davisc123 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 My ex and I are having a second go. She cheated, and after we broke up she ended up with the OM. But nobody really knows about it as she kept it under wraps, scared of what people would think of her. I eventually went NC. After a few weeks she declared her undying love and told me she had chucked the OM. Said she couldnt bear not having me in her life. Now we are having another go at it, her passion to win me back has faded somewhat. She wants to keep 'us' on the low down for now, hasnt told any of her friends. We see each other roughly once a week and when we do things go really well, but despite the fact we stay in contact between these meetings she is always guarded. I seem to have gotten myself in a situation wherein it is me who is doing the majority of the organising. She seems content to continue like this, but it has been two months and the lack of moving on is really frustrating me. We were in a relationship for almost 4 years and lived in each others pockets, and during the relationship it was always her who was the needy one. In contact all the time, always affectionate. Now she is content at only seeing me once a week, and doesnt seem too bothered about what else I get up to. I love her so much but I am worried that although she loves me its not equal to how I feel. The OM was besotted with her and in the time we were apart she had a LOT of attention from other guys. She is a beautiful girl and I cant help but wonder if she just doesnt fear losing me as much as she used to, as she knows she has other options. I am so annoyed at myself. I feel like I am letting myself down because she betrayed me and now I should be demanding the respect I deserve or just walking. She difinitely has a hold on me. Has anybody any thoughts?
atage26 Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 (edited) IT depends really on just what type of person yr gf is. You have the best gauge on that. It could be a few possibilities; she might be trying to take things slow, knowing how much she has hurt you and maybe this time round she wants to work things out for the best. It could be that you are right too, that she may not be that interested. Best way to tell is how she acts when you 2 DO spend time together. You say things go pretty well ... such as? Is she still as affectionate as before? Does she ever seem like she has a lot on her mind when u 2 have conversations? I feel like I'm in the position of your "gf" now and I'll bet my bf has the same thought as you, feeling like he let himself down by accepting a girl who hurt him so deeply. I didn't cheat, but i hurt both guys by being extremely fickle minded. Your gf isn't me, but here's a possibility as I'm feeling this abt my bf who took me back: still fickle minded, stilll thinking if i made the right choice, holding back whenever he talks marriage as I aint sure if he's the one, we spend everyday together and I am affectionate towards him but i'm MORE affectionate when I feel guilty (esp when i've talked to my ex behind his back) and so on. My advice is, cont to observe for a month, try to meetup more often, i.e. 2x a wk? If you really can't stand it, have a mature talk. Play it slightly cool, dont be a besotted fool or else she might walk all over you again OR she might feel PITY for you and cont to be with you, but more so for PITY and not love. good luck dude Edited September 30, 2010 by atage26
Don Ho Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Bro, you took her back after she cheated on you AND got together with the guy? WTH? The OM probably broke up with her or it wasn't what she thought or the infatuation wore off. Who cares. Then you take her back after she's had some other guy's dick in her and all that stuff. Gross. How does that make you feel? She wants to keep you on the low down. What a joke. Yes Bro, you are way more into her than she is you and that is NEVER what you want as a guy. As the saying goes, "You get one chance with one woman in one lifetime". You had your chance with her and she decided on another guy. Have some pride and dignity. She's just stringing you along. She WILL do it again when she finds someone better. Do yourself a favor Bro, be a man, dump her and move on. And please don't sound like a woman and tell me "but I love her".
