Shuffty Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Is it normal for blokes to turn into inconsiderate dick-heads when they're around certain people? Do they think it makes them look big and clever in front of their actual friends? Boys and girls POV, please! Bit of background: Me (girl) and my cousin have been best mates for over ten years, he's 27. He's always been something of a gent, good manners, generous, decent bloke and a good friend, fun to hang out with. Suddenly, in the last few months it's as though he's hit puberty again, and he's turned into a misogynistic, mean, rude, bad-tempered, grumpy old tool. WTF? Is this common? I'd narrowed it down to when he was with one of his guy friends (his 'cool' friend, who's soooo right about everything, not...), which isn't that often as he lives away, but I think it's spilled over into everyday life. He bites my head off about ANYTHING and insists on having debates about 'deep' issues (read: the two of them attempt to bate me into an argument about religion, wherein they cannot accept that I don't give a toss about what they think of my beliefs - and suddenly he's the worlds most venomous agnostic), which we have never done before - so obviously he's too cool to laugh at stupid jokes, or watch reality tv, or accept that he had a decent upbringing (shock-horror!), or care that he's upsetting his friends... I feel like saying: 'You know that guy whose arse you kiss all the time? He's a judgemental, know-it-all. He treats everyone like dirt and no one likes him as much as you think they do, so we definitely don't want two of him.' He keeps deciding to make bitchy comments about the things I like (music, hobbies, etc) when he KNOWS it will offend me - then they can just have a chuckle about it. It's like he wants me to see me cry or something, and I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT! I've always been a friend to him, would never use him as a punching bag (verbally) to make myself feel better, or to try and look big/cool. Always having a dig at me, WTH? Help me out guys, should I say something? Is the friendship a lost cause? Quarter life crisis? Mental episode? Alien abduction/personality transplant? Is this just a dude thing? Because he was normal before and now he's acting like a douche.
Angel1111 Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 (edited) No, it's not really normal - especially for someone who's 27. If I were you, I'd say something to him about it. And if that's not effective, then make sure you don't hang out with your cousin if you know this other guy is going to be around. If you're with your cousin and this other guy shows up unexpectedly, then make an excuse and leave. Just make sure you're not trapped there - like you've ridden with your cousin and can't leave. Especially since you've always been close to your cousin and now he's actually being rude to you, you need to tell him that you're not going to put up with it. I wonder if something bad has happened in his life. Maybe he'll tell you. If he doesn't want to talk and doesn't change his behavior, then you probably need to stop hanging around him so much until he understands that you're not going to put up with him being rude to you and he stops doing it. Edited October 3, 2010 by Angel1111
Author Shuffty Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 You’re right, of course your right. I know I should talk to him, because I don’t think he’s happy in his life at the moment, circumstances keeping him at home taking care of his mum, so he doesn’t have a job, or a girlfriend – FYI – sh*tting on your friends, not the way to improve your situation.. The thing that’s confusing me is that I understand that, I’ve always been there for him, this other guy just buggers off whenever he feels like it, and I’m the one that gets it in the neck. He thinks this other guy’s ‘got it made’ – his actual words, because he’s got a wife and a job (well yeah, doesn’t stop him judging everyone elses lives though does it…) You’re right about not being there when his friend’s there though, learnt my lesson on that one, I’m going to be very busy from now on whenever he’s visiting. I don’t really know how to go about talking to him, I don’t know if he realises he’s being unreasonable, or if he thinks it’s something I’m doing, so I deserve it. We haven’t actually spoken for about two weeks now, I’m not sure I can just call him up and go; ‘hey, sit and listen while I tell you that you’re acting like an idiot’, but I get the feeling he’s not going to call me any time soon and be like ‘let’s talk about this problem’ – in a very macho ‘I don’t acknowledge those girly things called emotions’ sort of a way.
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