Someone just put me out of my misery

[jeff2321]

I ****ing hate this. I feel like total **** and feel like my life is over. She left me and I do not know how to get passed it.... sigh

 

I have kept a promise to myself to be NC with her the rest of my life, but I'm only 20 days into it... and I'm struggling badly.

 

I really don't like living right now... life is not fun for me at all.

 

Someone just put me out of my ****ing misery...

 

Jeff

[br0ken_w0lf]

Sorry to hear you're feeling like this and I'm especially sorry because I've been there and know what it's like. Hell, *I* could have written your post if I knew about LS back then! The best thing I can tell you is to take one day at a time (20 days is nothing to sneeze at so you're doing very well) and that, in time, you will feel better. Other advice from my own experience: don't drink, don't smoke, don't hole up like a hermit, and don't isolate yourself from folks who are trying to help. If you do those things, you will prolong bad feeling for longer than you'd like, believe me.

 

Last advice, come here often - it does help. Take care of yourself and hang in there...

[spriggig]

Perfectly normal, this too shall pass. You're doing fine. This may sound cliche or off point, but try exercising, it really helped me at your current stage.

 

Also writing, it helped me sort through the reasoning, and uncover the "whys" a little easier. Get the story straight--be as honest and fair as you can be--tell anyone who'll listen over and over until you feel they will walk out if you say another word about it--eventually even you'll get bored of thinking about it and start to move on.

[Fouts]

You have to stop obsessing over them, thinking about them all the time. It's not an easy task, but try to focus on the fact that she doesn't want you anymore and there's some other super nice chicks out there who do.

[jeff2321]

Thanks everyone for being supportive. I went out salsa dancing and danced with some really hot chicks for about 2.5 hours straight. It was just what the doctor ordered to get me out of my depression for the day.

 

These women I danced with aren't Laura, but dancing with them was fun and I learned a couple new moves tonight I think I'm going to go out and salsa dance every night if I can because it's so much fun and it takes my mind off of the break up when I do it.

 

Again thanks for the support. I feel like a mental patient right now with the mood swings I keep having.

 

And you all are right. My ex doesn't want me anymore and I need to start focusing on women that do.

 

I just have to tell myself this when I wake up in the morning and my brain has reset. [ For some reason every morning I wake up I have to fight my way out of a depressed state again ].

 

Jeff

[Fouts]

I can think of a couple of times I was hurting when a relationship ended, and even though it wasn't easy, meeting new women was always so much fun, knowing they were excited to get to know you and be with you.

 

It made moving on bearable and then eventually you meet that special someone that makes you forget about the ex and you wonder why you wasted so much time on them in the first place

[BigProc]

I feel for you jeff. The mornings are awful. The dreams where you are back with your ex and then you wake up and realise its not reality. You then end up feeling at an all time low. Its been 5 months since i split with my ex and even though i'm better than i was, i'm still nowhere near there yet.

[smk]

I ****ing hate this. I feel like total **** and feel like my life is over. She left me and I do not know how to get passed it.... sigh

 

I have kept a promise to myself to be NC with her the rest of my life, but I'm only 20 days into it... and I'm struggling badly.

 

I really don't like living right now... life is not fun for me at all.

 

Someone just put me out of my ****ing misery...

 

Jeff

 

Dude trust me you are just at the start of the roller coaster and I could BS you and tell you that tomorrow everything will be peachy but it would be a lie.

 

The truth is you will have some days where you will feel like absolute shyte, and other days where you will feel nothing, then there will be days where you will want to punch a wall, and other days where you will want to cry, and other days where you will feel guilty for not thinking about her so you will think about her and discover some other emotion.

 

But you know what, each of those days will teach you something new about yourself, each of those days will make you a stronger person, each of those days will make you realise that you deserve better... I dont know your story but whatever it is we have all been there...

 

I am almost 4 months into the break and hell i still now have moments (fleeting ones) where I think of her and miss what we "USED" to have, and i grieve my loss and then just keep on going...

 

go out there, go to salsa, go to the gym, go running, do whatever you want just dont let the emotions consume you, you are strong enough to control them as opposed to the other way round..

 

Be strong buddy, and sooner or later you think about her less and less, as much of a cliche as this may sound like, the only thing that truly heals us is time...

