a year later and a twist...

[mybrowneyedgirl]

again, my head 100% understand everything that every says. i agree with it all. but my heart still feels sad. i know hes a jerk, i know he mistreated me and fromt he outside looking in its very very clear. im not sure why i cant get to that point to make my heart not care or make myself tolerate what has happened. i didnt go back for a reason. not sure what, it was all i had ever wanted, but something didnt let me go back.

 

i think that my issue now is i am so completely down and broken from the events of the last year that im just not ok inside anymore. so i feel saddness for both of them, what i did to my marriage, the being thrown under the bus, the wasting so much love on someone who didnt love me, and now the child. all of it just added up.

 

my H. well none of this could excuse his actions. may it have been a huge stressor that set him off? certainly. but little by little as ive been finding out recently, maybe there were things he was doing the entire time that were less than honest or faithful to me. i just didnt know it. i really had no idea. none. although he was good to me, apparently he wasnt good to me behind my back. and although im not sure, in retrospect i see his absence in my life and our marriage. and that is possibly what opened the door to me falling for a man who is twice my age. (even typing that now sounds ridiculous)

 

and just to clarify as i think there was some confusion. xMM knows of the child. he himself was the first one to figure out the dates. the child is his twin, and people in our lives figured out our affair after the baby was born. we had a test done. after he threatened to "raise the child with his wife" i lied and told him that i didnt know the results. to as far as hes concerned, its probably more than likely, but not written in stone. he says its my choice to pursue it or not, he would rather leave things as they were, but would man up if asked to.

[newlife2010]

i don't think it will boost your confidence when your wife is having a baby right under your nose fully knowing it's not your's .....

 

drug abuse.....where did you get that.....from her previous posts she never mentioned about OM's child or drugs or financial.....and her exH left the house more than a year ago.....anyways why does she care .....whether he is doing drugs or gambling or banging cheer leaders.....she didn't give a f*** about him when he was there with her....so why now....

 

"He has contributed with his part of the problems".....again where did you get this....has he asked her have an affair or conceive OM's child ....apart from that each and every issue she mentioned can be easily surpassed with little effort

 

if you want to support MBEG for what she did.... fine...but be logical....MBEG is here cuz of her own doing nothing else.......her exH really deserves an award for being her H for so long

 

OMG!!! Who are YOU to decide this?!?!? Just because he is her H, he deserves an award?!?! You have NO idea of what has gone on. You are making judgments about something you know NOTHING about!

 

How can you possibly place blame based on a few internet posts?? Do you have any idea the damage you could be doing? For your information, the world is not black and white!

[U2RockZz]

OMG!!! Who are YOU to decide this?!?!? Just because he is her H, he deserves an award?!?! You have NO idea of what has gone on. You are making judgments about something you know NOTHING about!

 

How can you possibly place blame based on a few internet posts?? Do you have any idea the damage you could be doing? For your information, the world is not black and white!

 

oh...you seem to know lot more about the OP....he definitely deserves more than an award.....cuz no body in this forum who knows her story would imagine to be there in her exH shoes even for a sec.....

 

"the world is not black and white"

world is what you wanted it to be....you can see entire rainbow at once if you want..

[newlife2010]

oh...you seem to know lot more about the OP....he definitely deserves more than an award.....cuz no body in this forum who knows her story would imagine to be there in her exH shoes even for a sec.....

 

"the world is not black and white"

world is what you wanted it to be....you can see entire rainbow at once if you want..

 

YOU don't know her story, or anyone else's story, from internet posts, and what you said was beyond rude. You assumed way too much.

 

The world is not black and white. You can see an entire rainbow at once if you want. You should try it.

[jennie-jennie]

again, my head 100% understand everything that every says. i agree with it all. but my heart still feels sad. i know hes a jerk, i know he mistreated me and fromt he outside looking in its very very clear. im not sure why i cant get to that point to make my heart not care or make myself tolerate what has happened. i didnt go back for a reason. not sure what, it was all i had ever wanted, but something didnt let me go back.

 

i think that my issue now is i am so completely down and broken from the events of the last year that im just not ok inside anymore. so i feel saddness for both of them, what i did to my marriage, the being thrown under the bus, the wasting so much love on someone who didnt love me, and now the child. all of it just added up.

