Lost love of my life. I want her back.. Long vent.. Need aid badly.

[itsmisterheartbroken]

Hey all.

 

First let me begin by saying I've been reading so many threads here and they've helped me put things into perspective. Really helped me realize I need to be strong.. and care about myself. Anyways on to my story, which to me is a very confusing one. Bare with me as I do have the tendency to rant... this will be pretty long.

 

First of all my girlfriend (ex now, I guess) and I met back in February. We are both 24 years old. This was a month after her douchebag boyfriend left her for the third time. They were together for 3 and 1/2 years. He always treated her like ****, and she paid for practically ALL of his stuff. She felt like he was using her, and that just led to fights and stuff. She said she was not happy with him and was finally glad he ended her, so she was finally able to get away from him. After they broke up he proceeded to go around messing with a bunch of chicks, and even telling her about it.

 

Anyways it was amazing how she and I met. It was perfect timing, everything. I hadn't had a girlfriend in a long time.. probably around two years... I am very, very picky. This woman really was like a dream come true to me. She had everything I had been looking in a woman... I knew from the start that I was going to fall in love with her. We clicked so well and had great chemistry. So yeah we met and began talking/dating for four months until May, when we finally officially got together. I must admit I felt like I was the one rushing this process, but regardless, she obliged. We really practically never fought.. we spent time together while handling our own business.. we met each other's families, friends, everything, the whole 9. We were definitely in love, no question about it. However there was always one problem...

 

You guessed it, the ex. Around April is when the ex began to contact her again, and a lot. He was bringing up memories from the past, how he missed her, etc. My S/O insisted that she was truly over him, and realized that they could never ever work. Her friends and family hate him, he's unemployed, he's a douchebag... but I guess he probably overall still loves her, and for that alone I cannot blame him. Anyways he was religiously texting her, and IMing her, and my girl seemed to soak it all in. She talked to him a lot, and this would be cool and all, but I was uncomfortable due to the fact that he was not just trying to be friends; he was obviously actively trying to get her back. Over and over again my girl insisted she just talked to him because she felt bad... that she wanted to see him happy, and just wanted to be there for him - but that I had nothing to worry about and she was all mine. I kept telling her that you cannot help this guy, he swears the only way he'll be happy again is with her. I felt like he was a legitimate threat considering how much she used to love this dude and I wasn't having any of that - I told her to cut him the F off.

 

In hindsight I think it's easy to say that's where I made my mistake. After asking so many people what I should do, everyone else insisted that her continuing to speak to the dude would not end well. But now I feel like maybe I should have just thought nothing of it... to be confident with myself and just let it go... but that's easy to say now because at the time it was driving me insane.

 

Unfortunately that's not what happened.. after several promises that she was going to cut him off, it never came to fruition... and then this happened.. two weeks ago she ended up seeing him behind my back - twice. The second time resulting in her sleeping over his house - and with him. Painful. After all of the times she told she would never allow this to happen.. how much she loved me and was over his ass.. how could this happen.. =( Her reasoning was this... that I pushed her towards him by always being so insecure about it... but damnit, I really could not help it. She said she wondered WHY she could not stop talking to her ex. So she said she slept with him just to make me hate her, because she knew there was no other way for me to do so... bs right? Funny thing is, she tried so hard to hide it from me WITH THE EX! I only found out because my girl was acting very peculiar.. so I texted her sister and asked if gf was okay, and eventually that's what led to catching her not being home. But yes she said eventually if I never found out she was going to end up dropping him. Of course I cannot believe a word that she says, because I've caught her lying to me already. Plus who would really believe that shyt?

 

So anyways like the wimp that I am for her, I forgave her automatically. Let me just throw this in here that damn I did things for this girl I would NEVER do for anybody else. FML. It sucks feeling that you cannot give that to any girl without her taking advantage of it... I am definitely scarred now. Anyways, I was still the one begging to be with her. I completely threw my pride away for her, and did not care if I were to get hurt. She was worth it all.. but anyways I told her I know what I said about leaving for good when I found a cheater, but I truly believe your story. Yet she insisted that she's lost now and feels like she effed up so bad... and now needs space to figure out what she wants.