 

take care

[Confused9]

Hang in there. I've been there. You just feel lost and completely unable to do anything. You get moments of clarity but then you are back to the hole that is heartbreak. I don't know your whole story or how long you have been together, but I was with my ex fiance for 7 years and it's been 3 years since we broke up and I am much better now if that's any consulation! It took me about 9 months to a year to feel better and then everyday I felt better. I know that's not what you want to hear but like the OP I am not going to lie to you and tell you you will be fine tomorrow. This is definately a roller coaster ride of emotions that s*ck.

 

There were days I wanted to drive in to a truck or pole, but I didn't and I am so so glad. lol. My life is so so so much better without my ex and I met someone a year ago and we are so happy. But, I was happy with my life without him, he's just an added bonus now! You really have to make the most of life until you come out of this breakup fog. Watch, in a few months you'll start seeing that this is a good thing. Post on here and use others success stories to help you get through.

 

Stay NC. I know you don't want to. I know you think you can change her mind if you are nice and you are scared if you don't talk to her she will forget you...but she's already gone, there is no getting her back. I know that's hard to hear but there's nothing you can do...hang in there.

[jeff2321]

Today has been especially hard... because I realized we broke up sometime back in August. I'm sure she's completely moved on by now and has another guy. I'll never know because I cut her out of my life like a cancer tumor. I won't look at her facebook page either... I'm afraid what it might due to my emotional state if I try to see what she's up to. The fact is I don't want to know because she is probably having a lot of fun and dating a new guy (it's easier for a girl to get another boyfriend -- women basically have unlimited sex on tap if they want it ).

 

I'm so crushed and I don't know what I'm doing to do. The minutes are going by really slowly and all I want to do is just go home and crawl into bed and just die. Nothing good in my life seems to compensate for what I've lost. I've got a really good job and I'm in a great position financially... but it all means nothing when I feel like this.

 

It's hopeless. I'll always feel like this probably.

 

Jeff

[Confused9]

You won't always feel like this, I promise. You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start moving forward with your life. She wasn't the end all be all. There are other things in your life to be happy about. In this economy having a job and being financially OK is a freaking miracle. Be happy about that. Be happy that you are alive and not sick. Be glad you weren't married and didn't have children that would have to go through this. Listen, I know you are idealizing this woman and making your relationship out to be this perfect thing becasue it's gone now, we all do it, but you know what, if it was perfect...you would still be together, you have NO other choice than to move on...that's all you can do right now.

 

Read my posts from 3 years ago. I sounded just like you. Then, I posted an update on Sept 22nd, D day 3 years ago, and my end to my relationsnip was SO ugly...and I am OK. You will be too.

[IfiKnewThen]

wow i can really relate to what you are saying. i say that almost all of the time. i cant wait to go to sleep just to be unconscious. some days are better than others. its just all so shocking and life altering..in that you cant reach out and talk to them and you feel like almost your identity is gone as you know it. its how your life used to identify with theirs and now ...

 

anyway jeff, prayer sometimes helps me. she must have been special to miss her so deeply. i know my guy was extremely unique and special and loving thats why the loss is so great. but he acts like an a$$ and a stranger now. its a very painful thing to and you cant even wrap your head around it now matter how much you try.

 

keep trying to count all the blessings. it's an absolute must for me even though i feel so so sad and dead inside.

 

and you're so correct. money doesn't mean anything..

 

you realize these are blessing now that keep you afloat to survive. but they are not the joy in life..that a loved one brings. everything gets put in proper perspective.

 

just hang in there. like someone said one day at a time. and ask God to help keep you going and help you find that happiness and joy again...somehow.

[Billie The Puppet]

Today has been especially hard... because I realized we broke up sometime back in August. I'm sure she's completely moved on by now and has another guy. I'll never know because I cut her out of my life like a cancer tumor. I won't look at her facebook page either... I'm afraid what it might due to my emotional state if I try to see what she's up to. The fact is I don't want to know because she is probably having a lot of fun and dating a new guy (it's easier for a girl to get another boyfriend -- women basically have unlimited sex on tap if they want it ).

 

I'm so crushed and I don't know what I'm doing to do. The minutes are going by really slowly and all I want to do is just go home and crawl into bed and just die. Nothing good in my life seems to compensate for what I've lost. I've got a really good job and I'm in a great position financially... but it all means nothing when I feel like this.

 

It's hopeless. I'll always feel like this probably.

