He still loves me and always will but can't see me or talk to me

[broken19]

My partner (A) and I broke up 2 weeks ago. We were so much in love..he says he still is..even up to that night. We had so many things in common and had such awesome times together. Even living with him was amazing. I had no problems. Our problem was that we have we call "mind issues". he used to get panic attacks and over think and put too much pressure on himself to make me happy. I had come out of a relationship where I did not love my ex (B). Never felt for him what I felt for my current partner. For him (A) and I we were each other's first love. And naturally I acted like a normal girlfriend at times and went through emotions of jealousy and at times got anxiety attacks and got down. But when he explained certain things about why guys do that I understood him and believed him. He is an intelligent person and very easy going. But went to therapy (both of us) and really was trying my hardest to become a good girlfriend because I love him and this relationship otherwise was beautiful. I was doing so well. Pity I thought he was as well but he tried and tried and guess he was not strong enough in his mind and he used to hit himself badly. He has issues of his own and I thought therapy was helping him. I know I didn't help him sometimes but most times I did and we both forgave each other for our "mind issues" as we knew we both never meant to do it on purpose. But sometimes it hurt me so much to see him go through all these and I decided to let him go even though I did not want to. I broke up with him several times but two weeks ago I did it again because he had harmed himself again. I felt so sorry for my love. But after breaking up in a down or depressed mind I tried to tell him I didn't mean it but he had already snapped. Now, he does not want to see me, talk to me, communicate with me. He says that he has a feeling that this is not right and he does not want this realtinship. I said how about we both take a break and get help or take things very slowly but he does not want all that. He said it's not me it's him and he loves me and always will. I just feel that he is saying that in anger because just few hours before he was asking me to help him and his mind, telling me he will get better, telling me all will be ok. He said he means everything nice he ever said to me including the marriage proposal. Our love is very special. As is everyone's else's. It's hard to explain. I know we had problems but they can be controlled with help. I am so heart broken. It does not help that I have a heart condition which requires medical attention. I miss him so much. It does not feel right to break this up based on one issue only which is beyond our control but for which we can get help. I know one day he will realise it. I can't hold on to that. He told me to move on and not wait for him. He wants to move on. But even he can see what we had was so pure and beautiful and people die without finding that love. He used to say I make him so happy and he wants to grow old with me. I still believe all he said was true. That's why I feel we should give this another try and this time get better help and work extra hard at our mind problems. I am indeed broken and my heart really is messed up without him. I used to forgive him for his depressed mind because I love him so much. I wish he could understand and give this love another chance.

[Confused9]

You need to take his words for what they are. If he is saying he doesn't want to be with you than he doesn't. I'm sorry, but you are just trying to make his words in to somethign they aren't. Trust me, I know, I've been there. What you need to do is go NC (No Contact) and start moving on with your life. Who knows what's going on with him? Maybe he's having some personal issues, maybe he's found someone else (this is typical behaviour of someone who has), maybe he just needs some space, but iether way, he is telling you what he wants and no matter how much it s*cks you need to believe him and let him go.

 

I was right where you are 3 years ago, and it s*cked so bad, but things get better. You just need to try and let go as much as you can and work thruogh this. It's going to be so hard and you will be heartbroken, angry, confused, etc, but it does get better. Keep yourself busy. Stop contacting him, looking at his pages on social networking sites, trying to find out what he's up to and focus on you.

 

I'm very sorry!

[broken19]

Thank you for that reply and advice. I listen to all advice, everything everyone has to say. I understand but it's hard to make my heart understand. I believe him too as I know till the very last day what he went through in his mind. We have been to therapy together for him and we always were on the same page, same line all the time (except now). So as hard as it is I know why he is doing this. He has mental issues whether they have been diagnosed or not but he is seeing his therapist and so I hope he gets better for his sake. He said he loves me but he is not as strong as me and cannot handle the thoughts and voices in his head. That's his personality and he was liek this even before he met me..childhood issues. Guess it got worse with a relationship..any other girl would not have mattered as it is him and not the partner so in that respect he was right. I love him and I want him to get well and I DO want to move on. By moving on I mean getting on with my life, my job (as we both resigned from our work...used to work at same place), be with my friends and family and enjoy life once again. It is so hard as I really miss him because I remember all those awesome times with him. He really is a very nice guy and depite his issues he was a great boyfriend. I guess I continue doing what I am doing and more and just wait and live and wait for the day when these feelings are over. Thanks once again. Wish you well too.

[broken19]

Oh and yes, I know no one or nothing can make him say something he does not feel so I respect that in him. For him his feelings are very important and he always acts upon those feelings. And as for him liking someone else I have thought about it but even I have to believe it was not because of that as I know him. Guess time will tell. I want him to get normal again and not have mental issues. Wherever he is. That's my love for him. Does not matter how much pain I go through seeing him with someone else but as long as he does not hit himself and is really happy in his mind I will plod on. And if it is meant to be and our love is what we think it is we will be together even if it takes years. But I can't hold on to that. Will be hard to move on.