jeff2321 Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Hey Laura, Woke up depressed again today because you aren't in my life anymore. I miss you so much it's just tearing me up inside. I miss waking up next to you every morning. I miss our long conversations... I miss everything we used to have, even the arguments we used to have near the end. I want so badly to call you right now and tell you how much I love you. I want so badly to fix the things I messed up in the relationship. I want so badly to go back and change the way I acted, but I know I can't fix what has already been done. You know how I feel already because when you left I begged and pleaded for you to stay. We've been NC now for probably about 20 days or so and you haven't contacted me -- you probably never will again. I miss you Laura. I miss you more than you can imagine and my heart is breaking. I loved you so much and just didn't show it in the right ways... I'm at work and I'm just barely holding it together. Not much seems to matter right now in my life without you around. I could get fired today and it wouldn't really be that big of a deal because right now I feel as though careers, jobs, money, etc means nothing if you don't have someone to enjoy it with. I wish I would have realized this when I was with you -- I guess it took you to leave for me to learn and realize how I was as a person when you were with me. God it just hurts so bad that you are out of my life and even though I have other female friends that I'm around, nothing quite compares to you and how you loved me unconditionally the entire time. I don't know how I will ever get over you and I know that every day I will wake up wondering what you're doing and where you are. I want to call you so bad right now but I have to stay NC because it is the only way I can make it. Being rejected by you again would hurt too much and probably end me. Life won't be the same without you. Jeff
Art_Critic Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Chin up Dude.. Breakup suck.. sorry you are going thru one.. Just know that it gets better..
Confused9 Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Ugh, I remember these days. Hang in there. Things are going to get better!!!
Stephie Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Oh I remember when I felt like this, I couldn't imagine my life without him blaming myself for everything thinking life didn't matter if he wasn't in it. 6 months after the breakup here I am. I decided one day it's my life and for some reason he wasn't meant to be with me right now or ever again. I picked myself up off the floor out of the bars and now amazing things are happening. Trust me I still don't go a day without thinking about him but it gets easier. The best thing I ever did was join a dating site I have met an amazing man and look at my ex who is sleeping with whoever has a pulse. There was a positive to this breakup although I never thought I would see one. I see the person I don't want to be and the person I want to be. Everyone will tell you it will get easier and each time I heard that it made me so mad thinking yeah right but trust me it will but only you can make that happen! Keep going, hold your head up, and know life goes on.
Author jeff2321 Posted September 30, 2010 Author Posted September 30, 2010 Im so depressed..... dragging myself out salsa dancing again tonight because I am not going to sit at home.... I really don't care what happends to me at this point. She is gone and my sense of life purpose is gone aswell. I go to work every day a wreck and leave as a wreck. Life just doesn't feel worth living right now.... Jeff ( depressed beyond belief )
theface Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Im so depressed..... dragging myself out salsa dancing again tonight because I am not going to sit at home.... I really don't care what happends to me at this point. She is gone and my sense of life purpose is gone aswell. I go to work every day a wreck and leave as a wreck. Life just doesn't feel worth living right now.... Jeff ( depressed beyond belief ) Hi Jeff just wanted you to know Im in the exact same position as you right now. Im male, 30 and just broke up and month ago and things are terrible. If you want to talk pm me. Hang in the bud!
Author jeff2321 Posted October 2, 2010 Author Posted October 2, 2010 Theface, I could definitely use a friend ... it's friday night and im alone and depressed off my ass. Jeff
Leandro Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I know how you feel Jeff. Me and my ex use to see each other on Fridays. Now she is seeing someone else while I sit here and watch tv.
BigProc Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 At least we all in the same boat, which is comforting in a strange way. Eventually we will all be wondering what all the fuss was about as well.
