24 hrs nc...not like him...fearing d-day

[whichwayisup]

I didn't assume anything about his character. Based on her posts, he doesn't have any character.

 

If he had character, everyone wouldn't know about his affair except his wife. If he had character, he would have a backbone and end the suffering once and for all, just come clean and divorce her. How he's treating his wife is really awful, so disrespectful.

 

Just my 2 cents, but I believe he's made up the story about her cheating etc, because if that was true, (two wrongs don't make a right) wouldn't he be out the door? If his marriage sucked so bad and he didn't love her?

 

Again, actions are speaking louder than words. Where is he now? At home with his wife, trying to woo her and tell her crap lines to keep her at bay until she believes him. Kind of what he's doing to you - Feeding you lines, so you'll believe him.

[bentnotbroken]

If he had character, everyone wouldn't know about his affair except his wife. If he had character, he would have a backbone and end the suffering once and for all, just come clean and divorce her. How he's treating his wife is really awful, so disrespectful.

 

Just my 2 cents, but I believe he's made up the story about her cheating etc, because if that was true, (two wrongs don't make a right) wouldn't he be out the door? If his marriage sucked so bad and he didn't love her?

 

Again, actions are speaking louder than words. Where is he now? At home with his wife, trying to woo her and tell her crap lines to keep her at bay until she believes him. Kind of what he's doing to you - Feeding you lines, so you'll believe him.

 

 

I agree. Disgusting moves on his part.

[KarmasTestDummy]

I'm a physician. So I am very well informed about the HIPAA regulations and what can and can't be said. No legitimate physician in this day and age would leave a voice mail to whoever might get it, saying anything detailed about a patient. Even directly to a patient.... a spouse does not have the right to hear it unless the patient says so.

 

So yes, this message seems odd to me too.

 

I don't know about you but I get a reminder call for every appointment me' or my children have. I've granted permission to leave vm if I'm unreached as I typically am. If this was her cell phone and her h was out of town I have no reason to think she'd be afraid to let them leave a message.

[KarmasTestDummy]

OMG! You poor thing! My MM says that he loves me and is leaving next year. He says to me all the time that he'll never deny our love if she asks. If he said we was just friends on a d day, I would be sooooo sad!

 

I'm so sorry he hurt you like that! It just isn't fair!

 

Thank you for your concern but actually I am not hurt. I did not expect him to admit it.

[porter218]

I don't know about you but I get a reminder call for every appointment me' or my children have. I've granted permission to leave vm if I'm unreached as I typically am. If this was her cell phone and her h was out of town I have no reason to think she'd be afraid to let them leave a message.

 

Yes.. A reminder call. As I said before are not allowed to call and say ANYTHING other then their name, their office and the contact number if this is pertaining to post visit. If pre visit it is a simple nondescript reminder call with no details or extra info. hipaa regulations.

[jennie-jennie]

IF you didn't inform the spouse before you cheated, while you cheated or even after you have been asked....you are fighting to live a lie and force someone else to do so against their will, generally speaking of course.

 

There is a difference between a squealer and a liar.

[TigerCub]

I don't know about you but I get a reminder call for every appointment me' or my children have. I've granted permission to leave vm if I'm unreached as I typically am. If this was her cell phone and her h was out of town I have no reason to think she'd be afraid to let them leave a message.

 

I think she was saying that doctors don't leave a detailed message that explains what they appointment is regarding.

I get appointment reminders too, but no doctor ever left a message discussing what I'm going in for - and I would imagine in the case of an abortion - they would NEVER say something like "are you sure about your decision - ok, we'll see you when you come in for your procedure"

 

Karma, I realize that you're getting a LOT of not so nice responses about MM and your judgement.

I, for one don't mean to pick on you when i point out things that don't make much sense from the info you're telling us.

 

I said it before, only YOU know this MM, we dont. But we're just going on the facts you give us.

 

Believe me, I know what its like to love someone and to be caught up in an A. I'm sure you're a strong cookie, and you are a smart person, but sometimes love blinds us, and you mentioned before how you "allowed" yourself to believe what he tells you.

 

I hope that he's truly being honest with you - I guess, even when it came to my situation, I was never 100% completely trusting of every detail.

 

But we're all different.

