How can I get to know girls in a large lecture class?

[U1987]

So I'm in college. Most of my classes this semester are giant lecture classes (150-200 students)

 

There are undoubtedly lots of girls. There are actually quite a few that I find attractive and want to get to know.

 

The question is, how can I meet ANY of them? With that many students, there's no permanent seating so I can't consistently sit next to one in particular.

 

And we can't talk during class.

 

What should I do? Wait until the end of class, try to keep a lock on one of them as I finagle through the crowd and chase them down in the hallway?

 

What do I do and say then?

[USMCHokie]

You'd be surprised...as the semester progresses, you'll notice that people end up sitting in the same seats or general area throughout the class...

 

But just get to class early...look friendly and approachable...just chat to folks around you...get used to being social...whether it's someone you've met before or someone new who's sitting near you, introduce yourself and start a situational conversation...you just have to slowly build rapport...

 

But I wouldn't recommend being the creeper that chases them down after class...unless you're incredibly hot...

[welikeincrowds]

I myself like to employ the "sit next to and pass witty note" strategy. Don't even worry: if they're annoyed by it, you'll find out right away . It helps if you make eye contact/smile as you're sitting down.

 

If you can't creep that way, then you're going to have to do the "coincidental wait for elevator ride" technique. God help you if all you have is hallways. I personally think the hall finagle is tough, but with a little courage and a little determination, anything is possible, including a restraining order.

 

As for the conversation, it's really easy because you share a class. "You're in my [class name] class, right? With [teacher's name]? OK, so [question gauging her opinion about something related to class]?" Be charming and interested and you're in.

[U1987]

I myself like to employ the "sit next to and pass witty note" strategy. Don't even worry: if they're annoyed by it, you'll find out right away . It helps if you make eye contact/smile as you're sitting down.

 

I'm in college, not high school. How am I supposed to get the notes to these girls when I don't know their names and there are 1 or 2 dozen strangers between us?

 

If you can't creep that way, then you're going to have to do the "coincidental wait for elevator ride" technique.

 

All my classes are on the first floor.

 

God help you if all you have is hallways. I personally think the hall finagle is tough, but with a little courage and a little determination, anything is possible, including a restraining order.

 

As for the conversation, it's really easy because you share a class. "You're in my [class name] class, right? With [teacher's name]? OK, so [question gauging her opinion about something related to class]?" Be charming and interested and you're in.

 

Really? You're supposed to be charming and interesting? I thought you were supposed to be awkward and boring when talking to girls. Thanks for clearing that up (end sarcasm)

[somedude81]

Don't show up to too class early.

 

Wait a bit for people to sit down and then pick a seat next to a girl. Wait a bit then ask her something about the class/homework/reading etc.

 

Also Hokie is right that people do tend to sit in the same seats as the semester goes on.

[U1987]

Don't show up to too class early.

 

Wait a bit for people to sit down and then pick a seat next to a girl. Wait a bit then ask her something about the class/homework/reading etc.

 

Also Hokie is right that people do tend to sit in the same seats as the semester goes on.

 

So what comes after "Hey, do you remember what the homework assignment was?"

[Holding-On]

So what comes after "Hey, do you remember what the homework assignment was?"

 

If she is a good note taker then you can compliment her and ask her if you can get her e-mail or phone number in case you ever miss a class due to being sick etc. I was a horrible note taker and I used to find good note takers and ask them this quite seriously. If she is a bad note taker and you are some graphics artist whiz you can be the one offering I guess.

 

Or you can start study groups and try to get some girls you like to sign up for it along with some guys you like (in the platonic sense I mean ). This gives you a great opportunity. You could even pass a paper around so they don't feel zeroed in on and just note the names of the girls you are actually interested in. That way you have new potential study buddies AND people's names AND something to do and talk about (that doesn't cost money and helps you study). Win win win.

 

To do all this you have to be a little more proactive (and less whiny) and actually sit next to the girls you like. Or pass a note across a couple of people that says - "would you like to be part of my study group/note sharing group?"

