BiggestScrewUp Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Ok. So I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years and nearly 1 month. I love her with all my heart. She means the world to me. Everytime she's not here I miss her and feel the need to text her/call her/try and communicate with her all the time. About 2 months ago in late July, I got really drunk and cheated on her with an ex. I was so ashamed and told her a few days later. She was heartbroken and hurt but she decided to take me back. We sorted it all out. Talked about it. Made sure we were both ok. We've had a really good few months up until a few days ago. Last week I got really drunk and did it again with some girl I hadn't seeen in a good few years. The pain is incredible. I hate it. I want to dip my past in an acid bath. I hate myself for it. Just as we were both getting over the first time, I do this. And the girl I did it with is someone that I doubt I'd normally do it with even if I was single, let alone sober!! I told my girlfriend again. She was incredibly upset but again... heart broken, she had the decency to take me back. I promised I was sorry and to show her how much, I told her that I was going to stop drinking. (Having been a mentally dependant alcoholic for the past 4 years of my life this does kinda means something) But now its all over, I'm having these awful feelings. I keep thinking that I don't like her or that I might hurt her for no reason. I hate this. I'm so confused. I love her so much but I keep having dark thoughts about whether or not I can keep this up. I really really love her. Anyone else felt like this? Does anyone know whether there can be a happy outcome? I really do love her! I just don't want to hurt her.
anne1707 Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 With your dependency on alcohol, what steps are you taking to help you stop drinking? Although I have just noted that you said you were going to stop drinking - have you followed through with that promise yet? You obviously realise that blaming your girlfriend is wrong and unfair. The problems lie with you and you may need professional help/counselling to deal with the alcoholism. I am sure it will also increase chances of your girlfriend forgiving you if she sees you taking positive steps to stop this behaviour.
Author BiggestScrewUp Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 Hey. Thanks for the quick reply. Yeah. I've stopped so far. 7 days sober at the moment. Surprisingly, the sobriety is the easy bit. I'm just finding it really hard to try and forgive myself. What happened the second time really scared me. I didn't just break my girlfriends heart that time, I broke my own. I didn't mean to do it and like I said; I wouldn't have done it if I was SINGLE let alone sober. Also... why am I starting to feel bad about my relationship. Am I starting to doubt it because this happened again?
anne1707 Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Only you can really know the answer to that. Depending on how much you have been drinking, that could have clouded your judgement in respect of your relationship and now that you are no longer drinking, it all seems and feels different. Or you could even be projecting your problems on to the relationship instead as some kind of defence mechanism as a way of avoiding dealing with your own personal issues.
Author BiggestScrewUp Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 Only you can really know the answer to that. Depending on how much you have been drinking, that could have clouded your judgement in respect of your relationship and now that you are no longer drinking, it all seems and feels different. Or you could even be projecting your problems on to the relationship instead as some kind of defence mechanism as a way of avoiding dealing with your own personal issues. Yeah. Never thought of it like that. Maybe. Any ideas on how I could start to get over all of this? Ignore the drinking for now. It's not the problem.
anne1707 Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Talk to your girlfriend! If you really do want this to work and with all you have been through, it may be worth you trying couples counselling - see if you can both find your way through this together. You are bound to be full of self-doubt at the moment because of the way you have not just let your girlfriend down but also yourself. If you try and bury those feelings then you will not fully resolve the issue. I am quite sure your girlfriend has plenty to say to you too and it will not be pleasant but better to deal with it properly than let it fester.
Author BiggestScrewUp Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 Talk to your girlfriend! If you really do want this to work and with all you have been through, it may be worth you trying couples counselling - see if you can both find your way through this together. You are bound to be full of self-doubt at the moment because of the way you have not just let your girlfriend down but also yourself. If you try and bury those feelings then you will not fully resolve the issue. I am quite sure your girlfriend has plenty to say to you too and it will not be pleasant but better to deal with it properly than let it fester. That's really great advice. Thank you! I'll see what I can do.
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Wow. Your girlfriend is either extremely kind and forgiving or has extremely low self-esteem. I agree with Anne that if alcohol was a common denominator both times, then alcohol needs to be removed from your life. Glad you're taking steps to make that happen. In additional to couples' therapy, I'd seek independent therapy or counseling if I were you. You need some help addressing your personal issues and some of them have nothing to do with your girlfriend.
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