 

I hope that it all turns out the way you'd like and that you are happy

[jennie-jennie]

There is a difference between a squealer and a liar.

 

Or more accurate:

 

There is a difference between refusing to be a squealer and being a liar.

[KarmasTestDummy]

Okay...I get that you all are only trying to open my eyes. I genuinely appreciate the concern if that is your intent. I will leave it at the fact that I will keep my eyes open to deceit but at this point there is nothing to be said that will change my trust in him as it currently stands. I have seen this board jump on ow saying their mm is going to be abusive because he showed irrational jealousy. People are so quick to hang these men for their actions. I just choose to keep things in perspective from my own judgments because bottom line is that my opinion is the only one that matters.

 

Again, thank you but I'm really tired of trying to defend him to others. I'll stick to replying to posts that address the original post surrounding the event that took place yesterday.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I know you love him and trust him, but please do yourself a favor and try to keep at least some part of your heart safe.

 

You will hear from him soon enough and you can go from there.

[KarmasTestDummy]

I know you love him and trust him, but please do yourself a favor and try to keep at least some part of your heart safe.

 

You will hear from him soon enough and you can go from there.

 

My heart is already protected to a degree. I'm fully aware the likelihood that this won't turn out in my favor. Nor are we in a serious relationship with any false promises of some forever blissful future together. It is not my place to pressure him to leave for me' and I do not. If he's not in a place yet to admit to her then I'm not gonna try and encourage it. Its his life to choose and live.

 

With that being said I did talk to him again. All is fine. He is keeping a low profile for the day. Keeping his phone where she can see it so she doesn't fight in front of the kids. Thanks for ur input an perspective on the matter at hand.

[whichwayisup]

Keeping his phone where she can see it so she doesn't fight in front of the kids.

 

Nice shot at his wife. Did he tell you this or is this your spin on it.

 

Good luck. You seem happy being the OW and are enjoying the benefits of the affair. Its' good you're shielding your heart because this IS a man who will not think twice about throwing you under the bus. Never say never and no, I'm not just saying this off the top of my head, I can recall numerous OW and OM who never EVER thought their MM or MW would throw them under the bus.. Guess what? It does happen.

[KarmasTestDummy]

Nice shot at his wife. Did he tell you this or is this your spin on it.

 

Good luck. You seem happy being the OW and are enjoying the benefits of the affair. Its' good you're shielding your heart because this IS a man who will not think twice about throwing you under the bus. Never say never and no, I'm not just saying this off the top of my head, I can recall numerous OW and OM who never EVER thought their MM or MW would throw them under the bus.. Guess what? It does happen.

 

Nope, not my spin. That's what he said. It's Sunday, kids are home all day and she's still hot...so he's trying to keep the peace.

[porter218]

My heart is already protected to a degree. I'm fully aware the likelihood that this won't turn out in my favor. Nor are we in a serious relationship with any false promises of some forever blissful future together. It is not my place to pressure him to leave for me' and I do not. If he's not in a place yet to admit to her then I'm not gonna try and encourage it. Its his life to choose and live.

 

With that being said I did talk to him again. All is fine. He is keeping a low profile for the day. Keeping his phone where she can see it so she doesn't fight in front of the kids. Thanks for ur input an perspective on the matter at hand.

 

Huh?? Now I am absolutely baffled. I thought you said you've been introduced to his whole family and friends etc.. WTF? Why would you meet them if its not serious? Why would he introduce you if its not serious? I just am as confused as hell.

[KarmasTestDummy]

Huh?? Now I am absolutely baffled. I thought you said you've been introduced to his whole family and friends etc.. WTF? Why would you meet them if its not serious? Why would he introduce you if its not serious? I just am as confused as hell.

 

We were...but cooled it down. We went NC for a while because of the pressures and expectations and then upon return decided to keep it simple and just enjoy eachother's company under the current circumstances.

[Fieldsofgold]

We were...but cooled it down. We went NC for a while because of the pressures and expectations and then upon return decided to keep it simple and just enjoy eachother's company under the current circumstances.

 

ok, I've been reading along here, and now I'm confused. When you went NC, was that for the 11 days, or was there another time you went NC?

 

And are you saying that now your relationship since that NC is NSA?

 

If it is, i guess I'm confused about why the potential of him getting caught yesterday is a big deal?

