Bitlost2 Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Not so quick update: even though I told MM to go jump AGAIN, he continued to find any excuse to contact me - ' saw you at the gym, so wanted to talk to you', 'going to gym later, will you join me? Miss you.' Like he just wasn't listening. Well I finally agreed to meet him because texting goodbyes and reasons obviously wasn't getting through. I said things I hadn't been brave enough to say before like he's the reason my marriage is over, he's the reason I'm on anti-depressants and been in counselling for a year etc. What would he say to his precious female friends if they told him about this story? He'd tell them to run a mile from this MM that had caused so much destruction but he couldn't admit that. He said I should learn to compartmentalise!!! He still said he wanted me in his life, wanted to be friends, wanted any bit of me I was prepared to give him!!! Is the man stupid? Was he really no listening after all this time, after all these reasons?? REALLY unbelievable. Truly unrecognisable from the passionate, caring man I met and who would have walked over coals not to hurt me!!! So no we CAN'T be friends of any kind mate! Only took him 5 days to get back in touch! It was so unbelievable I laughed! What a selfish wotsit! A few days later it was my birthday. NC. Two days later he contacts me to say that he'd thought about me, hoped I'd had a nice day. I replied to say tough times that's all. He tried to call me on his birthday the next day (no I didn't wish him happy birthday!) and I didn't pick up. Tough times - my H just got the keys to his new house (still my best mate by the way, we get on so well! One amazing man), he's just been diagnosed with skin cancer + various other issues around. Very emotional times. That was the last time he tried to contact me so we've gone a week. Apart from bumping into him with his 'friend' again at the gym. I dealt with it ok at the time but the next day was horrific. Tears all over the place, jealousy, anger, frustration, confusion, feeling foolish for spoiling my life over such a selfish, lying, confused bloke. Why is he trying to keep me in his life when he is spending sooooo much time with a young, blonde girl who hasn't got a family, two years worth of emotional hurt and baggage and obviously gives him the excitement that he needs outside of family life?? Anyway, that wasn't so quick. More of a incoherent ramble!!! I just can't stop my head from thinking about him, him and her. It's doing my head in. A few weeks ago I'd slowed all that down! Argh! It's just never ending. I go out of my way to avoid him but he seems to have changed his gym times to be with her which appears to overlap with me at times?? Yesterday I was so frustrated I wrote this to him (never sent it of course). My main pain is caused by not recognising him anymore or liking his actions. The man has lost the plot. He's not the man I fell in love with! One day you won't be able to hurt me anymore. One day I will be happy again and won't need the tablets your mind games put me on. One day my heart won't be broken, my life will be repaired and my time with selfish, uncaring you will be a distant, horrific memory. Special???? My @r$e! I was simply a stupid fool who f'd up herself, her family and her life for someone who doesn't give a damn for the horrendous damage being caused or who to. That's not the bloke I fell for. I must have imagined him. I first finished with him two years ago this December. If only he'd stayed away then. Moreover, if only he'd never got back in touch and walked through my door at all. I wish I'd never met him. Anyone reading this about to embark on the most wonderful, passionate journey with their MM soulmate please read these posts and realise that the highs are incredible but few and the lows are amazing, devastating and will alter you forever. He was PERFECT for me I swear, I was the same as you, I still believe it sometimes, but I've allowed him to destroy me and my life!! Get out now! OMG - after all that, he's just text me. I'm too scared to open it! Unbelievable AGAIN. Must be because it's a raining Sunday morning with the family and his blonde friend isn't around!
jj33 Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Oh Bit (((HUGS))). I am so sorry you are going through this. I have a similar situation with xMM (more than 3 years later) but for the blonde. They are selfish confused men. I was talking to a male friend about it last night and he said thats just how guys are. Why dont women understand men are simple. Dont be angry or upset dont be insulted its flattering he still wants you. Flattering my a*s. I was really angry just hearing my friend say that I should be pleased. Pleased to have someone you care about behaving like an azzclown? Not so much. I wish I knew what the answer was. All I can say is if you dont have to talk to him (meaning you dont work with him) then delete his contacts. Dont answer his texts. Dont answer his calls. If you bump into him and he says he has to speak to you all you need to say is you are married there is nothing to discuss. End of. You will get past this. I know it feels like you wont but you will. Take good care
Author Bitlost2 Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 Thanks JJ! Flattered?? I'm not flattered unfortunately either. Being loved part time, when they have five minutes in their day or a gap between wife and other friends is not flattering!! I'm so confused. So he's texted again, nice as pie, as if nothing has EVER been said about fancying a duvet day or meeting for coffee!!! Should I admire his perserverance? He never gives up! Just leaves it a bit to let the dust settle/let me calm down and then comes back as if we're best friends. AMAZING. Why do you never give up on something you don't want, is totally damaged and broken emotionally, keeps telling you to p off when you have your wife, family, friends and even attractive, young female friends??? Why??????????????? Used to think it was love and that he couldn't live without me. Now I'm just to cynical and have too much evidence of him winning me back to believe that!
