Cuchara2 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 So I always read no contact is the way to get an ex back/move forward but I never understood it as no one had properly explained it to me. I read someone elses's post today and it all made sense. How is she going to miss me if I'm still there? So this works giving me hope and in the long run, until she comes back, I will have probably moved on, so I will say go away, or I'll say yes (a win win situation). This makes me happy haha. So anyway, I also realised that my ex WANTED this, she didn't want me to be with her, she wanted to be single. So I'll give her what she wanted and go find someone else that appreciates me more. It's also a win win situation My only problem is I think I left it too late. I've been no contacting for about a week on end then end up talking to her because either I talk to her or she talks to me (as I didn't understand NC so I didn't believe in it). She seems to be missing me and it seems that she still loves me (she told me herself) and with one of her best friends leaving on Saturday for good, she'll need someone to comfort her and I'm guessing she'll come to the person that did for 2 years at which point I will say I can't, I'm sorry, I'm no longer your boyfriend. So any advice from here? Do I fully NC or do I do something else (I make sure I'm always happy, give a nice image of myself and all that other bs - I did this anyway before my break up)?
TaraMaiden Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 So any advice from here? Do I fully NC Yes!Absolutely! Don't you see? She's using you as her buffer-zone, her 'soft place to fall' and counting on your good nature to be there for her, even though - and trust me on this one, bud - you don't mean half as much to her as you'd like to. Sure, she's keen on you - but only for her own comfort purposes. You have your uses, you're a nice guy, she's known you a long time, so you're good ol' Mr Reliable....what better place to go when you need a strong shoulder to lean on? Look, if you want to be that old back-burner Mr geniality, go right ahead. But it will lead you to heartbreak, and simply hoping aginst hope, and leave you beaten down, crestfallen and completely rejected. She will accuse you of reading too much into it, or play the "gee, I'm not sure, I'm so confused, I dunno what I want...." line.... or do I do something else (I make sure I'm always happy, give a nice image of myself and all that other bs - I did this anyway before my break up)? Do that with No Contact implemented. Don't show her you're desperate. Show her you're happy and indifferent. But go - and stay - No Contact. Total, complete and absolute. No conditions, no exceptions. no ifs, buts or maybes, no giving in, no responding. Get it? Got it? Good.
Author Cuchara2 Posted September 30, 2010 Author Posted September 30, 2010 Ok, I'm not talking to her, not acknowledging the fact that she's there. It actually pisses me off to look at her or hear her.. I realised what she did to me was completely out of the blue and complete BS basically. She keeps on looking at me which angers me even more -.-
Trovador Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 so I will say go away, or I'll say yes (a win win situation) You must be sure that you are doing it because of you, as simple as that...Don't play games with yourself, either you want her back or not, if you have doubts, NC won't work at all... Going NC is not a game, is one of the hardest things in life and worth of doing it only if you truly want to move on life... In my humble experience, NC is overrated as a strategy to win back a lover... but it is a powerful "tool" to heal our hearts and enjoy life the way we used to do... good luck, man...
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