[whichwayisup]

We were...but cooled it down. We went NC for a while because of the pressures and expectations and then upon return decided to keep it simple and just enjoy eachother's company under the current circumstances.

 

Then why fear a Dday? Since you two are trying to keep it more casual and detached?

 

with that said, it'll never work because you love him and are very emotionally attached. One can't all of a sudden change how they feel in the midst of an affair and expect nothing ,settle for table scraps and be okay with it.

 

If he ended it tomorrow, called and told you that he's chosen to stay with his wife and tells you goodbye, you would be crushed. That ain't casual and just someone enjoying a MM's company.

[KarmasTestDummy]

ok, I've been reading along here, and now I'm confused. When you went NC, was that for the 11 days, or was there another time you went NC?

 

And are you saying that now your relationship since that NC is NSA?

 

If it is, i guess I'm confused about why the potential of him getting caught yesterday is a big deal?

 

Yup u got it. Yes, the 11days was the period of NC...and yes things are NSA. He can't hold

Me down to a standard if he can't provide me' with the same. Why was it a big deal? I guess because both of us are still emotionally committed even if not verbally. D-day could still hurt what we have and neither of us want that.

[whichwayisup]

Yup u got it. Yes, the 11days was the period of NC...and yes things are NSA. He can't hold

Me down to a standard if he can't provide me' with the same. Why was it a big deal? I guess because both of us are still emotionally committed even if not verbally. D-day could still hurt what we have and neither of us want that.

K, just be honest with yourself. You say it's a NSA.. Maybe in your mind it is, but in your heart, it's not.

[KarmasTestDummy]

K, just be honest with yourself. You say it's a NSA.. Maybe in your mind it is, but in your heart, it's not.

 

Yes, I can admit that. But I am free to do what I want when I want as is he. I go out with my friends, socialize and dance. I just don't want to sleep with anyone else because I do in fact love and care about him and am following my heart.

[PhoenixLady]

What does "following your heart" mean? Where is it leading you? Isn't it better to sometimes listen to and follow our heads before our hearts?

 

Why do some women think they only deserve part of a man? I mean you do know that you only have part of him, right?

[PhoenixLady]

Also, you say it's NSA and he's free to do as he likes yet you freak out if you don't hear from him for 24 hours. What's that about? And I still don't understand why you'd "fear" D-day. Don't you want him all to yourself? He's a real prize after all, right?

[KarmasTestDummy]

What does "following your heart" mean? Where is it leading you? Isn't it better to sometimes listen to and follow our heads before our hearts?

 

Why do some women think they only deserve part of a man? I mean you do know that you only have part of him, right?

 

Following my heart means believing that his feelings are strong for me' and his marriage is near over and that there's still a chance. If I see that fading out of reach I will follow my head and go with my best interest.

[PhoenixLady]

Following my heart means believing that his feelings are strong for me' and his marriage is near over and that there's still a chance. If I see that fading out of reach I will follow my head and go with my best interest.

 

Gotcha. So what do you think those signs will be? I mean the "fading out of reach" part. I guess not hearing from him for 24 hours isn't one of those signs. So what would it take? I'm not trying to be obnoxious. Just trying to get you to think about this in a more objective way. You say you'll go with your best interest when you see hope fading. Why not go with your best interests now? Is having part of a man really in your best interest?

 

And I'm sorry if you've already mentioned this but how long have you been involved with him?

 

I agree with those who said guard yourself carefully. I believe you're more invested that you're letting on.

 

I do wish you the best.

[whichwayisup]

Following my heart means believing that his feelings are strong for me' and his marriage is near over and that there's still a chance. If I see that fading out of reach I will follow my head and go with my best interest.

Yet he had the chance to tell his wife (whom you say he said cheated on him first) the truth and walk away. He didn't. He lied to her. That is HUGE.

 

if this was a man almost ready to walk away from his marriage, a dday would be welcomed because that would be the push out the door. Instead, he minimized the A to her and lied, told you not to contact him. And now he's playing it cool, laying low. That's not a man 'about to leave and that marriage is far from over.

 

If your best interest is to keep the A going and hope that he leaves one day, then give yourself a deadline. Do you plan on staying in the A for another year? Two years? Four years?