caguy Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 I am working through a divorce (walkaway wife syndrome) complicated by custody and business valuation issues. It has been 2 years so far - it will last at least another 6 months, maybe more. In the process I have met another woman whom I love. We seem to be quite compatible in many ways. That's great. She is really in a rush to get married soon however - apparently with the thought that she has a young child and wants additional siblings to be reasonably close in age. It's not like she has a biological timeclock ticking (she is 28 and I am 43) though she seems to think that "30" is some magic time when she will become less marriageable. Thoughts?
You Go Girl Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Very old saying..."Marry in haste, repent at leisure". Or, in hillbilly terms, "Woah, Nelly!"
TigerCub Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but didn't the process of 1 divorce teach you anything at all? - ie. Maybe you need to be really sure of who you marry and why? I'm sorry, and I realize that I don't know this girl, but if her main reason for rushing into marriage is for you to play daddy to her kid, and for you to get her pregnant, you really need to think carefully about what you're doing. I'm sure, as you said, you two love each other, but please, at least learn from your mistakes.
PhoenixLady Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I really don't believe there's any set time period that can be considered "too fast for marriage" as you say. It really depends on the people involved, their maturity level, depth of self-awareness, etc. etc. That said, the very fact that you're asking if it's too fast, tells me that it is so. Trite but true, when it's right, you usually do just know. You don't question it much. As for the previous poster, I really don't know how you can jump to those conclusions without knowing the individual involved. I don't agree. We can't know her true motives. Maybe it's really what she says it is. But in any case, she's only 28 and has plenty of years left to have another child. I don't think her desire to have child by the time she is 30, or her desire to be married before 30 should come at the expense of your "comfort zone." Just the other way around.
TigerCub Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I really don't believe there's any set time period that can be considered "too fast for marriage" as you say. It really depends on the people involved, their maturity level, depth of self-awareness, etc. etc. That said, the very fact that you're asking if it's too fast, tells me that it is so. Trite but true, when it's right, you usually do just know. You don't question it much. As for the previous poster, I really don't know how you can jump to those conclusions without knowing the individual involved. I don't agree. We can't know her true motives. I'm not jumping to any conclusions, I'm just going on what the OP said: "She is really in a rush to get married soon however - apparently with the thought that she has a young child and wants additional siblings to be reasonably close in age. " Maybe it's really what she says it is. But in any case, she's only 28 and has plenty of years left to have another child. Yeah, seems like me and you agree on that - but perhaps she doesn't.
PhoenixLady Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I'm not jumping to any conclusions, I'm just going on what the OP said: "She is really in a rush to get married soon however - apparently with the thought that she has a young child and wants additional siblings to be reasonably close in age. " You said: "I'm sorry, and I realize that I don't know this girl, but if her main reason for rushing into marriage is for you to play daddy to her kid, and for you to get her pregnant, you really need to think carefully about what you're doing." The OP didn't say anything about her wanting to have him play "daddy" to her kid. YOU said that. So that's where I came up with the fact that you're jumping to conclusions. It was a little stretch there on your part I thought. Yeah, seems like me and you agree on that - but perhaps she doesn't. Perhaps she doesn't what? Have years left to have a child? Why not?
aerogurl87 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I really don't believe there's any set time period that can be considered "too fast for marriage" as you say. It really depends on the people involved, their maturity level, depth of self-awareness, etc. etc. That said, the very fact that you're asking if it's too fast, tells me that it is so. Trite but true, when it's right, you usually do just know. You don't question it much. This is pretty much what I was thinking. But obviously it's too fast for you since you're worried that things are moving too fast.
lovehearts Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Seems too fast, your divorce isn't even final yet, wait for that.Then let a year past by, get to know each other more.No need to rush in to having kids but I think she's abit worried about your age too,(sorry) I dated a man that was 43 when I was 26 and he wanted kids but I was thinking jeez it would have to be soon or he'd be a hundred when they're at school. Be careful you don't want a whirlwind rebound marriage.
TigerCub Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Perhaps she doesn't what? Have years left to have a child? Why not? I meant although we both agree that being 28 still leaves plenty of time for her to have kids in the future - I said perhaps she didn't (as in, feel that way).
LittleTiger Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 She's ready (for her own reasons, whatever they may be), you're not. You wouldn't be asking this question if you were.
TigerCub Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 The OP didn't say anything about her wanting to have him play "daddy" to her kid. YOU said that. So that's where I came up with the fact that you're jumping to conclusions. It was a little stretch there on your part I thought. Well if she wants him to father the rest of her children - is she not expecting him to "play daddy" to the one that's not his - is he expected to ignore him, but just father the rest?
jmsclayton Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Hi Her desire for sex at age 28 and in her 30s will be really strong. Physically it can be better for her to have children before age 30. I wish my sister was closer in age to me. BUt is that her only reason for wanting to marry quickly? Have you talk to her about why she wants to? Judith
clyde88 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but didn't the process of 1 divorce teach you anything at all? - ie. Maybe you need to be really sure of who you marry and why? I'm sorry, and I realize that I don't know this girl, but if her main reason for rushing into marriage is for you to play daddy to her kid, and for you to get her pregnant, you really need to think carefully about what you're doing. I'm sure, as you said, you two love each other, but please, at least learn from your mistakes. Tigercub is right. Im agree with what he said..
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