bittermelon Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Been two weeks and a bit. I know it's not even close to healing yet, but I'm trying to start somewhere. I'm trying to get over him and most days, I am okay, I have my little routine of going to work, coming home to watch tv or go out with friends. But then, little things would trigger a meltdown. Like yesterday, being at a wedding and seeing everyone so in love. I wished he was with me there, even though I know things would never work out between us. Today, I moped around my home in my pyjamas. I know I should've gone out and kept busy, but in the end, I got weak and broke NC (again ) and text him to ask what he's doing. I don't know why I'm so weak! I do well and then I want to know what he's doing, want to know if he has moved on, want some kind of acknowledgment from him that I'm sufferering. He text back "Why r u asking?" I never responded cause obviously I have no reason or place to ask him now. So I cried and I cried. For a relationship that I thought was perfect but was far from it. I cried til my whole body shook and I had to muffle my cries so no one can hear because not everyone knows yet. I've never done drugs but if i was an addict, this is probably how it feels like to quit cold-turkey. this is probably the point where you go back to your drug of choice knowing it can kill you. anyone else going through this today? i hate weekends
Feelin Frisky Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Not going through it today but have been through both. Withdrawal from pain meds is temporary but nasty, losing someone you've built so much hope and love on is a much longer torture and I'm sorry to say, a permanent hurt that only gets smaller with time and new love. Hang in there. Even manny men cry.
Billie The Puppet Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Not going through it today but have been through both. Withdrawal from pain meds is temporary but nasty, losing someone you've built so much hope and love on is a much longer torture and I'm sorry to say, a permanent hurt that only gets smaller with time and new love. Hang in there. Even manny men cry. Yep I am a man and have cried over my ex, funny though I can't bring myself to tears when alone but if I discuss it with others the waterworks can bring tears. I want to cry sometimes but it just won't come out. I am just staring week 5 of NC and still have my moments. I am doing stuff to better myself too but I am still somewhat incomplete without her.
Ajax Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Yeah I sobbed like a baby after my ex left. Six weeks out, my eyes water up once in a while when I think about it. It's no walk in the park to be sure. Talk about it as much as you need to, with friends and on here. I've come to like this little online therapy group. Keep to NC. Obviously you know that contacting him is only going to make things worse. There's not a day that goes by that I don't want to reach out to my ex, but I know that I've exhausted all my options, so contacting her will only cause more pain.
leftfield Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 It is like a drug! I equate the NC thing as being like trying to give up smoking. You get your fix of contact with your ex, which does nothing but hurt you, but you still want to keep doing it. There's some compelling need to reach out to them hoping to feel some warmth, but the likelihood is you'd get more warmth huddled around a lit cigarette. I don't have a problem with NC now. I've broken the addiction. I wouldn't recommend my method though. I basically gave myself an ex overdose. I spent a weekend with her at a festival and the whole time she treat me like someone she'd trodden in. It was six or seven weeks after the breakup, and I felt nothing but utter indifference from her toward the year and half that we'd been 'in love'. How did she do that? She just stubbed me out and quit no problem, while I was left heartbroken. She even told me that she'd started dating. That was nice to hear! You've only been broken up a couple of weeks, so keep yourself busy with work and friends and TRY to give yourself time and space to heal. Don't beat yourself up if you do contact him, but if you feel tempted come and post on here instead. You already know what every will tell you!
smk Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 hey BM, we have all been there - i remember the times when i hated everything because she wasnt there. I am almost 4 months into the break and NC for i think around 6/7 weeks - i stopped counting after a while. I went through the waterworks and everything you have been through - broke NC a few times, she broke it a lot until i asked to not contact me and that i would contact her if ever. I hadnt cried since the age of 13 and here this girl brought me to my knees, i cried in front of everyone from friends & family, to work colleagues, to random strangers in bars, yup thats how bad i was. watch this it describes perfectly how things do turn out: now i sometimes force myself to feel the pain because it seems to be the only thing i have left to hold onto and its weird. I dont mean to put a damper on here and so i will end with a positive note - things will get better - you will have lots of moments where you will want to break NC and you may even do it. You will have days where you wish you could not have to face the world. The trick here is to get out there and force yourself to smile, force yourself to laugh, force yourself to face the world, because you will feel better for doing it. you ex is now your ex they are no longer part of your life, and you have the choice of living a fulfilling existence or you can be depressed? the choice is yours, as much as i hated facing the world some days - i still did and sooner or later things will get better. think positive and be strong. PS - credit to finding that video goes to MCGRUPP who posted it on another thread of mine - thanks buddy its really helped me move forward...
charliecharlie Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 That's the exact same thought I had yesterday! It is like a drug, and first you're doing relatively great but after a while you start getting withdrawal symptoms. I am experiencing them right now. I feel tempted to contact my ex but I don't give in to this urge. I try to keep thinking about the bad things and let this mood pass. Do you really grant your ex that egoboost? Are you still hoping that it will change the situation? Or are you negative on the thought that you will find someone else, someone even more fun than your ex? I know it's hard, it really is, but it's worth the try to stay strong. When it has passed, you'll be so proud of yourself for being strong!
