blargatarg Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Here's my situation: We met through our group of friends over a year ago, and I didn't really pay much attention to her, but she really liked me. I was like "whatever" and went along with it and I instantly realized that we were great for each other. We formed an incredible bond incredibly fast, and spent 24-7 together. She was crazy about me and I loved how clingy she was and how much she needed me, (which is kind of strange I think.) We went out for 13 months and even went on a trip together. Consistently throughout the relationship we spent every second possible together and we could practically read eachother's minds. She was always very committal and talked about our future together, and I was too, just not quite as enthusiastic, (which isn't saying much--I was still pretty enthusiastic about moving in together, staying together forever, etc.) Unfortunately, probably about 2/3 to 3/4 of the way through our relationship, (and I didn't realize this until afterwords,) I became the more needy one, and I ended up craving her attention so much that it kind of turned her away. Near the end I could feel her slipping away. The first sign was her diminishing sex drive, followed by her giving me less and less attention. Then, very near the end, she started feeling confined by the relationship, and scared I think because we were in such a serious relationship and so young (I'm 19 and she's 18.) She said she felt like I was controlling her, and it caused this snowballing self-fulfilling prophecy. I did end up pretty controlling, at the very end when this was all happening. She lied to me about some stupid trivial things, which in turn made me more paranoid and controlling. The first time she lied to me I was utterly shocked, because we were so close that I could hardly even believe what had happened, even though it wasn't even anything bad. Then she lied a few more times, and then cheated on me. Our relationship basically plummeted in the last couple weeks. I know she must have had some bottled up feelings for a while longer before we broke up. Anyway, after she cheated on me, I picked her up in the middle of the night and she was crying, and she told me everything in the morning, and then said she wanted to break up. It was completely devastating. Of course, I made the mistake of doing what most people do in that situation and acted like even more of a needy insecure dumbass who couldn't live without her. Eventually I stopped contacting her and started just waiting for her to contact me, but I haven't done a very good job at "no contact." I saw her at a mutual friend's party two weeks after the break up and she said she was talking to one of her friends and he said she should "give it another shot" but she still hadn't decided yet. She also said she cried about us the night before. I told her she should call me when she wants to meet up and talk things over, but she never did. Now it's been almost seven weeks and I still can't get through five minutes without thinking about her. I called her a couple of weeks ago and asked if she'd go out to lunch with me. She said yes and I made sure to say the breakup was for the best, and everything (bull****), and acted confident and attractive as well as I could. Everything went pretty good, and she was comfortable touching me, and I made sure to touch her to keep that comfort level. We saw eachother hanging out with mutual friends since then, and she even invited me over for dinner with her family earlier this week. I called her up a few days later and we went shopping and watched a movie at my house. She texted me the other day and invited me over again. The only problem is that her general attitude and vibe is that we're "just friends" and that seems to be all she intends to be. She's been giving me a lot of mixed messages though, and that is what I need help with. When we watched the movie, we were touching (our arms and legs) when we were sitting on the couch, and she was comfortable with this, but other times, like the most recent time, when I was over at her house, we sat kind of far apart. When we were shopping she even showed me her new bra and part of her underwear. And she seems comfortable with me, which is good because she's really shy with most people, but I feel like that's because it's already-established comfort. She seems very reluctant to let me get very close and she just is giving me this "let's be friends" vibe, as I said. She also seemed like she was trying to make me jealous (like a week ago) but that stopped. She talked about how she made out with this guy and went on some dates, and how she "had the chance to do a threesome but didn't." (Which is just funny more than anything, because she is really not the type for that kind of thing.) She also made it clear that she wasn't in a relationship. What do I do? I know she's going to contact me again soon. I think that she's trying to become friends to ease her pain. I know she feels/felt horrible about what she did to me, rightly so. But when I hang out with her it makes me miss her and crave her even more. If I have a chance, I will do whatever it takes to get her back, and if that means being her friend until she realizes what she's lost, then so be it, but I don't see the point in becoming friends with her now if she's just using that to get over me while making me feel like ****. What do I do? How can I re-attract her? Or should I give up?
Sivok Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 So wait. Why exactly do you want to get back with her after she cheated on you? If she truly felt that bad about it, she wouldn't have done it to you in the first place. You showing her you want her back after all she's done to you shows a lack of self respect - it proves to her she can get away with anything with you, even cheating. How can you possibly trust her when you get back together as well? I really think you're looking through rose colored glasses here. Don't do this to yourself man. She's got you around her finger and she knows it. She can get you back anytime she wants and she knows it. You need to cut off your visits with her and start dating others to get her jealous. When she realizes you're not as available as she had believed you are, that's her best chance to become re-attracted to you in an emotional way. Even then, hell, you might find you like a new girl much better than her.
Mad Max Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 So wait. Why exactly do you want to get back with her after she cheated on you? If she truly felt that bad about it, she wouldn't have done it to you in the first place. You showing her you want her back after all she's done to you shows a lack of self respect - it proves to her she can get away with anything with you, even cheating. How can you possibly trust her when you get back together as well? I really think you're looking through rose colored glasses here. Don't do this to yourself man. She's got you around her finger and she knows it. She can get you back anytime she wants and she knows it. You need to cut off your visits with her and start dating others to get her jealous. When she realizes you're not as available as she had believed you are, that's her best chance to become re-attracted to you in an emotional way. Even then, hell, you might find you like a new girl much better than her. He needs to start dating others for himself, not to get her jealous. That's a game and he's better than that. He needs to ditch the b*tch(hey that rhymes ) and look for someone else. Cheaters don't deserve second chances.
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