 

my H. well none of this could excuse his actions. may it have been a huge stressor that set him off? certainly. but little by little as ive been finding out recently, maybe there were things he was doing the entire time that were less than honest or faithful to me. i just didnt know it. i really had no idea. none. although he was good to me, apparently he wasnt good to me behind my back. and although im not sure, in retrospect i see his absence in my life and our marriage. and that is possibly what opened the door to me falling for a man who is twice my age. (even typing that now sounds ridiculous)

 

and just to clarify as i think there was some confusion. xMM knows of the child. he himself was the first one to figure out the dates. the child is his twin, and people in our lives figured out our affair after the baby was born. we had a test done. after he threatened to "raise the child with his wife" i lied and told him that i didnt know the results. to as far as hes concerned, its probably more than likely, but not written in stone. he says its my choice to pursue it or not, he would rather leave things as they were, but would man up if asked to.

 

MBEG, what makes you think your exMM didn't love you? Is there any indication of that other than that you were thrown under the bus on Dday? Were you not sure you were loved by him before that?

[U2RockZz]

 

 

my H. well none of this could excuse his actions. may it have been a huge stressor that set him off? certainly. but little by little as ive been finding out recently, maybe there were things he was doing the entire time that were less than honest or faithful to me. i just didnt know it. i really had no idea. none. although he was good to me, apparently he wasnt good to me behind my back. and although im not sure, in retrospect i see his absence in my life and our marriage. and that is possibly what opened the door to me falling for a man who is twice my age. (even typing that now sounds ridiculous)

 

 

pot calling the kettle black

 

i still don't understand why are you even discussing about your exH....he left you more than a year ago....you didn't give a damn about his feelings much less what he did or didn't when he was there....why do you care now....

 

"well none of this could excuse his actions"

 

actually i feel he has more than one reason to celebrate his freedom..be happy that he has not ruined your personal and professional relations....hell he has reacted in more mature(benevolently would be the right word) way than most even after the sh*t you put him thru.....

[jennie-jennie]

pot calling the kettle black

 

i still don't understand why are you even discussing about your exH....he left you more than a year ago....you didn't give a damn about his feelings much less what he did or didn't when he was there....why do you care now....

 

"well none of this could excuse his actions"

 

actually i feel he has more than one reason to celebrate his freedom..be happy that he has not ruined your personal and professional relations....hell he has reacted in more mature(benevolently would be the right word) way than most even after the sh*t you put him thru.....

 

If I am not remembering incorrectly (correct me, MBEG, if I am wrong), MBEG's husband physically and verbally abused her. Nothing, and I say nothing, can excuse such behavior.

 

MBEG, I find it most likely that something was missing in your marriage, perhaps due to your husband's behavior even if it was done behind your back, which made you open up to having an affair.

[anne1707]

If I am not remembering incorrectly (correct me, MBEG, if I am wrong), MBEG's husband physically and verbally abused her. Nothing, and I say nothing, can excuse such behavior.

 

MBEG, I find it most likely that something was missing in your marriage, perhaps due to your husband's behavior even if it was done behind your back, which made you open up to having an affair.

 

Or maybe MBEG's behaviour led to his. None of us can say except that both MBEG and her H contributed to the breakdown of their marriage. However ultimately it was MBEG's decision to have the affair.

[jennie-jennie]

Or maybe MBEG's behaviour led to his. None of us can say except that both MBEG and her H contributed to the breakdown of their marriage. However ultimately it was MBEG's decision to have the affair.

 

Good choice probably since it led to the demise of a marriage she probably should have left long before but did not realize the emptiness in it.

[anne1707]

Good choice probably since it led to the demise of a marriage she probably should have left long before but did not realize the emptiness in it.

 

No. The good choice would have been to either address the problems in the marriage with her husband or to end the marriage. Can you honestly say that MBEG is in a good place now? I don't think she would.

[jennie-jennie]

No. The good choice would have been to either address the problems in the marriage with her husband or to end the marriage. Can you honestly say that MBEG is in a good place now? I don't think she would.

 

Apparently MBEG was not able to see the problems in her marriage before. She thought she had a good marriage. The affair has made her realize she hadn't.

 

MBEG is not in a good place now, but sometimes we have to reach our rock bottom before we can start moving upwards again. I am sure MBEG will learn from this experience like we all do from the difficulties we meet in life.

[U2RockZz]

If I am not remembering incorrectly (correct me, MBEG, if I am wrong), MBEG's husband physically and verbally abused her. Nothing, and I say nothing, can excuse such behavior.

 

MBEG, I find it most likely that something was missing in your marriage, perhaps due to your husband's behavior even if it was done behind your back, which made you open up to having an affair.

