24 hrs nc...not like him...fearing d-day

[Angel1111]

If she cheats on him the way he says she does and if she has dating profiles on two different sites, I'm a little confused as to why she would be pissed about him seeing another woman.

 

Is there an end point to this relationship for you? Is there a point where you're going to realize that you're wasting your time? Whether he's a good man or not, whether he truly loves you or not, whether he never told you a single lie or not, this relationship is a dead end. Four kids? Wow. If you're ok with all of this, then I guess it's ok. But it doesn't sound like things are quite the way he's describing because obviously this would hurt his wife; and there's no question that he doesn't need to be leaving a family of 4 children.

[TigerCub]

He has other proof on her affairs, after intercepting emails, etc but the most recent situation was what he is positive about is that he thinks she had an abortion. He has been snipped now for two years. He came back from having to work out of town for three days and all she was doing was laying around the house in a very depressive state. He noticed there were maxi pads (not her typical tampons) in the bathroom trash can and they were heavily bled on. She said she was just having a very bad, crampy menstrual period. Then they were there much longer than typical

A friend of mine went through that - and it turns out that she had endometriosis (so having those symptoms doesn't mean that someone just had an abortion) - maybe W is just getting a disorder like that.

 

there was a message on a Saturday from a dr (not an office but the dr himself) wanting to confirm she was still okay with her decision and coming in for the procedure that afternoon...and if so to make sure she had someone who could drive her home after.

 

I don't know about this one - that sounds very suspicious because when doctor's / people from the medical profession in general - call and have to leave a message, they NEVER go into details or hint about what's going on because you never know who heard the message.

I dunno, I just find that part of his story very unlikely.

Especially the "are you ok with your decision" part. I dunno - it just strikes me as unlikely that a doctor really left that on a voicemail message.

 

Karma, I don't know this guy, obviously not like you do. But I think you're taking his word for gospel, and I just think you should be careful. I'd hate to see you get hurt.

[KarmasTestDummy]

How do you know if he actually has been snipped? And even if he has, it IS possible that it didn't work. I know of three couples who now have an 'expected' child, one actually was born 2 1/2 years after the snip.

 

You believe every single word that comes out of his mouth, no wonder you have no empathy or sympathy for his wife. It's all HIS side of the story.

 

And yes, rightfully so she should have mistrust and be pissed at him. He's gaslighting her, and lying to her. If he loved you so much and wanted out of his marriage, then he would so. He hasn't, which more than likely means he's just enjoying the benefits of the affair.

 

You're right, I should ask for proof huh? Maybe take him to get a semen count. Seriously I refuse to live a life that untrusting. I'd be a wreck and I would ruin every relationship I ever considered getting involved in. Yes, I take his word on things....as done everyone else in every relationship. Unless u plan on interviewing the 'ex' girlfriends of every man u date, isn't that what it's always about?

[jennie-jennie]

You're right, I should ask for proof huh? Maybe take him to get a semen count. Seriously I refuse to live a life that untrusting. I'd be a wreck and I would ruin every relationship I ever considered getting involved in. Yes, I take his word on things....as done everyone else in every relationship. Unless u plan on interviewing the 'ex' girlfriends of every man u date, isn't that what it's always about?

 

:bunny: Great reply, Karma!

 

Seeds of doubt being planted here in your thread. You are obviously one smart girl and can take care of yourself.

[porter218]

 

 

I don't know about this one - that sounds very suspicious because when doctor's / people from the medical profession in general - call and have to leave a message, they NEVER go into details or hint about what's going on because you never know who heard the message.

I dunno, I just find that part of his story very unlikely.

Especially the "are you ok with your decision" part. I dunno - it just strikes me as unlikely that a doctor really left that on a voicemail message.

 

Karma, I don't know this guy, obviously not like you do. But I think you're taking his word for gospel, and I just think you should be careful. I'd hate to see you get hurt.