 

Jeff

 

That`s how I felt the first few weeks of my break up thing is since the break up a lot of good has been happening in my life, Lost weight, got a car, my credit skyrocketed (Line of credit out of no where almost 20 g's) Plus my credit score must be high due to me always paying credit card bills in full etc and will eventually be better of financially due to me getting a car, yet not having her still keeps me down. Thing is she isn't the greatest catch in the sea and this may sound rude or belittling but in terms of status levels I am slightly higher than her. She is uneducated where I hold a college level diploma, She lives at home with her mother, As I live at home with my father. She ahas been known to jump from job to job, where as I will be taking over a family business. I have concept of money, she works to spend. Almost lives for vacations etc. We both only just got learners for licenses but since I bought a car all I have been doing to pass the time is work on the car and driving. In fact I paid for her learners. (She is 26 and I am 25).

 

However despite all this I still miss being with her, talking to her, rubbing her back, obviously I miss the passionate moments too. She was the one for me as I was ready to propose. I feel I know why we ended and it may be because of my clingyness and insecurity which is odd because she was the exact same way at the beginning and I never left her.

 

Honestly my favorite part of the day is night time as I am able to sleep and I get to be with her in my dreams.

[redmelon]

Awww, you poor thing. Being where you are in the process is awful, I know.

 

Something that may temporarily lift your sadness is if you really focus in on your feelings of anger, and then jump up and run out the door and around the block over and over as fast as you can until you can't do it anymore.

[jeff2321]

Yeah I'm screwed. Life is going to suck for awhile.

[jeff2321]

I'm blaming myself for a lot of it and so I'm dealing with emotions of regret on top of grief and depression.

 

She was actually very good to me... I'm the one that screwed it up by being stressed out by my job and by being focused on the wrong things. She deserves someone better so I have kept NC and even said to her in my last email "I will regret for the rest of my life that some other guy will get to have you. I would do anything to get you back, but I know that you don't want me back at this point. So therefore I need to move on because at some point you will be getting another boyfriend and I can't stand around and watch you do that".

 

So yeah she knows that she rocked me to my core and she knows I want her back but she has not contacted me. I knew it was over the day she moved out. There is nothing I can do so I just have to live in regret for awhile until I can forgive myself.

 

I didn't do anything horrible, but I wasn't exactly the best guy the last year... I had a lot of stress with my job and I was in a bad mood a lot of the time. I'm realizing now that I could have done so much better and I choose the wrong path. I'm paying the price for not being the best guy to her that I could have been and I have to live with that now.

 

Anyway I'm gonna go home and just go to sleep. Not much else to do but just to feel the depression and be down.

 

Thanks,

 

Jeff

[McGrupp]

you sound so much like me 1 year ago.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t244265/

 

check out the thread i recently posted. i think it will help you a lot

[IfiKnewThen]

jef i did the same thing only i didnt live with him and i was with him for 10 years. (i am older here) but i saw him a lot. we had a long distant relationship. and i wrote to you in your first post/another post you wrote/started. i did that today and i wrote how bad i feel because i did not treat him right like he so deserved. please refer to your other post on LS.

 

anyway i know what its like to live with the guilt. i wrote him letters like yours too and called him and told him how deeply remorseful i was. unfortunately for me he kept everything inside for years and let it build up. then he found someone on the internet. didnt tell me anything and moved on by being distant and cruel. it hurt to the core. he didnt try to work it out WITH me in the end. though he tried throughout the relationship. now he is a cruel stranger and i am finally feeling like i am not so bad. because he got so darn mean and cold. BUT still i know none of this had to be if i only treated him right to begin with. so i still blame myself for the then..even if i dont blame myself for the now. i wish i were asleep now too. sometimes i wish God would take me. its really been bad. i tired to be his friend. but he gets mad at me because i dont want to hear about some lady he likes now. the whole thing is a nightmare. so many days i have said for the past 4 months..please someone take me out of my misery

[IfiKnewThen]

mcgrupp. i know this isnt your thread or mine. but i want to say, i just read your thread. only the 1, not the 1000. the one where you tell how you survived and thrived and came to feel alive (again) after doing basically your "10" steps. i seriously cried. and i thought to myself...little did he know (or maybe he did) that someday he would be so helpful to others or another. i am 4 months into the break up that stunned me and i didnt see it coming. i didnt know he had it in him to be this way..now. anyway...i have been going through quite a bit and tonight was a bad night for me. i was almost spiriling..not quite but almost...when i thought he hid his name on my buddy list. trust me i have been going through far more than that little tidbit. but i was grieving so badly and i read your thread. and i thanked God almighty that someone could describe this feeling of going up .23 etc. thats what i do one day and step and minute at a time. try to incorporate any good in my day. but i am still a zombie and still in denial..and still hope ..you get the picture. but i hope and pray jeff will go to the site of your thread...to recovery. anyway i was on the verge of tears but and was about to cry anyway...but i also laughed while i cried when i read your steps. take care and God bless.

