Els Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 So I just graduated with a Bachelor's early this year. Immediately following that, there was a HUGE streak of marriages - I had at least one friend getting married every 2 weeks or so. I was, frankly, very very surprised at first. I did not consider 23 to be anywhere near 'marriage time'. I didn't even know some of those guys/girls had SOs. I've recently ceased to be surprised, but it's still been going on. Probably about 20% of the friends I know of, my age, are married now. Is it really that common worldwide, or do Asians in third-world countries just settle down faster? To be honest, I'm not anywhere near ready to make a lifetime decision like that anytime soon. I'm wondering if I'm abnormal now. Can someone really know who they want to spend the rest of their life with at 23?
StarChick Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I know the average ages for marriage varies by country, but I do know that in the U.S. the average age when I got married nearly 8 years ago was 25 for women and 27 for men. It may have inched up a bit since then. And that's the AVERAGE. Your friends who just graduated and are settling down may expect it to be just a natural progression in their lives, but there are a ton of people older than you that wait to tie the knot. I say live a little before you get married, but that's just my opinion. By NO means are you abnormal. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and please don't feel pressured by your cohorts. Live your life well and try not to compare this aspect of your life with others' lives because it'll drive you up the effin' wall.
Star Gazer Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Every single person I know who got married before 25 is now either divorced or miserable in their marriage (in their early 30's). All hail marrying later in life!
Citizen Erased Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I'm 23 too and a lot of my friends, people I went to school with, are married/have kids. I'll be a few months off 24 when I get married, it's the right choice for me now. I don't think it would have been the right choice at 20 when a bunch of them started getting married and were putting pressure on me to marry my ex. I admit I did kind of look down on them, as in WTF are they all doing, are they nuts and want to be stuck in this place forever...but now I'm going to be one of them. Although I'll be in another country but still. My attitude was less than flattering now I look back. I do still think some of them are nuts though but that's driven more by the guys they married. Others are incredibly happy and I can see they have a strong foundation and that's excellent. They're more the ones that didn't pressure the guy into proposing in the first place cos they wanted a pretty ring.
Citizen Erased Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Every single person I know who got married before 25 is now either divorced or miserable in their marriage (in their early 30's). All hail marrying later in life! Yep, my dad remarried when he was 38 and he is in one of the happiest relationships I am yet to see. Although, my sister married just as she turned 25 and her relationship is like my dad's. They were together since she was 18 though. If Pyro was my age I probably wouldn't marry him to be honest. A lot of them are still out getting hammered, hitting on girls etc even if they are married. I fail to see how any marriage can survive that stage in a persons life.
Iconoclast Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 23. Go play. Stabilize your life. 28-30 is a good number. Reevaluate in 5 years.
make me believe Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I experienced the same thing. When I turned 22/23, there was suddenly this huge rush of friends & acquaintances getting married. Even people who had only been with their SO for a few months! A lot of people seem to think that after you graduate college, getting married right away (or as soon as possible) is just what you're "supposed" to do. And a lot of people end up marrying the person they happen to be with at that time, and don't really consider whether or not it's the RIGHT person to spend their life with. I know a girl who is 24 and she is SOOOOO freaked out that she's not engaged or married yet. Another acquaintance got married at 23 to the girl he dated in college, the entire time swearing up & down that he was thisclose to breaking up with her. I saw him a few weeks ago and EVERY word he spoke about his marriage, his wife, and marriage in general was negative. They are perfect examples of people who want to get married just for the sake of being married and fitting some mold in society.
USMCHokie Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I know a girl who is 24 and she is SOOOOO freaked out that she's not engaged or married yet. Another acquaintance got married at 23 to the girl he dated in college, the entire time swearing up & down that he was thisclose to breaking up with her. I saw him a few weeks ago and EVERY word he spoke about his marriage, his wife, and marriage in general was negative. They are perfect examples of people who want to get married just for the sake of being married and fitting some mold in society. This is interesting...in my experience with female friends and those I knew from high school and college, it goes in phases...around 22-24 is one of those phases where the marriage itch gets a lot of them...if they can make it past 25 and still be unmarried, the itch suddenly disappears...only to return in their late 20's and early 30's...strange...
Crazy Magnet Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I had the same thing happen after I finished my BA. It was a summer of weddings for sure!! I was one of the absolute last people from my high school and college friends to get married (I was 25). Obviously that didn't work so I've continued to be the lone single friend in the group of high school friends and I have one other college friend who is still single. As you get older you will start to meet more people like yourself who are still single. The average age for marriage in my new group of friends is around 30 for the women and 35+ for the men. There are lots of people like that out there. The wedding season will calm down soon, I promise (mostly b/c everyone will be married).
