drake102 Posted February 26, 2004 Posted February 26, 2004 I've been seeing this girl for three years on and off. The most we have ever gone without running back to each other is only like 4-7 days. The relationships has been going thru it's ups and downs. She says I don't do enough for her like taking her out to dinner and a moive and things of the sort. Yes I haven't done these things as much as she asks but I can't do it every time we would make plans.Which was almost every night Now she has left me once more due to she has had enough and even thou I'm really trying to improve it was too little too late. This happened on this past Sunday when I made the comment about her going out and meeting guys with her girlfriends and I was only joking. She got insulted and hung up on me. The reason she hung up on me , was that what I had said was true. She did meet a guy on the Saturday that she and her friends went club hopping. She even set up a date with him that night to see him on Thursday(Tonight actually), but before she broke up with me. And she was so drunk she could'nt't remember what he looked like or even his last name. Now I'm sitting here in the dark feeling sorry for myself and blaming everything on me for not listening to her sooner. All of the other time yes I was sad but she never had a date with another guy all of those other time. And it's tearing me apart. She said I just needed to get over it and that there was nothing I could do about this date because it was going to happen either I want it or not. I can't just give up and turn my back on three years. I haven't called her for two days now and I don't plan to anytime soon. The pain isn't so bad anymore, just when I think about the whole situation and think about her and this new guy having the fun we had once is hell. I'm hoping that she will come back to me, but I don't think she is. So what do I do now?
dario Posted February 26, 2004 Posted February 26, 2004 "She said I just needed to get over it and that there was nothing I could do about this date because it was going to happen either I want it or not. " Well, obviously you don't want it.....maybe you should be more enforceful in the fact that you don't want it.
dario Posted February 26, 2004 Posted February 26, 2004 Oh,...and I hate to be misunderstood, I honestly hope you don't think I mean 'violence' but more a passionate stance...a solid one. Tell her that she's making a mistake.
BklynGuy Posted February 27, 2004 Posted February 27, 2004 Maybe you should have seen this one coming. Sign # 1 is an on & off relationship. Sign # 2 is her meeting other guys at clubs. You knew she was doing this yet held onto her. Don't blame yourself. Some women are trash, just like some men. This girl doensn't sound like an angel. I was in a similar situation where my ex only wanted to go out all of the time. Everything was about MONEY. Whenever I wasn't working.... it was GOODBYE. In the long run, you may be better off w/out her.
ThisGirlNameKD Posted February 27, 2004 Posted February 27, 2004 If she wanted to go out everytime and you didn't, obviously you both weren't compatible or weren't willing to compromise. The fact that you had an on and off again relationship for the past 3 years is another indication that you may not be compatible with one another. You can't change people. Obviously she's very outgoing and feels the need to get out. You don't. So let her go and find someone more compatible with yourself. And if now you see that you could have handled things differently, just use that new found knowledge in your next relationship.
Author drake102 Posted February 27, 2004 Author Posted February 27, 2004 This is the first time she went out and meet a guy. We have gone out and done somemany things together I think she was just starting to get bored with me. I would always thinki of things to bouth in an out of town, doing something new everytime. I woke up this morning in panic becuse she wasn't there next to me. I don't want to fell like this any more. I just want to hold her in my arms and tell her I love to make both of ours day better. I'd give her the world if I could.
eagle_nate Posted February 29, 2004 Posted February 29, 2004 Drake buddy, I feel your pain. I just came out of the losing end of a 3 yr realtionship myself. You need to leave it alone for a bit. Anything you do will not help. She knows what you're all about and clearly she's not too thrilled about it at this point..hence, the other guy(s). With this said, in time she may come to miss you, but that won't happpen if you contact her. Give her some time, be patient, and understand that what you're going through is totally normal and all part of the process. Stop second guessing yourself and think about the good stuff you did. She too has a role to play in this, do not lose yourself in this. Give it some time and then consider writing a letter to her outlining your feelings and desires. It will work out for the best!