[BigProc]

Hey Jeff i find your posts really touching because they remind me of myself. I'm currently going through a break up. Like you i am suffering with depression. Also the break up was mostly my fault. I didn't cheat or was abusive or anything, but due to stresses in my life with my daughter through an ex and also my job i was in a constant bad mood. She was besotted with me and i just didn't show her the affection she deserved. I think i coan relate to how you are feeling. If you ever wanna chat just let me know. The good news is its now been 5 months since my break up and after a couple of months i was feeling as bad as you do now. Don't get me wrong i'm far from over her but i'm feeling tons better. I think you have followed a very similar pattern to me so i'm confident soon you will start to feel better. Like i said just let me know if you wanna chat.

[jeff2321]

Yup woke up depressed again this morning...

 

BigProc, sure i'd love to chat... could use anything right now.

 

Jeff

[IfiKnewThen]

feeling the same. very depressed this morning and for good reason.

 

i miss my friend and i wish i could talk to him again when he was the person i recognized.

 

dread yet another day.

 

i wish i had someone to talk to. have been so isolated with a disibility and him as my sole friend. lifes a beach

[McGrupp]

mcgrupp. i know this isnt your thread or mine. but i want to say, i just read your thread. only the 1, not the 1000. the one where you tell how you survived and thrived and came to feel alive (again) after doing basically your "10" steps. i seriously cried. and i thought to myself...little did he know (or maybe he did) that someday he would be so helpful to others or another. i am 4 months into the break up that stunned me and i didnt see it coming. i didnt know he had it in him to be this way..now. anyway...i have been going through quite a bit and tonight was a bad night for me. i was almost spiriling..not quite but almost...when i thought he hid his name on my buddy list. trust me i have been going through far more than that little tidbit. but i was grieving so badly and i read your thread. and i thanked God almighty that someone could describe this feeling of going up .23 etc. thats what i do one day and step and minute at a time. try to incorporate any good in my day. but i am still a zombie and still in denial..and still hope ..you get the picture. but i hope and pray jeff will go to the site of your thread...to recovery. anyway i was on the verge of tears but and was about to cry anyway...but i also laughed while i cried when i read your steps. take care and God bless.

 

I'm glad you fond some sollace in my post. To op and you, it will take time, these are the stages. Feeling like your going to die, feeling like you want to end it, feeling like lif isnt worth it and you will be forever scarred and never find another.

 

but you will be ok with time, just wake up everyday, go through the motions till it hurts less and less.

[jeff2321]

Someone anonymously emailed me a picture of my ex and she's sitting in a chair sporting her new sleeved out tattoo. She literally went and got nearly her entire upper left arm and shoulder completely tattoo with some kind of weird image. It looks like total **** and it makes her look less classy than she was. I know everyone has different views of tattoos and stuff but I'm not _really_ a tattoo guy and so seeing this picture of her with this giant tattoo across her arm just about killed me. She just does'nt look like the classy girl I once new... It's incredible how different she has changed in only a few weeks...

 

Along with this anonymous email, someone copy and pasted a snippet of her facebook page which basically said she was trying to get laid by some hot cop friend of hers.

 

So yeah this is just great... just what I needed to see. Why the hell would someone anonymously email me an email of her sporting some new tattoo and a quote of her facebook page? I really didn't care to see all this and I'm feeling pretty bad as it is anyway.

 

On the other hand, I have to say that the new tattoo she got makes her look like **** and I'm really no longer attracted to her at this point, so I guess that's a plus. It still hurts though that she's already out there trying to get screwed by any guy that will give her attention.

 

So now I have a mixed feeling... Relationships are such a pain in the ass.

 

Jeff

[IfiKnewThen]

jeff , i think it's a ruse. just based on getting this pic and snippet of FB out of the blue. i think she is trying to hurt you and had one of her friends send it. who knows , maybe the tat isnt real either.

 

and if she sounds like she wants this cop like that..she is sounding less classy by the minute. who writes all that crap on their fb.? i am sure she is a great lady but something does sound amiss. either she did go downhill somehow or is messing with your head. so stay clear...dont take it seriously. and hang in there and keep moving on.

 

is there any possible way that you know of that she might want you back? dont get mad at me for asking ...i am just wondering with that crazy email you got.