 

i don't remember her writing any thing of that extreme....may be she would remember something now.....what else ,he is a ex-con, serial killer....imo the biggest crime he has ever done is marrying MBEG.....but she is not his problem anymore.....

 

 

what i don't understand is ....your twisted way of coming up with more reasons to romanticize the affair....i hope ,you know that you are being silly over there....do you really believe what you say...or...you just say it...it really amazes me

[jennie-jennie]

i don't remember her writing any thing of that extreme....may be she would remember something now.....what else ,he is a ex-con, serial killer....imo the biggest crime he has ever done is marrying MBEG.....but she is not his problem anymore.....

 

The abuse was after Dday, not during their marriage, just to make clear.

what i don't understand is ....your twisted way of coming up with more reasons to romanticize the affair....i hope ,you know that you are being silly over there....do you really believe what you say...or...you just say it...it really amazes me

 

I believe I have read every single one of her threads here on LS. I post how I see it from reading her posts.

 

MBEG is the only one who has lived it. All we others can do is try to interpret her posts, which we will do from the perspective of our own experiences.

 

Clearly your perspective and mine are not the same.

[newlife2010]

i don't remember her writing any thing of that extreme....may be she would remember something now.....what else ,he is a ex-con, serial killer....imo the biggest crime he has ever done is marrying MBEG.....but she is not his problem anymore.....

 

 

what i don't understand is ....your twisted way of coming up with more reasons to romanticize the affair....i hope ,you know that you are being silly over there....do you really believe what you say...or...you just say it...it really amazes me

 

That's just it. It's only your "opinion".

 

I was in an almost 20 year marriage with physical and mental abuse and tried a lot of things to end it and fix it for decades, but I ultimately ended up in an A. I don't condone my A because of that, but I won't give my ex-H a "prize" either. YOU don't know the whole situation, and you should stop giving such direct and specific advice, as if you DO know more than you do. You have no idea what you are talking about. So stop with your insults as if you know everything about everyone, when you DON'T.

[U2RockZz]

"I ultimately ended up in an A."

 

this is the problem then.....so all people who are having A's are the victims.....is that you are trying to say.....nobody asked you stay in 20 yrs of abusive M and nobody asked you to have an A.....it's all your doing....don't play a victim....

[bestplayer]

Good choice probably since it led to the demise of a marriage she probably should have left long before but did not realize the emptiness in it.

 

ok jennie-jennie , I think you are trying too hard to make it seem like it was all because of her ex-H actions that she had to get involved in affair . So basically her ex-H deserved that his wife cheated on him & had a child from her xMM as her ex-H must have been doing something wrong in their M . That is why you think it was a good choice .

 

I think there are some people who would never be able to worry about anyone or anything except themselves & their own interests .

 

 

Best of luck

[jennie-jennie]

ok jennie-jennie , I think you are trying too hard to make it seem like it was all because of her ex-H actions that she had to get involved in affair . So basically her ex-H deserved that his wife cheated on him & had a child from her xMM as her ex-H must have been doing something wrong in their M . That is why you think it was a good choice .

 

I think there are some people who would never be able to worry about anyone or anything except themselves & their own interests .

 

 

Best of luck

 

It is not until this thread that I have gotten the impression that MBEG in any way had a bad marriage before Dday. It is not until this thread that she has revealed enough information about her husband for anyone to come to such a conclusion. She has only talked well about their marriage and her husband before (except his behavior after Dday that is).

 

I am not talking about what anybody deserves. I am talking about what might have led up to the affair.

[whichwayisup]

Apples, oranges, whatever..

 

It's time for Mbeg to put the past behind her. Both her exH and her exMM. She needs to focus on healing, and being the best mom she can be to her children. Bickering and picking apart repliers posts is just frustrating to read for everybody, let alone Mbeg herself. Does it matter now? Honestly? What's done is done.

[jennie-jennie]

Apples, oranges, whatever..

 

It's time for Mbeg to put the past behind her. Both her exH and her exMM. She needs to focus on healing, and being the best mom she can be to her children. Bickering and picking apart repliers posts is just frustrating to read for everybody, let alone Mbeg herself. Does it matter now? Honestly? What's done is done.

 

Healing might include coming to an understanding of the past so MBEG can forgive all participating, her husband, her exMM and herself.

[newlife2010]

"I ultimately ended up in an A."

