shayan Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Please for the love of god if you just broke up, don't be friends with that person. I don't care what side of the coin you are on! You will be doing a major dis-service to yourself and your ex. You will be constantly re-stimulating emotional triggers that will make it impossible to heal. You will be re-opening doors to insecurity, regret, and weakness. My advice, let go, cut them out like a cancerous tumor. Now if you want to be friends down the road ok, but that's when you are completely over that person and have gained personal closure, which will probably require you to fall in love again first. However, strangely to truly get over someone you can't care about ever being their friends again you should instead focus on new things and distancing yourself. So in conclusion, holding on to even the desire of being friends with your ex again is probably extremely counter-productive unless you are completely over them! Completely. Yeah here is a suggestion instead of calling up your ex to grab coffee, talk to one complete stranger today and try to have a conversation and see how it goes you may be stunned!
Tayla Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Some folks can actually end things amicably...it comes with age...and some experiences.... I for one know when to CUT the loss entirely and when to not throw the baby out with the bath water.... Sorry but most times my ex BF's have stayed in contact and not to REKINDLE things but because we had a decent sense of value for the good attributes and could call each other out on things in a way that had us confront ourselves and get honest....Again..its all in how it ended and what is salvagable...
9Lives Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Please for the love of god if you just broke up, don't be friends with that person. I don't care what side of the coin you are on! You will be doing a major dis-service to yourself and your ex. You will be constantly re-stimulating emotional triggers that will make it impossible to heal. You will be re-opening doors to insecurity, regret, and weakness. My advice, let go, cut them out like a cancerous tumor. Now if you want to be friends down the road ok, but that's when you are completely over that person and have gained personal closure, which will probably require you to fall in love again first. However, strangely to truly get over someone you can't care about ever being their friends again you should instead focus on new things and distancing yourself. So in conclusion, holding on to even the desire of being friends with your ex again is probably extremely counter-productive unless you are completely over them! Completely. Yeah here is a suggestion instead of calling up your ex to grab coffee, talk to one complete stranger today and try to have a conversation and see how it goes you may be stunned! yup, your right about every thing. its really best to just go your own way. its just harder to be in their lives. its do yourself a favor
skydiveaddict Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 yup, your right about every thing. its really best to just go your own way. its just harder to be in their lives. its do yourself a favor Agreed....................
durkadurka Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Absolutely. I had the best break up in the world with someone whom I remained very close with after the break up. It all went to **** when I put more work into it than she did, then she started seeing someone else. It just doesn't work. The only way it works is if you plan on getting back together.
pandagirl Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 You can be friends with an ex after enough time has passed that you are completely over each other! I know plenty of people who are friends with ex's. Maybe not best friends, but people who keep in touch.
fltc Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 (edited) My ex and I became friends shortly after the divorce because we HAD TO! We still had children to raise and only by staying in communication could we stop the "Mom said I could" crap that kids pull! As for triggers, years later there are still many subjects we avoid so as not to re-ignite hostilities. Oh, and as to the comment "completely over each other" we got to that point during the first year of a 13 year marriage so we had no problems in that area. Edited October 1, 2010 by fltc
Trovador Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 I don't exactly want to be friends with my ex... but I've found easier to let go of this relationship staying in contact than keeping NC and being forced to think of her all the time.. In other words, I am doing what most dumpers do, using the dumpee to get over easy... And for what it's worth, my ex misses me more when I pull away a day or two than when I have been going full NC for weeks... I notice she is now getting more personal with me and that is happening maybe because I'm not playing any games, I really want to get over her...
RDawg Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I must be a bit more emotionally resilient than most, maybe because I'm almost 40, but I prefer to not cut people out of my life once a romance has died. Sure, if you're still all depro then stay away, but once that has past it's great to see an old flame every now and then to catch up. Once you're no longer trying to get in their pants it's amazing how well one can get along with a previous lover. Different strokes..
K'aycie Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I must be a bit more emotionally resilient than most, maybe because I'm almost 40, but I prefer to not cut people out of my life once a romance has died. Sure, if you're still all depro then stay away, but once that has past it's great to see an old flame every now and then to catch up. Once you're no longer trying to get in their pants it's amazing how well one can get along with a previous lover. Different strokes.. I'd like to get to that place soon. I think once the feelings die down, and the sting of it is less and less, you can begin handling a friendship.
carhill Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Heard at last settlement meeting: Mediator - 'If you both agree to waive spousal support, that means that neither of you can lay claim to any future earnings or windfalls of the other, even if one of you won the lottery' Ex - 'If I won the lottery, I'd share some with (me) voluntarily. Of course, I'd have to play the lottery first' Me - I look at mediator, he looks at me, I choke back laughter and say 'thanks, that's real generous of you' Aren't 'friends' wonderful? Thanks, but I'll pass on friendship with 'ex'es'. I'm sure they won't mind in the least.
Username37 Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Honestly....if I do get passed this and move on, I would STILL not be friends.
Author shayan Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 I understand you can be friends with your ex but only after you are completely over them.
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