 

Bon chance! (good luck in French)

[Holding-On]

Also you have to expect (and shrug off) a lot of "no thanks". Don't take it personally -They may have study groups with their friends already etc. If you ask 20 girls and 4 give you their numbers/e-mail, you have 4 contacts. This is similar to sales of any kind or is true whether you are looking for eventual dates or platonic situations.

 

Even girls who are only interested in actually studying will have friends who might be more into you. At the very least you would have got some studying done while looking at a pretty face. Life ain't all bad.

[U1987]

 

To do all this you have to be a little more proactive (and less whiny) and actually sit next to the girls you like. Or pass a note across a couple of people that says - "would you like to be part of my study group/note sharing group?"

 

Bon chance! (good luck in French)

 

Like I said before, this really isn't an option. I'm in 3 classes that cater to more than 200 people. That large number of people + everyone coming in at different times means that it's impossible to predict where one of these girls are going to sit and that when on of them sits down, the seats next to them will almost immediately fill up.

 

And these girls sit several rows away. What am I supposed to do? Hand a note to the guy next to me and say "Can you tell the next person to hand this to the next person to hand this to the next person to hand this to the next person to hand this to the next person (etc etc 40x) to hand this to the girl with the brown hair and pink shirt 4 seats from the left 7 rows down?"

[Holding-On]

Like I said before, this really isn't an option. I'm in 3 classes that cater to more than 200 people. That large number of people + everyone coming in at different times means that it's impossible to predict where one of these girls are going to sit and that when on of them sits down, the seats next to them will almost immediately fill up.

 

And these girls sit several rows away. What am I supposed to do? Hand a note to the guy next to me and say "Can you tell the next person to hand this to the next person to hand this to the next person to hand this to the next person to hand this to the next person (etc etc 40x) to hand this to the girl with the brown hair and pink shirt 4 seats from the left 7 rows down?"

 

Ah, well, what would I know? I only went through 4 years of engineering at a major university. I have NO IDEA how large classes of 200+ people work. If you can't even figure out how to hang out at the back of the room and then sit down near your object of affection, I fear for your future.

 

But clearly this is all taking you away from the true purpose of your "woe is me" tale which is for us to feel sorry for you and not for you to get some actual advice.

 

Oh and you are welcome for me spending the time to write out ideas that have worked for me. You aren't OWED anything. The responses you write are negative. You do not thank anyone for taking the effort to give you ideas. I have work, volunteer, boyfriends, family, laundry and a whole host of other things to care about. These people on the internet are taking time to give you some support. Think about it.

[U1987]

Ah, well, what would I know? I only went through 4 years of engineering at a major university. I have NO IDEA how large classes of 200+ people work. If you can't even figure out how to hang out at the back of the room and then sit down near your object of affection, I fear for your future.

 

But clearly this is all taking you away from the true purpose of your "woe is me" tale which is for us to feel sorry for you and not for you to get some actual advice.

 

Oh and you are welcome for me spending the time to write out ideas that have worked for me. You aren't OWED anything. The responses you write are negative. You do not thank anyone for taking the effort to give you ideas. I have work, volunteer, boyfriends, family, laundry and a whole host of other things to care about. These people on the internet are taking time to give you some support. Think about it.

 

Look, I'm not trying to be an ass. I'm just saying your plan isn't logistically practical.

 

Think about it for a minute. You said I should wait in back and then get a seat when one of the girls sits down.

 

First off, that would require me to come early, which is contrary to somedude81's advice

Don't show up to too class early.

 

Now when she comes in, how's she going to feel when she sees 1 guy sitting in the back row get up, walk down right next to her when there's dozens of empty seats left? Please tell me, how do you think she's going to feel about that?

 

Besides, I get out of class only 10 minutes before on the other side of campus. I usually walk right in as class is just beginning and most of the seats are taking.

 

I'm not being a dick, I'm being realistic.

 

I'm just saying, how do I make something work with one of the girls in the hallway or on the rush out?

[welikeincrowds]

I'm not being a dick, I'm being realistic.

No you're not, you're being difficult. People who want something don't volunteer reasons they can't get it.

 

I'm in college, not high school. How am I supposed to get the notes to these girls when I don't know their names and there are 1 or 2 dozen strangers between us?

