lizzy22w Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 (edited) Ok, so I will start out with a semi-short story to try to explain everything more clearly. Started dating this guy a year ago. We dated for three months, and then when his ex comes to him for a shoulder to cry on, he develops feelings for her again, and chooses to go after her. She denies him, and after another girl denies him, comes back to me. It is all good again, and then he leaves me again on valentines day because his parents think that I am going to hurt him. Since then we have been going out on dates on and off, going up and down, he would tell me I was perfect but that he could not get his heart to soften up from his ex hurting him so bad. He would tell me that he could see himself spending the rest of his life with me, that I was the best he would ever have, and that he would always be there for me if I needed him. Even during the months while we were not "officially" together, he would date other girls, and I found out that he was getting nude pictures from married women, and telling about 4 other girls, "goodmorning gorgeous". He says that he just naturally calls all girls sweetheart, gorgeous, etc. but I don't know. He has had a problem with lying and hiding things, and this last time he lied straight to my face about going out alone...and this was after he was making excuses not to come see me, when I really needed him (when I offered to give him gas money). Well it had been two weeks of nc, and we finally talked. i didn't approach it the right way at first, and was a little inconsiderate at first. He threatened to delete me from his phone, like he had others (he got a new number), but that he thought I would feel special since I was one of the few he hadn't. He also mentions that we should go nc for a while (I don't understand why he would give me his new number if he didn't want to talk). It got back to being civil, and we were talking like we used to, when all of a sudden he was saying how he wasn't searching for a relationship and that we BOTH did not need to be in one right now. I said that I did not think that applied to me (I was dating a guy I met online, which I have found out is not right for me), and he started to get huffy. He said,"So who is this guy you are dating?!" I told him, and all I hear is ,"WHAT THE F*$%!". and then he said I was just going to get hurt, and that I was going to be weak and sleep with the guy, and that when I got hurt he would not be there. He then proceeded to tell him I wouldn't, and I didn't understand why I was getting cussed at. The only response I got was that he was tired and needed to go to bed. Well the next day I actually hang out with his sister in law (we were friends before we met), and I was hoping to leave before he got home from work, but no dice. He didn't even say hello and went straight into his room. He has not talked to me since. I don't understand. He always told me we would always be friends, and yes, while I do still have feelings for the guy, I cannot trust him totally. He is trying to change, but I have waited for a year, and after the last lie I decided that I should probably move on. Did I do this wrong? Should I try to patch things up or should I wait for him to call? Should I tell him that it didn't work out with this guy? What is he thinking? Any help would be appreciated, because I am at a loss and it is driving me crazy. I want to talk to him and explain everything, but I am so afraid that after telling him I went on a few dates with someone else, that he despises me. I don't know what to do. Edited September 30, 2010 by lizzy22w
fabio10 Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Whoooooaaaaaa your in a mess !!!! First of all he said 'he would not be there for you when this new guy hurts you' HELLO YOU WERE THERE FOR HIM WHEN NOT ONE BUT TWO GIRLS DENIED HIM !!!!! Run run run run run run run run run run ...... This guy sounds like the most selfish person on the planet when you move on you will see how good a guy will treat you when he loves you and you alone, and is not dating or looking elsewhere. RESPECT yourself, this guy is a waste of space, WOW you are so lucky he did not delete your number... more like unlucky Im sorry for being blunt but you deserve so much better, he sounds so childish even running to his room and ignoring you my god he sounds like a ten year old, Im sorry your going through this but please do yourself a favour and forget him !
Author lizzy22w Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 Whoooooaaaaaa your in a mess !!!! First of all he said 'he would not be there for you when this new guy hurts you' HELLO YOU WERE THERE FOR HIM WHEN NOT ONE BUT TWO GIRLS DENIED HIM !!!!! Run run run run run run run run run run ...... This guy sounds like the most selfish person on the planet when you move on you will see how good a guy will treat you when he loves you and you alone, and is not dating or looking elsewhere. RESPECT yourself, this guy is a waste of space, WOW you are so lucky he did not delete your number... more like unlucky Im sorry for being blunt but you deserve so much better, he sounds so childish even running to his room and ignoring you my god he sounds like a ten year old, Im sorry your going through this but please do yourself a favour and forget him ! True, it is just hard when I know how he feels when i said that I was dating someone else (he has done that to me before). I guess he developed feelings for me again (which surprises me), and it makes me wonder. If he really does change, then maybe I should have waited a little longer, but you are right. I do tend to put others before myself, and it kills me to know I have hurt someone. I called earlier today and left him a message (he has not returned the call), telling him that I was sorry that I seemed mean in the beginning of the conversation, but I did not understand why he would curse me when I was just being honest.
fabio10 Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 That is an endearing quality you have putting another persons' needs before your own but some people like this man in question will take advantage of you, remember he has hurt you and is still hurting you I dont see him feeling guilty like you ! Few weeks ago my ex girl went through the roof when she thought I was moving on and dating another girl even though she choose to break up with me ! I dont understand why but for some reason people who dump us dont want us to move on, why I dont know but when I was trying to understand it I concluded that if they truely loved us surely they would want us to be happy and since they dont want to be with us why begrudge us the chance to be happy with someone else ....
Author lizzy22w Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 I totally agree. I guess it is just a control issue, and a game they like to play. if they don't get what they want then they will say anything to get it, and if that doesn't work, then they throw a tantrum. It is difficult because we did so much together in the beginning, but if he truly had feelings, and wanted me, then he would not be behaving like this. He would be there for me and want to know what was going on in my life...just like I used to do when he was going after a different girl, or dating one. Funny how the tides turn. :/ well...I can only hope for the best for him.
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