michaelc82 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 (edited) Hi All, So I broke up with my ex about a month and a half ago. She moved out of my house to "save the relationship" and she wouldn't give me a straight answer as to what she wanted from me, so I ended it. We were together for about a year and a half.. talked about marriage, the whole deal! I went about 3 weeks NC in the beginning, then we started talking again. I initiated it with one of those handwritten letters from "The Magic of Breaking up" basically telling her i was dealing with the breakup, and trying to get over it, and wishing we could be friends one day. She wrote a letter back the very next day telling me this is the hardest thing she's ever done in her life, etc. etc. So after that letter we remained in contact for a couple of weeks, she would come over to my house every now and then to pick up things, and I would see her at work (we work to together, it's horrible). In this time I've found out that she's been dating someone new from pretty much right when we broke up, and I confronted her about it because I found out before she told me.. Was totally cool about it, and wished her the very best. She broke down in tears when I acted like this I was hurting like hell inside, but this somewhat made me feel better about the situation.. made me feel invincible to some degree! I started asking her out for dinner or to meet up for drinks and she would always say she wanted to meet up, but then either a) not call me when she said she would, or b) tell me she needed to reschedule. I just gave up and stopped asking her out, but she would continue to contact me about stupid little things which came across more like an excuse for her to keep in touch with me.. One email went like this "Hey I picked up your suit from the dry cleaner, want me to bring it to NYC for you? Hope you're having a fun weekend out there!" This was a suit i wore to a wedding with her, why the hell would I need it in new york? I NEVER wear suits. I saw her in new york that week we were both there for work, and she wouldn't leave me alone.. always talking to me, basically being a psuedo friend, and not calling me when she said she would. So after that I initiated NC with her again, (a mutual friend got drunk one night and asked her what the hell she was doing, and that she should leave me alone if she didn't want to get back together) Since this week I haven't spoken a word to her. Total NC.. I was feeling great but she's contacted me twice since. Once inderictly, she left a digital camera she had of mine in my work mailbox with a note on it, and secondly she emailed me the next day to tell me she left said digital camera in my mailbox and wished me a fun weekend. That was the friday right before her 30th bday as well. I held strong and have been keeping NC for almost 2 weeks now, come friday. Didn't even call her or txt her a happy bday. Nothing. Today I was walking through the halls at work and she was walking towards me and waved at me all excitedly, I waved back and walked the opposite direction keeping things short. Am I doing the right thing here? She's making subtle attempts to contact me, and I'm just straight ignoring her. Obviously I'm still so in love with her, she knows where I stand in all this, but she still contacts me. If she really wanted me back I know she would actually be putting some effort into this, but I still sense like she's trying to hold onto me. NC is painfull, but I fell better since going back into it, however when ever I see her at work it hurts more than ever!!!!! I've even thought about quiting my job it's gotten so bad. Thoughts? Edited September 29, 2010 by michaelc82
Trovador Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 To answer your question in the head topic, you are not doing well... You keep account of the calls she makes to you, her gestures when you run into her, the excuses she makes to contact you... ad nauseam... I bet you overanalyze her words after talking to her, looking for hidden meanings etc... and you die inside every day hoping in vain for her contact... That's the problem when you implement NC to get back a lover, when it should be used to get the hell out of... well, hell... NC is to heal, to get over, to move on and if our exes were really important and worth (and believe me, they are not) I would say that NC is to be born again... One of the reasons NC doesn't work when you use it as an attempt to get back with your ex is that if she wanted to contact to talk things over and see if there might be a chance she won't do it out because she will be afraid of rejection, seeing how you are giving her the cold shoulder... even if she did it, you might ignore her or plainly reject her... I know about this because I've been there myself... But if you really want to move on, you could care less if your ex wants to call you or not... or get back or not... going NC is to suffer, but with a purpose, to live again...
Author michaelc82 Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 Trovador, Thanks for the wise words! I've been going NC now over 2 weeks.. feels good.. I see her at work occasionally but that's it. Ideal situation would be if I DIDN'T WORK with her.. but hey **** happens.
Trovador Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Good for you, man! I also work with my ex and know for sure how hard NC is in that situation... funny thing is I did and said the same stuff as you, like complaining when she didn't call me after saying she would... ha ha Now, I am fine, I don't worry about her and kept cool if she doesn't call... I've found I am not longer interested in her as a romantic partner... Hey, I am not longer interested in anything at all... But that only happened after some periods of rigorous (and unsuccessful) NC... You are doing fine, bro...
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