Obviously, you're supposed to be sitting next to the girl you want to pass the note to. And last I checked you don't need to know someone's name to talk to them.

 

I wish you luck in your affair but with the attitude you are displaying here I doubt you will be successful.

[lso802]

Getting to know a lot of girls in college is a lot easier for me than in HS where I saw the same girls in more than 1 class almost everyday. Seriously, you can just go up and talk to them about class. It will progress from there. If you think it's difficult, it's going to be difficult for you regardless of how easy it is.

[Green]

I was a loser for Undergrad... but I figured it out for grad school....

 

You A) take mental note of where the girl you like sits; then B)You walk up have some short silly conversation (before or after class) and then you ; C) ASK HER OUT to anything really "lets get lunch at this great place I know" "I want to take you to a great party tonight" "Lets get a drink" (whatever); D) YOU KISS THEM ON THE FIRST DATE... THE LIPS

 

Ok so what have we learned... A) you already pretty much knew all of this but are B) afraid of rejection but must C) face your fear of rejection and realize that TRYING is the only way to get girls and D) Asking them out is more important then asking for the number (which you will ask for after getting a yes or no... doesn't matter what she says just ask for the number afterward... pull out ur phone and indicate for her to put it in) E) Don't be lame and hide ur sexuality... on the date 1)flirt 2) touch 3) and most importantly KISS... TRYING never screwed any one up... acting like a FAKE castrated ONLY FRIEND version of yourself will F u over though.

 

Then of course rinse and repeat... plus if your cool about it and don't make a big deal when a girl says no you can always ask again a week or two later. People seeing you as this confident guy who asks girls out will only make you seem COOOL

 

Good luck and please... give us an update tomorrow if you have class DO NOT LET ANOTHER DAY GO BY WITH OUT TRYING... THE weekend is almost her YOU BETTER HAVE AN UPDATE WITH ACTIONS... dont just ask more lame questions... YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO... ACTIONS ... I can teach you more from your failures then lame hypotheticals that only prove you overthink things. You'll learn everything you need to know just from TRYING and ASKING OUT and KISSING... ur fear will disapear and u'll never be on a site like this asking obviouse questions again.

 

There is no secret you just have to TRY... Now UPDATE us on how you actualy TRIED and do it SOON like within the next 24 hours. You are the jack baur of love... GO!

[U1987]

I was a loser for Undergrad... but I figured it out for grad school....

 

You A) take mental note of where the girl you like sits; then B)You walk up have some short silly conversation (before or after class) and then you ; C) ASK HER OUT to anything really "lets get lunch at this great place I know" "I want to take you to a great party tonight" "Lets get a drink" (whatever); D) YOU KISS THEM ON THE FIRST DATE... THE LIPS

 

Ok so what have we learned... A) you already pretty much knew all of this but are B) afraid of rejection but must C) face your fear of rejection and realize that TRYING is the only way to get girls and D) Asking them out is more important then asking for the number (which you will ask for after getting a yes or no... doesn't matter what she says just ask for the number afterward... pull out ur phone and indicate for her to put it in) E) Don't be lame and hide ur sexuality... on the date 1)flirt 2) touch 3) and most importantly KISS... TRYING never screwed any one up... acting like a FAKE castrated ONLY FRIEND version of yourself will F u over though.

 

Then of course rinse and repeat... plus if your cool about it and don't make a big deal when a girl says no you can always ask again a week or two later. People seeing you as this confident guy who asks girls out will only make you seem COOOL

 

Good luck and please... give us an update tomorrow if you have class DO NOT LET ANOTHER DAY GO BY WITH OUT TRYING... THE weekend is almost her YOU BETTER HAVE AN UPDATE WITH ACTIONS... dont just ask more lame questions... YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO... ACTIONS ... I can teach you more from your failures then lame hypotheticals that only prove you overthink things. You'll learn everything you need to know just from TRYING and ASKING OUT and KISSING... ur fear will disapear and u'll never be on a site like this asking obviouse questions again.

 

There is no secret you just have to TRY... Now UPDATE us on how you actualy TRIED and do it SOON like within the next 24 hours. You are the jack baur of love... GO!