NayWinter Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Been two weeks and a bit. I know it's not even close to healing yet, but I'm trying to start somewhere. I'm trying to get over him and most days, I am okay, I have my little routine of going to work, coming home to watch tv or go out with friends. But then, little things would trigger a meltdown. Like yesterday, being at a wedding and seeing everyone so in love. I wished he was with me there, even though I know things would never work out between us. Today, I moped around my home in my pyjamas. I know I should've gone out and kept busy, but in the end, I got weak and broke NC (again ) and text him to ask what he's doing. I don't know why I'm so weak! I do well and then I want to know what he's doing, want to know if he has moved on, want some kind of acknowledgment from him that I'm sufferering. He text back "Why r u asking?" I never responded cause obviously I have no reason or place to ask him now. So I cried and I cried. For a relationship that I thought was perfect but was far from it. I cried til my whole body shook and I had to muffle my cries so no one can hear because not everyone knows yet. I've never done drugs but if i was an addict, this is probably how it feels like to quit cold-turkey. this is probably the point where you go back to your drug of choice knowing it can kill you. anyone else going through this today? i hate weekends Try not to be so hard on yourself for breaking NC. You're not weak, you've been traumatized and I know what you mean about wanting him to acknowledge that you're suffering. Some people don't understand how horribly they've affected someone until they see their reaction. I know you posted this 2 days ago, but I just found it. I hope that today has been a better day for you. I'm going through this with you, so just remember that you're not alone. Actually, looking around...A lot of people are going through similar traumas. There's no words that are strong or accurate enough to describe the pain. When you get a chance, let us know how you're doing, ok? ((((hugs))))
jeff2321 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 (edited) I am a man and I have spent days crying because my ex left me. So it doesn't matter if you're female or male... the pain of losing someone hurts just as much no matter what sex you are. Some people may disagree with me on this, but I think women are more equipped to deal with a major breakup than men. Women are simply more connected than men when it comes to socially ( they have a network of friends ), more efficient and socially allowed to express their feelings ( men are perceived as weak for expressing sadness or crying ), and also because women control sex. A lot women go out and just get laid when they want to get over a guy. Men have more of a difficult time doing this as most women can tell if a man is grieving from a mile away. It's hard for a man to project confidence and masculinity when he's been rejected and dumped. I haven't even tried to go out and get laid because I know I'll go down in flames of rejection and that will just hurt me even more -- women simply just don't have to deal with this at all as they control who has sex with them. [ Not to mention, guy friends of mine don't even give two ****s about my break up and often tell me to 'man up' and get over it when I'm down. Women usually will sit for hours with their friends and talk stuff out and offer support ]. Feel lucky you are a woman and dealing with this as opposed to being a guy. I've accepted that I won't be the same probably for a long time and I will just have to get through each day the best that I can. Jeff Edited October 5, 2010 by jeff2321
marigo Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Its def like a drug. I was even about to write a paper about it in school since i have to write a newspaper article about public health and i thought of addiction. This whole thing is like an addiction to a substance that we're trying to stay away from but then we have these urges and we need to have it again. Thats why you contacted him. Dont beat yourself up for it though. And you are not weak! Trust me, you are gonna have a whole lot more of these episodes of contacting him because right now thats what your heart wants and you'r gonna do anything that could make u feel better and that is hearing something from him. But the more he pushes you away, the more you're gonna come back until it gets to the point where you're just gonna become so angry and you'd feel so pushed away that even you'd choose to stay away. Use the anger as a step to really want to better your life and to move on. Dont be angry forever because this will stop you for moving on as well. Its only been 2 weeks and its hard. So take baby steps. I know its hard not to let these things get to you like breaking NC but in the end, there's something you'd get out of it. My ex and i have been broken up for 7 months and im not gonna lie. I still cry over him. I did break NC twice and it made me feel stupid but in the end im glad i did because the last time we talked, he pushed me away so bad that i told myself, im never gonna talk to him again. We're back in school now and we work at the same place so we're bound to see each other. We talked to each other a couple times but thats it. Even asked him to lunch (dumb me) and regretted it for a bit but in the end im glad i asked because now i know the answer and im not gonna ask him anymore. Until now, i still get the urge to want to talk to him every time i see him at work. Just now i saw him change his facebook profile pic with his new gf. Whenever i see stuff about him and his new girl, i get this urge of wanting to contact him and i dont know why. I guess what im trying to say is that throughout this whole thing, you'd do things that you'd feel stupid for and that you'd regret. But once your head is a bit clearer, you're gonna be glad that you did the things you did. You'll have many more urges of wanting to contact him and talk to him and you may or may not break it. I promise you though that it gets easier to control as time goes by. Baby steps! Goodluck dear!! <3
abust1 Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Check out the book "Love and Addiction" by Stanton Peele. He makes a lot of analogies between drug and love addiction. I have a feeling most of us on here have a case of love addiction, it seems like a "healthy" person, with a healthy life outside of their former relationship, wouldn't need a message board full of strangers to cope with losing someone. At least not to the extent that some of us (myself included) come to rely on this board to feel better for an extended period.
Recommended Posts