 

All of my family are in the medical field, mostly Doctors and they are never ever to leave more on a voicemail other then their name and the name of the office along with their best contact number. Thats just typical Dr protocol. There are holes in his story.

Karma...Did you meet him through that iPhone app? Is that where it began?

[bentnotbroken]

Haven't read the other responses, but I do hope he has been found out. Gives her a choice in her life.

[whichwayisup]

You're right, I should ask for proof huh? Maybe take him to get a semen count. Seriously I refuse to live a life that untrusting. I'd be a wreck and I would ruin every relationship I ever considered getting involved in. Yes, I take his word on things....as done everyone else in every relationship. Unless u plan on interviewing the 'ex' girlfriends of every man u date, isn't that what it's always about?

 

When you have an affair with a MM, what makes YOU think he wouldn't ever lie or omit truths from you? Seeing as he LIES to the woman he said vows to, his own wife, why wouldn't he bend things to suit him best, to put HIM in the best possible light in your eyes to keep the A going. Also, let's not compare regular relationship dynamics to affair dynamics. It always blows me away that some OW and some OM are sooo hurt and offended when they find out their MM or MW have lied to them too.

[bentnotbroken]

There is only one reason I would want d-day to happen and that is if she would be angry and leave. But I don't think she will or would. She relies on him financially. She cares very much about appearance sake and the lifestyle she's accustomed to...otherwise I think she would have left already to seek her own happiness.

So with that being said, no not really. It is easier having her not know. I'd rather her not have grounds to stand on to take him for every dollar in the divorce, and I'd rather her not have the satisfaction of clearing her guilty conscience of her affairs by being able to say well he did it too.

 

 

I am sure she cares as much about opinion as you do. If you didn't care you would be dancing down the street telling everyone who you are sleeping with. So don't throw that out there like the BS is the only one who cares about appearances. The WS and AP who fight to keep the relationship a secret do the exact same thing for what ever excuses they can come up with.

[porter218]

When you have an affair with a MM, what makes YOU think he wouldn't ever lie or omit truths from you? Seeing as he LIES to the woman he said vows to, his own wife, why wouldn't he bend things to suit him best, to put HIM in the best possible light in your eyes to keep the A going. Also, let's not compare regular relationship dynamics to affair dynamics. It always blows me away that some OW and some OM are sooo hurt and offended when they find out their MM or MW have lied to them too.

 

She puts way to much stock in the fact that he looks believable when he confides in her about his marital problems. Well on that very same note, I am more then positive he appears convincing when telling his wife explanations for where he has been and all the other covers he has to come up with to continue the A. If he met her on that iphone app like it sounds then he sounds like a very calculated predatory cheater. I Begin to think maybe he takes whatever grievances he has with his W and magnifies it to his OW to make him sound like he isn't that bad a guy. Poor guy was driven into cheating, its not his fault LOL.

[Angel1111]

You're right, I should ask for proof huh? Maybe take him to get a semen count. Seriously I refuse to live a life that untrusting. I'd be a wreck and I would ruin every relationship I ever considered getting involved in. Yes, I take his word on things....as done everyone else in every relationship. Unless u plan on interviewing the 'ex' girlfriends of every man u date, isn't that what it's always about?

 

Hon, the problem is that you're living a life that requires you to be that distrusting. You want to look at this as a normal relationship and it just isn't. You're not in a normal relationship where you have bf and there is no need for distrust. You're with a married man where a multitude of things are going on without your knowledge. This would be equivalent to dating a guy who is sleeping with another woman, and where that woman is sleeping around with other men. So, yea, when you have to second-guess a relationship that much, it's time to exit stage left. This is one of many reasons why relationships with married men are so ridiculous.

[KarmasTestDummy]

The one thing that bothers me about asking advice from women in similar situations is that peep are so quick to assume that they know the mm better than the ap and that he MUST be as cold and calculating and manipulative as the man that betrayed her. I ask that u trust my judgment on that factor and try to keep the advice u give to the facts that u have versus assumptions on his character.