 

this is the problem then.....so all people who are having A's are the victims.....is that you are trying to say.....nobody asked you stay in 20 yrs of abusive M and nobody asked you to have an A.....it's all your doing....don't play a victim....

 

You have no idea what you are talking about. You have never been anywhere near my situation or you would not be so naive.

 

You haven't lived it.

 

Yes, the affair was my doing. The abuse that I endured for 20 years was his doing. We were both wrong.

[whichwayisup]

Healing might include coming to an understanding of the past so MBEG can forgive all participating, her husband, her exMM and herself.

 

That I agree with completely but nothing anybody says on LS can help with that. She and her soon to be ex need to talk and do some sort of counselling since they still have to co parent on some level together. Her ex is very messed up and made some bad choices, not defending him at all, but he was pushed past his emotional limit and (just look at the news) people do nutty things when pushed and aren't thinking in their right mind. Everyone had their part in this, it's sad and now there's pain and suffering happening.

 

It's the picking apart eachothers posts, yes I do it sometimes too though I'm making a big effort not to anymore as it's just makes threads go off topic, cause more arguing and have threads being shutdown and closed. If everyone would try to just focus on MBEG and what she has to say, instead of replying to other people's replies, then maybe it would help her alot more.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[newlife2010]

That I agree with completely but nothing anybody says on LS can help with that. She and her soon to be ex need to talk and do some sort of counselling since they still have to co parent on some level together. Her ex is very messed up and made some bad choices, not defending him at all, but he was pushed past his emotional limit and (just look at the news) people do nutty things when pushed and aren't thinking in their right mind. Everyone had their part in this, it's sad and now there's pain and suffering happening.

 

It's the picking apart eachothers posts, yes I do it sometimes too though I'm making a big effort not to anymore as it's just makes threads go off topic, cause more arguing and have threads being shutdown and closed. If everyone would try to just focus on MBEG and what she has to say, instead of replying to other people's replies, then maybe it would help her alot more.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

You are right. Sorry. I just got inflamed and sidetracked by a jerk who targeted me for no apparent reason, when I didn't ask for it, and who isn't worth the time of day and has nothing to do with this.

 

OP.... hang in there. I feel for you. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a child with OM ... it would put a whole new dimension to it. I don't know all of your details, as none of us can. But I feel for you.

[U2RockZz]

It is not until this thread that I have gotten the impression that MBEG in any way had a bad marriage before Dday. It is not until this thread that she has revealed enough information about her husband for anyone to come to such a conclusion. She has only talked well about their marriage and her husband before (except his behavior after Dday that is).

 

I am not talking about what anybody deserves. I am talking about what might have led up to the affair.

 

 

i don't think you ever said anything good/bad about her M or her H.....all you ever say is have an affair or BS must be an assh*** or innovative ways to promote an affair....irrespective of the situation/post/thread....

 

she also hid the details about her kid not being her exh's(which is pretty big i guess)...how come that hasn't changed your opinion about her....

[fooled once]

actually, the issue of my older son is a much much bigger one than the younger. except in this circumstance i am so angry about it i cant speak much of it.

 

my stbxh isnt paying squat, isnt seeing his child, isnt helping at all and because of this i am having trouble working enough hours to make ends meet. my older son is heartbroken, sad, cries daily. and this deadbeat hurts him continuously. trust me, this issue is on the forefront. just not the place to discuss it on the ow board.

 

the younger child/issues with my H/paternity all came up at the same time so there wasnt any hiding it from him. stbx knows, i never tried to pass off anything. he does see them both though, but i guess only because i could count on 1 hand the number of times hes been here over the last year and due to his issues its only when im around too.

 

but...my older child had the benefits of an intact home, and very wonderful father figure (as my stbx used to be). this has positives and negatives. the positive is that there is a strong foundation, negative is it hurts twice as much when he knows whats now missing.

 

the younger child just exhibits signs of lacking a father figure in general and this is very hard to swallow.

 

i am a single mom. i do fight like hell. i carry a lot of baggage and am just struggling with making smart decisions from here on out instead of the poor ones ive made in the past.

 

Sorry MBEG, still confused. Did your stbex know that the youngest child wasn't his when he was born? Or did the paternity only come out recently?

 

I guess I am not understanding how a child 'exhibits signs of lacking a father figure'? Many children grow up without a father and many think that is 'normal'. The one who I would think would have the hardest time is your oldest; because according to you, he knew of having his dad around and now doesn't. Sorry MBEG, but you wrote this post about your youngest child; and your concerns for him and his lack of a father when in my mind (and again, only going off what you have written) it is your oldest who would be having the hardest time. It seems as if you want to 'use' your youngest as leverage to get the MM back.

