Author leftfordead2 Posted October 2, 2010 Author Posted October 2, 2010 The only relationship that he sorta elaborated was the most recent one. At the beginning, he was looking for someone to vent to as apparently some of his friends were pretty skeptical of that girl then. I just listened but didn't ask any further. After a few weeks, it seemed he got really unhappy in the r/s and would make some passing comments like "she's psycho etc." to me. Then one day, when we were just hanging out, he blurted to me that they broke up. I didn't ask for the details and just consoled him. Fast forward some time, I was in a bad mood due to a guy that flaked out on me and I was venting about how stupid I was etc. Then he told me on his own regarding the issue he had with his ex, why he considered her psycho and how stupid he was for thinking she was different. I never asked about his past r/s directly. He doesn't bring it up frequently, it kinda just flowed into the conversation then.
sanskrit Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Thanks for the added detail. Still think your first decision is whether to indicate your interest to this man and see if he feels likewise. Second is to go out and experience each other over time, significant time. You are far from worrying about his prospects for longterm. One thing to watch out for is that since both of you have confided in each other about relationships, it will be tempting to fall into that should dating emerge between you. Try to resist this as sitting around having deep baggagey past relationship discussions can spoil the fun of getting to know each other. Have fun and enjoy yourself rather than dwelling on such.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Any guy who categorizes all his exes or all women as psychos, or any woman who characterizes all her exes or all men as *******s is not relationship material, IMO, and probably has a very negative, victimized view.
sanskrit Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Any guy who categorizes all his exes or all women as psychos, or any woman who characterizes all her exes or all men as *******s is not relationship material, IMO, and probably has a very negative, victimized view. Any woman or man who digs inordinately into and worries about questions of "longterm relationship suitability" very early on before a relationship is even in place, to the point of asking rude, premature "prying" questions is not relationship material, IMO, and is probably a "psycho." See we can go round and round in the world of bald conclusory statements. Fun isn't it?
Knittress Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Any woman or man who digs inordinately into and worries about questions of "longterm relationship suitability" very early on before a relationship is even in place, to the point of asking rude, premature "prying" questions is not relationship material, IMO, and is probably a "psycho." You really think that? Honestly?? Yes, announcing your wedding plans upon first eye-lock is undeniably psycho - but finding out if it has any chance in hell before getting all emotionally entangled, how is THAT psycho?
sanskrit Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 You really think that? Honestly?? Yes, announcing your wedding plans upon first eye-lock is undeniably psycho - but finding out if it has any chance in hell before getting all emotionally entangled, how is THAT psycho? It sure is before the first date, and I see that particular kind of "psycho" behavior all over these boards and elsewhere, "A guy sent me an Email on OKC last night, will he make a good husband? He's older so when I am 65 he will be 75, will I still be able to get a man after he is gone or will my life be over? He's a school teacher, will he be able to put three children through Princeton? Should I even respond in light of all these problems?" :lmao: PSYCHO. Here's some guy who for all we know has been working hard his whole life, and has been turned down in favor of "fun" guys, drug dealers, deadbeat artistes, crappy band members, profligate silver spoons, time after time. Perhaps he has had bad luck and ended up with a string of the HUGE percentage of "sad," high maintenance, high drama women on SSRIs or with some other annoying emotional "issues" that somehow justify her acting like a completely unaccountable princess her entire life because "I'm special and I have issues." He makes the statement "women are psycho" in response to a premature, prying question and suddenly that makes him the bad guy. Am I assuming too much? Is the above assumption slanted and unfair? That's exactly my point, and it works both ways. Assuming things about people based solely on relationship history that doesn't involve lawbreaking, abuse or cheating before getting to know them IS psycho.
brainygirl Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 1) in my experience anyone who says "all their ex's turn into psychos after three or so months probably has done something in the relationships that caused this to happen. 2) If he seems like a kind, decent person and you are attracted to him, ask him to lunch or some other casual venue. 3) creepy is less about how old the man is and more about weather or not the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and yell danger when he looks at you too long.
tincanman99 Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 I am amused with all the 2nd guessing about this guy's relationship past. Frankly none of us know what his past is really like including the OP. Any number of reasons he could be single at his age. For example if he was a workaholic in his 20s and 30s and banked his $$ and didnt date around because he was working, that makes him damaged? Or he was shy and just did not date a lot, that makes him damaged as well? For his comments about women being psycho many people can say the same thing about either sex. Come on. The most messed up people I have seen are not the ones who havent been involved or had short term relationships but the the long term serial daters who bounce from one long term relationship to another without skipping a beat or the multiple marriage people. I have had women on a 2nd date tell me and I quote "unless you are serious and prepared to make a commitment I am not dating again for 5 years waiting to get married". So I am the one who is damaged and here you are holding me accountable for something someone else did? People wonder why they cant find anyone, why dont people stop over analyzing and live in the here and now. If you like the guy, give it a shot. The worst thing that may happen is you get a new friend.
tami-chan Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 I think the OP's 'man' use of "psycho" is not literal. It's another way of saying "they all went NUTS"... lay off the man...so he took some liberty using that darn word...who cares? and who has not?
Author leftfordead2 Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 (edited) Well my main purpose in making this thread was to get advice on whether it would be wise to let him know, considering the age difference that we have. Whether it'll be a good idea, would he find it creepy, would it ruin the great friendship, is it better to keep it purely platonic...It wasn't so much of asking if he is good long term relationship material. I guess I'm somewhat a psycho , cause actually I'd prefer to know if there are any red flags early on. Edited October 3, 2010 by leftfordead2
sanskrit Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Well my main purpose in making this thread was to get advice on whether it would be wise to let him know, considering the age difference that we have. Whether it'll be a good idea, would he find it creepy, would it ruin the great friendship, is it better to keep it purely platonic...It wasn't so much of asking if he is good long term relationship material. I guess I'm somewhat a psycho , cause actually I'd prefer to know if there are any red flags early on. I didn't mean to imply that you are psycho, you seem like a quality girl actually, just trying to make the point that assumptions about people whom one hasn't met yet are very often wrong or unwarranted. Red flags are called that because they are red and wave right in your face. The big irony, though, is that the worst people are completely expert at hiding theirs and fooling their prey, so the ones who are upfront about the things they know might give pause are often the best candidates, warts and all. Up to you what warts you can handle, but just make sure they are -real- warts discerned through -real-experience with them. Be wary of the "perfect" in dating. Best wishes regardless of what you decide.
EasyHeart Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Well my main purpose in making this thread was to get advice on whether it would be wise to let him know, considering the age difference that we have. Whether it'll be a good idea, would he find it creepy, would it ruin the great friendship, is it better to keep it purely platonic...It wasn't so much of asking if he is good long term relationship material. I guess I'm somewhat a psycho , cause actually I'd prefer to know if there are any red flags early on.I give the same answer to most people who wonder "Should I let him/her know?" -- what do you have to lose? You already are interested in him, so there's going to be awkwardness if you don't tell him. And chances are he's already interested in you -- just look for all the male/female "Friend" threads. Men usually aren't 'friends' with women they aren't attracted to. * "I did 3 years in jail for battery" is a red flag. * "I don't do relationships" is a red flag. * "I can't go through a school zone because of the restraining order" is a red flag. * "I don't have a job because I don't like to wake up before 11:00 am" is a red flag. * "I have four children with three different women" is a red flag. * "You're very sexy. You remind me of my daughter" is a red flag. 41 and single is NOT a red flag.
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