Vivid_29 Posted February 29, 2004 Posted February 29, 2004 Looks like she moved on with her life and started meeting new people. What's stopping you? Please tell me that this woman isn't your only hope for the rest of your life! ~V
Arabess Posted February 29, 2004 Posted February 29, 2004 Originally posted by drake102 I'd give her the world if I could. She didn't ask for the world....she asked for her freedom. You have no choice but to give it to her. Breaking up is always hard. The first month is crappy as hell !! But you do get thru it and you do move on. She may come back to you and she may not. Continue with your life as though she isn't.
Vivid_29 Posted February 29, 2004 Posted February 29, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess She may come back to you and she may not. Continue with your life as though she isn't. If he had any kind of self-respect, he wouldn't accept her back. This friggin broad went out and made a date with another guy, while they were still together. ~V
SoleMate Posted February 29, 2004 Posted February 29, 2004 Viv, I'm curious. Aren't you the fella who frequently has his bit on the side and thinks it's OK? Is your situation the same as the poster's, or not? (Let me be clear - I'm not needling, I'm truly curious. )
Vivid_29 Posted February 29, 2004 Posted February 29, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate Viv, I'm curious. Aren't you the fella who frequently has his bit on the side and thinks it's OK? (Let me be clear - I'm not needling, I'm truly curious. ) Why? Do you want to be one of my side salads? I'm not dogging her. I'm curious about him and as to why he would accept her back, knowing that she made a date with another fella, while they were still together. Understand? Sole - If I ever cheated and got caught, I would never expect that woman to accept me back! I would realize that it's all my fault and would face whatever consequences that lie ahead. ~V
Arabess Posted February 29, 2004 Posted February 29, 2004 DITTO Viv!!!!! It amazes me what people are willing to put up with for the sake of love. I admire them. I don't love like that. A guy does ME wrong....and he can get the hell out. I don't care HOW MUCH I miss him....I'll get over it.
Vivid_29 Posted February 29, 2004 Posted February 29, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess DITTO Viv!!!!! It amazes me what people are willing to put up with for the sake of love. I admire them. I don't love like that. A guy does ME wrong....and he can get the hell out. I don't care HOW MUCH I miss him....I'll get over it. That's right, darling! Cheers to you -- **holding up an icehouse** ~V
Author drake102 Posted March 1, 2004 Author Posted March 1, 2004 Well I finally said **** it and called her and asked her what the deal was. She is already dating this guy and spent she nite with him on saturday. She gave me a whole speel aboiut how she needs stablity and that he can give it to her and I can't, because I'm a aspiring artsit and not going to school or has any set future. But nethier does she. She doesn't know what she going to do in a few months when her lease runs up, she isn't going to return to her school job in the fall and doesn't know if she is going to have a job during the summer lay-off, and has no plans of going back to school even thou she already has her associates. She did tell me it hurt like hell to leave cuz I'm the first guy to actually treat her right. But that just went into my one ear and out the other. I was shocked and awed by what she was telling me. So I say " Peace be to her and I'm done." She doesn't want anymore fine. Another reason for giving up is she is going thur family problems and she doesn't need a love sick puppy( ME) puttting bull**** pressure on her. So I'm letting her going and getting on with my life. She still wants me as a friend and I'm starting to think that's what it should have stayed as. And thanks to eveyone here you guys don't even know me but I feel that you all care and A BIG THANKS TO YOU ALL. I read somewhere that there millions of people in the world you have'nt met and there is always going to be a place you have'nt been before, so don't miss it all just a little bit.