Author jeff2321 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 So yesterday someone sent me a picture of my ex girlfriend and she has decided to completely get her left arm completely tattoo'd out with some ****ty image. It looks like total **** and the classy lady she used to be is no longer. She now looks as if a dump trunk just dropped her off at the local landfill. So guess what this means? My pain has subsided a lot ! I wouldn't take her back even if she paid me a lot of money. There is no way I could sit and look at that huge ass tattoo every day for the rest of my life. You see I like small tattoos but these huge ass tattoos are a bit disguesting on women ( in my opinion ). I know some of you might be offended about this, but hey we all have our preferences and I do not think large tattoos on women are attractive. It's too bad because in my opinion she just looked very pretty without the tattoo and now she looks even worse. But you know it's her body and she can just do what she wants with it. I have 1000% less pain then I did even a few days ago because I know it's OVER and I will NEVER take her back ever. [ Can you imagine if this would of happened if I was in a marriage with kids? It would have been a complete disaster! ] I'm probably not fully out of the hurt yet, but I'm feeling a lot better realizing that my ex just wasn't being who she really was and I'm glad I found this out now before we had gotten married or had kids. I DODGED A BULLET Jeff
Author jeff2321 Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 Laura, So even though you're off living your new life and probably dating some bad boy biker guy, having wild sex, and not even thinking of me anymore... I still miss you. I don't know why I can't get over you, but I just can't. Each day that goes by I still can't believe you are gone and that you are so different. Will my life ever go back to what it was? Will I ever meet someone that even remotely compares to the way we used to be in the beginning when things were great? It sure doesn't feel like it. It seems to me that the connection and the love we once shared is so remote and so hard to find that we will likely never find it again. If only we had been on the same page in life at the right time our relationship may have gone another way. I often sit here at my new job and day dream how we could be getting married this year and be having kids a few years later, but that future is gone now and all that I have now is a feeling of being empty and uncertainty. You leaving rocked me to the the core. Not to mention I changed jobs and literally moved to a new house all without you by my side! My entire life has been up-rooted and changed in an instant. It's just so hard to imagine you not in my life anymore. There are days I'm glad that we broke up and there are days that I'm just sad that we are no longer. Clearly you wern't happy because with your recent actions ( i.e. getting your entire right arm tattoo'd ), you weren't being yourself or you were being someone you didn't want to be. I'm obviously not the guy for you ( hell I don't even have a single tattoo on my body ).... and you need to go and find that great guy that has what you're looking for and the guy that can accept you for you. Anyway I hope you are having a great new life and that you can find someone that makes you happy... obviously I wasn't the right guy and if you truly weren't happy for two years, you definitely deserve someone who can make you happy. Congrats on your new life and I hope you find what you are looking for. Jeff
Author jeff2321 Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 Oh im definitely hurting today. If im not completely focused on something I start to think about her and then start to get sad. I have a salsa lesson tonight so im trying to look forward to that. Hope I can start to feel better soon but I know it will take a long time I met a new girl online and she wants to meet ne but perhaps its too soon.... going on a date right now sounds really scary. Jeff
Ajax Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Oh im definitely hurting today. If im not completely focused on something I start to think about her and then start to get sad. I have a salsa lesson tonight so im trying to look forward to that. Hope I can start to feel better soon but I know it will take a long time I met a new girl online and she wants to meet ne but perhaps its too soon.... going on a date right now sounds really scary. Jeff Yeah I had a rough day today too. Like you, I'm easily distracted by thoughts of the ex. And every time I think I'm about to have make some progress I get sucked back into it. So how'd you meet the new girl online? I'm a kinda curious about the whole online dating thing. How'd you get into salsa dancing?
Author jeff2321 Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 Another painful day without her around. It feels like im a crack addict going through withdrawals .... will I ever get over this? Its going to be a long time before I probably meet someone with such a deep connection again. I have frequent thoughts about dying alone. Ajax, it helps to know that im not the only one going through this. I have a lot of regret as well because I could have done things so much better and possibly salvaged the relationship. God im a wreck ... life doesn't feel worth living right now. Jeff
Author jeff2321 Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 So how'd you meet the new girl online? I'm a kinda curious about the whole online dating thing. How'd you get into salsa dancing? I met the girl online via a dating website. I probably shouldn't even be trying to do that yet, but I don't know what else to do to me new people and new friends. I've considered meetup.com as well as a way to meet people. A friend of mine dragged me to salsa dancing club downtown for a basic salsa lesson ( the lesson starts before the club opens ). After the lesson the club is opened and all the seasoned salsa dancers pour into the place. I watched some of the most amazing dancing I've ever seen at this place and after seeing that I was instantly hooked. I also noticed that when I was there I went from being extremely depressed to actually in a happy mood, even after a few weeks of being broken up and NC with my ex. Honestly, I've been going out salsa dancing ( either via lessons at a studio or to an actual club ) at least 4-5 nights a week and it is the only thing that has probably kept me from throwing myself off a building due to all the pain from the break up. I don't know what it is about dancing with a woman for about 5-10 minutes ( in a respectful way ) and then parting ways. I guess for me it's just enough attention from a female to get me though what I need to get through that day that helps me cope. I don't know that I want a relationship or that I want to even have sex with any new women yet, so dancing with them is basically the best healing I can get right now. My ex however has already moved on to screwing whatever guy will give her enough attention. Girls have it really easy when it comes to breakups. If a woman decides they want to use sex as a means to get over a guy, it takes them about 5 minutes to find a guy willing to have sex with them. For a guy it's a completely bitch because we have to work hard ( especially if you're torn up from a breakup ) to get the sex. Anyway that's the story so far... and I'm barely coping even with the salsa dancing but it is helping me to the point where I'm still alive and living on this planet rather than being put in the ground. Jeff the wreck
tobydog Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Jeff I can feel your heartbreak as I feel exactly the same way. I admire you for even getting out as I can hardly function and have all on getting my son to school. I am off work as cannot cope with anything. I am on anti depressants and they do seem to be helping a bit. But I share your grief and hope we and all others in this boat can feel some peace soon. Debbie x
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