jasperlynx Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 My wife of 15 yrs wants me leave our home. She is obviously unhappy and cannot stand the sight of me. We two kids 9 and 6 and she is a wonderful mother. We have alway had a rocky marriage and it has always been one sided. Me always expecting more and never getting anything in return. She has controlling issues that has lead me to let her make decisions for everything. She is a very take charge person. Bills, kids, house planning, just about everything. Not that im not capable..just working 2 jobs for the past 10 years..I have limited time. She wants me to leave NOW. I have no family and very limited friends and I feel that they are all i have. I have been living in the basement for 4 weeks now and she does not give me the time of day. I do not want to leave (not knowing what our arrangement are with the kids and our financial obligations). When I told her that I did not want to leave until I knew what the arrangement was going to be, she flipped out saying that I was out to get her and that all (being nice) bets were off and the next time we would speak about this , it would be with her attorney. That was days ago and nothing has happend. It is very very awkward living here and I feel like a stranger in my home. Trying to avoid her is crazy in a house. Should I leave now or wait it out for her to get her attorney involed. We cant afford this and I would rather this be done civil. what legal rights do I have if I leave without anything being resovled?
willowthewisp Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Don't go anywhere! It's your home. Tell your wife that you want to work on your marriage and would be willing to go to MC, but if she wants out then she can be the one to leave! Your wife has no legal right to get you out of your property, the only way she could do that is by court order and the courts will look at the whole situation, not just her wants. How DARE she? If I were you I would extremely angry. Edit - also, stop living in the basement, it's your home too. Look up the 180 on here and start implementing it.
mark982 Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 jasper, sounds like she want you out any way she can. my sugestion is to carry a voice activated recorder on you at all times whilein the house. and i'd start doing some research on your financial sitution more, you're working, quit handing her the money. start watching out for number 1.
mark982 Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 oh, and like willow says, stay in your damn house, there's some reason she wants you out. you gotta find that out. usually there's another man hiding in the backround.
You Go Girl Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Well what a story. It's not believable though, because a woman doesn't get that angry without a reason. So what is she so angry at you about? Because the ONLY other possibiilty, is that you have zero passive-agressive behavior, and zero intimidating behavior, and zero revenge behavior. None of us are that saintly. Not that I agree with her, I don't. You should stay put in your house, and refuse to be treated as a second class citizen in it. Use any room you want, anytime. Refuse to leave. You're no doubt paying part of the mortgage, and those kids are yours to raise as much as hers. What were these expectations you mention that she wasn't meeting? Let her know simply, honestly, and gently, that you won't be forced out of your own home. Legal ramifications: Number 1--abandonment if you leave, which can be held against you.
Author jasperlynx Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 My wife is a control freak. Wants everything done her way at home. She thinks she is always right when it comes to raising the kids. Continually reminds me that "I've raised these kids". I was only working 16 hours a day, and Fri, Sat and Sunday too!. She has been treating me like dirt for years. I would be better off without her. It is mental abuse and I cannot live this misery anymore. But on the other hand, I love her dearly and cannot phantom the idea of "Divorce" "my kids" "Did I really F-up" "Im to blame". The problem is My Wife treats EVERYBODY like gold...but me. I am very scared to be alone. My parents ara gone, and being an only child , I have no one. Not to say poor me..but this really is a bummer.
karnak Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 It seems you stated in other threads that you've been married for 13 years, 16 in others and even 15. For how long have you been married, for real???
Author jasperlynx Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 15 yrs , Ive posted in the past..so you know the story quite well. I've been having problems with her for yrs. Sorry for the mixup with years.
2.50 a gallon Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 The reason for the VAR is to cover your a$$, if she should try the ploy of calling the cops and telling them a story about you abusing her, and thereby forcing you out of the house with your arrest.
Author jasperlynx Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 I've never abused my wife. Never physically or mentally. She has done both to me. She has a drinking problem for 10 years. Basically gets drunk cries about everything wrong in her life..call me an ******* blaims me for making her life so miserable..calls me a loser..tells me im selfish..complains that im a ****ty father...and is just flat out a mean viscous drunk. She has gotten physical with me numerous times and has mentally abused me in front of my kids many times with name calling in oblivious state. to sum it up ...my wife thinks that if she has a problem..Im NOT supposed to be judge her about it and deal and face her problems in a non judgemental way. In other words..when she does something wrong and f- up she expects me to be on her side no matter what and to be loyal because she is my wife. get it? she's is allowed to be a drunk because she has so many unhappy things going on in her life. bull****. She needs to get her **** together and stop hitting the bottle and piling her **** on me. how is that for you unbelievable story.
spacedowt Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I suppose my response could be discounted because I'm young and haven't been married long (and about to be seperated), but I felt moved to respond to this post because it made me sad. I'm confused as to why people want to stay in such miserable situations just "for the sake of marriage" or "for the kids". Those reasons are inadequate--no one deserves to be banished to a basement and down talked, and kids don't deserve to see their parents in a miserably tumultuous marriage. Decide what things you value in yourself--beyond your wife who doesn't seem to be treating you that great at the moment, and leave with a strong will and with respect. If you guys get back together it would need to be on her part since it seems that in the current state of things there's nothing you can do to fix the problems you two have. Maybe in a little while she will realize that she wants you back and then you can make the decision about whether or not this is what you want. Until then remove yourself from this situation, because it is not a good one.
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