Author drake102 Posted March 2, 2004 Author Posted March 2, 2004 My stomach has been hurting like crazy for the past week now and I went to the doctor and got myself checked just in case. It turns out I have a small ulcer in my tummy. He asked if I had any stress in my life and I told him yes and he told me to get away from it and stay away. I also didn't go to work to today I just sat in my room in the dark and thought about her and her new boyfriend. And also how she is right about my life not going anywhere. I have one dream and one dream only and nothing else. I wanted to share this dream with her and make her proud and live the rest of my days with her. But now I realize it's just bull**** all of it my dreams , myself and her. I thought maybe a good cry would help but I can't seem to get it out not even one tear. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I thought I was done and over it but I guess not. God I'm so ****ing pathetic.
eagle_nate Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 Drake, Hey buddy, You're far from pathetic, you're just in the earlier stages of the pain right now dude. I am a little farther along but it wasn't too long ago i was feeling quite similar to you. As a matter of fact, if you wait for the replies to come in, youll see tons of ppl feeling the same right now. What you are going through is completely normal, valid, and understandable. Everyone goes through it at some point in their life man. I'm in it right now, and I've been there before!! You'd think I would have learned my lesson by now but...such is life. you will grow from this, believe me, you will learn a lot about yourself. As a result of being thru it in the past, my learnings have been this: You can't control the way other people feel, but you can work on improving your own by doing things with friends, keeping busy, doing anything that makes you feel better i guess. Even if only for the moment. When you meet someone else and fall in love, you'll know it was all worth it. And nobody is worth subjecting yourself to torture. You'll be over this in time man, Take care of yourself and let her go.
Vivid_29 Posted March 3, 2004 Posted March 3, 2004 My stomach has been hurting like crazy for the past week now and I went to the doctor and got myself checked just in case. It turns out I have a small ulcer in my tummy. He asked if I had any stress in my life and I told him yes and he told me to get away from it and stay away. Damn Drake - Go easy on yourself! I also didn't go to work to today I just sat in my room in the dark and thought about her and her new boyfriend. And also how she is right about my life not going anywhere. I have one dream and one dream only and nothing else. I wanted to share this dream with her and make her proud and live the rest of my days with her. But now I realize it's just bull**** all of it my dreams , myself and her. I thought maybe a good cry would help but I can't seem to get it out not even one tear. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I thought I was done and over it but I guess not. God I'm so ****ing pathetic. Drake - Get it together, man. She's moved on Drake and she's got a new boyfriend. You need to do the same. Stop sitting in your room, feeling sorry for yourself. Forget about this dream. Find and new dream and passion and pursue it! Yes, it's gonna take some time to heal, but in the meantime, get off your okole and get out of your dark room and do something good for yourself. There are so many sexy wahines out there. Meet some!!! ~V
DerangedAngel Posted March 3, 2004 Posted March 3, 2004 This friggin broad went out and made a date with another guy, while they were still together. There are so many sexy wahines out there. Bwahahaha! Viv said "broad" and "wahines". Sorry, I was amused. Um, anyway, I second the above post. -DA
Author drake102 Posted March 9, 2004 Author Posted March 9, 2004 Well it's been three weeks now since the break and finding out about her new boyfirend. Turns out that I got thru this faster than I thought. I for got to mention earlier that I work with my ex at my current job. I saw her today for the first time in a while. I realized here how ****ing fake she really is. She love attetnion and putting on a show for everyone. It got me thinking why did I like her so much when she treated me like shyt and did'nt care about what I thought. She tried to talk to me numerous time but I just gave her one word answers. I see it hey if she wants a coversation go talk to her new boyfriend about it. My present stage now is the pain turned into anger phase. I would never harm her in any way physically of mentally. But I'm still letting her know that I am not ok with talking ot her just yet or ever again, by giving her the one word- sudo slient treatment. I've been using this free time to work on my art and do what I do best. Being myself. And I've reconnected with an old friend that happens to be a girl. Nothing is going to happen between us I'm not ready yet. We just sat and shot the shyt. My old friend gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me I'm a great guy. That made me feel like KING OF DA WORLD. I think I'm going to be sleeping like a baby tonite for once.