 

Friday afternoon, I was in class. There's this girl I've been noticing for the past few weeks; she's very petite but has a great figure, dark hair and perfectly tanned skin. She was sitting couple of rows ahead of me wearing nearly bleach-white jeans, a short perm with straight bangs and a pink bandanna. It was very 80's-style. (She had also come in with white-rimmed sunglasses)

 

So as class was ending, I packed up early so that by the time I got up and passed by her, she would just have been finished packing up and getting up towards the exit.

 

I said that I really liked the perm and bandanna. She said thanks, and after that I joked that back in high school, I went through an 80s-nostalgia phase, and that I would watch Scarface and Miami Vice and play Grand Theft Auto Vice City all the time. I told her that her outfit was giving me flashbacks.

 

I asked if she was going to an 80's party or something, but she said no and that she just mixing up that day. I said that it was cool and to keep up that style and she said thanks. I couldn't think of a way to keep things going and didn't want to run into an awkward silence, so I just introduced myself and got her name and said "See you next week."

 

At least I introduced myself and have an easy opener for next time, but I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket. She was friendly but I don't know yet if she's interested or even available. I don't want to get my hopes up just for this one girl. I'd like to meet others in my class.

 

There's this other girl whom I've been noticing. She had really wavy hair up until recently but has been wearing it straightened all week. I thought about telling her, as a neg or something, that her hair was pretty when it was wavy and that she should stick with it. Then I realized that she might be creeped out that I've been noticing her hair when she doesn't know me. Any ideas?

Edited October 4, 2010 by U1987

[Present Value]

Large college lectures probably aren't going to be the ideal place to meet women for you. I don't know, maybe if you have a discussion section with one of the one's you're interested in, but you didn't mention that. Or if you get assigned some kind of group work, etc.

 

But really, you're in college, there are plenty of other opportunities and social events that will be more conducive to meeting women. Join a club: ballroom dancing's a good choice, they never have enough guys. Go to other events where you'll meet new people.

 

FWIW, I didn't really figure it out until grad school. But I do think it helps to put yourself in social situations where it's not going to be weird to ask for a woman's number.

[stuck with eharmony]

I was a loser for Undergrad... but I figured it out for grad school....

 

You A) take mental note of where the girl you like sits; then B)You walk up have some short silly conversation (before or after class) and then you ; C) ASK HER OUT to anything really "lets get lunch at this great place I know" "I want to take you to a great party tonight" "Lets get a drink" (whatever); D) YOU KISS THEM ON THE FIRST DATE... THE LIPS

 

Ok so what have we learned... A) you already pretty much knew all of this but are B) afraid of rejection but must C) face your fear of rejection and realize that TRYING is the only way to get girls and D) Asking them out is more important then asking for the number (which you will ask for after getting a yes or no... doesn't matter what she says just ask for the number afterward... pull out ur phone and indicate for her to put it in) E) Don't be lame and hide ur sexuality... on the date 1)flirt 2) touch 3) and most importantly KISS... TRYING never screwed any one up... acting like a FAKE castrated ONLY FRIEND version of yourself will F u over though.

 

Then of course rinse and repeat... plus if your cool about it and don't make a big deal when a girl says no you can always ask again a week or two later. People seeing you as this confident guy who asks girls out will only make you seem COOOL

 

Good luck and please... give us an update tomorrow if you have class DO NOT LET ANOTHER DAY GO BY WITH OUT TRYING... THE weekend is almost her YOU BETTER HAVE AN UPDATE WITH ACTIONS... dont just ask more lame questions... YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO... ACTIONS ... I can teach you more from your failures then lame hypotheticals that only prove you overthink things. You'll learn everything you need to know just from TRYING and ASKING OUT and KISSING... ur fear will disapear and u'll never be on a site like this asking obviouse questions again.

 

There is no secret you just have to TRY... Now UPDATE us on how you actualy TRIED and do it SOON like within the next 24 hours. You are the jack baur of love... GO!

 

 

I would like to nominate as post of the month. As a 23 year old guy who struggles with these issues I found this very helpful. It would be interesting to hear what females respond to this.