durkadurka Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 (edited) Today while perusing my ex's facebook page I noticed a post from a friend that wen something like this: Saw your boyfriend a few days ago, and it reminded me that last time we talked you were makin a big decision! So where did you end up? Me being the massive idiot I am thought the girl was from the city my ex now lives in, thought that she was referring to the new guy, and the big decision referred to her staying in her new city or travelling. After mulling thing over for an hour I sent my ex a congratulatory text. I wished her well in the new relationship and good luck with finding a place. I think by now everyone knows my story, guy meets girl, girl goes off and does her own thing for a while, girl dumps current boyfriend after stringing him along for a few months. Girl and guy fall in love. Girl stays in city for guy. Girl gets restless and unsatisfied. Girl leaves to help her family who is on brink of bankruptcy. Guy supports girl for 2.5 months though not officially together. Guy flies down to support girl who is always calling with crying phone calls. Guy says he will move down if things settle down, writes 3 page note telling girl how much she cares about her. 2 weeks after retunig home girl stops calling guy. Anoher 2 weeks later she is 'seeing' someone. Since then girl has called guy twice. Guy did not return first call. Girl texts 'not going to call me back?' the guy responds the next day 'i am busy'. Girl calls again that was 2 weeks ago. I assumed that if the new guy was her boyfriend she was going to be staying. This is in stark contrast to what she told me a few days ago. Anyways I completely misinterpreted it. The girl was talking about ME, I remembered who the girl is and that she lives in my city and I saw her in a coffee shop last week. I quickly texted my ex again saying 'oops she was talking another me! Hahahahaha anyways I hope you are having a great day!' a few minutes later she calls and I ignore it. She doesn't leave a voicemail. Should I return it? Edited September 30, 2010 by durkadurka
pandagirl Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Most people will tell you not to call her back, but depending on how YOU feel, you should/shouldn't. From reading your posts, there is a lot of bitterness and resentment, because of her actions. But it does take two to tango. Why even comment on her facebook status if you weren't expecting a response? A little passive-aggressive, don't you think?
Author durkadurka Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 Most people will tell you not to call her back, but depending on how YOU feel, you should/shouldn't. From reading your posts, there is a lot of bitterness and resentment, because of her actions. But it does take two to tango. Why even comment on her facebook status if you weren't expecting a response? A little passive-aggressive, don't you think? I didn't comment on her fb. I actually deleted her today. Honestly I am a bit bitter because I opened my heart to her again and she took the oppotunity to twist the knife after I visited her. The reason why I didn't pick up is bc when it comes down to it there isn't much to say. If she wanted to talk to me it wouldn't take a silly text like this to get he attention. She's so unpredicatable. She tells me to tell me she's seeing someone but less than 2 weeks later she is calling asking how my family is?
pandagirl Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 I didn't comment on her fb. I actually deleted her today. Honestly I am a bit bitter because I opened my heart to her again and she took the oppotunity to twist the knife after I visited her. The reason why I didn't pick up is bc when it comes down to it there isn't much to say. If she wanted to talk to me it wouldn't take a silly text like this to get he attention. She's so unpredicatable. She tells me to tell me she's seeing someone but less than 2 weeks later she is calling asking how my family is? But she did call you and you basically ignored her... Right? I just don't understand why you texted her. If she didn't reply, you probably would be upset too. That she did call immediately means she wants to talk to you. I'm not saying she deserves it, but you are also sending mixed messages.
Author durkadurka Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 But she did call you and you basically ignored her... Right? I just don't understand why you texted her. If she didn't reply, you probably would be upset too. That she did call immediately means she wants to talk to you. I'm not saying she deserves it, but you are also sending mixed messages. Which call are you referring to? The first time after a few days she tried again and I picked up. So much of me cares for this girl but so much of me resents her for not trying harder to make this work and how she disposed of mr.
pandagirl Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Since then girl has called guy twice. Guy did not return first call. Girl texts 'not going to call me back?' the guy responds the next day 'i am busy'. Girl calls again that was 2 weeks ago. This. You ignored her. Not saying she didn't deserve it, but...
