PUflight Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Don't know if this is the right place to post this, but figured what the heck. Anyways here's my story, just got in an argument with my gf of about 1 1/2 years dealing with our level of intimacy together. It all started by her finding some porn on my computer and her getting all upset about it. I told her it was my way of taking care of business so to speak. Here's the background to this, our sex life, in my opinion, is absolutely terrible. We have had sex 3 times in the last two months. This number seems extremely low to me. I would think that most couples probably have that amount in one week. Then when we do it, I do everything, she won't even touch me! I would almost prefer to abstain from it, then getting it every three weeks or whatever. It's all or nothing to me. She's always saying she doesn't feel like it or is to stressed out, etc. But when she needs something from me, I provide without a problem, whether it is a shoulder to cry or a ride to class. I treat her like a princess always willing to go the extra mile for her. So is there a problem here? Am I the one to blame like she says? Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Maybe you should consider finding a girlfriend who enjoys having sex with you on a regular basis. What would be the reason to date someone who uses you as a taxi, a kleenex...but doesn't want to touch you? Maybe you are all into her....but I don't see her actions, or lack of them, as bringing you any happiness in the future. It has NOTHING to do with porn. Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Does she have concerns about pre-marital sex? There are still many girls who want to wait until marriage. There is nothing wrong with that at all--that's how it was when I grew up. Talk to her about this. If she just doesn't like sex then the two of you need to decide if the relationship is worth pursuing. You may not be a good match if your priorities are not in some kind of alignment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PUflight Posted February 26, 2004 Author Share Posted February 26, 2004 There's no issue with premarital sex. Seeing as we have had it before on a regular basis. It just seems to be now whenever she feels like it. It sounds stupid to be worried about it, but yet at the same time if we end up being married, we were just talking about it yesterday, that it could cause some serious problems down the road. Thanks for all the input though! Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 I think you ought to tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her that you believe you are always there for her, and yet she is not there in certain ways that are important to you (ie: intimately). This is obviously bothering you and you need to discuss this with her. If I personally felt that I was not having enough lovemaking with a partner I would certainly bring it up to her. It would depend on the situation, but I don't think I'd be able to stay with someone who only wanted to be intimate 3 times a month, especially if those times were not enjoyable to me, or uncomfortable emotionally. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PUflight Posted February 27, 2004 Author Share Posted February 27, 2004 Thanks everyone for the responses. I did bring it up to her and she didn't like it all. Telling me that maybe I should " find a whore girlfriend" I don't understand it at all, honestly. It's not like I'm asking for sex everyday, just more than 3 times every two months. So now I'm getting the cold shoulder and being made out to be the bad guy. I think it's pretty immature and a stupid thing to be fighting about to begin with. Isn't this supposed to be something you can talk about with your significant other, especially one who you have been together with for 1 1/2 years and have been intimate with before. I don't know, I'm confused. It's hard to throw something away that I've invested so much time and emotions into, over something that in all reality isn't that big of a deal. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Telling me that maybe I should " find a whore girlfriend" I don't understand it at all, honestly It's a shame you equate "girl who wants healthy sex life" with "whore"--That could be part of your problem. It's hard to throw something away that I've invested so much time and emotions into, over something that in all reality isn't that big of a deal. If sex isn't important to you, why the hell are you complaining? Sometimes relationships don't work. Part of the problem is you see sex as something that you should have to earn, instead of something you're entitled to in a healthy relationship. Most such relationships come with sex, it's not dirty or wrong, it's something that some people expect. She's not intimate with you, she's not communicating with you, why are you staying in this relationship? You see the situation as a knee-jerk reaction kind of thing. "I GIVE HER RIDE TO CLASS, WHY NOT SHE GIVE ME RIDE IN BEDROOM" "SHE WETS MY T-SHIRT WITH TEARS, WHY NOT I WET HER UNDERPANTS" Just because you've "invested" many months into this girl, doesn't mean you shouldn't "withdraw" your "funds" and find a new "bank", because it sounds to me like you're giving more than you're taking, and what you say isn't that big of a deal, is only growing bigger. And yes, I'm not one of the nicer posters, have a Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 You both have to work your problems out. try to be open with her as to your concerns. Be direct,honest and frank about your feelings but also respect her feelings as well. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Whoa, dyermaker! Did you get replaced by your evil clone? This girl was the one who equated "whore" with "happy sex life". Not the guy. Isn't this supposed to be something you can talk about with your significant other, especially one who you have been together with for 1 1/2 years and have been intimate with before? Heck yes, it's essential. And God bless you for trying to talk about it. I don't know, I'm confused. It's hard to throw something away that I've invested so much time and emotions into, over something that in all reality isn't that big of a deal. Well, are you sure it's not a big deal? I think sexual intimacy probably IS important for you - for the feelings of caring and closeness and acceptance, as much as the sexual release of it. (Correct me if I'm wrong.) A relationship works well when each partner learns the other's needs and meets them as best as s/he can. The needs can be anything - it doesn't really matter - the needs are whatever you feel personally you need. Lots of people include companionship, sex, fun, and practical assistance like rides in their list. To have a good relationship, share your lists and see what you can each do for the other. And don't stay in a relationship where you give, give, give and the other person takes and takes. I know you're not married, but please check out <URL removed> for info on how each partner can meet the other's needs. Am I the one to blame like she says? It's not useful to assign blame, so both of you should just give it up. And don't ask "what do other people do?" The question is what the two of YOU want. Your needs for sex are valid - so are her needs to relax from her stress. Maybe you two can talk about what you both want in your relationship, and then do your best to give it. One of you may decide that it's not worth the effort. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
asilisa Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 I know that with my ex-boyfriend I sometimes felt guilty about having sex, because I was raised Catholic. And I would go on a sex strike, kinda. Towards the end of our relationship I didn't want to have sex with him because I didn't love him anymore and I felt he didn't deserve me. You're right most couples have sex 3 times a week. Your girlfriend sounds like she is having problems by her response of "maybe you should find a whore girlfriend." Do you think it is possible that she doesn't want to be with you anymore? Or perhaps she just doesn't like having sex. I don't know how that could be. I hope everything works out. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 First of all try to ask yourself if you are doing anything wrong from your side that may turn her away from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PUflight Posted February 28, 2004 Author Share Posted February 28, 2004 Thanks for all the responses everyone! We had a talk, and I think everything was put on the table. We'll see what happens. Once again thanks alot! Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Wish you both good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
TheTruth Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 My ex did the same thing to me. I found out that she was boinking someone else. Leave her and spare yourself the trouble. It sounds like she's cheating on you. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 We have no right to assume that she is seeing someone else. He has to find out himself if she really is. May be there are other good reasons other than she " is seeing someone else" as it was suggested or assumed. Link to post Share on other sites
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