Author Bitlost2 Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 Thanks JJ! Flattered?? I'm not flattered unfortunately either. Being loved part time, when they have five minutes in their day or a gap between wife and other friends is not flattering!! Apologies for the typo. Not sure I was ever being loved part time! Thought I was at the time. Oh I sound like some wise, grumpy, old cow!! !
jj33 Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Bit have you told him to f off? Write him back and say are you fing (and dont abbreviate it) kidding me? Please delete my contact information this is the last response you will receive from me. Bit you cant sit there while he has another OW and take this crap. I know it hurts I know in your heart you are saying why didnt you choose me you twisted prat (whom I still love for some inexplicable reason) but if you entertain ANYTHING from this man then you have to start writing doormat where they ask for your favorite pastime. I dont say this to be harsh but you CAN NOT allow this. Block his emails (or send them to spam) Block his calls (or rename his entry block so when the phone rings you will know not to pick it up. Dont read his texts. They are only maddening. I cant tell you the hours I have lost stewing over them. Dont let him invade your privacy anymore. And if he keeps it up tell him you will tell his W. There is a part of you that doesnt want it to stop because that means you were wrong, it was all wrong and all the bad consequences happened for something that wasnt worth it. But the game isnt over yet. You are dealing with the depression. You are going to be single and now you dont know in time, you could meet a great new guy (much as that feels impossible now). Hang in there. Big hugs
jj33 Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Of course if you do respond that will instigate more responses from him and you MUST delete them unread. Just delete delete delete. If you can get a new cell number do that. Keep this one on pay as you go for a few weeks. Text everyone in your phone book but him (delete him from your phone book for this exercise) that you have a new number. Then ditch this phone. If its a work phone tell your employer you need a new number. Make something up. Change your personal email address. If you really want him out of your life its doable. Then the healing can really begin.
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 ....IF YOUR REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT HIM NOT CONTACTING YOU, TELL YOUR HUSBAND, GET A LAWYER AND GET AN ACTIVE RESTRAINING ORDER. Sometimes guys who intend to keep badgering you need to be shown that just because they slept with you and had an affair, it's over. Dont you want him to stop contacting you, then be serious about it. and you dont get anymore serious than a restraining order. PERIOD.
Star_Bright Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 This guy is not respecting you at all. I liked what you wrote in your letter about not needing him one day. Make that one day today!! Change your gym and your phone number. Get on with your life without him. He is doing it because of his ego; he likes the attention and he wants to know you will still pay attention to him. If you want him to really take notice of you, just disappear. That'll really bug him. And then you can move on with your own life, free of this jerk!!! Good luck.
silverplanets Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Hi Bitlost, Sorry to hear you're being plagued ... I had a similar'ish problem with xMW at the start of the year ... and in the end I decided just to forward in a no-drama to her H. Original thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t234576/ She did try again once more under some very silly "anonymous" account, but it was so obvious .. and once again I just forwarded it to her H .... End result ... with direct consequences to her actions then she stopped doing them ... Sometimes you just have to make it "real" for them ... Sorry you're being jerked about in this way ... you deserve to be left alone to heal ... be safe Chris
Author Bitlost2 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 .... for taking the time to give me extra willpower!!! I'd already deleted him from my contacts back in February which never made any difference as he's always the one to break NC! I'm looking into blocking his number now. Every single time I break away (must be 8-10 times in the last two years) he comes back at some point (longest being 3 months!). It's really laughable at times! I just don't get it. There are much 'easier' people for him to be with!! Love and strength to you all too!
Author Bitlost2 Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 Well he kept in touch for a week - he was very down. Not happy with his life. Nothing makes him happy. He wanted to be the bloke he was when we first got together. So wanted to be together. I started to be sucked in AGAIN! Unbelievable. We met last night. Talked a bit but he'd already hurt me earlier in the day so I was a bit off but so wanted to be held. I explained that my life is hell at the mo that I'm not just being dramatic. And it ended up with him saying that he can't win with me, that he can never do enough for me (he pretty much does nothing!)! I asked why he kept getting back in touch with me anymore. We have a pretty naff friendship nowadays, only thing we have left are memories and very occasional sex. He said he keeps thinking that we can do it, we can be in each other's lives! I said I think we've proved that we can't over the last two years, anti-depressants, end of my marriage and counselling! Anyway he's finally agreed to not contact me ever again. He seemed so hard and I went all bitchy and said loads of stupid things that weren't intelligent or dignified. Not great last memories and I left without a bye. So here we go again. I've woken today in the depths of depression but not just with the loss of him. Simply I don't get how I've made such a mess of my life. I really don't like him much anymore. Yet I'm so addicted. Please don't say to the thrill because there is no thrill left. I'm addicted to bringing back the bloke of 2 years ago who has obviously gone for good. But I obviously have a need in my life that he fulfilled and I'm worried that until I find someone else to fill that need I'm going to ache for him?? I just can't believe that I'm going through this for about the 10th time. My heart, body and mind are really not strong enough to keep doing this! My head wants to explode this morning and the tears are flowing AGAIN! I'm such a fool!
my story Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Sorry you are hurting so much. Hugs. It's always easy to choose to go back as the pain would stop temporarily even though you know it would only come back worse. We are all afraid that we would never be able to find something so great (or at least we thought was great at the time) ever again, but no matter how great it was, just remember all the pain you are going through now, not worth it. Be strong, don't see him, don't talk to him, don't have anything to do with him ever again. Regardless whether we would find love again, at least we don't need to deal with the emotional roller coaster any more, we can have full control of our life. Hang in there.
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