 

At this point I'm already feeling like absolute shyt. The past two weeks since that Tuesday when I found out what she did to me have been unbearable. However, in that span of time we've met up like 5 times... each time feeling like we are still in love. She still said that we cannot be together though because it's not fair to me since she does not know what will happen with her. She does not want to be put in another position where she could potentially cheat on me... which is fair I guess. That the only thing that dude had on me was time. However she swears she does not know if she still has feelings for that guy.. but she knows that she is still in love with me... if he were out of the picture, we would DEFINITELY be together. This broke my heart, and made ugh...

 

Anyways Wednesday night she wanted to sleep over so I figured this is probably the best time for me to really get her back. Of course I agreed, so she slept over and everything was great.. still felt like we were very much in love... just no sex. She continued to tell me she loved me and all that.. she says that her ex continues to tell her that he loves her but she just cannot say it back to him. But?...

 

... We still could not be together. She really said she needed to do this for herself: to figure out if there is something left with her ex before she can fully move on to anybody else, including me. She said that I really put it in her head that maybe she still loves him - and that effin kills me. She said this doesn't mean she was going to be with him - she was not going to be with ANYBODY. However, at the same time she really needed to decide if that whole thing was truly over.

 

So yesterday (Friday) I finally told her I've done enough putting my pride to the side... I cannot be in contact with you anymore until you figure out that you truly do love me and want to be with me... she was like wtf why not? But anyways frankly if two people are truly in love, wouldn't they do anything they can to work it out? You would never put someone you love on pause... especially to check on something else that has failed repeatedly! It's not like our relationship wasn't going well.. it was going amazing.. and now it seems like I put all this effort into this relationship for nothing. It really was a dream come true... and I definitely could see myself with her for a very, very long time. She thought so too.

 

At the same time though I just couldn't stand to see myself hanging around while she got intimate with the other guy again. Like at some point I have to remember that I have some balls and cannot accept that. I love her too much and it will lead to further pain. So yes we talked a little bit here and there about this and that.. and she still fkn insists that she's in love with me.. which really pisses me off, seriously. I always went out of my damn way for this girl. I want to hate her so bad but I simply cannot.

 

Normally I would have ditched this chick a long time ago while she still talked to her ex. The problem, though, was that we really freakin' clicked. So like I've been saying I really put my pride to the side for her.. because I believe in true love that's what you do. My problem also is that I really feel like I will never find anybody that will match up to her.. I know it sounds crazy and cliche, but I really have never felt this way before. This is after dating many, many women. To me real love is not easy to find and when it's there, you've got to fight for it.

 

Anyways where do I go from here? Do you guys think she'll come back? She has said many times that she realizes she's probably making a huge mistake, but it's a mistake she needs to make for herself. She says she's probably losing a great guy - which frankly put, I simply am. I do love her so much, but at the end of the day I need to focus on myself. Maybe I will never find anybody who I connect with and love so much ever again =( She really had EVERYTHING I loved... but I guess what's most important is finding somebody who appreciates you as much as you appreciate them... I need somebody will go out of their way for me just like I do for them.. that's true love. This is just SUCH a depressing situation and I wish I could turn back the hands of time.. I wish she could have been stronger for us. I feel bad because in my gut I just KNOW that they will not workout and she is going to regret this move. My gut is almost always right.

 

I love this girl so damn much... with all of my heart + more. I really believe that we belong together. Really the only reason we broke up was HIM.. some ******* that obviously doesn't treasure her happiness and wouldn't leave her be. Please reply with anything... advice, criticisms, anything, it doesn't matter...

 

Thank you very much everybody for sticking around for a long read. Peace.

[Don Ho]

This woman really was like a dream come true to me. She had everything I had been looking in a woman... I knew from the start that I was going to fall in love with her. We clicked so well and had great chemistry. I felt like I was the one rushing this process, but regardless, she obliged.

 

Yet she insisted that she's lost now and feels like she effed up so bad... and now needs space to figure out what she wants. If he were out of the picture, we would DEFINITELY be together. This broke my heart, and made ugh...

 

Anyways where do I go from here? Do you guys think she'll come back?

I love this girl so damn much... with all of my heart + more. I really believe that we belong together. Really the only reason we broke up was HIM..