Author davisc123 Posted September 30, 2010 Author Posted September 30, 2010 atage26 - I feel like you may be on to something and its nice to hear it from a female perspective. When we are together we get on really well, we have a very similar sense of humour and have a lot in common. In fact, even including friends, I have never met anybody else I get on so well with. But although we get close I would say there's definitely something missing. It's as if she's holding back. I feel like she's purposefully trying to stop things going too far. It frustrates me because it was HER who came begging and now I feel like I'm the one walking on eggshells Don Ho - I hear you loud and clear. I feel like an idiot and can't believe I've been so weak, before this all happened I would never have dreamed that I could let anybody walk over me like this and then take them back. I'm not of the mindset where I am scared to dump her, and the fact that I have posted on here about this probably says all that needs to be said. It aint going to be easy because whatever reason I have for ending it she always has a knack of making me feel like it's all in my head. The thing is, despite all that she has done, if she were to wholeheartedly commit to me again then I would be prepared to let bygones be bygones. But I am fooling myself, I now know she is incapable of that. I suppose part of me dreads the inevitable feeling of depression that I will have to go through when I end it and that has made me put it off until now
Don Ho Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Don Ho - I hear you loud and clear. I feel like an idiot and can't believe I've been so weak. she always has a knack of making me feel like it's all in my head. The thing is, despite all that she has done, if she were to wholeheartedly commit to me again then I would be prepared to let bygones be bygones. Bro, no offense but you sound like a woman. It's all in YOUR head? WTF? She CHEATED on you, had another guy on her, he dumped his stuff inside her, she sucked his ... do I need to get more graphic for you to get the picture? It's plain nasty Bro. You would take her back and say "I would be prepared to let bygones be bygones". Then you're worried about breaking it off because 'it will be tough". Wow. I have refrained from saying this, but you are a pussy. Be a man. Move on.
paleblue Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 You need to reverse this behavior immediately – you doing the majority of the contacting. She is the one who was with someone else and owes it to YOU to follow thru on her declaration of “undying love” for you. She should be kissing you’re a@@ like no tomorrow. Now you are agreeing to this and that, and making it easy for her. Now she knows she doesn’t have to really try anymore. She can just go back out, get with someone other guy, and knows you will be there to come back too!!!! You are letting yourself down that is why you feel like you are. you deserve better than that. Im sorry, but I think you should dump this chick for awhile and make her work hard at it. the nano-second she starts making you feel like shes not too bothered about anything you do, or shows lack of interest, is the second you need to tell her you are busy and take some time for yourself. Pull away. What is she going to do? Leave? She already did that. You already know something is wrong when you are not living in each others pockets anymore. Make a pre-emptive strike before this chick walks out on you again. I would go as far as saying its already over. It just hasn’t caught up with your brain yet. And I know you do not like it very much knowing she was with someone else. You are settling. Don’t. Like I said, if she is not kissing you’re a@@, something is wrong.
Don Ho Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Um.... he continued acting like a doormat and is ashamed to come on here and admit it to us!
nittanylion Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Bro, no offense but you sound like a woman. It's all in YOUR head? WTF? She CHEATED on you, had another guy on her, he dumped his stuff inside her, she sucked his ... do I need to get more graphic for you to get the picture? It's plain nasty Bro. You would take her back and say "I would be prepared to let bygones be bygones". Then you're worried about breaking it off because 'it will be tough". Wow. I have refrained from saying this, but you are a pussy. Be a man. Move on. Don Hooooo! You are so ruffff, mean, and ahole to him. But I love it. Hehe! You are rite. He is a pussy. He needs to stop going back for more beating. Honesty, when a girl cheats on you, you shoud move on and tell her to fkoff your life.You need to have no contact for life, chill out, and find someone else. Stop wasting your time on this ho/cheater. Its going no where. See, Don Ho, I can get nasty with an attitude just like you. LMFAO! Keep up the good work Don!
Banega100 Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 haha, come on let's have an update. If he kept her...