 

Regarding what I bolded, if you really want to start making smart choices, why in the hell would you even still be carrying this torch around for MM? How is he - a married guy back with his wife - even remotely a good decision?

 

This is what I'm worried about. She loves this dirtbag no matter what he has done to her. BUT, I'm concerned about her. In her last post she sounds so distraught. On her knees? Good Lord, she is so enamored with this guy that he has her on her knees wanting him. BEG, think!! Do you really want someone who puts you down on your knees from wanting him? Do you want someone who makes you fall to your knees and "beg"? That's what you're doing.

 

DITTO!!!

 

i do think of my stbx and often. hes made some poor choices in his life. those choices have lead to us being financially distraught. he has no job, our house is not selling and so im paying everything. while he lives it up and apparently is hooked on drugs and gambling.

 

What money is he using for gambling and drugs if he has no job?

 

im saddened by this because i actually loved this man, this amazing husband and father and i truly miss him and the life we had.

 

Not to throw stones, but I bet he says the same things about you. I bet he misses the wife he thought he had. Not the woman who had a 4+ year love affair, which included having a MM's child!!!!

 

i found out a few weeks ago that he was apparently using drugs while living in our home for years and i had no idea. this perfect man and father, successful, what some would describe as wealthy, holding an excellent job. i had no idea, none. so now i dont know what to think. im sad, hurt, and feel this overwhelming saddness for him and what hes become. how his life is now and that i am powerless to do anything to help him. i think of him daily and how things used to be before both of us made choices that got us so off track. but his using/being absent/ have made it easier to harbor anomosity towards him. i struggle every day to make ends meet, fight for my children, keep it together all alone while he does nothing. i hear my child cry and beg for him, i in turn cry and beg for him to take his visitation and then find myself being the only one to comfort our son and try to explain why daddy wont even call him on the phone.

 

If he isn't living with you, how is he being able to afford another place to live since he has no money and no job? And again, where is he getting money for drugs and gambling???

 

by no means am I giving HIM a free pass, but .... go back to where all this started....the affair. You put a ball into motion and it has continued to spiral out of control. You told him you wanted to reconcile, but you grieved, mourned and were despondent with the end of the affair. Your stbex watched you go through all this. You posted a few times about how he took over primary functions of raising your children because of how depressed you were and unable to function due to the grieving of the affair. And now, he is acting out (albeit in a horrible manner) but in many ways, no different than you. He is mourning the end of the marriage - where as you were mourning the end of an affair. Big difference IMHO.

as far as xmm, yes i do have tons of feelings. my brain says i should hate him, despise him, kick the very thought of him out of my life forever. im an educated woman, i do know better. but for some crazy reason my heart doesnt follow. i have been unable to let go. my thoughts are with him every day.

 

This is actually very sad.

 

i do go to IC, but theres so many issues now that its hard to tell why im not able to let go. i think a big part may be this paternity issue, which ive supressed for so long. maybe everything else is so wrong that im focusing on this. who knows. i sure dont.

 

as far as being on me knees. i cant even put this into words. a year of pure hell. no other way to describe it. and now im spent. no fight, no drive, no way to get out of this. just trying to work through all of the pieces little by little. and hoping one day things might stop getting worse...

 

so maybe i do think only of myself. its hard not to when you have no choice but to keep going but dont have the strength to. i want to give up but have two kids to take care of. so i cant even give up if i wanted to. i cant really think of everyones feelings when im busy being mom/dad/husband/wife and soul fincancial contributer. all while having a terrible broken heart and the weight of a very big decision on my shoulders regarding this baby.

 

Been there, done that with my son. I was mom & dad (not husband and wife because the marriage was over) and the sole financial contributor to me and my son. I was just telling my son the other day, I was making $1800 a month and the house payment was $1200 a month and his daycare was $400 a month. My Son said "there is no way" and I said "yep, I survived, I raised you, I fed you, you played baseball and did most things you wanted". As I explained to him, it wasn't easy and it wasn't fun - but today, I can look back and say those years when it was just me and my son were the hardest, yet most rewarding years of my life. My ex didn't have our son for overnight visitation for over a year!!! He would swing by, play with the dog, say Hi to our son and then leave. I would be the one left to console a 6 year old. Each day that my ex was due to come by for visitation, I was the one who had to pry my son away from the window and let him know that his dad wasn't coming and then again, console him.

