JellyPhish Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 This is pretty long. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this. Some background information - my boyfriend and I have been dating Long Distance since June of 2007. Since we started dating, we met in person every 3 months or so. I'm from Illinois and he is from Virginia. This past August I moved here to Virginia to go to college with him. His family loves me and invited me to stay in their (lovely) guest bedroom and save money on school costs. Since I've been here things have been phenomenal. We've never been closer and he's said things like how he wants to marry me after college, how he feels like I'm his soulmate, etc. So now we have a problem. Last night, one of his "friends" from school added me on facebook (a girl friend). I'm a friendly person and decided to add her. She happened to be online so we started chatting. Basically, she relayed to me that her and my boyfriend had dated for two weeks about 3 years ago, a few months after we had started dating. They had kissed and whatnot. I had no knowledge of this, whatsoever. In fact, every time my boyfriend mentioned this girl he had only negative things to say. She continued to tell me that this summer they had gone on dates and had made out in her pool. I was crushed, but I didn't want to believe her. I told her I didn't believe her and asked if (when my boyfriend came home) we could all talk about this together. I was honestly trying to call her bluff, but she agreed to it and I remember my feeling my heart start to race. My boyfriend gets home, tears in his eyes, and admitted to everything. I did decide to continue with the relationship. I love him and I do believe we are extremely compatible and do have a chance for a great future. Obviously I'm having trouble with ignoring the images of him and this girl. But my biggest problem is my resentment. I resent him for lying to me and I distinctly remember every time he cheated on me. I remember him telling me he was "going to a movie". I would ask him who he was going with and he would tell me he was going by himself. I would tell him that was kind of odd and he would get super defensive. This happened about 3 times this summer. And I remember him telling me about the pool party and he was really weird about it. My gut told me something happened and I let him silence it. I'm just so ANGRY with him. I can understand that he was confused about us because we've been long distance but he had made plans with me about moving here in APRIL. I feel so betrayed and resentful and I really don't want to. *deep breath* SO. Any advice that anyone has to help me out with this? I would really appreciate it. I never thought I could ever feel this way.
aerogurl87 Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Finish up the semester first and if you don't think you can forgive him, make plans to transfer back to your old college and move back home. I'm sorry you had to find out this way but at least you found out. My ex never admitted to cheating on me even after there was glaring evidence that he did, until I finally called him out on his BS and even then he tried to downplay it. It sucks that he didn't tell you himself because that says alot about his character. It says he's not trustworthy because he made plans to see this girl behind your back. It also says he's not remorseful about his actions since he couldn't man up and tell you what happened without this girl having to tell you first.
2sure Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 You are both young, the relationship was long distance, and things happen. HOWEVER: This is a much bigger deal because you both made huge decisions affecting YOUR life based on your relationship. You moved to his city, changed colleges, and live at his parents home. Those are things that can be changed easily whether for good reasons or not. Both He and his parents helped you make these LIFE decisions and he kept some very important and very basic FACTS away from you and the decision process itself. Had you known he had interest, feelings, actions, with this other person you probably would not be living where you are & not attending college where you are. This is much bigger stuff than simply : my long distance college bf cheated on me. It is. So - you are right to be angry. Hurt of course, but angry first. Now, because you are not moving immediately and because you are not yet prepared to face a change of schools should you decide to do so...you have to figure out this: If you want to continue your relationship with your bf , and it sounds like he does - that other woman has to disappear completely. From his facebook, from his social circle, from having access to him or to you. He has to tell her that her made a mistake, that he regrets both doing it and not telling you about it. If he cannot muster the courage and love for you to do that....tell his parents that you appreciate their hospitality but will be looking for other accommodations. That has to happen. Then see where you are at.
Author JellyPhish Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 Thank you both very much for your advice. You both helped me out a lot and I will continue to talk this out with my boyfriend.
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