Billie The Puppet Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I feel like I'm in the position of your "gf" now and I'll bet my bf has the same thought as you, feeling like he let himself down by accepting a girl who hurt him so deeply. I didn't cheat, but i hurt both guys by being extremely fickle minded. Your gf isn't me, but here's a possibility as I'm feeling this abt my bf who took me back: still fickle minded, stilll thinking if i made the right choice, holding back whenever he talks marriage as I aint sure if he's the one, we spend everyday together and I am affectionate towards him but i'm MORE affectionate when I feel guilty (esp when i've talked to my ex behind his back) and so on Why would you go back to a relationship that previously failed if you were not sure it's the right decision? I'm sorry but your state of mind is why most second as chances are seen as destined to fail. If anything you should be more sure about trying again and be more committed to topics like marriage etc because you have already experienced a relationship with said person before. You then admit by your own words that your more affectionate because of guilt not because of love. It sounds more like you went back because of pity and he offers something that's good enough for the present but not for the future. All adult relationships begin as searching for the "one" if he was not the "one" when it ended he better damn sure be the "one" if reconciliation happens. I don't mean to come across rude by why bother with a second chance if it's just supposed to be a fling. I'm not saying get engaged right away but the mindset should be I'm with said person because I really do think they are the "one" . In a way this is why I'm grateful my ex and I haven't reconciled because I would need to be sure if she were to re-enter a relationship with me that it starts with a blank slate of me quite possibly being her "one".
Don Ho Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Don Hooooo! You are so ruffff, mean, and ahole to him. But I love it. Hehe! You are rite. He is a pussy. He needs to stop going back for more beating. Honesty, when a girl cheats on you, you shoud move on and tell her to fkoff your life.You need to have no contact for life, chill out, and find someone else. Stop wasting your time on this ho/cheater. Its going no where. See, Don Ho, I can get nasty with an attitude just like you. LMFAO! Keep up the good work Don! I'm not trying to be an a$$, but come on, she has another guy she's spreading her legs for and putting his prick in her mouth. It's really disgusting .... I would be so done. Yep, when a woman cheats, you are OUT. Do yourself a favor Bro, let it go and move on.
livbylove22 Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 My ex and I are having a second go. She cheated, and after we broke up she ended up with the OM. But nobody really knows about it as she kept it under wraps, scared of what people would think of her. I eventually went NC. After a few weeks she declared her undying love and told me she had chucked the OM. Said she couldnt bear not having me in her life. Now we are having another go at it, her passion to win me back has faded somewhat. She wants to keep 'us' on the low down for now, hasnt told any of her friends. We see each other roughly once a week and when we do things go really well, but despite the fact we stay in contact between these meetings she is always guarded. I seem to have gotten myself in a situation wherein it is me who is doing the majority of the organising. She seems content to continue like this, but it has been two months and the lack of moving on is really frustrating me. We were in a relationship for almost 4 years and lived in each others pockets, and during the relationship it was always her who was the needy one. In contact all the time, always affectionate. Now she is content at only seeing me once a week, and doesnt seem too bothered about what else I get up to. I love her so much but I am worried that although she loves me its not equal to how I feel. The OM was besotted with her and in the time we were apart she had a LOT of attention from other guys. She is a beautiful girl and I cant help but wonder if she just doesnt fear losing me as much as she used to, as she knows she has other options. I am so annoyed at myself. I feel like I am letting myself down because she betrayed me and now I should be demanding the respect I deserve or just walking. She difinitely has a hold on me. Has anybody any thoughts? I think she is lying. She probably said she left the other man for you because things weren't working out so she didn't want to end up alone. Meanwhile she's probably still tlking to him and that's why she wants to keep your relationship quiet invade he finds out or her friends realize it too.
atage26 Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Why would you go back to a relationship that previously failed if you were not sure it's the right decision? I'm sorry but your state of mind is why most second as chances are seen as destined to fail. If anything you should be more sure about trying again and be more committed to topics like marriage etc because you have already experienced a relationship with said person before. You then admit by your own words that your more affectionate because of guilt not because of love. It sounds more like you went back because of pity and he offers something that's good enough for the present but not for the future. All adult relationships begin as searching for the "one" if he was not the "one" when it ended he better damn sure be the "one" if reconciliation happens. I don't mean to come across rude by why bother with a second chance if it's just supposed to be a fling. I'm not saying get engaged right away but the mindset should be I'm with said person because I really do think they are the "one" . In a way this is why I'm grateful my ex and I haven't reconciled because I would need to be sure if she were to re-enter a relationship with me that it starts with a blank slate of me quite possibly being her "one". Yep Billy, I'm asking myself that everyday. Actually there's more dillema but this is David's post so I'll start a new thread when I'm ready THanks tho!
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