eagle_nate Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 I'm glad to hear your feeling better about things. However, I look at your situation and wonder if you might not be trying to convince yourself of the things you are saying. I know i went thru a brief stage where I was supposedly "over the b**ch, and then it came crashing down real quick. This is a process like any other...accept that it will take time. Even if you do come to certain realizations about her or yourself (which is a normal part of it also) you very well could end up in a depression phase without any warning...maybe not, I hope not for your sake, but just be ready for the tides of emotion to rain on you when u least expect it. No matter how much u r mad at her now, you like myself, still love her and are in the grief process. For you it's anger/resentment right now...this is healthy also....but understand the anger will fade a bit and you'll have to deal with what comes next. Maybe try telling her what you told us, rather than trying to get back at her with shortness. In my situation, all communication has been ceased as i simply can't deal with the way she treats me now and talks to me. I guess thats's how she is dealing with it but it doesn't help me to move on when she talks to me like a piece of sh**. I only wish I had your oppurtunity to vent and express my frustrations.
Author drake102 Posted March 9, 2004 Author Posted March 9, 2004 I really would tell her all the thing that I've told eveyone here but she would say that I need to let go and get over it. She is only nice and bubbly to me when she is around other people. But If I was to call her or contact her outside of work she will rip me a new arsehole. And yes as much as I'd hate to mention it I still love her but, I'd never put myself in another situation with her again. The pain and constant put downs would be too much for me. Maybee one day I can tell her how I feel or felt. But not any time soon. Right now I'm just cutting or counting my losses (can't remember which goes with the saying) and leaving it as is. The waves of emotion still come and go. Sometime I'm sad sometimes I'm happy. The reason for my shortness is basically a defensive tactic in order to cover my butt and emotions. Still a bit fragile and not ready to come out of my shell yet.
MeToo Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 eagle_nate and drake102. I have been monitoring your posts on the current situation since late February. Drake102, you are progressing through this thing normally. The human defense mechanism, that balances our emotional state (between the conscience and the sub-science), is struggling to keep you out of a depressive state of mind. Since you say it’s been three (3) weeks since the break, the rawness of this lost relationship is still present in your mind. Not until you “make up your mind” to move on will you conquer this demon that possess your very soul. Vivid_29 said it best, “Find a new dream and passion and pursue it! Yes, it's gonna take some time to heal”. Right now you are thinking with you heart. Later, you will think (about this lost relationship) with your head. Sure, the resentment and anger is prevalent right now. So file this situation under “lessons learned” and never, never forget it. You will see later on that women are very predictable in the ways they use to break up. No, life isn’t peachy and the situations that go with it. In the future, try balancing what you feel in your heart with what is right in your head. Then and only then will you have some “control” over your new relationship. Finally, you must remove that knife from your heart. Try going out with some friends. If they are friend who talks about their relationships, stay away! Try bowling, horseback riding or sailing. Anything that takes you away from the current situation and makes your mind concentrate on it is good medicine for the heart. Refrain from talking about “what happened”. Concentrate on new horizons that will make you a better soulmate for the next lucky gal!
eagle_nate Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 Good advice... Hopefully we'll be at that desired point sooner than later...one of the many things I've leaned through this experience is the differences people report in how long it takes you to "get over it"....hope fully it's sooner than later! thanks again~
Author drake102 Posted March 9, 2004 Author Posted March 9, 2004 Thanks MeToo . I've bee keep myself busy and doing think that I would normally never try. EX: "Today I tired sushi for the first time, and wasabi should not be played with for future refrence." And my art is another relaxing thing that I've picked up again. But yes this is a big lesson that has been filed and put away. My only problem now is that I still work with her and seeing her is something I can't avoid. And the fact that she talks to me like nothing happened between us and that I'm supposed to act the same just URKS the hell outta me. But I just focus on my task and job at hand and It usually works. But thanks for the advice once again and all I can do now is what you said " Better myself for the next lucky gal to come along"
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