddy-buddy with him. They're nice to me but not the same. I feel like such a non-favorite!

 

Then 2 nights ago we were at his house and his sister was talking about stuff coming up, she really only said she has a big wedding in 2 weeks to go to and then said "oh my god I hope NOBODY gets engaged any time soon." So I kind of feel a little sad at the thought of them not being excited. If that was my family talking about a wedding coming up in 2 weeks they'd ask us "when's yours?!" I kind of feel like they don't want us to so they don't go there. I find it funny everyone says these things to us except his mom dad and sister.

 

I wonder how it will be once we start planning, will they not really be in the picture or something? Will I not feel like a part of the family?

 

Well I feel a lot better typing that out, I know it's nit-picky but it really has been bugging me.

Edited October 3, 2010 by MarthaX

[KikiW]

Wow, I would feel just like you are if that was said in front of me too. Feels very much like "here's a BIG HINT THAT WE'RE NOT INTERESTED" from them.

 

Is it possible they have no idea how serious the two of you are? Has your STB fiance had many girlfriends (not that he's a player, just looking for perspective) and if you haven't hit the "longest relationship" mark they are still keeping their distance?

 

Did his parents become buddy-buddy with new son-in-law after they were engaged or while they were still dating? Perhaps they don't feel inclined to invest in a relationship until they know it'll be there for a while?

 

Have you talked to your guy about this? About how it makes you feel? What does HE say about how you are treated?

 

Of course, the final option is that they just don't like you. And you can't make people like you, really.

 

Heck, you could play it out this way: if you announce your engagement and they are less than enthused, you can always follow it up with "Well, you've all said several times how you were tired of engagements and weddings, so I hope this won't be too much of an INCONVENIENCE." Either they will realize what jerks they've been, or they will at least keep their traps shut.