XMizer Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Me and my ex-gf decided to take a break a few weeks ago even though we love each other. We said we might get back together again in a few weeks once I settle some of my matters that was happening in my life. Anyways, I found out she got drunk yesterday night and kissed some guy. I found out from her Facebook chat which I hacked (do not lecture me about the morality of this). She seems to feel bad because she apologized to the guy she kissed. I do not know why she feels bad though. Anyway, I love my gf but I don't know if I should get back with her. I know that she is technically allowed to do whatever she wants to because we already broke up but I feel that if she has feelings for me, she shouldn't have done that. I don't know if I am overreacting. But anyways, should I try to reconcile with her? Opinions, please.
EthanH Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 tbh, you say 'do not lecture me about the morality of this' but the fact you a) hacked in the first place and b) don't want to be lectured about how bad that is shows a lot about both you, and the way you see your gf. So my answer to your question is this: no, you shouldn't get back with her, not until you are more secure about yourself. If you get back with her, you will be suspicious about her and other guys, and to have that crack in the relationship from day one is a big problem. So I say, take some time out. Sort yourself out. Become secure with yourself. And then, if you feel better about yourself, then consider the chances of getting back with her. Because in my opinion, her having a drunken kiss when you were on a break is actually more acceptable than you hacking her fb...can't you see that?
mridul_chajilee Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 @EthanH,Good answer bro. But she kissed those guys when she was drunk but not in concious.So,i think he should forgive her for this time and give a swear to her not to drink forever.Because if he realy love her,he should give a chance to her.thanks
Author XMizer Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 I want to ask her if she did anything while we broke up (like kiss or slept with anyone). Of course she doesn't know that I read her facebook stuff but how do I ask her without her being suspicious of how I know...
EthanH Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 your last reply shows you are totally in denial about what bad shape you are in. If you were on a break... it shouldn't matter what she did, if you want her back you have to know that taking her back is irrespective of anything she did when you were apart. It's not like she is going to do it again, and if she does, you have the power, and right to end things. If you decide you want her back, you have to take her back without any come-back on the past. Because if you keep blaming her for things she did when you were on a break, bringing them up whenever things between you get stressed, it will never work...
Author XMizer Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 What am I in denial about? I am in an emotional mess. I know. But I just don't know if i can trust her again. The truth is, we are in an LDR. Even if she tells me she loves me and feels sorry, she can be doing the same thing and kissing guys the week after and I wouldn't be knowing about it. I can feel confident about myself but that still doesn't change what she did. And if I have 100% in our relationship after this, I think I have to forget a bit about what happened.
EthanH Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 the way you can deal with it is by realising that you are not in a good state to be in a relationship... if you were confident the thing that it would do would be that you wouldn't care if she was kissing another guy, because if she was and you found out, you would be fine because you would have enough confidence in yourself to know you can do better. Also, being confident about yourself is actually the most likely thing to stop her from hooking up with anyone else. She is going to meet plenty of confident guys, and confidence is attractive... so either you feel sorry for yourself, or you stand up, be a man, and do the thing which is going to give you a chance with her, which is to take some time out, work on yourself, take up a new hobby, make some new friends, or something, do stuff for yourself, and gain some confidence. As for not being sure if you are confident about the relationship. You either are or you aren't. Being unsure won't work. You will just become jealous and insecure, which will kill any LDR. You either decide if you trust her or not. If you come over as insecure, that will overshadow any positive feelings she has for you, as she will see being in contact with you are stressful, which eventually will become her main view of you, which will end things between you.
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