 

Bro, sorry you're in this situation but you did it to yourself. One of the top rules in dating is you never get involved with women that are newly broken up, separated or still hung up on their Ex. You should have known that he broke up with her 3 times and they were together 3.5 years that there was too much history and they would get back together. I know SHE told you differently (they usually do), but it's up to you to protect yourself.

 

The second problem is that you were way too emotional over her to begin with, you 'knew you were going to fall in love with her'? I think YOU felt strongly towards her, she did not feel as strongly towards you. I think you might have be totally ready for a relationship, but this was not the one to pick.

 

Third problem(s), she lied to you, saw him and slept with him. I can't imagine that you would even think about taking her back after that. Once a woman sleeps with another guy, you're done. If she was really into you, she wouldn't have done it. The reason she broke up with you was that she was not over him. You were a rebound of sorts.

 

Advice? Sorry to tell you this Bro, but move on. You're going to have to cut your losses and learn from the situation. Even if she came back, what would have you? A woman that cheated on you that deep down isn't really that into you. Move on.

[broken19]

Hey..sorry to hear about that especially since some things are similar to my ex relationship. The clicking thing and being on the same page, enjoying the same stuff, same likes, dislikes, same thoughts, same music likes, same movies, tv, EVERYTHING except maybe a couple of things you agree on. Life sounds perfect with this person right? And if you have one thing only which does not work...ONE thing..you figure this love is worth it to fight that one thing cos the other things really are perfect. In your case it was her ex and in my case my ex has had mental issues since his childhood. I love him so much and even if it was so draining for me I wanted to help him and still do. He has thanked me a lot for helping me but now he does not want any help as he feels he has tried and tried but has hurt me a lot and does not want this relationship. He says he is not strong like me. I believe him and I just want him to get better. I know it is not just a mental issue as he is a teenager, mature in some ways but still a very YOUNG teenager who needs to learn to grow up all over again.

 

I know it hurts so bad...I can't help in any way as I am looking for help myself. Never knew that loving someone would hurt so much. Just like you I did so much for this person and I would like to think I would not do this for anyone again but my nature is such that I see the good in people and not the bad so guess time will tell. And you sound like someone who has given his whole life, body, heart and soul to this girl. And that's the mistake we make. We let the other person consume us so much. Everything becomes about them that when we lose them we fall apart cos we do not have an identity of our own. Guess what has to be done is to find ourself again and start feeling human again. Days, nights, minutes, seconds are hard but remember yourself...who you were before all these happened. I know it's tough as you love the same things she loves...I miss him sooo much but can't do anything as he does not want to talk to me, or text or call or email as it's his way of moving on. I don't know if he will ever ever call me. I can't live in hope but will try and do things to keep my mind off him. Hope things get better for you soon. Remember that you are a nice person and a better soul than her. If she is weak then it is her quality...you are strong and nice and kind and helpful towards others. Keep it that way. All the best:)

[Trovador]

I believe you are a great guy and you deserve much better... don't get caught on her bs (that you pushed her to sleep with the other guy), you did the right thing when asking her to stop contact with him, if she was a honest girl she would have stopped right away... truth is, man, she doesn't love you...

 

I really don't understand why would you want to get back with her... she cheated on you, what else do you want?

 

You have lost a lot, don't lose your dignity now... It will be hard to get over her, but really there is no other option for you...

[naya1]

yeah i think ure a great guy, it was just your mistake to get mixed up with someone who was still trying to heal. it usually takes a lot of time to get over something as abusive as a relationship that has been hurt by deceit...she was still trying and forcing herself to move on but in the end she cant. its her loss. it was her weakness. i hope u are not jaded (like me), its the worst thing in the world cause u tend to block everyone off.

 

i dont know what to say to you to make you feel better cause i dont know what to do myself. i recently ran out of vodka and have to face life in the realistic sense. until later i can get more vodka.

 

ciao.

[itsmisterheartbroken]

I still have faith... I truly believe she is the one for me, but unfortunately love is not a one way street. I do not think we met simply by chance.. I know I sound crazy, but it felt like fate. For now I have no choice but to just heal my wounds with the NC route... I'm doing better, I guess.