Angel1111 Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 You opened this door. If you don't call her back, you'll either look foolish or psychotic. Call her back.
Author durkadurka Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 This. You ignored her. Not saying she didn't deserve it, but... Ah, the glorious thing, she did deserve it, and deserves a lot more. The woman is classless.
lsb Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 why did you send a congrats text? i mean...if you dont want to talk to her why would you do that? it seems insincere to me. why dont you just leave her alone?
Author durkadurka Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 why did you send a congrats text? i mean...if you dont want to talk to her why would you do that? it seems insincere to me. why dont you just leave her alone? It wasn't insincere, I actually really feel that it helped me get over things and put things in the past. Today I officially moved out of the apartment we shared together, it's a big (although a bit sad) day. What she does now is up to her, I won't go down as someone who's a dick though.
Trovador Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 My ex calls me a lot (not like a couple of months ago though when she called me almost every hour) and I talk to her like the good friend she wants me to be... But I've found that I don't have too much to tell her and ask her... I am not particulary interested in to know all the details of her life and in volunteer a lot of info about me... in other words, our conversations are getting boring and the silence is becoming a bit embarrasing... is that what you want? I miss now the days when we didn't know if we were going to talk that day, or just a simple call or mssg took the best of us... the anticipation, the hope, not knowing what it was going to happen filled with intensity our days... now that we are free to talk and see each other there's nothing of that interesting tension between us... I think this post makes no sense at all ha ha!
Trovador Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Ha ha I meant to ask Is that what you want? Running out of interesting topics to talk about? Wishing she hadn't called you?
Author durkadurka Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 My ex calls me a lot (not like a couple of months ago though when she called me almost every hour) and I talk to her like the good friend she wants me to be... But I've found that I don't have too much to tell her and ask her... I am not particulary interested in to know all the details of her life and in volunteer a lot of info about me... in other words, our conversations are getting boring and the silence is becoming a bit embarrasing... is that what you want? I miss now the days when we didn't know if we were going to talk that day, or just a simple call or mssg took the best of us... the anticipation, the hope, not knowing what it was going to happen filled with intensity our days... now that we are free to talk and see each other there's nothing of that interesting tension between us... I think this post makes no sense at all ha ha! That's why she originally stopped calling me and I stopped calling her. So yes, I know what you mean. The other issue is that so much of her life is out of bounds for me right now. I think I'll call her back and just give myself some firm rules.
Author durkadurka Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 Returned the call, she didn't pick up. Left a voicemail, she hasn't returned my call.
Angel1111 Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Returned the call, she didn't pick up. Left a voicemail, she hasn't returned my call. Well, at least you called and left a message. Even if you don't hear from her, you followed-up. I'm guessing that she'll call back.
lightning Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I'm glad you called her back. Like someone else said you are sending mixed messages. You reacted quickly to the facebook post. She obviously is concerned about how you interpretted it and wanted to explain/chat. Texting her the congrats is clearly a play to get her attention(dont feel bad , i have done this too) and you got it so therefore when she called you should of answered/called her back(isn't that what you wanted?). The whole thing is going to turn in to games if you fish and then brush her. When you do speak to her, let her say what she was calling for and then maybe say what YOU want, NC or not. It's a perfect time to clear up where you stand coz it sounds like it's a bit messy.
Trovador Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Don't you hate when they pull the "I'll answer/text back three days from now on" trick? Why is that you can answer within a reasonable time and they take all the time in the world to do it, if ever? Are they more advanced in seduction techniques or are they just some "naturals" and that was why we were hooked to them? I swear, I either answer back or not. I can't deliberately wait about a day to do it! On second thought, I always answer back. Maybe being available all the time kills the mystery. But at least, I was true to myself. Please, let us to know how your case evolves.