InternationalPlayboy Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 No. You can't know who you want to spend your life with at 23. You might have a good idea but life - and marriage - is a very long time. There is no rush. I'm sure there are some couples who met in high school and have been in love ever since, but I'd suspect they are a minority. However, I'm a hypocrite. I married at 25 just out of college and after two years of dating. And like you, it seemed all my friends got married at the same time. I attended six weddings in 1998. And here's where they are now - two couples are divorced, two couples are married but bored, one couple I've lost contact with and another couple has 5 kids and I'm simply too scared to inquire about that status of their marriage. Five kids should scare off anyone.
laRubiaBonita Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 it happens. *Hopefully* they will all still be happily married in 7-10 years. just wait until all the babies start popping out! that is the crazy part!
Department of Dogma Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 No. You can't know who you want to spend your life with at 23. You might have a good idea but life - and marriage - is a very long time. There is no rush. I'm sure there are some couples who met in high school and have been in love ever since, but I'd suspect they are a minority. However, I'm a hypocrite. I married at 25 just out of college and after two years of dating. And like you, it seemed all my friends got married at the same time. I attended six weddings in 1998. And here's where they are now - two couples are divorced, two couples are married but bored, one couple I've lost contact with and another couple has 5 kids and I'm simply too scared to inquire about that status of their marriage. Five kids should scare off anyone. The odds of any above happening are just the same regardless of at what age did the marriage happen. While marrying early probably is slightly associated with making a worse decision, I don't think that later marriages survive better because people pick "better mates". It is mostly a function of expectations management. People in their 20s are egoists feel entitled to magical life (including their partners). People in their 30s are much more mellow and have much more realistic view of life and relationships.
InternationalPlayboy Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 The odds of any above happening are just the same regardless of at what age did the marriage happen. While marrying early probably is slightly associated with making a worse decision, I don't think that later marriages survive better because people pick "better mates". It is mostly a function of expectations management. People in their 20s are egoists feel entitled to magical life (including their partners). People in their 30s are much more mellow and have much more realistic view of life and relationships. Agreed and well said.
make me believe Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 This is interesting...in my experience with female friends and those I knew from high school and college, it goes in phases...around 22-24 is one of those phases where the marriage itch gets a lot of them...if they can make it past 25 and still be unmarried, the itch suddenly disappears...only to return in their late 20's and early 30's...strange... I definitely went through that phase when I was 22/23. Maybe because of all of the weddings happening around me! Luckily my boyfriend at the time didn't feel the same itch... lol. Every single person I know who got married before 25 is now either divorced or miserable in their marriage (in their early 30's). All hail marrying later in life! Word. I've experienced the same thing with my friends who got married in their early 20s. NONE of them speak positively about marriage. It's sad.
Author Els Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 This is interesting...in my experience with female friends and those I knew from high school and college, it goes in phases...around 22-24 is one of those phases where the marriage itch gets a lot of them...if they can make it past 25 and still be unmarried, the itch suddenly disappears...only to return in their late 20's and early 30's...strange... This is a very interesting observation! Now that I think about it, most of the people I know actually did get married either in their early 20s or late 20s-30s. I once attended a wedding between two 60+ year old widow/widowers... and it was probably the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I honestly think society screws women over a lot re: marriage. If you marry early, you're lucky, you have a guy who loves you, you're desirable, etc. If you marry late, you're less desirable. If you don't marry... err. Let's not get into that. I think it is this pressure that drives some (not all) women to marry so early (and hence pressure their men to marry til the men give in).. and I think it's quite sad. I don't think most of my friends are like that though. I honestly think it's more of a simple, contented belief of 'I've been happy with this guy for a few years, we've graduated and hold jobs and can support a family... let's get married! Why not?'. And maybe, just maybe, if they carry this simple contented attitude through their lives, they may be happy with their partner all their lives as well. Who is to say? It just feels weird, I guess. I feel like I've only just recently left my childhood behind - graduated, went abroad without parents, etc. And now my classmates are gonna be making children of their own. :confused:
aerogurl87 Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 I don't think there's anything wrong with getting married young as long as you don't have expectations of everyday being like a dream come true. Marriage is hard and most younger people don't understand this. My parents expect and would prefer me to be married now opposed to my sister who is 24 (and I'm about to be 21) because unlike her I have a realistic view of marriage. She still thinks it'll be the cure all for her abusive relationship with her cheating, lying boyfriend.
sweetjasmine Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 The odds of any above happening are just the same regardless of at what age did the marriage happen. Well, not exactly. I don't know about people being bored or unhappy in their marriages, but when it comes to divorce rates, the younger the couple, the higher the probability they will be divorced within 5, 10, 15 years.
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