ccrn Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Alright I know this post is a commom topic among most...but what the hell to do?????????? Situation in short form. A good friend of mind recently just got a boyfriend. Or as I should say an official BF. Her and this guy have been hanging tough for months and although I discovered her distance awhile ago, and we discussed her distance and how that made me feel, I don't think things changed but only got more awkward... Yes she offers lame dinners on random nights to "catch up", but I feel it is only because her precious days like weekends are resevered for her new BF. Don't get me wrong, I am glad they are seeing each other, I am glad one of us has finally broken the "single girl lifestyle" and is moving into a nice mature grown-up relationship...yet where does that leave me? This is a friend that I shared most everything with, cried with, got sloppy drunk with dancing to bad 80's songs at the bar..now I feel I can't talk to her because she is on cloud nine, and who wants to be a downer when things for your friend are going so well??? In addition, I really feel left out as to when all her other friends got BF's, it was me and her. Now that she has a BF as well...it is her and them. Engaging in couple outings while I am left at home to get a bull**** invite to hang out with her and her couplefriends at a bar after they have all come from a couple outing. Then to make matters worst, with the invite she will say,oh I invited another girl whom I also know is single so what her and I don't feel like alien's in "coupleville" so invite the other single freak!? WTF... I really hope my friend does'nt realize she is being this weird. In fact I am assuming she knows, hence the bull**** invite only after I asked her what she was doing on Saturday, since I did'nt know, and lately all her couple adventures are kept hush hush until after the event, or they come out by accident in conversation, and I'll ask "when did you go there" only to watch her stumble over her words as she realizes what a ****ty friend she is. So as for now, I am behaving a bit passive agressively which is totally not mystyle. But I feel letting her know I am upset again, will only make our relationship 10 times worst, because once people are called out on their behavior which is normally the pink elephant in the room, they get weird, standoff'ish or go into invite overload to prove they are still your friend. I am exhusted by all this, and who would have thought in our 30's we would still deal with such highschool stuff. But, also who would have thought in my 30's I would be single and on the outside of the "coupleville group"......
Not the love ace Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Ahaha. I don't mean to laugh but this is juvenile but I also understand how corny friends can be when they have a significant other and do a "couples only" outing and do every activity with couples. You have a valid point-I think-to be sort of upset because it is annoying when a friend gets a boyfriend/girlfriend and they just put you on the sideline until everything goes to S-H-I-T. At the same time you have to expect and accept that they are going to spend more time with each other and as a friend, you should be happy for it. If she puts you off, and things ever go rock bottom call her out on it but still be a friend. Leave her alone, don't nag her, it'll make you seem needy and clingy and unhappy for her which will make things worst. If you support her, she'll support you.
Tayla Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Change the perception and concept. First People are INDIVIDUALS and not half of something simply because they are in a committed relationship. If you can...recognize you are valuable in and of yourself to that friend and they you. Then Be it. Exhibit your self worth. They didn't get split in half ....they simply are re-organizing their time, dedication and life experiences ....Your friend is in that stage.... Even friends have to let each other grow in other ways and still remain that rock when challenges appear. Balance and adjust. To Love Ace....I get what ya mean...only when older can you laugh about such...gaining wisdom allows that
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Funny thing is, if it was you who had the boyfriend your bestfriend would probably be posting here saying the same thing. The friendship just needs to adjust. She's totally in the honeymoon phase where nothing else exists but her boyfriend. Allow her that! Be happy for her! You need to be the bigger person here and rise above it, don't take this so personally like your friendship is over or you two aren't as close..It's just changed abit. Enjoy your time with her, but let her know at the same time that she can still spend time with you without it being a quick "I have 2 hours" lets' go get coffee.. Hope this makes sense to you.
that girl Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 It is hard when a close friend's life changes in any big way- boyfriend, husband, baby, job. What if the two of you put aside a time every week to hang out? It sounds like she would be willing and then you wouldn't feel like an afterthought.
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