eternal.denied84 Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 I met a girl, started talking to her..got attracted..I feel that she also got attracted to me..she would call every day, night..and we will talk about everything.things turned down when she happened to come to know that i have leaked out our personal talks to her friends..she obviously would have felt bad..and i know that i lost the trust on her..she still said that she could trust me and she was talking to me..I came to know though that she is going around with smone which she denied completely when I asked her about it earlier..that hints me that she was also attracted to me and didn't want to reveal about her status/watever ..later when she got exposed she said that she hid the things from me to avoid unnecessary gossips. Now she tells me that she wants me as a close friend..but I feel for her..She tells me she doesn't have any feelings for me more than a friend but still I am special..I don't get it..what kind of special?? I am kind of avoiding her to see if this raises her interest..what should I do to get this girl attracted to me?..avoid her or be nice to her? her Bday today..Should I wish her..or keep the avoidance phase on?
Don Ho Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Good luck with that program. She already put in the friend zone. Bad for you. I think you can try NC, but I doubt it will change her feelings.
Author eternal.denied84 Posted October 2, 2010 Author Posted October 2, 2010 I am asking for advice, If my program is not the best approach to execute..i want to know what's best ?
Mike B. Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I am asking for advice, If my program is not the best approach to execute..i want to know what's best ? You are in the friendzone and always have been and you were never meant to escape. Those "personal talks" were girlfriend type talks and you even "leaked out" her personal conversation in a gossipy type manner. The game is over because it never really began.
Don Ho Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 The advice is find a girl that is attracted to YOU. Sure you can waste a lot of time trying to ignore her and so on, but it's not going to work. You can't make someone attracted to you if they're not. You're in the friend zone for good. Move on.
Author eternal.denied84 Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 update on above, I did try no contact for few days, then we bumped into each other and had to talk, she asked me why i was thinking so much to talk to her, that again gives me the impression that she is interested.. I fail to understand, she would give me signals and then when i take the step she backs out..wtf? how am i supposed to control my emotions in this case? No contact--how should I make that work ?--we see each other every day. I need to get back on track..this was nothing, if this few interactions can ruin me so much then God there's seriously something wrong with me..what should I do?
Mike B. Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 No contact is meant for you to get over her. It is not meant to get her back. In the rarest of cases, it can get her back for a brief time but then she will brush you off again eventually. The behavior she displays is very typical of someone who is not interested in you in a romantic way. When you go no contact on a girl, it is very typical for her to ask why haven't you called or why did you drop off the face of the Earth. It doesn't mean she is now interested in you because she asked about you. Move on, my friend and no contact as much as you can. Sometimes it is hard if you work with the person or attend the same classes but do it as much as you can.
sumdude Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 If you're looking for a lover? Go and find yourself another.
Mike B. Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 If you're looking for a lover? Go and find yourself another. Wise words from a gopher that peculiarly looks like Barry White.
carhill Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 OP, next time, try adopting a different perspective. When you encounter a young lady and go 'hmm, that's interesting' about how she affects you, don't talk to her and then get attracted; talk to her and ask her out on a date. Within seconds of talking with you, and generally even prior, she has already decided whether and how any approaches by you will be handled. Don't waste your time 'getting to know her'. You can do that while you're dating. Single largest mistake I made during my 20's was 'getting to know' women. Waste of time and emotion. Fugetaboutit. Good luck
Don Ho Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 update on above, I did try no contact for few days, then we bumped into each other and had to talk, she asked me why i was thinking so much to talk to her, that again gives me the impression that she is interested..I fail to understand, she would give me signals and then when i take the step she backs out..wtf? how am i supposed to control my emotions in this case? Because women have egos Bro. They can't stand it when you don't chase them and plead to have them back. Even when they dump you! That's why you should never contact them nor chase them. She just wants to know that you still want her. Nothing more. She doesn't want you back, she just wants you to stroke her ego. You see each other everyday? Minimize contact, be cordial, keep moving, do not get involved in any conversation about the two of you and do not appear rude or angry when you do it. Act like you just don't care (even though your guts are falling out).
Author eternal.denied84 Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 Well we went out and had a nice time-she said..she liked it and willing to go out again..so far so good..the thing which troubles me is at time she would talk .. like gf and show interest in me whereas some times she would just be different..like she has lost all interest..this drives me crazy..Is it typical for a girl who already has a bf ? Is she confused, getting bothered by being committed ? I feel for this girl but is it worth wasting effort and time for a girl who already has a bf..and more importantly I feel negative for being secondary in someones life..whenever my call goes unanswered and I find her number busy..the reality kick backs in..I like the girl and I would like to do things for her if there is a possibility of future..the question is--is it worth the pain ?..because I have to let down my ego many times which is very precious to me
Cracker Jack Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 No, it's NEVER worth wasting effort on a girl who has a boyfriend.
Don_da_Ho Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 You're in the friend zone for good. You can try to fool yourself and read into her actions and try to convince yourself otherwise, but in the end you're just fooling yourself. Save your dignity. Move on.
sumdude Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Make yourself unavailable to her most of the time. Don't be the one to initiate contact. Get busy with other people and interests. If she really has any romantic interest in you she knows how to find you.
Author eternal.denied84 Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 I guess the advice you guys are giving is correct..at the end of the day i am just fooling myself and if anyone who is suffering here..thats me //whenever she doesn't reply to my messages or calls..I keep thinking what wrong now..and then someday she will talk all good..I am sick of this mixed behavior..I think I need to get my head straight up.. what should be correct step ? 1.)I let her know that her behavior has been troubling me, she should make her mind if she really likes me( which she has told many a times) and then behave accordingly-do not ignore my msgs or calls...otherwise I cant keep any relation with her. OR 2) Just make myself busy, be cordial whenever I see her--i mean do not ignore her..and keep moving on .. I was thinking of doing first one..so that I will have the closure --if she straightway tells me that i have too much of expectations from her-and since I have to see her everyday--that way I wont keep thinking on her behavior. The downside of first one is that seeing each other will become awkward after that and I would have to ignore her unnecessarily. 2nd option sounds mature but then I wouldd have to be utmost strong to present myself as not getting affected whereas inside I may be falling apart. expert opinions ?
Banega100 Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 3rd Option: approach a pretty girl and get talking to her.
Don_da_Ho Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Do not do #1. Either 2 and 3 or both. Don't make a fool of yourself by doing #1
Author eternal.denied84 Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 I am totally confused..If I do not talk to this girl she says I am making her cry..and when I start giving her attention eventually she takes it for granted.. she doesn't want to leave me at the same time she doesn't put me at fist place in her life. my brain has stopped working... i know all of you have said that i should ignore her and move on but isn't it difficult to leave someone you like and that too when the person says that she is interested. but what kind of interest is this ?..am I being just a placeholder when she doesn't have her boyfriend around ? or she wants someone to talk to ?
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