Angel1111 Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Don't you hate when they pull the "I'll answer/text back three days from now on" trick? Why is that you can answer within a reasonable time and they take all the time in the world to do it, if ever? Just because a woman doesn't call back right away doesn't mean she's playing games. This woman is probably in a relationship with a guy and is probably spending the weekend with him. It may just be a bad time to call an old bf. On the other hand, she actually did call him pretty quickly after he sent that message but he didn't answer. I don't get the impression that she's playing games.
Trovador Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Just because a woman doesn't call back right away doesn't mean she's playing games. This woman is probably in a relationship with a guy and is probably spending the weekend with him. It may just be a bad time to call an old bf. On the other hand, she actually did call him pretty quickly after he sent that message but he didn't answer. I don't get the impression that she's playing games. When someone is interested in you, even if he is a brain surgeon, he will find the time to get back to you... I am not talking about the normal occurences in life which surely will prevent you of making a call or send a mssg... I am talking about those long silent hours and days without a signal of life... maybe they do it on purpose, maybe they don't care... I'm not talking either about relationships obviously dead... anyway, I was speaking in a general way, not in the specific case of durkadurka... But I have the impression you know too much what I am really talking about...
Angel1111 Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Just because a woman doesn't call back right away doesn't mean she's playing games. This woman is probably in a relationship with a guy and is probably spending the weekend with him. It may just be a bad time to call an old bf. On the other hand, she actually did call him pretty quickly after he sent that message but he didn't answer. I don't get the impression that she's playing games. When someone is interested in you, even if he is a brain surgeon, he will find the time to get back to you... I am not talking about the normal occurences in life which surely will prevent you of making a call or send a mssg... I am talking about those long silent hours and days without a signal of life... maybe they do it on purpose, maybe they don't care... I'm not talking either about relationships obviously dead... anyway, I was speaking in a general way, not in the specific case of durkadurka... But I have the impression you know too much what I am really talking about... I just know that I don't play games with guys and never had reason to. It's too much work if you ask me and I'm just not inclined to do it. But, yea, I thought you were mostly referring to this guy's situation and it's just kinda messed up. I was thinking about how I was running around all night from the moment I left work up until about 10:30pm. I know that if I were with a guy during all that time, I wouldn't have had time to call another guy back and have a personal conversation with him. I was just thinking of it in that sense.
Author durkadurka Posted October 2, 2010 Author Posted October 2, 2010 Well, I later on this evening I got a text from her saying the following: Her: 'Sorry I missed your call, I would have liked to talk to you' My response: Yeah it really is too bad. Her: 'Yeah I've got some things I'd like to say... too bad. What are you up to tonight?' My response: I just got off the ferry, going out on the boat. Her: 'Sorry I got your messages out of order! Oops' My response: Anyways, we aren't going out for dinner tonight anymore, if you want to talk you can give me a call. I didn't hear from her for the rest of the night. I think she's been drinking.
Author durkadurka Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 So I texted her today when she didn't get back to me last night and I got this response: Sorry. Not on the north america plan anymore so cant call canada and havent been home to use land line. I smell bs, when she called on Thursday she was using her cell. When she called 2 weeks ago both times she was using her cell. I smell gaaaaaaames.
Trovador Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 I think some days of silence might benefit you... but I also know how weak the will is... Whichever route you are taking, don't neglect the other areas of your life, that will help you to be ahead of the game, so to speak
Author durkadurka Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 I think some days of silence might benefit you... but I also know how weak the will is... Whichever route you are taking, don't neglect the other areas of your life, that will help you to be ahead of the game, so to speak I'm not neglecting the other areas of my life. Anyways, I found out that it was her grandparents wedding anniversary yesterday so maybe that's why she hasn't been home. The reason why I'm not sure if I want to give it the silent treatment is just because she might just decide to forget about what she wanted to say. Anyways I need to give it a rest.
Author durkadurka Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 Well, it's been another day, she's tagged herself in two of my pictures on facebook, but she hasn't called me. I'm of the opinion that if something is important to someone, they will make time to make stuff happen. So, I've given up on this girl.
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