 

What did I do wrong though... should I have just played it cool with the ex and not have repeatedly brought him up? My gut told me that it had to stop, and it simply drove me crazy so in hindsight it sounds easy... but at the time I don't think I could have done it. To me, what happened was inevitable. However, this does not necessarily mean that I've lost her for good. I feel like if she comes back and realizes that he isn't for her, we will never turn back. It will make us stronger than ever.

 

Also, I wish I could have not gotten so involved, but who am I kidding? It happened so involuntarily.. she stole my heart so fast it wasn't even funny. I really wish that I was in the driver's seat, but the reality is... she was driving my heart down the fast lane of no return. She then basically dropped me off on a freakin' stranded island and picked up another dude. So foul.

 

I guess the lesson here is that no matter how great things may seem, you never ever can give a woman your all. I really thought she was the one, so that is why I went ALL IN. I really never found a woman worth all of my efforts like her... how messed up is it that when the nicer you are and the more you give them, the more they tend to drift away?

 

I truthfully believe at this point I will never meet anybody like her again. It was unbelievable how flawless she was to me... She really was so worth getting hurt over, no joke. It's unbelievably hard to meet women these days, and to get the timing right... You've got to find them single, you've got to find a way to get to speak to them... there are many hurdles. You probably have just one chance of getting that number when you see them. I had the best thing ever, I really felt like I was on top of the damn world. Now I've crashed so hard.

 

I really don't think I'll ever stop loving her. That woman really to me was a one and a million and that's how I treated her. The fact that I'm not so bothered by her playing me is really awkward and bizarre. It really sucks to know that if by chance I get a chance to meet someone I feel like that for again that I have to resist my feelings and hold back in fear of driving her away. That we have to follow a certain blueprint that may not necessarily coincide with who we really are. It's truly an effin shame. Life is messed up.

 

Anyways this is getting long and I'm really just venting real hard. I really wish my love for that girl did not make me so oblivious. It kills me how perfect we were for each other... KILLS ME. What is she effin thinking? Well all I know is that she freakin' says she's IN LOVE with me, and is not sure if she has feelings for that piece of crap... Hopefully soon she comes to her senses because honestly? Modesty aside, I'm a great catch, and that dude has nothing on me. I've seen what that dude looks like, I've heard what my ex and what her friends have said about him. I know in my gut she belongs with me. I just wish I could understand how she could put me in the backseat for some ass that she's not even sure if she loves anymore... somebody she INSISTED to me was an afterthought and it was ALL ME throughout our relationship. The memories of all of the things she used to say will permanently be scarred/etched into my memory.

 

Whatever though I'm really done ranting, for now lol. Take care all thanks for hearing me out.

[Lemontang]

Dude I frick'n feel you on this, I really do. But even if you believe it's fate and all that jazz and that she belongs to you, realise this. It's not. I'd rather bust your balls now on this rather than have you waste your time pining over this girl. I did all this and wasted sooo much time in the process.

If she wants you she knows what she needs to do, but really dude the precedent has been set, so why the hell would you subject yourself to 2nd rate treatment?

 

Mine is not so much dissimilar to yourself which is why I see where your coming from. I've loved many as they say but only ever been in love once (...so far) and it just so happened to be someone who was even more messed up than your girl (alcoholic with frequent infidelities with randoms). But I moved on, even if at one stage I too was willing to forgive and was a bit indifferent to everything that happened, thinking I could change her mind and ways. But this is also a part of denial and your only hurting yourself more than really fixing anything.

 

I got on with my own life and started dating again and this helped immensely. Yeah it's unfair, yeah your great guy, but yeah you deserve someone who 'will' treat and care for you in the same way your willing to treat and care for them.

 

So get out and date other people. Yes at first yeah I found it hard to date other people and in some ways it was unfair on these people because I wasn't able to connect with them in ways I probably could have if I wasn't still hung up on this girl, but eventually you'll start to connect with others and realise you deserve to have someone who 'is' into and will give you in return as much as your willing to do so (which for me now presents a new problem since I'm connecting with a few people at the moment, and now somewhat spoilt for choice ).

 

So yes 'Go all in' when you feel you want to, though you almost won't realise when you do anyway. Only with each time you'll be a little bit wiser, because with each relationship that comes to an end, you come away with the knowledge of what to apply in the next one.

 

But the thing to remember is YOU have to come first before all else.