 

I get it.

 

It is hard.

 

But you can get through it. But you have GOT TO stop waiting and wanting the MM.

[fooled once]

again, my head 100% understand everything that every says. i agree with it all. but my heart still feels sad. i know hes a jerk, i know he mistreated me and fromt he outside looking in its very very clear. im not sure why i cant get to that point to make my heart not care or make myself tolerate what has happened. i didnt go back for a reason. not sure what, it was all i had ever wanted, but something didnt let me go back.

 

i think that my issue now is i am so completely down and broken from the events of the last year that im just not ok inside anymore. so i feel saddness for both of them, what i did to my marriage, the being thrown under the bus, the wasting so much love on someone who didnt love me, and now the child. all of it just added up.

 

my H. well none of this could excuse his actions. may it have been a huge stressor that set him off? certainly. but little by little as ive been finding out recently, maybe there were things he was doing the entire time that were less than honest or faithful to me. i just didnt know it. i really had no idea. none. although he was good to me, apparently he wasnt good to me behind my back. and although im not sure, in retrospect i see his absence in my life and our marriage. and that is possibly what opened the door to me falling for a man who is twice my age. (even typing that now sounds ridiculous)

 

and just to clarify as i think there was some confusion. xMM knows of the child. he himself was the first one to figure out the dates. the child is his twin, and people in our lives figured out our affair after the baby was born. we had a test done. after he threatened to "raise the child with his wife" i lied and told him that i didnt know the results. to as far as hes concerned, its probably more than likely, but not written in stone. he says its my choice to pursue it or not, he would rather leave things as they were, but would man up if asked to.

 

MBEG has always said her stbex H was a good guy who SHE cheated on for 4+ years - she has said he didn't deserve the pain she put him though. Until now, there has never been any mention of this jerk he was prior to him finding out about the affair.

 

Each person reacts differently to finding out about an affair. Some don't care, some attempt suicide, some implode. I do not advocate physical violence of any kind - but I do not remember MBEG posting that he hit her or threw her. He had unkind words for her; but I truly don't think anyone can fault him for that. She cheated on him. She had a love affair - not just a sexual affair. She conceived and had a child by another man. Unless her H knew at birth that the child wasn't his, he was led to believe that he was the father. And I would even go so far as to guess that he is listed as the father on the birth certificate.

 

MBEG has lied to him, to the xMM (by lying about the paternity test), etc. I am guessing the H didn't know about the child not being his at birth because if he knew then, then he would know about the affair.

 

Can you image how he felt when he did find out the child he presumed was his wasn't his? Can you image how betrayed he felt by knowing not only that his wife was unfaithful for 4 years, but that she had a child by the MM? To say his world imploded is an understatement. I believe many of us for the past year have felt sorry for this man and for the turmoil MBEG has created for her family. And ultimately, it is MBEG's fault as she is the one who chose the affair...no matter what the marriage was like prior to the affair, she chose an affair over marriage counseling or separating.

 

Do I think MBEG is a bad person? No - not at all. But she isn't a victim here. Her H and in a sick way, the MM is because both of these men have been lied to by MBEG.

 

No one can live their life with "woulda, coulda, shoulda" things. You can't unring a bell. You can't undo the damage that has been done. All a person can do is try to go forward, with honesty and integrity. It honestly sounds like MBEG hasn't hit her rock bottom yet, which is very sad, especially for her children. Her children are not getting emotionally what they deserve from their mom because she is STILL stuck on a memory of someone who tossed her completely under a bus, backed up over her and then ran over her again.

 

He chose to not leave his marriage. He chose to minimize MBEG to his wife. His wife tossed him out. He didn't leave to go be with MBEG even knowing he had a child with her. His loyalty and commitment were still with his wife.

 

"I ultimately ended up in an A."

 

this is the problem then.....so all people who are having A's are the victims.....is that you are trying to say.....nobody asked you stay in 20 yrs of abusive M and nobody asked you to have an A.....it's all your doing....don't play a victim....

 

As someone who was in an abusive marriage to an alcoholic, I didn't run and have an affair. I chose divorce. I chose to be a survivor, not a victim. I do not and will never believe that because of abuse, cheating is acceptable. It isn't in my eyes.

 

It is within each of us to rise above the adversity in our lives and make our lives something we can be proud of. To do less is to accept less and to expect less.