[bentnotbroken]

What's to say that the MM didn't set up those web profiles for his wife? Mr. Messy made sure he showed OW crap that I had nothing to do with.

[Angel1111]

What's to say that the MM didn't set up those web profiles for his wife? Mr. Messy made sure he showed OW crap that I had nothing to do with.

 

I thought about that, too, but that's a pretty elaborate scheme. Also, because her picture is in those profiles, it's too much of a risk that someone who knows her would see those profiles. How would he explain that to his wife if she found out about it?

[bentnotbroken]

I thought about that, too, but that's a pretty elaborate scheme. Also, because her picture is in those profiles, it's too much of a risk that someone who knows her would see those profiles. How would he explain that to his wife if she found out about it?

 

 

The same way he will explain all his lies....with more lies.

[Angel1111]

The same way he will explain all his lies....with more lies.

 

Yes, as you say, it is a possibility that he did that. Although not likely. My thoughts about the whole thing is that when a relationship has a person doing this much second-guessing, it's over with.

[jennie-jennie]

When you have an affair with a MM, what makes YOU think he wouldn't ever lie or omit truths from you? Seeing as he LIES to the woman he said vows to, his own wife, why wouldn't he bend things to suit him best, to put HIM in the best possible light in your eyes to keep the A going. Also, let's not compare regular relationship dynamics to affair dynamics. It always blows me away that some OW and some OM are sooo hurt and offended when they find out their MM or MW have lied to them too.

 

The bolded above is a total insult to anyone in an extramarital relationship. I presume you have never been in one, otherwise you would have known that Karma's post about trust is totally relevant in extramarital relationships as well as in any other kind of love relationship.

 

If on the other hand we should apply your logic, then the reconciliated BS needs also to mistrust the former WS's every move. Is that how you live your marriage? Is that what you are basing your consistent advice of mistrust on, WWIU?

[jennie-jennie]

When you have an affair with a MM, what makes YOU think he wouldn't ever lie or omit truths from you? Seeing as he LIES to the woman he said vows to, his own wife, why wouldn't he bend things to suit him best, to put HIM in the best possible light in your eyes to keep the A going. Also, let's not compare regular relationship dynamics to affair dynamics. It always blows me away that some OW and some OM are sooo hurt and offended when they find out their MM or MW have lied to them too.

 

In fact, many MM have a very strong drive to be totally honest with their affair partner for the very reason that they are lying to their spouses. They need one place in the world where they are totally honest. Thus, it is in many cases likely that the level of honesty is higher in an extramarital relationship than in regular relationships.

[jennie-jennie]

I am sure she cares as much about opinion as you do. If you didn't care you would be dancing down the street telling everyone who you are sleeping with. So don't throw that out there like the BS is the only one who cares about appearances. The WS and AP who fight to keep the relationship a secret do the exact same thing for what ever excuses they can come up with.

 

If Karma is not like me, who is telling everyone who I am sleeping with. The only reason our relationship is secret is because my MM cares about appearances, I don't. The same could very well be true of Karma.

[jennie-jennie]

The one thing that bothers me about asking advice from women in similar situations is that peep are so quick to assume that they know the mm better than the ap and that he MUST be as cold and calculating and manipulative as the man that betrayed her. I ask that u trust my judgment on that factor and try to keep the advice u give to the facts that u have versus assumptions on his character.

 

If people could respect this, LS would be a much better place.

[jennie-jennie]

Yes, as you say, it is a possibility that he did that. Although not likely. My thoughts about the whole thing is that when a relationship has a person doing this much second-guessing, it's over with.

 

I am not following you now. It is the LS posters that are doing the second-guessing, not Karma, as far as I can see.

