w.e. Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 (edited) So, my wife n I split about 2 months ago. She's already knee deep into a relationship with some dude. (Who, apparently, according to his close family friends (who I know somewhat), is "nothing but a **** up" and a "douche bag." Her reasons for leaving, initially, were that I needed goals, job, etc. She came back, left, and came back again. During that time, she started talking to this dude and eventually, she left again saying that she no longer loved me. Since the split, things have been a little bi-polar between us. She's not shown any signs of wanting to reconcile, but how she interacts with me has changed quite drastically for better, at times, and for worse, others. I've been concentrating on myself. I've found myself a job, kept the house nice, been riding my bike, blah blah blah. Prior to me getting a job, my wife and I were talking fairly regularly...she even brought me lunch and went out to eat with me a couple of times. But since I've gotten the job, it seems things have just gone downhill. She's really distant, cold at times, argumentative (though, I don't humor her attempts to get a rise out of me). She's moving into her own apartment this weekend, after staying with a friend for a couple of months and it's just been really awkward lately, and I'm not sure why. At this point, I know that I need to just let her be and concentrate on the healing process. She is going to do whatever she's going to do, but I can't help but still have feelings for her. I know that most responses typically consist of "**** that bitch, find someone better," but I'm not interested in that. We're both young and we have a 3 year old child together, so I can't help but understand the possibility of growth and change in our dynamics. We've got, at the very least, 15 years of dealing with each other on a regular basis...in that 15 years, I cannot imagine not ever becoming more close with her. The way that she's avoided most attempts at friendship, on my behalf, suggests that she feels something - be it guilt, attraction, love, hate, whatever. I want so badly just to talk, but clearly she's not ready. Everyone is making mistakes and sometimes they are big ones. I relate to the idea of being completely lost in my own world, as she seems to be. But, eventually, sanity returns. Then what? The fact is, the life she is living now is another world compared to what she had prior. She's drinking regularly. She is with this person who has no real future. Her job is at risk of collapse. It's like watching a train wreck, to be honest. Anyway, my question is this; what is an appropriate means of dealing with a person you HAVE to see nearly every day while giving them space to experience their own life? A child seems to make things infinitely complex. While I don't agree with her choices, I can't tell her that they're wrong, even if they are potentially damaging to our son. Edited October 1, 2010 by w.e.
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