September Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Why after ending the relationship (generally after D-Day) do you feel that you can make contact again. I understand that there is some guilt involved and that you "realise" you still love your H/W and really want to make it work, but some married xAP's seem to just re-appear weeks, months or years after NC has been initiated. The Dumpee starts to slowly move on with their life, after much torment and heartbreak to have you contact them as if nothing has happened. What makes you do this? Some honest insight would be appreciated.
jj33 Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Hi Im not a WS but as there are so few that post here, Ill give you what xMM has told me. He misses me He misses me and wants to be friends We are friends He loves me and wishes things were different The unspoken: if we hadnt separated, then the A would still be going on, so why not pick it up again (ie maybe the OW is still up for it and you cant blame a guy for asking) The list goes on and on and then lather rinse repeat. I think the last one is the answer. Translated I want what I want when I want it (because I am a man of wealth and influence joking xMM would never say the parenthetical) if I didnt contact you Id never know if you wanted it too so I am reaching out to see if the door is still open. All I can say after 3+ years of this bs, is slam it in his f**king face.
silverplanets Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 With reference only to the specific case where the MM/MW "leads" the AP to believe that they are building a future together ... and who then dump the AP after D-day. Why on earth would they not be in contact. They had so little respect for the AP's life and future that they misled them/lied to them during the "relationship" so why should they show any respect for the AP's life and future once the relationship is over. Or to put it another way ... the AP was mug enough to fall for it before, so why not again? The linked and interesting question is, I believe, why does the AP a) believe them first time round and b) believe them second/third/fourth etc time around ... If any AP wants to make it interesting, then simply inform the BS as soon as any MP attempts making repeat contact after D-day ... this creates a very real consequence of the MP contacing them .... When this is done I would be suprised if any MP contacted any AP more than twice after D-day .... (just in case there's any doubt ... i'm with jj on slamming that door right shut) My life and future is worth much more than somone who does not consider the affect their lies and deceit will have on it :) be safe Chris
Author September Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 Oh jj, you are so correct! These wealthy influential MM are SO much more attractive, intelligent, better in bed and sweeter than any other guy out there! ;) SP, with the one's promising a future, I believe that to be very true also. Their indecision and guilt for hurting both their AP and H/W I think, wreaks havoc internally with them and maybe this is their way of trying to make amends OR maybe they are just testing the waters to see if they can start up again after the dust has settled as you mentioned. Your responses are both very valid. I suppose I am asking this because lately there have been a few posts where the Dumped AP has really tried to get on with their life only to have the Dumper pop back in to say "hi, I miss you". I believe that sometimes the Dumper has returned back to M life and it's not as rosey as expected (oh boy, have I seen that so often on another forum!!). This can often take their minds back to when the A was fun and exciting and they want some of that in their lives again. This unfortunately, does start the vicious cycle. It's knowing how to deal with it when it happens...
desertIslandCactus Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Not a M dumper either .. just answering: The MM uses the OW to enhance his life. One could call it glutony or whatever. As long as you give him the time of day .. you are feeding the beast.
jj33 Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 September for a long time this dogged me. It drove me over the edge. There was no D Day and no dumping per se but it had to end when it did. I had a hard time letting go, but it would have been MUCH easier if he hadnt insisted on keeping in constant contact. I believe that made it far more difficult to get over him. Now its gotten to the point that I harbor a lot of anger and resentment towards him for not leaving me alone which I am slowly letting go of. And each ridiculous thing he does bothers me less and less and I stand up for myself more and more. But its a terrible thing to do. When the AP has said no more it should be no more. If the AP kept plaguing the MM after he said leave me alone, she would be a bunny boiler. There is no such equivalent for the MM who keeps trying to sneak back into the A but there should be. I think "azzclown" is the operative term...
Hazyhead Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 September for a long time this dogged me. It drove me over the edge. There was no D Day and no dumping per se but it had to end when it did. I had a hard time letting go, but it would have been MUCH easier if he hadnt insisted on keeping in constant contact. I believe that made it far more difficult to get over him. Now its gotten to the point that I harbor a lot of anger and resentment towards him for not leaving me alone which I am slowly letting go of. And each ridiculous thing he does bothers me less and less and I stand up for myself more and more. But its a terrible thing to do. When the AP has said no more it should be no more. If the AP kept plaguing the MM after he said leave me alone, she would be a bunny boiler. There is no such equivalent for the MM who keeps trying to sneak back into the A but there should be. I think "azzclown" is the operative term... Love this, JJ Damn all those azzclowns!
jj33 Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Thanks Hazy. I second that Damn those Azzclowns! And for the record for all his flaws xMM would never have tried the pathetic "Im a man of great wealth and influence" - would have walked out the door so fast he wouldnt have heard the clickety clack of my stilettos on the parquet floor;)
Author September Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 But its a terrible thing to do. When the AP has said no more it should be no more. If the AP kept plaguing the MM after he said leave me alone, she would be a bunny boiler. There is no such equivalent for the MM who keeps trying to sneak back into the A but there should be. I think "azzclown" is the operative term... You are so correct, I hadn't even thought of that! OW are thought of as Bunny Boiler's. What the Dumper doesn't realise is, he is the one promising all the crapola under the sun then quickly takes it all away and expects the AP to move on as if nothing has happened! Dumpee in their desperation to try and hold onto the relationship are then being labelled as a BB! (I know in some cases there are some real wacko BB's making a complete ass of themselves). BUT when the Dumper comes back chasing, it's okay??? Double standard AZZCLOWNS!!!
Author September Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 I contacted her because I knew she wanted me to. Of course she wants you to, she propbably feels that you have a future together. YOU also want to contact her, you want sex from her with NSA. IMHO that is cruel, leave the poor girl alone and go pay for services. That way you don't have to deal with her Bunny Boiling brain damage.
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