Do women want to know a guy is interested in her...or not?

[somedude81]

Once she finds out a guy is interested, does it change her opinion of him?

 

Does it matter if she's already interested in him?

[Arabella]

I sure wanna know. Sometimes I might like someone but I don't think he is interested so I don't bother thinking about the matter further. If I found out he is interested, I might take the initiative.

 

Arabella

[Sphere]

Of course a woman wants to know if a guy is interested in her providing she is interested in him.

[Kinder-Horror]

Haha - this is actually a really hard question to answer!

To be honest... I don't knowr.

When I'm in a relationship - I really don't want to know if someone else is interested in me. It freaks me out, especially if I view them as a friend and it puts pressure on me.

If I'm single, I'd USUALLY say yes, I'd want to know.... but of course telling someone you are into them changes the dynamic if they aren't into you.

I went to the same Starbucks every day for like a year and there was always the same guy there. He was nice and we chatted every morning, but I wasn't into him. Then he asked me out and now I NEVER go back. I go out of my way to go to a different starbucks just to avoid seeing him.

There was another guy in one of my classes that always ended up sitting next to me and we'd talk every day - nothing personal, just about assignments/readings, etc. He asked me if I'd be up for grabbing lunch sometime after class and I said yes. I barely knew him, so I didn't think it was an "I'm into you" lunch request... I thought it was more of a "I could be into you. Lets get to know each other" - anyway, I gave him my number, he suggested a day and I said I couldn't that day (I suggested a new day) - but when his proposed day came, even though I said I couldn't, he called me several times and texted me asking me to go to lunch.

 

Now I feel like he is absolutely into me and I would have rather not known - now class is super awkward and we never speak

[Knittress]

Depends.

If I don't find him attractive it makes me anxious.

If I DO find him attractive it makes me... anxious.

-.- Crap.

 

In any case, I prefer butterfly-anxious over guilty-anxious.

[brainygirl]

Yes, I'd like to know if a guy is "interested". If I am interested too, great!

 

If I am not interested, I would hope that he takes that at face value.

[somedude81]

Haha - this is actually a really hard question to answer!

To be honest... I don't know

That's why I asked it

 

I've read many accounts by women here, who say they want to know the guy is interested before she allows herself to become interested in him. Which is pretty much what Arabella said.

 

I'm interested to see how this thread develops

[tami-chan]

oopppps...no, I do not want to know if I am not available....

Edited October 3, 2010 by tami-chan

[spiderowl]

Yes, it's a good thing to know if someone is interested. What is not good is if you are not interested in them and they feel that by confessing their feelings you should respond accordingly. I'll try to give some examples:

 

One guy has expressed interest, he jokes about it, always asks me to marry him, but seems unperturbed if I keep turning him down, equally jokingly. I know he's interested but he's a friend and I don't want to lose that. He has let me know, but he hasn't got all serious and started to put pressure on me. He'll joke and then talk to someone else about something he's interested in. He's light-hearted about it and self-sufficient. He doesn't depend on me approving of him or not and I know he'll be my friend regardless.

 

Another guy who espressed an interest did things differently. I tried avoidance as I wasn't interested in him like that but he was a nice aquaintance. He got round that by imposing himself on my group of friends in a pushy way. This put my back up. He did talk to me and made it clear he was romantically interested, but I didn't encourage him at all (I wasn't rude or anything). Now, he tends to look at me a lot with a serious expression. Whenever I do anything, he comments (no-one else does). If I go for a drink, he turns up there. I feel him looking if I'm talking to anyone else. All in all, I feel pressured. Because he didn't actually ask me out, I would feel awkward about telling him I wasn't interested because that's rather presumptuous; besides he's a nice guy just not right for me.

 

Can you see the difference in the two approaches. I really like one guy but not romantically, the other I'm beginning to try to avoid as he's making me feel observed and uncomfortable.

 

Back to the point of the post, yes, I would prefer to know but I don't like to feel pressured. If you can let someone know in a positive, 'get back to me some time if you're interested' type of way, then they'll probably be flattered and will consider it. Putting continuous pressure on someone is counter-productive though.

 

Finally, if I am interested in him, then I'd definitely like to know if he is interested too. When I was younger, I'd have probably just blushed and gone all quiet. Now, I think I'd joke with him about it but show interest too.

Edited October 3, 2010 by spiderowl

[TouchedByViolet]

hmmm interesting thread. The best results for men are often generated when a girl is attracted (at least somewhat) to a guy but is uncertain if the guy is attracted toward her. Its a power dynamic. Women are use to having all the choosing power at the beginning and the risk that things may not work out is a huge turn on for many women. A man telling a girl he is interested should only be done when it will invoke a significant positive emotion in the women.