[porter218]

The one thing that bothers me about asking advice from women in similar situations is that peep are so quick to assume that they know the mm better than the ap and that he MUST be as cold and calculating and manipulative as the man that betrayed her. I ask that u trust my judgment on that factor and try to keep the advice u give to the facts that u have versus assumptions on his character.

 

I assume you know how he is with you. I used to work as a PI part-time for 13yrs and I very well do know how to put together pieces of the puzzle from bits of information. Nothing I have come up with about your MM is based on my own life experiences but instead from the information you have provided us. It is quit possible he has been cheated on but its also very possible he hasn't. Sometimes people who are in an A and are on the married side of the A have so much guilt that they begin to suspect their BS of the very thing they are doing. Not because the BS has done it, maybe they've done some things but not what they WS is thinking. Their logic can get clouded by guilt. All I'm saying about your MM is it sounds like he set out to have an affair prior to meeting you. That is in fact calculated. It didn't "just happen". And there are a few holes in his story that he is telling you. Thats all. Everything else aside, I do get why you take your stance as to not say anything. You don't want her to take him to the cleaners financially....totally get that.

[KarmasTestDummy]

If Karma is not like me, who is telling everyone who I am sleeping with. The only reason our relationship is secret is because my MM cares about appearances, I don't. The same could very well be true of Karma.

 

Actually everyone who matters to me' knows exactly who im sleeping with. I'm not ashamed of the man I am seeing. Anyone that knows him thinks he is a great guy in a bad situation....as do I, and to be honest you can talk to me' until you're blue in the face about all these ridiculous theories of his scheming ways, but I have given him nothing to lie about. I do not threaten to walk if he's sleeping with his wife. The one thing he has said to me is that I am the one person in his life who loves him for who he is and doesn't try to change him. He doesn't have to fabricate things with me'.

[porter218]

Actually everyone who matters to me' knows exactly who im sleeping with. I'm not ashamed of the man I am seeing. Anyone that knows him thinks he is a great guy in a bad situation....as do I, and to be honest you can talk to me' until you're blue in the face about all these ridiculous theories of his scheming ways, but I have given him nothing to lie about. I do not threaten to walk if he's sleeping with his wife. The one thing he has said to me is that I am the one person in his life who loves him for who he is and doesn't try to change him. He doesn't have to fabricate things with me'.

Pure curiosity here...what is it that 'everyone else' wants to change about him?

[KarmasTestDummy]

I am not following you now. It is the LS posters that are doing the second-guessing, not Karma, as far as I can see.

 

Thank you Jennie for coming to my defense. I believe it also was you that opened my eyes to the nonsense of going NC. I am so glad that i didn't waste more time and give up on my feelings out of the need to prove a point. I absolutely am doing no second guessing of

Mm...instead I'm being attacked for actually trusting someone I care about. I know he is telling lies...clearly he is capable. That's a duh moment, but the holes lsers like to find in' stories are all the details I have in my knwledgebase but don't have the time to write a novel with every single solitary post I make. Some things are pertinent to the question and others are personal, so like I said before, advise off of what u get, not judgments and assumptions.

[KarmasTestDummy]

Actually everyone who matters to me' knows exactly who im sleeping with. I'm not ashamed of the man I am seeing. Anyone that knows him thinks he is a great guy in a bad situation....as do I, and to be honest you can talk to me' until you're blue in the face about all these ridiculous theories of his scheming ways, but I have given him nothing to lie about. I do not threaten to walk if he's sleeping with his wife. The one thing he has said to me is that I am the one person in his life who loves him for who he is and doesn't try to change him. He doesn't have to fabricate things with me'.

 

I forgot to mention he's not ashamed of me' either. His entire family knows about mr from his mom, step-dad, dad, sisters, best friend, boss, coworkers, neighbor, even his mechanic. It would be pretty difficult to get all these people telling the same story just to continue with an affair...and if he were, damn I'm flattered, thats a whole lot of effort, I must be worth it.