[GooseChaser]

I like to know if a guy is interested. They don't have to come up and say so in words though, like, "Hi, I'm interested in you, lol." It helps if they tell you directly, of course, but a woman also has to watch out for body language that might signify interest toward her too. I do like to know if a guy likes me before I start liking him, because it saves me from wasting emotional energy or becoming heartbroken unnecessarily.

[GooseChaser]

hmmm interesting thread. The best results for men are often generated when a girl is attracted (at least somewhat) to a guy but is uncertain if the guy is attracted toward her. Its a power dynamic. Women are use to having all the choosing power at the beginning and the risk that things may not work out is a huge turn on for many women. A man telling a girl he is interested should only be done when it will invoke a significant positive emotion in the women.

Yep, women like a bit of mystery!

[somedude81]

I like the responses I've gotten so far.

 

Right now what's of particular interest to me is the dynamic that happens where they girl knows the guy is interested while they are still regular acquaintances. Spiderowl's examples have been helpful.

 

One thing I'm wondering is if, knowing that a guy is interested, can lead to the girl eventually returning that interest.

 

hmmm interesting thread. The best results for men are often generated when a girl is attracted (at least somewhat) to a guy but is uncertain if the guy is attracted toward her.

Is that even possible? From my experiences and observations, women don't become interested in a guy unless he has shown interest first. The exceptions are when the guy has really high status and basically attracts all the women.

 

Its a power dynamic. Women are use to having all the choosing power at the beginning and the risk that things may not work out is a huge turn on for many women. A man telling a girl he is interested should only be done when it will invoke a significant positive emotion in the women.

I understand the power. Women are used to being the choosers. So not being the chooser, is new and exciting. But it's a rare man that can make a girl want to pursue him.

[somedude81]

I like to know if a guy is interested. They don't have to come up and say so in words though, like, "Hi, I'm interested in you, lol." It helps if they tell you directly, of course, but a woman also has to watch out for body language that might signify interest toward her too. I do like to know if a guy likes me before I start liking him, because it saves me from wasting emotional energy or becoming heartbroken unnecessarily.

Yep, women like a bit of mystery!

 

LOL, you basically contradicted yourself

 

So do you want to avoid the wasting of energy and avoid risking heartbreak. Or do you want the mystery of not knowing whether the guy is interested?

 

Getting back to the point of, wanting to know a guy likes you before you start liking him. If he asks you out but you don't like him yet so you reject him. If he asks you out again at a later time, could your answer change?

 

Also, would you accept a date with a man you're not interested in?

[GooseChaser]

I like the responses I've gotten so far.

 

Right now what's of particular interest to me is the dynamic that happens where they girl knows the guy is interested while they are still regular acquaintances. Spiderowl's examples have been helpful.

 

One thing I'm wondering is if, knowing that a guy is interested, can lead to the girl eventually returning that interest.

Definitely! The guy I am involved with now was a longtime friend who I wasn't interested in that way until he pursued me. It was weird at first, and I was THIS close to friend-zoning him since I wasn't used to seeing or thinking of him that way, but I said okay, and over time I started to find things in him that I was attracted to that I didn't notice before I was interested and the dynamics in our relationship changed.

 

I understand the power. Women are used to being the choosers. So not being the chooser, is new and exciting. But it's a rare man that can make a girl want to pursue him.

My mom calls it being the "gatekeeper".

[GooseChaser]

LOL, you basically contradicted yourself

People are complicated, my good sir! Especially women! Haha!

 

So do you want to avoid the wasting of energy and avoid risking heartbreak. Or do you want the mystery of not knowing whether the guy is interested?

Both could be present at the same time. The woman could think that the guy MIGHT like her, like if she's noticed a few signs, but she isn't totally sure, so it's mysterious and it makes her think about him more, which is good.

 

Getting back to the point of, wanting to know a guy likes you before you start liking him. If he asks you out but you don't like him yet so you reject him. If he asks you out again at a later time, could your answer change?

 

Also, would you accept a date with a man you're not interested in?

Yep, the answer could change, definitely, especially if the woman's feelings changed too! I would accept a date with a man I wasn't interested in YET if I thought there was potential for chemistry in the future after getting to know him better, assuming he was a good candidate otherwise (being around my age, attractive, nice personality, has a life, etc.). Part of the point of dating is to get to know them and see if something clicks. If the click doesn't happen, there was no harm in trying, at least!

[Citizen Erased]

The best thing that has ever happened to me is because he told me just how interested in me he was If he didn't have the guts to, who knows what would have happened.

 

I don't tell people how I feel about them, before they have first. I couldn't put myself out there like that. I think I've told one guy in my life that I was interested in them first and it was cos I knew what his response would be and I felt I had to be truthful. Plus I only half meant to send it, I accidentally clicked on send. It was actually a good thing I did tell him.

 

If someone told me now, that I'm engaged, I'd lose complete respect for them as a person.

[GooseChaser]

A person doesn't have to say directly, "I'm interested," or ask someone out on a date to communicate interest. It can be as simple as a smile toward the person, eye contact, making an effort to speak to them or sit by them, light touch... and it goes on and on.

[TouchedByViolet]

Is that even possible? From my experiences and observations, women don't become interested in a guy unless he has shown interest first. The exceptions are when the guy has really high status and basically attracts all the women.

 

 

I understand the power. Women are used to being the choosers. So not being the chooser, is new and exciting. But it's a rare man that can make a girl want to pursue him.

 

It's not necessarily about getting a girl to peruse but simply getting a girl to think about you. Be playful and interesting to women, flirt! If a women has fun with you she will start thinking about you and when a women starts thinking look out! Nobody knows what will come of it.

 

People are complicated, my good sir! Especially women! Haha!

 

 

Both could be present at the same time. The woman could think that the guy MIGHT like her, like if she's noticed a few signs, but she isn't totally sure, so it's mysterious and it makes her think about him more, which is good.

 

 

Yep, the answer could change, definitely, especially if the woman's feelings changed too! I would accept a date with a man I wasn't interested in YET if I thought there was potential for chemistry in the future after getting to know him better, assuming he was a good candidate otherwise (being around my age, attractive, nice personality, has a life, etc.). Part of the point of dating is to get to know them and see if something clicks. If the click doesn't happen, there was no harm in trying, at least!

 

Great advice, and GC you sound like a cool chick.

[somedude81]

People are complicated, my good sir! Especially women! Haha!

Ain't that the truth.

Both could be present at the same time. The woman could think that the guy MIGHT like her, like if she's noticed a few signs, but she isn't totally sure, so it's mysterious and it makes her think about him more, which is good.

Ah, I get it. She might see a few things and not be quite sure of what the guy is thinking.

 

Thursday, I had an interesting discussion with a girl I really like. A few months ago I asked her out and later that day just confirmed that I liked her. She turned me down saying she didn't want to date anybody. Fast forward to the present and now we're regularly talking again and I've gotten her to hang out with me once so far. Unless she's an idiot she should know that I'm still into her.

 

So the last day I saw her, we were talking about her hair. I made a joke that she should shave it all off. Then she brought up that earlier that day I was talking about how another girl's hair was too short. Then I told the girl that I'm interested in, that I don't like short hair on girls. The next thing she said surprised me. She said I was giving her mixed signals. What caught me off-guard was the fact that she's looking for signals from me in the first place.

 

This threads given me enough inspiration to ask her out again but not get all serious about it. It's too bad I just can't talk to her like I'm talking to the people in this thread. Well I could, but it might ruin my chance.

Yep, the answer could change, definitely, especially if the woman's feelings changed too! I would accept a date with a man I wasn't interested in YET if I thought there was potential for chemistry in the future after getting to know him better, assuming he was a good candidate otherwise (being around my age, attractive, nice personality, has a life, etc.). Part of the point of dating is to get to know them and see if something clicks. If the click doesn't happen, there was no harm in trying, at least!

A woman's feelings can change?! Unpossible!

 

I had no idea that a woman would accept a guy's invitation based on his potential. I guess a date can be like a job interview.

The best thing that has ever happened to me is because he told me just how interested in me he was If he didn't have the guts to, who knows what would have happened.

Did he actually tell you, or just ask you/express interest some other way?

I don't tell people how I feel about them, before they have first. I couldn't put myself out there like that.

And you expect men to do that? Men have feelings too.

I think I've told one guy in my life that I was interested in them first and it was cos I knew what his response would be and I felt I had to be truthful. Plus I only half meant to send it, I accidentally clicked on send. It was actually a good thing I did tell him.

 

If someone told me now, that I'm engaged, I'd lose complete respect for them as a person.

Good thing that it worked out for you. Having an idea of what the response would be first, is a great encouragement.

 

BTW I'm guessing now be a bad time to tell you that I'm in love

It's not necessarily about getting a girl to peruse but simply getting a girl to think about you. Be playful and interesting to women, flirt! If a women has fun with you she will start thinking about you and when a women starts thinking look out! Nobody knows what will come of it.

Ah, so getting her thinking about you is the trick.

 

Now if I could only read their minds to find out if she is thinking about me.

Edited October 3, 2010 by somedude81

[Green]

Once she finds out a guy is interested, does it change her opinion of him?

 

Does it matter if she's already interested in him?

 

Don't worry about that. Just DO IT.. UPDATES

[Pyro]

Did he actually tell you, or just ask you/express interest some other way?

 

I had quite a few things bottled up over the years that I felt about her (all on a physical level at first) and layed it on the line and told her, with positive results of course.